Learning to Let Go (10 page)

Her face shifted from scared out of her mind to intense fury. She took a couple steps back, still facing me as her arms flailed about, and started screaming, “Why in the hell should I open up to you when you refuse to open up to me? Sure, you’ve given me a little piece of information, but what am I supposed to do with it when you won’t give me the whole story?” Her face was fiery red, her voice getting louder and louder with every word. “How am I supposed to act around you when one minute you consume me entirely and the next you push me away? Sure, you can do that to me, but give you a taste of your own medicine and you can’t stand it.”

She had a point. I wasn’t ready to let her see all of who I am. I was still dealing with the demons surrounding my parents’ and my aunt’s deaths and I kept it hidden to avoid the pain discussing it would cause.
Damn, I was confusing her.

I felt defeated already, but I had to ask. “Would you consider speaking to a therapist?”

Laurel’s eyes narrowed at me as her brows drew together. “I’ve told you and Grace both—I won’t see a therapist! I don’t need one! I just need time to deal with things and get my emotions in check.”

I tried reaching my hand out to her to pull her closer to me, but she recoiled at the slight touch of my hand on her arm. That was the last straw. I wasn’t going to use the tender approach anymore.

“This is bullshit and you know it,” I practically spat. “Look at you. I can’t even touch your arm without you responding negatively. You’re tormenting yourself when we just want to help you.”

She started pacing, looking madder than hell at me. “I don’t
want
anyone’s help! You suffer in silence, so what’s the difference if I do the same thing?”

When she turned and walked back, I grabbed her, putting my hands on her hips and taking a dominant stance with her. “You can argue all you want, but we are going to stay put on this boat until you come to your senses. I’ve got a stocked galley, bathrooms, and beds, so go ahead and throw your little tantrum, because I’m not budging until you agree to some help. My father, your other doctors, Grace, Jonathan, and I all feel you need some assistance to get through this. It’s time to learn to let go and move on with your life.”

“You mean like you have? You won’t date me, you don’t want to refer to me as your girlfriend, and you can’t seem to open yourself up so I can see what pain you’ve been through and be there for you!” She fisted her hands by her sides, screaming at the top of her lungs.

I didn’t have a comeback, because I knew she saw right through the façade I’d created and lived with for most of my life. I held my hands up in a sign of defeat. “Okay, Laurel. You win. What’s it going to take to even get you to consider talking with a therapist?” The only hope remaining was to bargain with her. I didn’t like yelling at her, because we were both brick walls not willing to budge for the other.
God, I loved her feistiness.

She took a step towards me, looked into my eyes and, with a determined voice, said, “For you to attend therapy, too. You have issues you’re keeping bottled up. If I have to deal with things, then so do you!”

My hand came up and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to stave off the headache I could feel building. She was definitely brilliant and her countering arguments were flawless. To my surprise, it was a big turn on for someone to argue back at me and call me on my shit. I knew I wanted her, but it was all I could do to keep focus and not let my other head do the thinking for me.

I hated where this was going, but for Laurel, I’d move heaven and earth to have her back with me. “You’ve made your point,” I admitted. “How about we both start seeing my therapist for our individual issues and possibly as a couple?”

Her face was full of shock. “You’d do that for me?”

“Don’t you know I’d do anything for you?
You
are the first person I would be willing to put myself out there for.”

She seemed to soften, some of the tension leaving her body. “Can you go with me to some of my appointments?”

I pulled her into my chest as she started to cry, wanting to hold her close and take away all the pain. “I’ll call Jocelyn today and we can start tomorrow,” I said into her hair. “I’ll be there through every step of the healing process. But, I must warn you, my demons aren’t pretty. Are you sure you want to hear them?”

She leaned back, looking up into my face. “Don’t you get it? I’d go to any length to be there for you, too. If you can overlook and accept the issues of my past, why wouldn’t I accept yours?”

Did she have any clue how much I cared for her or loved her? Wait… Did I just admit I love her? I can’t let things get this emotionally involved; the last time I opened my heart up I got hurt and used. But I can’t imagine trying to live without her in my life.

One of my hands came up, fisting her hair and pulling her into my chest, where I kissed her forehead. “We’ll get through all this together. I promised I’d be here for you and I always keep my word.”

In one respect, I was relieved that I didn’t have to go through this alone. I didn’t want to admit the need for help, but I couldn’t get the attack out of my mind. Anytime I tried to close my eyes or do anything, I’d hear that cretin’s voice. Chase was someone that kept going after anything he wanted, no matter the cost. He once told me that he learned that tactic from his father, which just made me feel more sickened and almost a little bad for him—how else would he grow up, with such a role model? My only solace was knowing that as long as I was surrounded by people, he wouldn’t try to approach me, or at least, he hadn’t in the past. I could only hope that it still held true.

Garrett pulled me closer to his chest and rested his head atop mine, his hands running circular motions up and down my back.
Did he have any clue how his touch made me crave a piece of him? Did he even care for me physically anymore or did he see me as nothing more than damaged goods, too tainted to be touched?
I felt the waterworks begin to flow freely from my eyes.

“What’s wrong, Laurel?” His voice was tender and laced with concern.

