Learning to Let Go (23 page)

I brushed my thumb across her lips, reaching over to give her a soft kiss before picking up the house line. “Thompson, I need you to look into a couple more items. Find out who wrote up the report on my parent’s accident.”

“I’ll get right on that, sir. Would you like me to look into your aunt’s death as well, as a safety?”

“Might as well. I want the name of the detective my aunt Lydia had spoken with. I’d also need to know where Walt Peterson was during the time of her accident and if any money was drawn from his accounts during that time. Something about all this just doesn’t feel right.”

“I agree, sir. This is more than just coincidence.” Thompson admitted.

“I concur,” I said shortly. “This is getting more complicated by the minute and making me question everything I was ever told in my youth.”

I had just put the phone down when I felt her warm hand press against the side of my face. “If you need to talk,” she whispered, “know that I’m here to listen. I won’t judge and I promised I wouldn’t run or push you away again.”

How did I tell her that I may or may not be responsible for my aunt’s death too? I guess the honest approach would be best. I took hold of Laurel’s hand and guided her back to the edge of the bed. My stomach twisted and my heart felt heavy with the images I knew I would be revisiting in my mind. “You know why I feel guilty about my parents’ accident,” I began.

Her head nodded and she squeezed my hand tighter.

“I did cause my aunt’s death. For sure.” I couldn’t look up at her to see what emotions passed over her face; I only heard the sharp intake of air.

“How could you be?” she protested. “You were so young…”

“It was stupidity on my part that I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life.” I finally glanced up seeing her face full of confusion. “I was a real handful for my aunt. I lashed out at everyone, both verbally and physically, sometimes violently, after my parents passed away. Then the night terrors started and I couldn’t be around anyone, but I also didn’t want to be alone.”

Her voice was shaky, but soft. “Is that when you started seeing Jocelyn?”

I nodded. “I was thankful that my aunt was a software designer and worked from home, so I didn’t have to watch her leave every day. She moved into my parents’ house, wanting to give me some stability. She watched over the insurance trust that my mom and dad left me and provided for us with her own earnings. Aunt Lydia moved heaven and earth to try and bring back some of my happiness. I hated how it was only us left. My mom’s parents had passed away right after she finished college, my dad’s mother when he was a teen, and his father when I was three. Mom was an only child and Lydia was my dad’s only sibling. It was always just us.”

I turned my head away from her, taking sight of the sun shining brightly over the skyline, lighting up everything for the day ahead. The view was amazing, reminding me that life moves on, but internally I was stuck in the past and couldn’t let go of my guilt. If I continued on with my story, would Laurel think less of me?

A gentle squeeze to my hand brought my focus back. “Please, go on,” she urged.

“It’d been a little over a year since my parents’ accident. We’d managed to find our way back to a routine and even enjoyed some happy times together, Aunt Lydia and I. I’d been cooped up in the house with a cold and was starting to feel better when my aunt suggested we toss around my dad’s football in the front yard.” I smiled, remembering what fun that had been, but the next thoughts entering my mind made my whole body shudder. “I missed catching the ball and it rolled out into the street. I ran after it and froze as I saw a car coming at me. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as Lydia came running at me, pushing me to the ground. I heard the screech of tires and felt someone pull me back onto the sidewalk. I watched as she lay in the street, bleeding, as the car sped away, leaving her there.”

I dared to look up into Laurel’s eyes and found tears streaming down her face, her hands over her mouth in shock. “How could someone just leave her there and not care?” she asked angrily. “Did they catch the driver?”

I shook my head. “No. They found the car a couple months later at a junk yard, compressed, missing the VIN and license plate and completely wiped clean of fingerprints. The only evidence they had was the dried blood they matched with her DNA, but it was too late by then.”

She shook her head in amazement and spouted out “Unbelievable” under her breath.

I couldn’t hold in my emotions any further. The hurt felt as fresh as it had years ago and tears began to slowly fill the corners of my eyes. My voice started to shake. “Harris, Dad, was one of her doctors; she had suffered a severe head injury as a result of the crash, along with losing an arm and part of a leg. A case worker sat with me while we waited to see if she’d pull through surgery. Olivia, Mom, dropped by to bring him a late lunch and knew the case worker. She started talking with both of us, offering me the warmth of her hugs. I didn’t know her, but I clung to her like my life depended on it.

“I guess she felt for my situation, because she talked with Harris after the surgery and the next thing I knew, I was going home with them. They had offered to foster me until my aunt got better. Dad took me to the hospital to visit with her twice a day, suggesting that I tell her about my day and how much I missed her. She came out of the coma and started to mend and get better. It looked like she would actually be getting let go at the end of a couple of months, but she took a turn for the worst when her insurance denied her prosthetics and she reached her limit on the number of days she could stay in the hospital.”

I had never known Laurel to be violent, but she threw her fisted hand down on the bed and cursed. “Why can’t healthcare have better insurance and policies to take care of the patients? We had to fight to get Grace a proper recovery from her accident, too.” She looked up at me, flushed and embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

I reached out, touching the side of her face, trying to gauge her feelings toward me, and she leaned into my embrace, giving me the strength I needed to go on. “Lydia sank into a deep depression and began meeting with Harris and Olivia in private. I didn’t realize until later that she’d asked them to adopt me, being unable to care for me herself. The only condition was to keep my last name as my middle name, so I’d know where my roots were. She tried to explain this to me and I didn’t want to listen. A few days later, she passed in her sleep.” My eyes fell toward the floor, not wanting to look up and see the disappointment I was sure was written on her face.

