Learning to Love Again (4 page)

“So everyone keeps telling me.”  She leaned her head back, her eyes closed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  Mitch nudged her.

“Nothing.  Ignore me.”  She could feel Mitch’s eyes on her, but she refused to open her own.

“Alright, fine.  I’ll drop it for now, but I’m not letting you wallow in self-pity for long.  You keep it up, and I’ll go find a switch,” he warned her, standing up.  “Need something to drink?”

“A shot of whiskey would work wonders,” she announced, opening her eyes and looking at him.

Mitch shook his head.  “You and Jack with that damn whiskey; I’m not giving you alcohol. Not with all the medications you’re taking.  How about some iced tea instead?” he suggested, heading for the door.  He returned a few minutes later with two glasses, handing one to her.  He moved over to his desk and leaned against it, studying her.  “Your boss told me you called him the day of the accident and gave him your notice,” he said after a minute.  “I thought you loved your job.”

“I do, or, at least, I did.  But lately I’d felt—I don’t know—restless, I guess,” she stared at the ice cubes in her glass.  “I traveled three out of four weeks a month, I come back to an empty apartment, and I have no social life to speak of, no friends.  I don’t ever get to see you and Carly anymore, at least not as much as I’d like to.  I decided I wanted to take some time for myself and rediscover
me
again.  Not this corporate career woman I’ve become,” she drained the glass.  “My boss didn’t want to grant an extended leave of absence, so I quit.”

“What were you planning to do?”

“I hadn’t gotten that far.  I had just started packing up my office and left, figuring I’d go back the next day to finish everything, and on my way home I had the accident.  So, instead of me packing up my office, I guess someone else did that for me, too.”

Mitch cleared his throat and looked out his windows at the wide open land beyond them.  “Yes, your boss was kind enough to have everything sent over to your apartment and I moved it all down here.  It’s out in one of the empty garage bays,” he told her.

“I see.”  Nicole rolled the glass between her palms, deciding not to pursue that discussion, at least not yet. “So where are Carly and Jack?”

“Carly had to go over to her mother’s for a little while.  I promised her I’d keep my eye on you.  Jack had a client he had to see today.  He was able to put off a few meetings while he was up in Austin but now he has to catch up on those meetings and the rest of his work.”  Mitch stretched his legs out in front of him.  “I’ve talked to your doctor; he wants to see you in his office on Monday morning, just so he can have a baseline to go by.  The hospital was nice enough to send all of your records to him, but he’d still like to see you for himself.”

“Who is my doctor, anyway?  I never thought to ask who was still practicing around here.”

Mitch glanced away unwilling to meet her eyes as he said, “Jason.”

“Jason?  Jason Morrow?” She froze.

“Yeah, my old buddy from Austin that you’ve managed to avoid for the last decade.  That’s him.  He finished his residency and fellowship in orthopedics and signed on at Waketon Memorial.  He keeps himself pretty busy.”  Mitch glanced over and caught her eye.  “Is there going to be a problem?”

She shook her head, lowering her gaze.  “No, why would you ask that?”

“Because Jack had to threaten to tie him up to keep him from storming up to Austin and taking over your care up there, from what I understand,” Mitch told her, moving over to stand in front of her.  When she didn’t look up, he knelt down and forced her eyes up to his.  “Look, Nicole, I know you’ve never opened up to Carly about what went down between you two, and Jason never talked to me about it, but I’m here for you if you need me to listen.  And I won’t pick sides,” he promised, standing up and picking up his Stetson.  “I need to go check on some things down at the barn.  You going to be okay by yourself for a few minutes?  Can I get you anything before I leave?”

She shook her head.

“Okay, well, Maria’s in the kitchen, just holler at her if you need anything.”  With a last glance at his cousin, he settled his hat on his head and headed out of the room, leaving her in a stunned silence.

Jason Morrow.  How on earth was she going to face him again after all these years?  She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, groaning in frustration.  The last time she’d seen him, he’d been pretty upset with her.  Okay, to be honest, he had been
pissed
with her.  And he’d had every right to be so.  She’d broken up with him a few months before her graduation from law school, refusing to tell him why.  She’d just stopped taking his calls and refused to see him if he stopped by the apartment.  And then when she returned for Mitch’s and Carly’s wedding, she had avoided being alone with him for much of the festivities even though he was one of the groomsmen and she was the maid of honor.  It wasn’t until the end of the night, right after Mitch and Carly had made their grand exit that he’d had been able to corner her.  She didn’t have to try very hard to remember the angry set of his jaw, the glare in his eyes, with maybe a touch of disappointment.

