Leave a Candle Burning (41 page)

Scottie nodded. Her first reaction was unease in knowing she’d been discussed. She then realized she’d talked to Finn about Dannan, and wasn’t that the same thing?

“You have to have someone to talk to,” she said reasonably, and not until then did Dannan realize he’d been holding his breath.

“Who do you talk to?” Dannan suddenly asked.

“Lately, you and Finn.”

“Does it help?”

Scottie’s smile was a little crooked. “Sometimes it just makes for more unanswered questions.”

“Give me one, and I’ll try to answer it.”

Scottie had been kneeling on a burlap sack. She now pushed to her feet and worked to remove the dirt from her hands, all the time her mind racing.

“Even if you’ve already answered this, I need you to answer again.”

“All right.”

“What went through your mind when Eli said that to you about me?”

“I didn’t take him seriously. He was very ill. He could barely breathe or talk, and I thought his mind had slipped a little.”

“What about when you realized he was serious?”

Dannan smiled and tried to make light of it. “I thought we decided on one question.”

“Why don’t you want to answer?” Scottie asked, and Dannan knew the smile hadn’t worked.

“When people are at different levels with their feelings, it gets a little tricky,” Dannan began. “This is all so new for you, Scottie, but you’ve been in the periphery of my mind for months. To share my feelings when you’re feeling nothing of the sort is not fair to either of us. You’ll only feel pressure, and I’ll only feel rejected.”

“Why do you understand people so well?”

“They’re my business, Scottie. On a good day I can give aid to a person’s body; on a great day I can give them peace of mind about their body no matter what I was able to do for them physically. I learned early on that treating a person’s ailment is only part of the job. If you don’t know anything about him, it’s much harder to meet his needs.”

“And who meets your needs, Dannan?” Scottie asked the question and then felt embarrassed. She looked down before saying, “You don’t have to answer that.”

“I might not have to answer, Scottie, but I do have to say that you’re one of the kindest persons I’ve ever known.”

Scottie’s head came up. “Thanks, Dannan.”

Dannan smiled into her eyes and said he had to be going. The smile stayed in Scottie’s mind until Finn came looking for her.

“You’re a bit warm,” Iris said to Corina when that little girl climbed into her lap just a few hours after Dannan dropped her off. “Do you feel all right?”

Corina didn’t answer but snuggled closer to her caregiver. Iris would have thought nothing of this had it been after dinner when Corina’s little system usually ran out of steam, but this was too early in the day.

Iris didn’t know where Finn was at the moment, but as soon as he showed up, Iris would be asking him to look for Dannan.

It hadn’t worked. Scottie had been completely ready to stay awake, but Corina had been so ill, and Scottie had nodded off before Dannan showed up to take his daughter home. Now it was the middle of the night, and Scottie was wide awake. She was weary and a little bit anxious with the questions and new ideas running through her mind, bringing her no end of confusion.

Scottie’s mind went back to her evening. Iris and Finn had gone on their way, she’d had her tea and cleaned the kitchen, and then she’d realized how long the evening was looking. Without giving the idea too much thought, Scottie decided to go for a walk. She didn’t get very far, however, before she spotted a young couple walking by the millpond.

Standing near a tree, embarrassed to be caught watching, she observed as they held hands and even stopped for occasional kisses. The man’s tenderness was obvious from a distance, and the woman’s head was tipped back almost constantly to look into his face.

Scottie had eventually walked home, her heart in a quandary. She had been sleepy at the normal time, but then awake in the wee hours, her mind running with everything she’d seen.

It took some time, almost two hours, but at last Scottie fell back to sleep. However, before that happened she had made plans for the next day, and she fervently hoped that Reese Kingsley would have more time to talk.

Dannan went to Corina’s room early on Wednesday morning. She was still warm but hadn’t been sick to her stomach in the night. Tea had not stayed down, and it had looked as though the night would be a sleepless one. But Dannan had been the only one awake. He’d checked on Corina every few hours, not able to sleep deeply.

Dannan went quietly from the room, thinking to sleep a bit longer. He dropped back off, hoping that when he didn’t show up at the Peterson house, Iris would assume Corina was still ailing.

“I keep catching myself worrying,” Scottie admitted to Reese. “I try to get my mind busy with other things, but it doesn’t last very long.”

“What’s bothering you the most?”

“All the things I don’t know. It seems obvious to the rest of the world but not to me.”

“What exactly?”

“The private things, Reese. The first time you had your monthly flow, were you embarrassed in front of Conner?”

Reese smiled and put a hand on her round stomach before admitting, “I haven’t had it yet.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Scottie recalled softly, her voice sounding a bit discouraged.

“But I do know what you mean,” Reese added swiftly. “It is a little odd when you’re just trying to imagine it, Scottie, but by the time you marry, you’re comfortable and in love, and those small things become normal very quickly.”

“Do they really?”

“Yes. Since the second month of this pregnancy, I’ve had to relieve myself more than I thought possible, and Conner just teases me about it. It’s not embarrassing at all.”

Scottie nodded, trying to see herself in the same role—and failing.

“I guess it’s pretty obvious that Eli and I didn’t share such things. I kept to my room, and Finn took care of his needs.”

“It might be obvious, Scottie, but it’s also not something that I think anything about. You were Eli’s wife in the ways he needed you to be, and likewise he was your husband in the way you needed.”

Scottie knew this to be true, and she wondered why she’d never thought of it that way before.

“Tell me something, Scottie,” Reese asked. “Did you ever long for children?”

“No,” Scottie said honestly. “It never occurred to me. I guess the Lord just brought me contentment on that issue.”

Reese was ready with more questions, but someone was at the front door. Reese went that way and came back with Dannan.

“I’m sorry to do this to you, Reese, but you’re closer than Iris at this time of the day, and I’ve got an emergency.”

“It’s fine, Dannan; just put her on the sofa.”

“Hi, Scottie,” Dannan greeted as he put his sleeping daughter down. “I’ll be as fast as I can.”

“Don’t worry about it, Dannan.” Reese saw him on out the door and returned to the parlor. The women continued to talk but didn’t have much time. Corina woke, looking as miserable as she felt, and after Scottie took some time with her, she went on her way.

Eighteen

“Are you free to join me for dinner on Sunday?” Scottie asked of Alison Muldoon.

“We are, Scottie,” Alison agreed with pleasure. “Let me just make sure Douglas hasn’t asked someone here and not mentioned it. Have a seat and I’ll be right back.”

Scottie sat in the Muldoons’ empty parlor, thinking that her heart needed this so much. She had caught herself just in time. Mired in her own thoughts and consumed with Eli’s loss and her confusion over Dannan, she had almost forgotten that her mind would just keep going to the wrong place until she put something else there.

When she’d walked down the green from the big house and looked over to see the Muldoons, it was perfectly obvious to her what she must do. And not just this Sunday, but often, opening her home to the families she knew.

“He said yes,” Alison spoke as she entered the room, Douglas at her heels.

“We are so glad to see you, Scottie,” Douglas added, taking a nearby chair. “How are you?”

“Some days I do better than others,” she answered honestly.

“I’ve been praying for you. I miss Eli so much; I can just imagine how it is for you.”

“It’s hardest at night when I can’t sleep.”

“Have you always been like that, unable to sleep?”