Leaving Lancaster (25 page)

“How about it?” he said. “My parents will be there.”

“This Sunday? I'd better wait and see what my grandmother wants.” I liked Bishop Troyer, but would I be comfortable reading the Bible in High German and forgoing Bible studies? Not that I was a member of a group now.

Zach kept his vigilant gaze on the road. “While you were gone, both our mothers took your grandmother to a top-notch endocrinologist, someone they think Anna liked.”

“I hope you didn't mention it to Isaac.” Was I starting down Mom's road of deception by omitting the truth?

“My mother thought you or your mom should fill him in,” he said.

“Beth doesn't want to be in the middle of another family tussle?”

“I've got to give it to you, Holly, you know how to liven up a nonpreaching Sunday.”

“You mean clear out my grandmother's house like a skunk?”

He smiled. “I've heard an Amish proverb. Goes something like: Swallowing your words before you say them is better than having to eat them afterward.”

I pondered his words as we traveled Old Philadelphia Pike 340. The sunset diffused, graying the cab's interior. I glanced over to see Zach's eyes were tired, and I wondered if he was just weary of putting up with me.

Minutes later, Zach took a right onto North Hollander Road. “I think Jeremiah and Beatrice would have taken off anyway,” he said. “They were expecting guests at their own home.”

“As he left, Jeremiah asked me to walk out to their buggy with them,” I said. “He took me aside and mentioned they'd received a letter from one of Dad's army buddies months after my father disappeared. According to this guy, Dad had insisted on giving up his seat on an evacuation helicopter to him—because the guy needed immediate medical attention.” I choked up, couldn't speak. I felt like a helpless orphan.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat before it blocked off my air supply. “When the helicopter lifted off, Dad was still alive. After that, no one knows what happened.”

“Which makes your father a hero in my eyes,” Zach said, slowing the pickup.

“Guess you're right. I never pictured him as a hero. I wonder if there's any way to track down that old army buddy.”

“I could help you.”

I admired his strong profile. “Okay, that would be great, although I don't want to open old wounds for Mom. Not when she's finally moving on with her life.”

“Nathaniel's a fine man.” He glanced my way for an instant. “I'm thinking your father must have been too. I wish you could have met him.”

“Yeah, me, too.” I tried to sound blasé.

“But we all have a heavenly Father.”

I don't know why Zach's words stung my very skin like he was ripping a Band-Aid off an unhealed wound. How dare he spout off platitudes, making light of the sorrow I carried with me every day?

Out of nowhere, I was mad enough to smack him.

“What would you know about growing up without a dad?” Indignation soured my voice. “You have a picture-perfect family, a great career, and the respect of everyone in the county.”

“Hold on.” He kept his gaze on the road, turned the radio off. “I've had my share of disappointments. My parents separated for three years after my younger brother died. And my fiancée dumped me. Twice. Then she married a guy I thought was my closest friend.”

I felt like a heel. “Sorry, I didn't know.”

“No way you would.” His hand reached over to take mine, as if he were lifting a sparrow with a broken wing. I envisioned the injured soldier escaping on the helicopter. My father standing below as the chopper lifted off, its deafening blades beating the air.

Before leaving Seattle, I'd tucked Mom's photo of Dad in the side pocket of my suitcase. My mother had asked me to pack a couple woolen sweaters and several skeins of yarn, but had opted to leave the image behind on her bureau. Forever. But I couldn't bear to part with Dad's photograph.

Why did I lash out when Zach mentioned my having a heavenly Father? Did I hold a grudge against my dad? My whole life, I'd concentrated on the joys I'd missed: Daddy reading me bedtime stories, teaching me to ride a bike, admiring me at graduation. They say kids are resilient, but they're not; they learn to accommodate.

Now was the time to forgive Dad. He hadn't run out on me.

I turned my attention to Zach and felt a rush of warmth venturing up my arm and into my chest. He added a comforting pressure to my hand. My fingers tightened around his. Then he returned his hand to the steering wheel.

As familiar farms and cornfields bloomed into view, I thought about how often my first impressions were wrong. I was sure I wanted to be a big shot in the stock market. But if I'd been employed, I wouldn't have brought Mom here. If I'd delayed the trip a couple months, my grandma would have left Lancaster County, lived in a remote region of Montana, or passed to the next world. If it existed. My uncertainties lingered, but I was determined to overcome them.

“I don't deserve your kindness, considering the snooty way I've treated you,” I told Zach. “After I found out I'd been lied to for so long, I didn't trust anyone, but I had no business taking my suspicions out on you.”

“Understandable, and why I gave you space. Anyway, you weren't so bad. Rather cute and sassy. Beautiful, in fact. The longer I know you the more I'm intrigued.”

“With me?” Now I was intrigued.

With New Holland in the distance, Mommy Anna's farmhouse came into sight. Gas lamps glowed in the windows, welcoming me.

“Your family is expecting you,” he said, “but do you mind if we stop for a moment before I drop you off?”

“Is something wrong?” My head snapped around. “Is my grandmother worse? Did the cow die?”

“The cow's fine and Anna's the same—for now, anyway.”