“So that’s all I get, a one-sided phone call where you announce that it’s over between us?  Was this some sort of test that I’ve failed?”  The tone of his voice carried his bewilderment and anger, still there after almost three months.

“No, it wasn’t a test.  I’m sorry, Jason.”  She couldn’t look into his eyes.  “I want a career and a life of my own.  You do matter to me, it’s just…I mean, I want…” She tried to repeat the reasons she’d been giving herself for the past several months, but her voice had trailed off as he pushed himself away from the wall he was leaning on, towering over her, his hands clenched into fists at his side.

“So, that’s it?  You’re tossing me aside like yesterday’s garbage?  Well, I hope you find whatever you’re looking for in California.  But let me tell you this much, sweetheart: when you come to your senses, don’t expect me to be waiting around for you.  The women are lined up around here waiting for me.”  He had spat the words at her before storming off.

She hadn’t seen or heard from him since.  Jack had tried a few times to get her to talk about the break up, usually whenever she was talking about breaking up with whatever guy she was “kind-of” dating at the time, but she’d refused to talk to him about it—probably the only time in her life she’d ever refused to talk to him about something.  She was pretty confident that Jack had been a shrink in a previous life.

And now Jason was going to be her doctor?  What did Mitch mean when he said that Jack had threatened to tie Jason up to keep him from coming up to Austin?  He couldn’t still have feelings for her, could he?  If he did have feelings for her, what were her feelings for him?  Speaking of Jack and Jason, since when did they even know each other well enough for Jack to threaten to tie the other man up?  Hell, this was giving her a headache.  She shook her head in frustration.  What did she ever do to deserve these complications in her life?  Although, that would explain all the times Jack tried to talk to her about her ex, if he was now friends with Jason.  With another groan, she pushed herself up and grabbed onto the walker.  Maybe if she started walking now, she could get out to the driveway before anyone missed her and then get one of the ranch hands to drive her…somewhere.  Her thoughts of escape were interrupted when she heard a car door slam in the driveway and Carly call out to someone.

Damn,
she thought to herself, settling back into the couch. 
Foiled again
.  She looked up at the doorway with a smile as her best friend walked in, determined to once again hide her pain and fear from them all.

NICOLE SAT ON THE EXAM TABLE, NERVOUSLY WAITING for Doctor Jason Morrow to come into the room.  She’d already been sitting in the exam room for over twenty minutes by herself.  She’d already read every poster on the wall.  Twice.  It was not helping her anxiety any.

“I’m making too much out of this.”  She muttered to herself as she realized she was trying to check her reflection in a small mirror over the sink.  She’d been trying to get Mitch’s comment about Jason out of her mind ever since he’d said it the other day, but it just kept repeating itself.  Like a broken record, over and over, she heard Mitch say that Jason had wanted to come to Austin to take over her care.  She’d just about managed to convince herself that he was just worried about her because she was Mitch’s cousin and Jack’s friend.  She took a deep breath and held it for five seconds before forcing it out and then turned away from the mirror, as the door to the exam room was pushed open.

“Well well. Nicole Winters.  You’ve started wrestling with cars now, I see,” Jason joked as he walked into the exam room with a nurse.

“Needed something to try and keep in shape-after sitting behind a desk all day,” she retorted, her eyes drinking in the sight of him.  “Let’s just say I learned my lesson.  From now on, I’m driving tanks wherever I go.”  She swallowed around the lump that was all of a sudden filling her throat.  “It’s been a long time.”

“Ten years.”  He agreed, stepping over to the small sink and washing his hands.

Nicole used the opportunity to study his profile.  He hadn’t changed much, she realized.  Jet black hair, still kept neat and short, although a little longer in the back than it used to be.  But he still kept himself in shape, that hadn’t changed at all.  No dress shirt in the world could hide those muscles.   She wondered if he still used the same cologne.  How many nights had they cuddled on the couch, with her head on his chest, his arms tight around her, and her just breathing in his scent?  Aware of her accelerating heart rate, she swallowed hard and dropped her gaze to the floor, willing her body back under control.

