Learning to Stand (21 page)

“
You may come out now,” Ben
said in French.

Alex sighed.

“
My brother tells me you are
very fragile. If he was here, he would yell at me, and
you.”

“
Dom is protective,” Alex
replied in French. “It’s nice.”

“
He’s even that way with
me,” Ben said.

“
You aren’t smoking as
much,” Alex said.

“
I’m working on quitting…
Again.”

“
Good.”

“
My beautiful wife is
pregnant with what I hope is our last child,” he said.

“
Really? I thought she was,”
Alex said. “When we saw her in January, she had that look she gets
when she’s pregnant.”

“
She said the same about
you,” Ben said. “And now she says that you need to rest, be loved,
eat and mourn. She would yell at you for working.”

“
Claire is protective too,”
Alex said. “Did you really retire?”

“
My last day is two weeks
after Larry leaves for Iraq,” he said. “I’ll take you through this
transition.”

Alex let out a deep and mournful sigh.

“
Your sigh makes me long for
a cigarette.”

“
Oh, sorry,” she said. “I
don’t know how to function without you. What will the world do
without its best intelligence agent?”

Ben burst out laughing. Seeing her confused
face, he smiled.

“
You, my dear, are the best
intelligence officer this world has ever seen,” he said.

“
You’re very funny. I
promise to tell Dom you told me lies to make me feel
better.”

“
How much do they pay you at
Homeland?”

“
I don’t know Ben. I can’t
keep track of that stuff. Why?”

“
They don’t pay you. Do
they?”

“
No,” She said. “You made
the deal for me so I could be a Green Beret. Remember?”

“
I remember,” he said.
“Since you’ve quit everything, let’s work out this Homeland
contract thing.”

“
I’d still do anything to be
a Green Beret,” she said.

“
Yes, Alex, I know,” Ben
said. “And you should be paid.”

“
I should be a Green Beret.
And you should be my mentor. I’ll never be as good as
you!”

“
You’re better than I ever
was.” Ben leaned over to kiss her forehead. “Silly girl, will you
ever see what you are?”

Alex shrugged off his compliment, his
question and his affection. He laughed.

“
Why are you
retiring?”

She couldn’t keep the
‘why-are-you-abandoning-me’ from her voice. His head jerked in her
direction. He scanned her sorrow-filled face.

“
I told my supervisors I was
old and tired. Over the last couple years, I’ve lost my taste for
it. I want to enjoy my children, make love to my wife every day,
take naps, and walk the Seine. With the new baby on the way, two
little ones at home, Helene ready for college, and Frederec’s teen
angst, Claire asked if I might help out at home. She’s never asked
for help. You know, I can’t say ‘no’ to Claire.”

Alex’s face hardened as if she was chewing
on a bitter pill. She could not change this reality.

“
It’s time for you to step
into yourself, Alexandra,” Ben said. “You’re a natural
leader.”

“
No, I’m not. I suck,” she
said. “They don’t respect me. It’s like they respect everyone else
BUT me.”

Ben chuckled.

“
What?” Alex
asked.

“
Oh men,” he said. “They can
be such children. Joseph wants to retire you from your Homeland
Security contract. I will help him determine what’s next for you
there. But you must learn to accept your power.”

Alex sighed.

“
But first, I believe we
need to eat some of Cian’s stew.” Switching to English, he imitated
Cian’s Irish accent. “Ma’s secret ingredients build the blood and
strengthen the heart.”

“
Ma?” Alex asked in
English.

“
He made it for you,” Ben
said in French. “You’re loved by so many. Let them show you
now.”

She leaned into him.

“
I’ll miss you, Benji,” she
said in French.

“
I’ll be in Paris,” he said.
“You’ll probably see me more!”

She smiled slightly.

“
Let’s go build the blood,”
Ben said. “I’m sure your John is home and worried about
you.”

As if on cue, John looked into the room at
them.

“
Waiting by the door?” Ben
asked in English.

John nodded.

“
Then, I’ll leave you then,”
Ben said. “Be careful with her, son. She’s fragile.”

“
Dom said the same thing,”
John said.

Ben smiled then left the room.

“
Stew or bed,” John
said.

“
Can I have
both?”

“
Of course,” John said.
“I’ll bring it down.”

“
Where’s my
Maggie?”

“
Your
Maggie?”
John laughed. “She is with her Max and the boys. They will wear her
out. Don’t worry about her.”

Alex nodded. John helped her stand then led
her to the bedroom. As he expected, she was fast asleep when he
returned.

F

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Six hours later

Friday early-morning
March 28 — 2:34 A.M. MDT

Denver,
CO

Alex woke with a start. Once again her mind
filled with disconnected images and thoughts. In the last series of
images, Cee Cee Joiner’s laughing face was at the center of some
awful wheel, every spoke led to misery. Sitting up, she shook her
head. John’s hand touched her back.

“
Are you all right?” John
asked.

“
Crazy images
again.”

“
Like what?”

“
I saw Dad and Colin
somewhere in Texas. Mike teasing Joiner. Eleazar laughing like the
Joker from Batman. Jessie’s face when he died. ‘We’ll be friends
forever,’ he said just before he died. The Carnival in Paris.
Rodin’s Garden. Benji when I was stoned on Ketamine.” She sighed.
“And a whole bunch of other images flashing across my brain like
fireworks or light bulbs.”

“
That’s different,” he
said.

“
But within the spectrum of
PTSD,” Alex said.

“
Yes,” he said. “Would you
mind if I checked your swelling?”

She shook her head. John retrieved his
doctor bag. He checked her blood pressure, pulse, and looked at her
eyes. She was bored with the entire process by the time he was
checking her left hand.

“
Your swelling’s coming down
in this hand. How’s the arm?”