My mind had me talking before I even realized what I admitted. “You don’t touch me anymore.”

He pulled back, lifting my face with his hands and wiping away the tears with his thumb. “I’m embracing you right now. I hold you every night while you sleep.”

Did I really have to go there with him?
“That’s not what I mean.” This was going to be embarrassing having to admit what I wanted. We hadn’t been intimate since I stormed out of his office at WMI, when I found out he was actually the owner of the company, Mr. G.A. Waters and not Mr. Garrett Andrews. I needed to feel his touch, to have that soul deep connection that soothed my essence; to know I was still wanted, by him.

His brows furrowed and bewilderment swept across his face. “What are you talking about then?”

I repeated myself, brushing my crotch up against his. “Like I said, you don’t ‘touch’ me anymore.”

He closed his eyes and leaned back, taking in a large breath before looking back at me. His sparkling green eyes were hypnotic as they took on a darker, smoldering look of desire, becoming hooded, lust raging through them.
Oh my, what have I gotten myself into?

“That’s just not true,” he responded almost painfully. “I’ve been living in hell not being able to touch you. I had to take cold showers a couple times a day when you left me. Now I have you back, but just being near you keeps me in a constant state of arousal.”

I looked at him with disbelief.

“Don’t think I’m telling the truth?”

I shook my head. He grabbed my hand and placed it on the bulge in his pants. He was hard as a rock, about ready to burst the seams; I didn’t think I’d ever felt him this hard before.

“Now do you believe me?” he whispered. “It has been pure torture to sleep with you in my arms and not be able to touch every inch of your fabulous body. The only reason I haven’t is because of everything
he
did to you. I didn’t want to scare you and risk losing you again.” His voice was adamant, but softened as he admitted, “Plus, you’re still injured.”

I didn’t realize I still affected him this much. I decided to be a little coy with my admission. “Everything is a little extra sensitive, but the doctor has given me the all clear to resume certain activities.” I made sure he knew what I meant by “activities” by pushing myself into his hardness.
That should awaken his appetite.

A low growl escaped the back of his throat as his hand ran through his long sandy blond hair. I took a couple of steps back, bumping into the wall as his hands went to each side of my head and his body pushed into me, caging me in. I could feel my eyes go wide and I took a startled breath. That was all it took for his lips to descend on mine, his tongue thrusting into my mouth, seeking purchase.

His searing kisses continued as his hips rocked into mine. He paused only a moment to look me in the eye. “I want you, Laurel,” he professed, “but I’m afraid of making the wrong move and frightening you. Pick a safe word so I know if I’m going to fast or you feel uncomfortable.” His lips trailed hot, smoldering kisses across my skin from the corner of my mouth up to my ear. As he suckled my earlobe, he reiterated, “Pick a word, love. I want you safe and secure. I need you to know that you can stop this at any time.”

How could he ask me to pick a word when my mind was already melting from the sheer intensity of his heat? “Ahh,” was all I could only manage as he bit softly into my ear before lavishing it with his tongue.

“What’s your word, Laurel? I won’t go any further until you give me one.” He stopped what he was doing, pulling back slightly so I knew that he meant business.

Only one thing sprang to mind. “Waters Towers,” I said decidedly. I could feel a smile spread across his face as the slick of his lips began trailing kisses down the side of my neck, the scruff of his beard intensifying the sensations. Funny that was the only phrase that popped to mind, since that’s where everything went so right before it turned so wrong.

My heart rate picked up and the closeness I longed for began to fill me as his hands reached down, grabbing hold of my backside and lifting me.

“Wrap your legs around me,” he insisted.

I did what he asked. My arms circled round his neck so he wouldn’t drop me as he walked both of us through the living area and into the master bedroom, decorated with the same burgundy fabrics and walnut woods as his beach house.
Wow, he really knows how to carry a decorative theme to the extreme.

Garrett sat me down on the bed and took a few steps back so I could look around at my surroundings. I was surprised to see one wall lined with mirrors, reflecting back the image of the room. “Why all the mirrors?”

“My sister, Sarah, suggested them to make the room seem larger than it is. When she’s not designing buildings, she loves to try and decorate for me.”

He moved back and forth across the room, his eyes continually fixated on me as he paced. He looked like a lion getting ready to attack his prey. I could feel the heat pool in my belly and my nipples harden at the anticipation.

“I want you to take your clothes off, Laurel,” he crooned, his voice practically dripping with seduction. “I’m afraid that if I try to help I’ll rip them to shreds.”

Oh my, he is pent up.
I stood and started removing my slim jeans. I had to wiggle them off of my hips to get them going; even with the weight loss, my hips had retained their voluptuousness. With each wiggle he groaned a little more and began to undress himself. I reached for my t-shirt and noticed the peaks of my nipples pushing through the bikini top. I tried to turn away to remove my shirt.

“Don’t turn away from me, darling. I need to see all of you.”

I noticed his shirt already on the floor and tossed mine on top of it. He started unzipping his pants as I took off my bikini top and playfully threw it his direction. To my surprise, he caught it in his teeth and growled low in the back of his throat before spitting it out on the floor. He took his waistband in his hands and in one swift move, freed himself of both his jeans and boxer briefs.