“Until I arrive?” Was he about to lecture me on proper etiquette in an Amish household? “I give you my word to be on my best behavior,” I said.

“Nothing like that.” He steered to the side of the road, put the transmission in park, and let the engine idle. “I want to finish our conversation.”

An open buggy with a high-stepping mare rolled past us. A young man and woman sat with their heads tilted together.

“That's a courting buggy,” Zach said.

“In other words, love is in the air?”

“Exactly. Next month many Amish couples will marry, some after a short, discreet courtship.” Zach unclipped his safety belt. “Let's pretend we're in that buggy. Do you mind?” His right arm on the seatback, he scooted toward me. Feeling secure, I snuggled close to him.

He said, “I've wanted to do this since the first moment I saw you in my mother's living room.” He bent his head and with a gentle hand guided my mouth to his. Our lips brushed, then softened with passion. Had I ever relished a kiss more?

No.

When we separated—I hated our embrace to end—we gazed into each other's faces, his eyes echoing the luminous evening sky.

A reality gelled in my heart and mind: Zach was a man I could love.

“Holly, would you be happy living here?” He stroked loose hairs away from my cheek and tucked them behind my ear.

“Forever?” What was Zach really saying? I was afraid to ask.

I pictured Mom's marrying Nathaniel and eventually moving to his farm. “While I was in Seattle I spent hours on Google looking up Mommy Anna's symptoms,” I said. “I'm not a doctor, or even a rank amateur, but I may have stumbled upon her illness. At least narrowed the playing field to a couple of diseases that aren't life-threatening if properly treated.”

Zach nodded. “I've been researching too. We could compare notes over dinner. Tomorrow night. At a restaurant. Somewhere private. Just the two of us.”

“I like that idea.” I felt feminine inside—not my usual modus operandi, an independent woman who held men at arm's length.

“Then we could talk about you and me,” he said.

“As in, a couple?” Leave it to me to blurt out my thoughts.

“Yes.” He brought my fingertips to his lips. “Would you consider my courting you for a few months, followed by a marriage proposal?”

My jaw dropped open. “Are you serious? Just like that? No warning? I'm flattered, of course. But leap into a lifetime commitment?”

On the other hand, I'd spent too much time contemplating what might go wrong in life, spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. It wasn't as if I didn't find Zach attractive. Okay, drop-dead gorgeous, if I was honest. He was hardworking, reliable, and respected his parents. And apparently cared for me more than I ever imagined.

“You should marry someone younger,” I said, “who can provide you with a boatload of children.” I felt heat rising up my neck, filling my cheeks.

“We could try for a family,” he said. “And adoption is always an option.”

I couldn't believe we were having this intimate discussion, but adored every moment of it. “It would mean I couldn't move to Montana,” I said.

“If you moved, I'd follow.”

“You'd do that for me?”

“Genesis 2:24: Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

“Wow, you can quote the Bible. I'm impressed.” I made a vow to start memorizing scripture.

Zach laughed, his baritone voice filling the car with good humor. As he put the transmission in first gear, his features turned serious. He gave me a sideways glance. “Promise to consider my proposal?” he asked.

“I can't imagine I'll think of much else.”

Hey, wait a minute. Move across country in part to spend time with Zach? Had I ever met a man I could trust?

How would I know unless I took a chance?

“Yes, Zach, I could be happy living here.”

EPILOGUE

Anna Gingerich stood in the barnyard watching the doors of Beth's minivan close, silencing the chatter of Isaac's family. Her beloved son Isaac sat in the front seat next to Beth. The rising sun cast a peach-colored hue across his face. He wore a sober expression, his gaze taking in the fields he'd plowed, nurtured, and toiled over his whole life.

What a good son he'd been to her. For his sake, she forced the corners of her mouth to angle up into a smile. No use giving Isaac regrets about leaving his mamm behind in Esther and Holly's care. Yes, Isaac had forgiven Esther, but Anna doubted he'd ever understand her. He was what folks called a straight arrow, his unwavering goal to serve God, his family, and his community.

Anna was glad her daughters-in-law and the grandchildren would wait several weeks to follow the men to Montana after packing and sending their belongings. Holly and Esther had promised to assist with the organizing and crating. Anna's primary job would be entertaining the youngest children. More time for her to say farewell to them. She'd miss them something fierce.

Holly and Esther stood on either side of Anna. Both women waved, but Anna couldn't rouse the energy to lift her hand. Her left knee throbbed and her head weighed more than a cast-iron pot.

The van's engine turned over and Beth released the parking brake.

“Bye-bye,” Holly called, although Isaac and his family didn't seem to hear. Their attention was fixed on their destination: the Lancaster railway station, to drop off Isaac. An adventure. Well, Anna had survived enough adventures for one lifetime. She was content to remain behind with Esther and Holly, her new incentives to hang on, to keep living.

“I wonder, will I ever see my beloved son again?” she said, then hung her head. She knew the Lord didn't want her spreading her doubts to Esther and Holly. So she quoted Philippians 4:6, “Be anxious for nothing.”

Esther pivoted toward Anna. Curving an arm around her, Esther finished the biblical verse. “But in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.”