“
Hurts sometimes,” she said.
“I like the blue cast. Sami says it’s a fashion
accessory.”

“
I need to check your
abdomen and hip.”

She groaned.

“
How is your pain?” he
asked.

“
My husband? He seems fine,”
she said. “Could you do something for me?”

“
Hmm...”

John’s full attention was focused on her
bruised and swollen abdomen. Alex grabbed his hands. His eye’s
jerked to her face.

“
Can you stop? I’m not up to
being a frog for you to dissect.”

“
Would you like some stew?”
John asked. “I have a little Crockpot warmer full of stew here. You
know, microwaves...”

“
Change good food into toxic
waste,” Alex and John said together.

“
Yes, I’ve heard your
brother’s rant before,” she said.

She sighed. His cobalt blue eyes held her
brown eyes for a moment. In a single motion, he entwined their
hands and moved over her to the bed. Lying next to her, he pulled
her onto his shoulder. She rested her head against his chest.

“
I miss Simon,” she
said.

“
I miss Simon, too,” he
said.

He raised his head to see if she was
crying.

“
I’m not going to cry. Do
you want to talk?”

John dropped his head to the pillow. This
was so them. In the wee dark hours, they talked about things no one
should ever have to talk about.

“
Yes, I guess I need to
talk. I’m sorry,” he said. “I know you’re exhausted.”

She nodded her head and shifted to move off
him. He held her in place. His hands pressed her head back to his
chest. She melted against him.

“
That’s very nice,” he said.
“Tell me about my friend, Robert Powell.”

“
The Boy Scout, yes. How did
he get to be your friend?”

“
When I didn’t kill him the
last time he did this to you.”

“
Yes, the last time,” she
said with a sigh. “This was worse.”

John grunted in acknowledgement. She was
silent collecting her thoughts.

“
Everything I
know?”

“
I guess so.”

“
According to my Dad...
Patrick said the Admiral… you know who that is, right?”

“
He’s in charge of Special
Forces. I’ve met him a few times.”

“
That’s right. He came to
our New Year’s Day party once. Anyway, the Admiral buried the Boy
Scout in Afghanistan. It was a really shitty project in the middle
of nowhere. He was basically stuck there until about a week ago.
When I met Perses in Weminuche...”

“
Did you ever find out if
he’s my brother? Uncle? Irish militant relation?”

“
He isn’t. He was born in
Zimbabwe when it was Rhodesia,” Alex said. “With Cian’s help, we’ve
found all but one of your siblings. James. He’s listed as deceased,
but I don’t buy it. The rest live in Northern Ireland, Wales or
Ireland. Of course, Rita’s in Scotland.”

“
Sorry I didn’t mean to
interrupt. I’ve always wondered.” John stroked her fuzzy head. “So,
you met your professional assassin friend...”

“
Perses saved our butts in
Weminuche. Before he did his usual vanishing act, he told me a
couple things including that the Boy Scout was missing. I made a
few calls while we were in the air back to base. No one knew
anything. After my call, they were able to trace the Boy Scout to
New York City then lost him. I found him in the Wahoo’s parking
lot. Have you seen the video?”

“
No. What
happened?”

“
He shot Mattie then
attacked me. I’ve never seen him like that. He was enraged
and...”

“
Lustful?”

“
Crazed. He tried to rape me
in a public parking lot with at least twenty witnesses.”

“
Why didn’t those people
help you?”

“
I told them to stay back. I
was certain he would kill anyone who got in the way.”

John was silent. He raised his head to catch
her eyes again.

“
You almost
died.”

“
Yeah.”

Silent, they lay lost in their own
thoughts.

“
I’m sorry. Listen, I know
what you said at the hospital but I would understand if
you…”

“
Stop it,” he said. “Don’t
tell me I can find someone else or marry someone else or whatever.
Don’t do it, Alex. I’m having a hard enough time without you
telling me I should move on. I lost Simon too.”

She dropped her head to his chest.

“
When we are done with
this,” John said, “I want to take you some place warm. I miss those
little bikinis.”

“
I’m pretty scarred up for
bikini’s.”

“
Naked then. That’s fine
with me.”

Alex laughed.

“
Anything else?” she
asked.

“
What will happen to the Boy
Scout?”

“
I don’t know. I guess
there’s a criminal investigation. Sami’s here because the Denver
Police want to interview me. She thinks they will charge
me.

“
You? Why?”

“
Your friend the Boy Scout
is in pretty bad shape. He says I attacked him. For once, I’m
grateful for those cell phone videos. Where’s Maggie?”

“
She’s asleep in a crate
right next to the bed,” John said. “She wanted to sleep with you
but it’s better for her to get used to her crate.”

Alex sighed.

“
Stew?”

“
I can’t manage it. My blood
will have to remain woefully thin until tomorrow,” she said.
“What’s happening with your class?”

“
I’m able to test out of it,
but I need to be there tomorrow… today… in four hours.”

“
We should get some rest.
Would you mind holding me?”

“
All the rest of my life,”
he whispered.

FFFFF

Two and a half hours later

Friday Morning

March 28 - 5:30 A.M. MDT

Denver,
CO

John helped Alex get up before leaving to
walk Maggie. Wandering through the silent basement, Alex crept up
the stairs for a cup of real coffee. Turning the corner from the
basement, she saw a man sitting at her kitchen table. Unable to
make out who was sitting there, she pressed herself into the
shadow.

The man had military cut silver-gray hair,
the olive colored skin of someone from Italy or maybe Turkey, and
was wearing a long sleeved blue T-shirt and jeans with a dark blue
overcoat draped over a chair. When his hand turned a page of the
newspaper, the peaks of his defined biceps stretched his shirt. He
was trim and in excellent condition.