He turned around from the sink and moved over to stand beside her.  “I’ve reviewed the records they sent me from Austin,” he said, as he pulled his stool over to the exam table and sat down, while she silently said a short prayer of thanks.  At least now she didn’t feel as if she were at a disadvantage.  She’d almost forgotten how tall he was.  At almost six-and-a-half feet tall, he was seven inches taller than her.  “This is my nurse, Jodie.  She’ll stay in the room while I do the physical exam,” he explained.

He did a head-to-toe exam, paying close attention to her ribs.  “You took a pretty big hit from the air bag.  I want you to continue to use the walker instead of crutches for now.  Definitely no driving.  Even though nothing was broken in your back it was pretty bruised and you still need to take it easy,” he pressed on a tender spot on her ribs, causing her to grimace.  “Sorry. Those are the ribs that you broke.  Make sure you keep doing those deep breathing exercises they gave you, as well.  You’re still in danger of developing a pneumonia, if you’re not careful.”  He helped her sit back up and studied her pale features for a split second before turning away from her.  He nodded as Jodie indicated she was going to step out.   “How are the pain medications working out?”

“Okay, but they make me incredibly groggy, and I feel as if I have a hangover.  I don’t like to take them.  And I’ve been having nightmares.”  She gripped the edge of the exam table.  She hadn’t admitted that to anyone else, although she was sure her screams had woken up Mitch and Carly more than once. “I take the muscle relaxers as scheduled, though.”

“Just remember to stay on top of the pain.  If you wait too long, the pain killers won’t help and you’ll be playing a game of catch up.  You can cut the dosage of your pain killer in half if you need to. I’ll give you a prescription for something else, but it won’t work as well.”  He made some notations in the computer, wrote out a prescription, and then looked up, catching her gaze on him.  “How bad are the nightmares?  We can make a referral if you need someone to help you through them.”  He handed the prescription over to her as he spoke.

“They’re bad enough to make me not want to take the pain killers.”  She started to shrug her shoulders, gasping a little as the movement pulled at her ribs.

“Careful,” he cautioned.  Her eyes flew to his, the concern she heard in his voice startling her.  “I think you should talk to someone.  Trauma like you’ve been through leaves a lot of marks, and not just the visible ones.  Talking about it could help you get through it.”

  “I was talking to a doctor in the hospital and he gave me some names if I need them, but I’m dealing with it just fine on my own.”

“Yeah, I remember that about you, you like to do things on your own,” the concern she’d heard in his voice was gone now, replaced by cold indifference.  “Call the front desk if you change your mind.  Therapy isn’t always a bad thing, you know,” he closed out her chart on the computer and tapped his fingers against the keyboard for a second and waited for her to look up at him. “Do you have any questions?”

“I don’t think so,” Nicole shook her head.  “I appreciate you agreeing to be my doctor.” 
Even if you do hate me,
she couldn’t help but tag on to herself.

“Mitch is still one of my best friends.”  He shrugged, as if that said it all.  “Call if you have any problems or questions,” he repeated as he stood up.  “I’ll see you back later next week.  You can make the appointment at the desk on your way out,” he added as he opened the door and stepped out, leaving Nicole in shocked silence.  He must have gone out to the waiting room and told Carly and Mitch that he was done, because a few minutes later Carly knocked on the exam room door and offered to help her get dressed.

“How’d it go?”  Carly asked as she helped her friend adjust the walker and stand up.

“He was very…professional,” Nicole told her, grimacing as her ribs protested the movements.

“You sound disappointed,” Carly told her, studying her friend’s face.  “Did you expect him to sweep you off your feet or something?”

“No, but he was almost, I don’t know, cold or something.  You know, like we’d never met before.”

“Well, you haven’t seen him in years.  You
are
practically strangers again,” Carly reminded her.

“I know.  And no, I didn’t expect him to sweep me off my feet, but I didn’t expect cold indifference either,” she headed for the door.  She stopped at the desk long enough to make the follow up appointment for the following week.  Mitch had pulled the car up to the front door and Nicole made her way out to the car.

“Do you need anything while we’re in town?” he asked as he pulled out into traffic.  “We can get those prescriptions filled.”

“No, I don’t think so.  These are just to replace the others I’m taking, if I want to try them.  I’m just ready to go home,” she rested her head on the back of the seat.