“Yah, I will keep praying,” said Anna.

The wheels of the van kicked up gravel as the vehicle stole away. Too quickly, in Anna's mind. It occurred to her that Beth was often in a hurry, but then again, Anna was grateful for the young woman, her stand-in daughter for so many a year. Now Anna had her own flesh-and-blood daughter and granddaughter at her side. A miracle, truly.

Holly turned to Anna and said, “Beth told me your blood tests should come in today. She'll call Dr. Brewster's office on the way home from the station and find out if the results are in.”

“I liked Dr. Brewster,” Anna said.

The endocrinologist had treated her with respect and taken reams of notes. “Simple blood work might solve this mystery,” the doctor had stated after scanning Anna's chart. Anna had thought she sounded like a hypochondriac when listing her complaints, but Dr. Brewster persisted. “I notice your blood pressure's high, Anna. Ever feel dizzy? Is your concentration and memory foggy? Poor sleep? Do the bones in your arms and legs ache? Is your hair thinning?” Esther had accompanied her in the examination room. Anna felt embarrassed having her daughter hear her answer every question with an affirmative.

Anna watched Beth's van disappear from sight. “I'm so old, not worth the trouble,” she said to Esther and Holly. But, frankly, she was clinging to life more than ever. She recalled a preacher once mentioning King Hezekiah in the book of Isaiah. The Lord heard King Hezekiah's prayers and saw his tears, and granted him fifteen more years.

Holly turned to Anna and crested her arm around Anna's shoulder. “After all the time I've waited to find you, don't you dare give up,” Holly said.

“I'm feelin' hopeful,” Esther said, although Anna knew Esther didn't appreciate Beth's involvement.

The three women stood like a triangle, Holly and Esther's arms and hips supporting Anna. Ach, she'd never felt so sad and elated at the same time, like the full moon tugging the ocean in both directions.

Anna glanced up at a sliver of a moon, soon to fade from sight. She'd been living in an eclipse, a shadow, all these many years. But now the sun's radiance would brighten her world in all its glory. God's glory. This reunion was the Creator's plan all along. He'd answered her prayers tenfold. In his time.

“Mamm?” Esther paused, as if pondering her words. Was she going back to Seattle now that Holly was here?

“I'm all ears,” Anna said, wishing she could plug them.

Esther's mouth expanded into a grin, reminding Anna of Esther as a girl when she'd cracked an egg and found a double yoke.

“I've decided to take baptism classes next summer and become a church member,” Esther said. The last words Anna expected to hear.

Anna's knee pain—she'd been hiding it since sunup—vanished. She stood taller, her arms gaining strength. “I'm glad, Essie. More than I can tell ya. 'Tis the best gift you could give me.”

“I thought you were already baptized at Dori's church before I was born,” Holly said. “Hey, what's on your agenda? You planning to marry Nathaniel?”

Esther's first two fingers covered her lips, but she couldn't mask her excitement.

“Well?” Holly tugged on Esther's sleeve. “Has he asked you?”

Esther gave her head the smallest nod.

“And you accepted?” Holly said, but Esther didn't answer.

Anna knew better than to ask personal questions about engagements, even of her daughter. “Holly, 'tis the People's way to wait for a couple to announce their intentions. You, on the other hand, may tell us yours. What are your plans with your young man?” She watched Holly's cheeks blush like Anna's favorite cerise-pink chrysanthemums. Why, Anna felt good enough to tidy the garden today.

“Which man might that be?” Holly shrugged one shoulder. “I have a suitor back in Seattle.”

Anna chuckled. “
Liewe
—dear girl—I can see it in both your and Zach's eyes. You're smitten with each other.”

Last Sunday, Isaac had rigged the buggy and taken his family, Anna, and Esther to church service at a neighbor's, but Holly had chosen to go to Zach's Mennonite house of worship. Not Anna's preference, yet she didn't voice a single complaint.

A smile fanned across Holly's
lieblich
—lovely—face. “I was going to let Zach make the announcement.” Holly nabbed a glimpse at Esther, whose eyes widened as if she hadn't a clue what Holly would say next.

Then Holly grinned in Anna's direction. “Mommy Anna, we're courting.”

“You're getting engaged to Zach?” Esther said.

“Yup.”

“I can't believe it!”

“Mom, aren't you going to congratulate me?”

“Yah, but you caught me off guard. Do you two have a ring and a date?”

“Not yet, but we're going to the jeweler's tomorrow.”

She turned to Anna. “We have a favor to ask you, unless your bishop wouldn't like it. We're wondering if in a few months we could hold our wedding reception right here in your house.”

“Everything's moving so quickly,” Anna said, a flurry of emotions scattering through her mind like snowflakes.

“I assumed you'd be happy for me.”

“Well now, I am.” Anna maintained her composure and kept her voice light. “Kaffi and a cinnamon roll would taste gut, don't ya think? Let's go inside. We have much to talk about.”

If you enjoyed
Leaving Lancaster
, I would be honored if you would tell others by writing a review. Go
here
to write a review on Goodreads.

Thank you!
—Kate Lloyd