Leaving Tracks (17 page)

T
he silent drive
gave me time to think about my performance. I tried to focus on that and not on Hadley’s perfume, or body mist, or whatever it was that gave her that musky secret night garden scent. It was alluring and maddening. I cracked the window slightly hoping the cold air would help keep myself in check.

I focused on my routine. Focused on examining every move I had made
. I had been nervous. It had thrown me half a beat ahead of the music. I’d touched the ice with my hand landing the double Axel but I landed it.

The closer we
got to home the more flaws I pulled out of my own performance. She’d have every right to lecture me, I decided. I could have done better. I would do better.

When
I pulled up the driveway to Hadley’s rink, I let the truck idle a moment. The snow was blowing in sheets. Not unheard of in the second week of November but it was still irritating. It was also a reminder that Hadley’s birthday was next week and I still hadn’t bought her a gift.

I
was suddenly glad I had provisions in Hadley’s apartment. Even the short distance home in this would be risking life and limb. Better to wait it out.

I
climbed out and cursed when the snow slid into my boots. Deeper than six inches then, I thought and sighed. Hadley wouldn’t walk easily through it. I stomped around the cab to Hadley’s door and gently opened it.

Hadley was leaning at
an angle that had her seatbelt keeping her from falling out of the open door. Her breath was even and steady–she hadn’t even noticed the door had been opened. I carefully unbuckled her belt and let her head fall onto my shoulder. She still didn’t wake.

Carrying Hadley wasn’t
hard; in the time she’d been home, I didn’t think she had gained any weight. She certainly didn’t feel like she did. The hard part was getting the truck door closed then walking through the snow without slipping.

She murmured and rubbed her face against
my neck when snow fell onto her face. I had to take a few slow and steadying breaths. She didn’t do it to be coy. She wasn’t trying to entice me. Even knowing that I couldn’t prevent my very natural, very male reaction. Control was getting harder, and harder.

It took another moment of snow flurry before her eyes fluttered and she looked up at
me. “North?” Her eyes were out of focus but clearing.

I
smiled easily not allowing any discomfort to show in my face, “You fell asleep in the truck. The snow’s a little deep down here. I’ll put you down at the door.”

“Okay.” She blinked a few times, and
I could almost see the cogs in her mind grind for a moment before smoothly clicking into gear. She didn’t sway when I set her on her feet, but to be on the safe side, I placed a hand at the small of her back and kept it there until we were safely inside.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to spend the night here.”
I began as I followed her in.

“Of course. I wouldn’t let you leave if you tried. It looks nasty out there.” Hadley commented over her shoulder as she climbed the stairs.

“You barely saw it.”

She sniffed, “I saw enough.”

“Do you want to talk about my performance?” I asked as I followed her up to the apartment.

“Do you?”
she countered as she stretched out on her fainting couch. She stared up at me with a raised brow.

I stepped passed her to flick on the fireplace then just stared down at it a moment. “I made a lot of mistakes I shouldn’t have.” I said with my back to her.

“Really?” she asked and it sounded like she was amused.

I turned my head to look at her and her face was suspiciously neutral. “You’re not angry?”

Hadley shrugged. “You passed.”

I sat heavily in the armchair and studied her. She held my eyes unflinching. There was something else going on here. Another lesson I wasn’t quite catching. “I can do better than I did.” I said slowly watching her face.

She smiled and it wasn’t altogether friendly. “I’m not sure you can.”

I frowned at her. “I can. I know I can. I was a little ahead of the beat and I was slow on the take
-off for the Axel, but I know I can do better.”

The laughter in her eyes threw me off.

“What game are you playing, Hadley?” I asked slowly leashing my flaring temper.

She sighed with a smile and pulled the throw from the back of the couch down around her. “It’s important to know you can do better, and to know how you can do better without it being dictated to you.”

“You…wanted me to pull it apart?” I asked slowly.

She nodded. “Some skaters lose their…edge, I guess would be the term, because they can’t see the flaws in their own performances. If you can always tell when and why you’ve done poorly
, you’ll always grow and become better. There will be no plateau for you.”

“Well,” I leaned back in my seat. “I wasn’t as bad as that other kid. I wonder if he passed.”

Hadley smiled and closed her eyes. “Nothing to worry about there.”

I left
Hadley asleep on the fainting couch. Watching her sleep was too stalker like for my comfort. And did nothing to calm my raging hormones. She looked so frail and soft when she slept. It was best if I didn’t stay and stare. Fantasies had their place and in her apartment wasn’t one of them.

When I reached the outside door
, I stopped in surprise. In the short time I’d been upstairs with Hadley, enough snow had fallen that I’d be trudging through it up to my knees. Rolling my shoulders, I decided it was a good thing. The physical labor might tire out the raging hormones.