Mitch and Carly exchanged glances and made small talk the rest of the way home.  Once they got back to the ranch, Nicole made excuses about being tired and needing to rest before her therapy session.  Carly started to follow her, but Mitch stopped her with a hand on her arm and shook his head.

“Just let her be for a while,” he suggested, watching his cousin as she made her way into the house.  He wasn’t so sure that she would be open to either of them butting in right now, even if it was just to offer a shoulder to lean on.  His cousin was almost afraid to show any emotion, afraid it indicated some kind of weakness.  And if they pushed her to open up about what she was feeling she might just run away again. Mitch sighed and wrapped his arm around his wife’s shoulders, pausing to press a kiss to her forehead.  “She’ll be okay.  We just need to give her time,” he promised her.

She nodded before looking up at him with a small smile.  “I know.  I’ll leave her be.  For now.”  She stepped away and headed into the house, leaving him to make his way over to the barn.

Jack was sitting at the desk in his home office when he heard the vehicle pull up in front of his house.  The office windows faced the driveway, so he glanced out and watched Jason get out of the pick-up truck and start towards the house.  With a muttered curse, he tossed his pen on the desk and moved towards the kitchen door to intercept his friend.

“What are you doing here?” he asked as Jason started to climb the steps to the back door.

“Christ, you scared the crap out of me!” Jason returned, pausing.  “Have you talked to her today?”

“No, was I supposed to?” Jack returned, turning away from the door, leading the way into his kitchen.  “Mitch and Carly are taking good care of her, I’m sure.”

“Have you talked to
them
?”

“No, not today.  But didn’t Nicole have an appointment with you today?  Did she not show up?” Jack paused and glanced back over his shoulder, a slight frown on his face.  He’d go over and read her the riot act himself if she was going to screw around with her health.

“No.  I mean, she was at the appointment, but we didn’t talk about anything except her medical status.  I thought, with as close as you two are, she might have called you.”  He glanced at his friend.

“Jesus, Jason, grow a pair, would you?  You are really starting to irritate the crap out of me,” Jack pulled his bottle of Jack Daniels down and added it to the glass of Coke he had in front of him.  He tilted the bottle towards Jason, who nodded.  Sighing, Jack pulled out another glass, added ice cubes and handed it, the bottle of Jack, and a Coke over to his friend.  “I didn’t think you drank Jack.”

“Most of the time, I don’t, but you don’t tend to keep scotch around,” he reminded him, pouring himself a healthy shot of the whiskey.  “I screwed up, my friend.”

“Are you just now figuring that out?”  Jack raised his eyebrows as he watched his friend swallow the shot in one gulp.  “You were the one who let her walk away the last time.”  Jack pointed out, watching his friend pour another shot.  “If you remember, I told you to go after her.  Many times.”

“I know, and I know I’m to blame for my own misery.  You and Mitch have reminded me of that often enough,” he drained the glass a second time, grabbed the bottle of whiskey and refilled his glass, before adding a splash of Coke, almost as an afterthought.  “And I didn’t just let her walk away.  She bolted out the fucking door,” he muttered, throwing back the third shot.  “I mean I screwed up
today
,” he clarified.

“How’d you manage that during a…what, fifteen minute office visit?  Unless…I don’t need to defend anyone’s honor here, do I?”  Jack glanced over at his friend, the steel in his gaze making Jason take a hasty step back.

“Jesus, no, Jack…fuck, this is so fucking complicated.”  He knocked back another shot.

Jack shook his head as he watched his friend drink almost his entire bottle of whiskey shot-by-shot.  He listened to him as he poured out his feelings for Nicole, knowing that if his friend remembered any of this in the morning, there would be hell to pay.  He’d been down this road more than once with this guy.

“How do you get her to talk to you when she’s mad at you like this?” Jason asked out of the blue.

“She’s never been mad at me ‘like this’, dumbass.  I was never her boyfriend and let her get away from me,” Jack told him, shaking his head.  “Look, Jason, you need to just go over to Mitch’s and sit down with her and talk to her.  Let her tell you about her mother.  My guess is whatever happened is rooted in her fear of being like her.  And if that doesn’t work, get her drunk,” Jack offered.  “But I’ll bet you a bottle of Jack Daniels that the talking is all it takes.”