“Garrett, look at me, please,” she begged. When I didn’t respond, she put both of her hands on my face and drew it up to her line of sight. “What happened to your aunt was a horrible accident. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time,” she insisted. “I’m sure if the situation were reversed, you’d push the child you cared about out of the street and take the hit, too. You’d already had your life shaken up, you were too young to know not to run into the street by yourself. The fault is actually on the driver.”

Where the heck did she get that idea from? I know the driver should have stopped, but…

“Are you listening to me?” She snapped her fingers in front of my face, drawing my attention back to her. “The driver was in a residential area. He should have been going a slow speed and had his car under control, expecting the potential of a child running into the street. At the very least, he should have stopped when he’d hit someone. From the injuries you’re describing, he had to have hit her going pretty damn fast. Her death
is not
because of you.” I’d never seen Laurel so worked up over something. She was right in my face, chest breathing hard and making me listen.

I couldn’t take it anymore; the emotions and memories were more than I could handle. I pushed up off the bed, needing to get away from everything. I tried looking at Laurel, but found my gaze shift toward the floor. “I can’t discuss this anymore,” I said sternly. “I need to work and refocus on our contract negotiations for our potential meeting tonight.”

Before Laurel could respond, the phone rang.

“Garrett here.”

“I’m just calling you back, Mr. Waters.” Charlotte’s voice seemed upbeat, giving me hope that our conference was still on.

“Are we good to go at the Arena tonight?”

“Yes, sir. Mr. Williamston, his son, and two of their design engineers will be picked up in your limo and escorted to your Presidential Suite by six this evening. Dinner will be served thirty minutes later and the game begins thirty minutes after that. Is there anything else you needed, sir?”

“No, that’ll be all, thanks.”

Laurel hadn’t moved from the bed and kept staring at me. I wanted to run over and pull her into my arms and just lose myself in that warm, inviting body of hers, but I needed space. My mind wasn’t in a good place and I was afraid I’d be too rough with her. I knew she’d begun to like our more playful encounters, but I didn’t want to scare her off. I did need some distance.

“What are you waiting around for?” My voice cut out a sharp line and she startled on the bed, looking at me with frightened eyes. I knew I shouldn’t do this, but I needed to distance myself from her. “I need you to get moving,” I said as devoid of emotion as I could manage. “I want a final review of the designs on my desk by four today. Let me know if we’d be able to reproduce the design at a lower cost and still maintain the integrity of the unit.” I just kept barking orders at her left and right. It didn’t feel right, but the busier I kept her, the less she would be able to think about what I had just revealed.

I was about to issue another order when her voice cut through like a knife. “You asshole!” she screamed. “I finally get you to open up to me and try to be understanding to what’s going on in your mind and you’re back to talking about
work
?! You tell me I need to learn to let things go and move on—why can’t you take your own damn advice? You’re pushing me away and
two
can play at this game. I’ll be moving into the other bedroom as of tonight and out of your life as soon as I can.” She stood and marched into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

I waited until I heard the water running to leave the room, but my heart wanted so badly to run into the shower with her when I heard her crying through the door.
Why did I have to push everyone away? Why couldn’t I allow myself to just be happy for once, to take the chance that I had been pushing her to?

My frustration and aggression levels were through the roof. If I didn’t release some of this soon, I was going to blow. I picked up the house phone to call Thompson. “I need to work out some pent up energy. Do you feel like sparring?”

Thompson rarely held emotion in his voice, but I could tell he needed it, too. “Bring it, sir.”

For the next two hours I went through the motions, tried to fend off Thompson, and learned some new moves from him in the process. I loved karate; it helped me refocus and release the anger within me. I was starting to feel at least a little calmer than I did this morning.

At the end of our session, Thompson came up, placing a hand on my shoulder. “If I may be so bold, sir, why aren’t you willing to let down your guard for Ms. Hart? Living is all about taking risks and playing the game well. You’ve succeeded in your career, so now it’s time for you to take the same risk in your personal life.” He paused and cleared his throat. “It’s obvious you love her. You have a right to feel happiness and you bring out the best in her.”

I started to argue this when he held his hand up in the air for me to stop, a move I’ve never seen him do before.

“Don’t respond to it, sir, just think about what I’ve said.” He turned and left the room, leaving me in deep thought.

Maybe he was right. I never allowed myself any happiness. Ever since my parents and Lydia passed away, I’d spent all my time trying to please others to gain everyone else’s approval and to make the medical world a better place. But did I, the person who may have caused their deaths, have the right to enjoy what they could not? Did I have a right to love?

Glancing at the clock, I was relieved to see I didn’t have time to think about things anymore. I needed to give Jonathan a quick call to see if he could attend the meeting with us. He’d already written up a sales proposal of how our two companies would benefit greatly from their design, but his attitude and ability to persuade people would come in handy tonight in a personal capacity. I wasn’t sure I felt completely up to schmoozing, and Jonathan was a master.

I needed to get moving and focus all my efforts on pulling off a miracle to win Williamston Technologies over. This could mean a big boost to the medical industry and a huge profit gain to WMI. The issue of Ms. Laurel Hart would have to wait until later.