Since it was still falling
, and heavily, I couldn’t do more than clear the paths to and from the house. I couldn’t help but think of Hadley as I did it and how she had said she’d slipped on ice in Morris a few weeks ago. I definitely didn’t want that to happen here.

“North, you’re wasting energy.”
Morgaine stood on the porch as I reached it for the third time with the snow blower. I shut the snow blower off and looked up at her.

“I don’t want this to get deep in case Hadley has to walk over or something.” I said to her.

She stared at me carefully. “Glory called. Her and Rhett are on the way home from school. They closed early but since the roads are somewhat impassable they’ll be a while getting home.”

I nodded. “Rhett will be careful.”

“I know he will.” She stared long enough for me to shift my feet uncomfortably.

“Is there something else?”

“Come in here.” She turned and walked into the solarium doors.

Uneasy
, I climbed up the stairs to the porch and followed her into the solarium. Even with my uneasy, I’d always liked their solarium. The flowers were always in bloom, how Morgaine did it I had no idea, and it was always a comfortable space.

Avala sat in a lounger with a book and a cup of tea. She looked up from her book and smiled at
Morgaine. Her smile faded a little when she turned her eyes to me and I felt a little pit in my stomach squirm. I recognized dread easy enough.

Morgaine
sat at the little iron table I remember helping paint and poured her own cup of tea. Since I hadn’t been asked to sit, I didn’t. Something told me not to. I waited, patiently, as Morgaine dropped some honey into her tea and a slice of lemon. She sipped once and set the tea down.

“You’re spending a lot of time with Hadley.” Avala said.

The statement baffled me. They knew Hadley was coaching me. I didn’t quite understand. “She’s coaching.”

“And you spend nights in her guest room.”
Morgaine added. Watching me over the rim of her cup. What the hell were they getting at?

“Only during bad weather.”

Avala tapped her fingers on the cover of her book. She was thinking, but I had no idea what, and I had no idea what they were getting at. Did they want Hadley to stop coaching me?

“I’m not an idiot.”
Morgaine said abruptly into the silence a little angrily.

“
Morgaine.” Avala held up a hand. “We’re giving you a chance here, North. What are your intentions with our sister?”

Intentions. Dear Lord. What were my intentions with Hadley?

“I,” I couldn’t even think of the words. And with both of the older sisters staring at me I should probably choose my words wisely. I cleared my throat and tried again. “At the moment she’s my coach and I hope she considers me a friend as well.” It seemed the safest answer.
I certainly wasn’t going to confess my growing desire for her. That certainly would not go over well.

Morgaine
’s eyes narrowed and Avala only stared harder. What did they want from me? Was there a right answer to the question I didn’t know about?

“I don’t think he understands the question.”
Morgaine stated flatly. “Let me put it another way. Are you having sex with Hadley?”

“What?” My voice croaked and I was forced to clear my throat.

“New question.” Morgaine continued obviously uncaring of my discomfort, “Do you want to have sex with Hadley?”

“Jesus,
Morgaine,” I choked out, “This would be between Hadley and me if we did.”

“Yes and no,” Avala interjected even as
Morgaine opened her mouth to speak. “Hadley’s been hurt very badly. You know that. Just as you know that she’s only recently discovered her mother dead. She’s also estranged at the moment from her father. With as difficult as her life has been you’d understand why we’d be concerned with someone fucking with her emotions.”

Holy God. Avala just said fucking. She was angry and controlling it well.
Morgaine not so well.

“I have no intention of hurting Hadley.” I said truthfully. “I’d cut off my legs first.”

“Are you using her to get what you want?” Morgaine asked.

“No. I mean, she coaches, but I’m not using her.”

Morgaine reached down next to her chair and put the shotgun I hadn’t seen on the floor onto the table. “Let me make this very clear,” she began. “Hurt her, and I will blow your kneecaps off.”

I swallowed nervously. “I haven’t done anything.” I turned to Avala and her face was impassive. “You really believe I’d hurt Hadley?” Anger was rising quickly and uncontrollably. “I can’t fucking believe you. You really think I’d hurt her. Let me tell you something. The ones really hurting her are you.”

Morgaine jumped up with the gun in her hand but I plowed on.

“You never come out to the rink to watch, to spend time with her. She has to come here. You don’t talk to her except when you have to or during meals. You treat her as if she’s broken when she a vital, vibrant, intelligent woman. When was the last time you asked her about her college classes? When was the last time you sat in her living room while she cooked a meal? When was the last time you ate something she cooked?”

Morgaine lowered the gun, her shoulders slumped slightly. I knew the answer to all those questions. I was in the rink often enough to know. I was with Hadley often enough to know. She set the gun against the back of the table, out of sight.

“You want to blow my kneecaps off if I hurt her, fine. But you better blow yours off first. Pot meet kettle.” I turned and walked back out into the cold of the snow.