Learning to Stand (45 page)

“
You were his entire world,”
Alex said. “He loved you completely.”

“
I loved him completely.
About a month ago… maybe longer… I don’t know.” Charlene gave a sad
smile. “I realized he’s not really gone because his soul is mine. I
do wish he was here.”

“
I miss him too.”

“
I know,” Charlene said.
“Here’s what frightened me, Alex. After you and that gorgeous guy
cleaned out the locker, I received a box with Charlie’s stuff.
There were a couple notebooks in the box that were supposed to be
Charlie’s. I mean, they looked like his handwriting, but he always
wrote in code. Always. These were in plain English.

“
And complete nonsense. One
entry said, ‘Went to dinner with A in Kabul. Had duck.’”

“
Duck?”

“
Exactly, my Charlie never
ate duck because his grandmother used to make him butcher them.
Plus he called you Hargreaves. I don’t think he ever said your
first name.”

“
He didn’t. That’s
definitely strange. Were those journals with the
others?”

“
No, that’s what’s weird.
It’s like they knew what they were looking for. The fake journals
were on my bedside table. The others were in a false wall between
the bedroom and the bathroom. They stole all of Charlie’s journals
but left the fakes. To the eye, they all looked the
same.”

“
How strange,” Alex said.
“Did you bring the fake journals?”

“
Yes, they’re in my luggage.” Charlene went to her luggage
and took the other two books. “Now Alex, I’ll let you
borrow
these in exchange for the one Steve gave you. I can’t
be without...”

“
I have it right here.” Alex
took the four inch journal from her pocket. “It still smells like
him.”

“
It does,” Charlene took the
book from Alex and held it to her nose. “I couldn’t bear to be
without him completely.”

Alex smiled.

“
Do you have something else
for me?” Charlene asked.

“
I found this in the vault
in Paris,” Alex held Charlie’s wedding ring out to her. “I planned
to come to Nicaragua and give it to you.”

Silent tears dropped down Charlene’s face.
She took her husband’s wedding ring from Alex’s palm and slipped it
on the middle finger of her right hand.

“
It’s big,” she sniffed.
“But… I’ll wear it there.”

Charlene hugged Alex.

“
I also have this,” Alex
said. “He wanted to give it to you when he retired. He always said
he never could have done anything in his life without you. He saved
a lot of people, Charlene. Because of you.”

Alex held out a velvet ring box. Charlene
wiped her eyes then reached for the box. The box held a five carat
princess cut diamond on a platinum band. There were five pave
diamonds down each side. Charlene tugged the ring from the box. She
kissed the ring then slipped it next to the plain wedding band on
her left

“
Five carat. Five diamonds.
One for each of your kids,” Alex said.

Crying in earnest now, Charlene clasped Alex
to her until her tears ebbed.

“
Thank you,” Charlene
whispered.

“
I’m glad you’re all right,”
Alex said.

“
I was terrified they would
come looking for the journal I gave you,” Charlene said.

“
I don’t think they knew
exactly what they’re looking for,” Alex said. “That’s my opinion.
Would you like me to set up guards for you?”

“
No, I won’t live like
that,” Charlene said. “I was wondering if you would teach me how to
defend myself. Steve said you taught Maria and your Mom. I bet the
other girls would like to learn too.”

“
Sure,” Alex said. “In the
meantime, where should we put these?”

“
I’ll keep this one with
me,” Charlene stuck Charlie’s first Fey Special Forces Team journal
into her fanny pack. “No one knew I had the other one.”

“
But people knew about the
others?”

“
The men who built the
house. My cleaning lady. I didn’t think they were… important.
Except to me,” Charlene said. “I guess I was wrong.”

“
Everything we ever did was
deleted from all of our computers about an hour after everyone was
killed,” Alex said. “We think it was a safeguard either Charlie or
I put in place, but we don’t know. It happened automatically by a
program, a bot. I’m still piecing together everything.”

“
Will you promise me
something?” Charlene asked.

“
Anything.”

“
When you find out what my
Charlie was so worried about, will you tell me?”

“
Of course,” Alex said. “As
much as I can.”

“
Of course. I know you’re
super busy,” Charlene said. “And I should get out to my guests. I’m
so happy for them. Can you imagine a whole new round of Fey babies?
Are you and John…?”

“
We can’t have kids,” Alex
choked out the words.

“
Oh Alex, I’m so sorry.
I...” Seeing Alex’s pain stricken face, Charlene gave her a quick
hug.

“
You’ll have to enjoy the
kids around you,” Charlene said. “Have you heard Maria’s
news?”

“
I have lunch with Maria
every week. And no, I haven’t heard her news.”

“
I’ll let her tell you,”
Charlene’s eyes sparkled with mischief. They were almost to the
door when Charlene asked, “Did Charlie bank sperm too?”

“
Yes,” Alex said.

“
There are a lot of old gals
like me who are having babies. I thought maybe a little baby
would... Crazy to be a mother at fifty-six! I miss my Charlie like
the other girls miss their guys.”

“
You’ll make the right
choice,” Alex said. “How are your grandkids?”

“
Growing! Loud! And very
fun,” Charlene said. “I’ll miss the quiet peace of my Nicaraguan
hideaway. Still, I’m glad to be home.”

Charlene hugged Alex one last time before
they left the bedroom. Charlene was whisked away in a flurry of
‘Oooh look at her gorgeous ring!’

“
Are you taking her books?”
Andi pointed to the journals in Alex’s hand. “Scott had some too.
You know the weirdest thing? I got two more in the stuff you sent
back from the vault. I was going to ask you about it but I keep
forgetting.”

“
I did too,” Paige said.
“They were bullshit. I burned them in our fireplace. They think I
can’t tell my husband’s writing to their bullshit?”

