Leaving Tracks (14 page)

I
sat on
the bleachers and waited. I’d finally gotten everything arranged with my brothers, set up everything I needed for my classes and made enough products to last the rest of the month and into the next if sales were slow. My next free day–depending on Hadley–I’d have to make more surplus since Christmas was only a few short months away. I was tired, but it was a good tired, and I had come to skate only to find that both Hadley and my skates were gone.

It irritated
me a little bit. Avala had told me she’d driven into Morris by herself. I had specifically told her I’d drive in with her. True, that had been days ago, but if she had called and told me, I’d have taken a break to go with her.

Now as
I sat, I worried that something happened. Not necessarily an accident though that was in the realm of possibilities, but what if the tire went flat? What if she skidded on ice, spun the Jeep, and was too startled to safely drive the rest of the way home? And what if… I stopped my thoughts. What ifs were all kinds of poison to the soul.

I
was relieved of further negativity when the door creaked open and slammed. I turned to see Hadley carrying two enormous bags. I quickly jumped down from my seat and moved to assist her.

“Thank you.” She said when
I took both of the bags. I noticed she limped a little and instead of following me up the walkway to her apartment, she sat on the bleachers.

I
set the bags down and turned to her, “Are you hurt? Is something wrong?”

“Slipped on ice.” Hadley grimaced. “I’m feeling it a bit now is all.”

“Ice?” I frowned. “There’s no ice here, I made sure of it.”

“Not here
, in Morris.” Hadley gestured to the bags. “Most of that is yours anyway. Let’s get it upstairs and you can go through it.” She stood again. “Why are you here anyway?”

“Came to skate, since I’ve got everything straightened out with my brothers, college, and the workshop, but my skates were gone.”
I hefted the bags again and this time walked behind Hadley worrying over her limp. It didn’t look bad, it was as she said mild, but I still didn’t like the idea that she slipped.

“Took them to be sharpened and cleaned like I told you I would.” Hadley commented absently and just as carelessly rubbed her left thigh.

“I told you,” I began.

“Everyone told me they’d go with me.” Hadley cut
me off. “I wanted to go by myself. In a way, I needed to. I need to know I’m not helpless. I need to know I can still go out and do things whenever I want. It’s a security thing for me, North. I needed that security that I am still my own person.” She paused her face screwed up. I realized she hadn’t meant to say so much, or at least not put so much of her heart on her sleeve.

“You’re alone here,”
I pointed out. “Why isn’t that peaceful?”

“The same reason, I would guess that your shop doesn’t always solve your restlessness.”

She had
me there, but I refused to acknowledge that. “And if the Jeep broke down?” I asked instead.

“I’d have called the roadside assistance number in the glove box
. I’d have called Avala to let her know, and I think Morgaine and/or Avala would have driven out to wherever I broke down; one of them would stay with the vehicle and the other would have probably brought me home.” Hadley shrugged. “I’m not a complete moron.”

“I never said you were,”
I sighed and decided if I let her know some of my mind maybe she’d relent a little. “I worried.”

Hadley paused in her steps, turned and looked up into
my face. There was enough of a pause that I nearly dipped my head to finish the connection but her eyes moved over me searching. I didn’t know what she was looking for but when she dropped her gaze, she sighed.

“I’m sorry.” She murmured, “I didn’t mean to worry you.” Then she turned and continued back to the apartment.

She let me empty the bags on the dining room table. She took the pink jacket before I could make comment on the color. “This is mine. You needed equipment. We’ll worry about costumes when it’s time to compete, but the simple ones you made for your programs aren’t bad. If we can clean you up enough, I’d actually like to use those programs–the vocal music has to change though–for sectionals in March. I want you to get your feet wet, if you’re ready, before Junior World Championships. And without Sectionals, or at least a few other minor competitions under your belt the only way for you to get into Junior World would be to skate before the panel which I’d rather not put you through either.”

I
listened as I studied the pants, shirts, light jackets. Leg warmers? She didn’t really think I’d wear them did she? When I got to the box of skates, I frowned. “Skates?”

“You should open the box first.” Hadley commented.

I shrugged and flipped the lid open. My skates were in the box. They were cleaner than I remember them ever being and I knew without touching them the blades would be deadly sharp. It even looked like someone had rubbed oil into the leather of the boots. I fingered the soft fabric.

“These can only be for leisure.” Hadley slid another box across the table. “You’ll need to compete in these.”

A little scared, I flipped open the second box and stared. My heart pounded in my ears as I stared at the brand new skates. I couldn’t breathe and had to sit down.

Hadley was up from her chair in an instant and pushing
my head between my legs. “Deep breaths, in and out. Slowly. Don’t hyperventilate on me. You’d think a guy would react better when given an early birthday gift.” Her tone was teasing but I didn’t have the air to respond.

