Leaving Tracks (27 page)

H
e was a
puzzle. A contradiction of contradictions. Or maybe I was just twisting things up. Maybe I was over complicating something that was actually very simple.

North belittled some of the details with Wesley. Told him that he’d gotten food poisoning and couldn’t skate. It was acceptable reasoning. And it was better than freaking his brother out.

I wanted to think Jack was thrilled to see me again. Wesley had gotten a child’s play pen–from where I didn’t know–and had set up a little play area for my puppy. Jack was shaky on his legs but he yipped and greeted me with the kisses a puppy was known for. It centered me more than I thought the conversation with North would have.

If I confided in Glory
, I know what she would say. She’d look smug first then say, “I told you so.” What would Avala or Morgaine say?

Avala would want whatever made me happy, I admitted to myself as the puppy brought me a knotted sock. I frowned at the sock. The puppy was turning out to be a welcome distraction.

“Is this my sock?” I asked incredulously and picked it up to study it.

“Yes. Glory brought it over. One of North’s is in there too.” Wesley grinned down at the puppy. “Glory said it would be good for the puppy to be able to recognize your scents. It’ll help him identify who his caretakers are.”

“Oh.” It made sense and I supposed a sock was better than a shirt or something.

“And she brought a shirt over for him to sleep in. I think he likes it.”

I only sighed. Of course she did.

“I’ll walk you home.” North offered. “I want to do some art tonight so I’ll stay here.”

I looked up at him in surprise. I had assumed he’d come back with me. I had assumed he wanted to talk more about it.

“We’ll barbeque again tomorrow.” Wesley said. “It’ll be a nice night.”

“That will be fun.” I said absently still puzzling over North’s current action.

I reached for him more than a dozen times during the night. At around three, frustrated
, I picked up the puppy’s bed and set it on the bed next to me. It wasn’t a great substitute, but the puppy’s little snores comforted, as I lay awake.

North was more than just
as skater to me. That much was obvious with my inability to sleep without him close. But I hadn’t even dared considered what he was to me.

He was a friend. He’d been a friend since… I chuckled to myself. Since I laughed at him at the lake.

He’d been more than a friend, a lover, for several months now. Though we didn’t do more than sleep most nights. Mostly because I had skated him to the edges of fatigue. That wouldn’t happen anymore. Did that mean more regular sex? Was that even important?

When had he moved in? Why hadn’t I noticed? Because I hadn’t
really cared that he moved in, I decided, trying to be completely honest with myself. I had liked having him close. Liked his company as much as he said he liked mine.

I had been scared, so damn terrified when he fell on the ice. My heart had stopped and drawing in air had been like breathing through a straitjacket on my lungs. I hadn’t thought about moving
, I had just done.

The hospital was somehow worse than watching him fall. Watching him sleep in that sterile room was harder somehow, more painful than the initial first minutes of getting to him.

Why was emotion so hard for me to admit? Why was it so hard for me to even think what North had said out loud? Why did it terrify me?

Jack whimpered and bellied over to me and licked my face.

“Yeah,” I rubbed a hand over him. “I know. It’s time to eat.”

I scooped him up in an arm and not bothering with a robe hastily attached my leg. I stopped in the living room and just stared. North was lying on the couch stretched out with one of my books from the shelf and a book light. He looked up from the book.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he said.

“You could have come to bed.” I said for lack of anything better.

“Didn’t want to wake you.” He closed the book and stood. “Time to eat?”

I nodded. “I wasn’t doing a very good job at sleep either.”

He sighed. “I’m sorry, Hadley. I didn’t want you to feel pressured about… Well, us.”

“It’s…weird.” I decided finally. “We’ve been together for so long, working together, spending time between school
, work, and your shop that I hadn’t ever thought about you and me. It just sort of was. Now that I’m thinking about it, without the buffer of skating…” I huffed a breath, “It scares me a little.”

“I think,” North said as he pulled the items out of the cupboard for the puppy’s bottle. “It’s supposed to be. That if it wasn’t scary a little then it doesn’t really matter all too much.”

I nodded slowly. “I suppose you’re right.”

“We should go for a walk tomorrow. There’s something I want to show you.”

“Okay, I guess.”

He handed me the prepped bottle. “Better get our little guy fed.”

“Yeah.”

It was awkward and it was all my fault. I knew this of course. I dressed in the bathroom, which considering he’d already seen me naked
, wasn’t practical in any form. North didn’t mention it though, for which I was grateful.

“You are sure Jack will be okay?” I asked again as North took me by the hand and led me across the property towards Graton.

“Yes. We’ll be back before the next bottle. He’s got a training pad, and his socks. He was asleep on your tee shirt when we walked out. He’ll be fine.”

I recognized the path from the winter trollop through the woods and frowned. “Why are we going to the tree grotto?”

“Because I want to show you something.” North stated simply and continued leading the way through the winding trees. “Here.”

He stopped in front of a tree and put his hands in his pockets.
I frowned at his back before looking at the tree. Then I frowned at the tree and stepped forward.