“
You burned yours?” Jennifer
asked. “I shredded mine. Not Dean’s real journals. I have those.
But these ones were stupid. I mean really – when did Dean ever talk
about laundry?”

“
Or do laundry,” Alex
laughed.

“
See what I mean?” Jennifer
asked.

“
Did everyone get two?” Alex
asked.

The women’s heads nodded.

“
I didn’t, Alex,” Nancy
said. “We got a box of stuff, but Joseph went through
it.”

“
I’ll ask him,” Alex said.
“Who still has them?”

“
I burned that garbage too,”
Mrs. Harris said. “Like my boy is going to write down details of
his women. Please.”

“
So these are the only ones
left?”

The women nodded in agreement.

“
I need a huge favor,” Alex
said. “I’m wondering if I might borrow the guys’ journals. I kept
mine in the storage vault, but the guys kept theirs…”

“
At home. We have them,
Alex,” Jennifer said. “Should I collect them and bring them over
or…?”

“
Charlene’s house was broken
into to get Charlie’s journals. I’d rather...”

“
I’ll get them right now,”
Andi said. “But...”

“
Will you give them back?”
Paige’s eyes filled with tears. “They still smell like
Tom.”

“
As soon as possible,” Alex
said.

“
It will take me fifteen
minutes, Alex,” Andi said. “I’ll go right now. Can you
wait?”

Alex nodded. Charged with their task, the
women left the house.

“
You know how to clear out
the room,” Charlene said.

“
They went to get the guys
journals. I think there’s more to these little books then we
think,” Alex said.

“
Better you have them on
base than in our houses.” Charlene nodded. “You’re still looking
after us, Alex.”

“
I try,” Alex
said.

Charlene smiled. She led Alex and Trece into
the kitchen where she filled plates with muffins, scones, and
pastries. Alex had just spied the coffee pot when one of Jennifer’s
kids came in asking for her mother. Charlene followed the child out
of the kitchen.

Alex set down her plate of baked goods to
make a fresh pot of coffee.

“
What do you think is going
on?” Trece asked in a low voice.

“
Nothing good,” Alex said.
“These fake journals? They weren’t in the vault.”

“
So someone added them to
the family packages?”

“
I guess.” Alex answered her
cell phone. “Joseph?”

“
Nancy said you want my
journals?”

“
Something weird is going
on,” Alex said. “Can you get those translators back? We’re going to
have to go through all of these journals.”

“
Got it,” Joseph said. “I
never received any fake journals. But, I’d notice what wasn’t mine.
Right?”

“
I hope so. Were there any
journals in your boxes?”

“
No,” Joseph said. “I’m
going to send Troy and Vince to help you take the journals back.
Bring the fakes here so we can check them out.”

“
I agree,” Alex clicked off
the phone.

Troy and Vince arrived at the same time the
women were leaving. Alex and Trece collected six duffle bags full
of small journals. Alex, Trece, Troy and Vince took the journals
straight to Alex’s vault at Buckley.

“
What’s next?” Trece asked
when they were back in the car.

“
We have to pick up Vince’s
car,” Alex said. “Then a party for Troy’s father.”

“
Oh God,” Troy said. “I’m
going to die.”

Vince laughed.

F

CHAPTER THIRTY-seven

Forty-five
minutes later
Tuesday
afternoon

April 1
–
1:30 P.M. MDT
Denver, CO

Alex was punching her finger through her
third pair of stockings when she heard, ‘Will you tell her he’s
here?’ outside her door. Opening the door, she interrupted Joseph
and White Boy’s conversation.

“
What?” she
asked.

“
There’s someone here to see
you,” White Boy said.

“
It’s Roger Whitaker, Alex,”
Joseph said. “He got a call from Jennifer.”

Grabbing her heels, Alex padded barefoot
down the stairs to her private living room. Entering the room, she
saw the back of an impeccably dressed man. With French cuffs
peeking from his designer suit, he was every bit the high powered,
world famous psychiatrist. When he turned, she saw the tears
streaming from his eyes.

“
Roger.” Alex embraced
him.

“
I’m sorry, Alex.” His
southern accent gave his words an effortless charm. “Jennifer
called. She said you needed Jax’s journals. I...”

“
I haven’t seen you
since...”

“
I was waiting for him, you
know? We were going to run the Seine,” Roger said. “October Eighth.
The worst day of my life.”

Alex led him to a cozy sofa. She nodded to
White Boy who pulled closed the door to the common area. Roger took
a white handkerchief out of his pocket to wipe his tears.

“
Seeing you… again...
Hearing Jennifer’s voice... I...”

With her hand on his leg, she waited for him
to catch his breath.

“
I waited for an hour. Jax
was often late. Especially when he was with the team. There was
always one more laugh. One more thing to say. Something Alex
needed.”

“
He loved us.”

“
Loved? Yes that too,” Roger
said. “He’d sent me a card asking me to meet him in Paris. He said
he had something for me. So I went. I spoke to him when you landed.
‘Meet me on the Seine,’ he said. ‘I love you,’ he said. And then…
nothing. After eight and a half years of late night conversations,
arguments, effortless rants during runs, cards, emails, notes, God
damned IM… Then there was only silence.”

“
How did you find out?” Alex
asked.

“
I went to the absinthe shop
he loved so much,” Roger said. “It was on fire. I saw Rasmussen
come out of the building covered in blood. He was screaming at
everyone – fire, police, medics. Then I saw what he was holding...
You. And I knew. Jax would have given his life for you. If you were
in that condition… My Jackson was gone.”

“
I don’t know how I made it
home,” Roger said. “I don’t remember the next year. I was Jax’s
beneficiary so I received a check. Eight and a half years of love
and life stuffed into a white envelope with a check inside. His
effects went to his parents.”