I
did as she commanded unable to find my voice to joke that I was fine. I definitely wasn’t fine.

Her small hand rubbed slow circles on
my back as I slowly breathed in and out and counted my breaths. When I reached fifty, she crouched down in front of me to peer up into my face. 

“You shouldn’t crouch.”
I pushed out, glad my voice had returned even if it was gritty and slightly hoarse.

“It’s easier to get up from than kneeling.” She commented her eyes never leaving
my face. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s real.”
I said quietly. “You’re serious.”

She tilted her head frowning a little. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Only Mom was ever serious.” My voice had dropped so low I barely heard it myself but Hadley must have because she gave me a quick hard hug.

“Your brother’s a dick. I’m definitely serious, and it’s okay to be a little scared. You’re doing something new.” She ran a hand through
my golden hair and down my cheek.

I
couldn’t prevent myself from turning my face into her hand. “Thank you, Hadley. For the thought and the gift.”

“There’s space downstairs to store your gear. I expect you to wear practice gear Monday morning.” She stepped back and dropped back into her chair.

“Yes, ah,” I glanced at the table, “how much do I owe you?”

“That’s something else we have to talk about.” She rolled her shoulders. “
For now, fold your stuff up and go stow it. I’m hungry and then we can talk.”

After two weeks of Hadley’s coaching
I considered–briefly–quitting. My entire body hurt. I sat in a bathtub with my head leaned against the wall and as much of my body submersed in the ginger and rosemary laced water. It was a blend from Avala to help with the pain and muscle sores.

I
couldn’t even say the pain was from landing hard against the ice. I almost wished it were. That pain was at least familiar.

Hadley hadn’t started
me on the ice as I’d hoped. Instead, we spent an hour in the morning doing yoga, and then I spent time on the treadmill running five miles. Hadley had said that my routines shouldn’t leave me breathless. If they do, my endurance was low and it was a good chance that without the right air flow I could screw up or fall and injury myself.

So
I spent the beginning part of my day working on flexibility and endurance. The second part was nearly as mind numbing as the first part. I got to skate at least, but Hadley was reviewing everything I knew already and correcting the little flaws. I knew why, but it was still tiring to repeatedly perform the same move until she was satisfied. I’d learned quickly “one more time” with her just meant “do it again”. It never actually meant “one more”.

I
closed my eyes and let the bath do its job. Just as I let Hadley do hers. I knew I was faster already because my jumps were better. And I knew I was more flexible because Hadley had commented that I didn’t look like a cardboard cutout earlier. But, geez, the road to greatness was full of aches and pains.

She had also been careful not to intimately touch me. I knew she wanted to, I had seen her reach to touch and stop herself several times throughout the last few days. She was drawing the line because of professionalism, and that was nearly as insane as my practices. I would have to break it. I needed to break it. She may have the willpower to do so, but I didn’t want to keep her at
arm’s length.

When the door popped open
, I didn’t even sigh. After years, and years of sharing a bathroom I knew no privacy existed between brothers. So I sank lower in the steaming water blissfully thankful the heat was helping. 

“Aren’t you a little old for baths?”

I ignored Rhett and kept my eyes closed. I heard my brother take a deep sniff of the air.

“And with girly stuff in it.” Rhett added.

“What do you want?” I didn’t turn my head or even crack an eye.

“We’ve been invited to the Knifeblades for dinner. Apparently, Avala has a really nice hunk of
beef shoulder that she doesn’t want to wait until Sunday to cook.”

I
sighed and finally looked at my brother. Rhett sat on the toilet seat his darker gold hair going limp with the heat, and curling madly at the nape of his neck. “You need a haircut.” I muttered to him.

Rhett grinned. “The ladies like it.”

“How are you getting along with Glory?” I asked thinking of the lady he spent the most time with. He did ride back and forth with her five days a week. And he hadn’t mentioned any other girl in some time. I worried a little my brother was turning into Thierry, who, I’m pretty sure hadn’t gotten laid since he graduated high school.

Rhett frowned. “She’s…difficult. Don’t get me wrong, she’s polite to me. Says hi in the halls and what not.”

“But?” I prompted.

“Even interacting with her I feel like there’s a pane of glass between us. I can’t tell if she’s just
accustomed to being the person looking through the glass or if that’s just who she is. I feel like I’m under a microscope sometimes. It’s unnerving.”

“I could ask Hadley for you, but I get the impression, other than the times Hadley goes into the kennels to help or sits in the parlor with Glory, she doesn’t really know her sister either though they are fiercely protective of each other.”

“Glory doesn’t talk about her sisters.” Rhett sighed. “Anytime I try, she closes up. Again, I can’t tell if she’s just protecting privacies or she actually doesn’t know anything about them. It’s kind of sad.”

“I can’t answer that for you.”
I said trying to stretch out in the limited space of my tub. “You could bring your concerns to Avala or Morgaine.”