The eighth place tee shirt was ripped into strips and tied around the low hanging branches.
The pink strips waved gently in the breeze. His two silver medals were hanging from higher branches. I noticed other things in the tree too. The blades of an old pair of skates, and laces from something else. I hadn’t noticed when the tree had been covered in snow and ice but now each little thing stood out in the late autumn morning.

“Every time I moved forward in my skating career I gave
Mom a memento of it.” North said quietly. “I wanted to share with her, maybe give her a little piece of what she hadn’t been able to reach on her own. Skating was her dream before she met my dad.”

I reached for his hand and linked my fingers with his. “You made it yours.”

“For her because she died teaching me her favorite thing to do.” North answered. “And I love to skate so it wasn’t hard to adopt her dream.”

“But it wasn’t really your dream, was it?” I asked quietly, “You just hadn’t figured out what you wanted yet.”

He nodded. “It gave me something to focus on, to believe in. But you,” he looked down at me, “you gave me something else. And what you gave me felt…like a homecoming. Like this was what I really was meant to do and this was how I was really meant to live my life.”

We had more in common than I had ever given credit for. I had lived my father’s dream and North had lived his mother’s. And here we both stood under the fading leaves of the tree
that had set him on his path.

“I don’t know if I love you,” I said quietly. “I don’t know if I would even recognize the feeling to know if I love you. I know I love my sisters but what I feel for you is so different, so encompassing, I don’t know what it is.”

I felt his hand spasm in mine and squeezed gently.

“But,” I looked up at him. “If love means not caring that you on occasion forget to put the toilet seat down, or leave muddy footprints up the stairs then I suppose I might love you. Or if it means being scared breathless when you crumple and
lie deathly still. Or if love means I can’t sleep unless I have your breath and warmth beside me.”

North turned fully and pulled me into a tight hug. “It means all of those things.” He murmured into my hair. “It means not bitching when you’re dragged out of bed to clear snow off the roof, or cringe when you have to get up for the third time in the middle of the night to feed a newborn puppy.”

“You bitched.” I pointed out. “Both times.”

“Love means doing it anyway.” North replied with a laugh. “Can you say it Hadley? Without the qualifications?”

I pulled back enough to look up at him. It was terrifying, but it felt empowering. “I love you.” I whispered.

He grinned, bent down
, and placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. “I love you too, Hadley.”

H
adley was sitting
at the desk running through the accounting. I knew she was still there because I heard her sighing and the occasional oath still. Since Jack was still too small to be in the shop, he was keeping Wesley company in the house.

We had spent the last few weeks relearning everything we knew about each other without the buffer of skating between us. It made me smile to think of it.

Hadley skated whenever the mood struck and avoided the rink like a plague on bad days. I was getting adapt at identifying those days too. She had more good days than bad though, and I wasn’t sure if she even realized it. She seemed happier than she had been when she arrived. I’d like to think that was me, but I’ll give partial credit to the environment and the puppy.

The phone rang and since I was only spilling slip molds
, I stepped into the administration area to answer it. Hadley beat me to the phone but put it on speaker so she could keep typing.

“Good morning, Graton Ceramics. How can I help you?”

I grinned. Hadley had adopted the name off the website for answering the phone. It was actually working well.

“I’m attempting to contact North Graton or Hadley Becke. Are either of them available to speak to?” A stuffy man’s voice came from the speaker.

“I’m Hadley.”

“Miss Becke, I’m Connor Duponte.”

“I know who you are Mister Duponte. How can I help you?” Hadley’s voice had gone rigid and I stepped up behind her to rub her tense shoulders.

“Mr. Graton hasn’t been seen on the ice since Spain and we would like to extend a direct invitation to Boston Nationals. We would also like to express that if he should skate in the National event he would have an opportunity to skate in
Korea.”

“I’m not skating any longer.” I said before Hadley could answer. “It’s purely for pleasure now. I’ve found something worth more than standing on a podium in Korea.”

“Mr. Graton,” Connor began.

“No, no thank you.” I cut him off. “As I’ve already said. I’m done skating. Thank you for the offer.”

“As you wish. Have a good day.” The line clicked off.

“North,” Hadley turned to look up at me and I leaned down to kiss her silent.

“This is the only reward I need.” I murmured against her mouth.

A throat cleared and we both looked to the door where Rhett stood half in and half out of. “Wesley says if you don’t want him feeding the dog the ham gravy
, you’ll come over for dinner now.”

“He better not feed Jack ham gravy.” Hadley bolted up and out the door before Rhett could move.

I laughed. “Wesley’s about to get tanned. I’m going to shut the lights off. I’ll be right out.”

It felt good, I decided as I walked through and began shutting down. I didn’t need a medal in Korea, or a championship in Boston. All I needed was Hadley.

I pulled open the drawer on my work desk and pulled out the little black box that I had stashed there before leaving for Spain. There was only one thing left to do. Hadley was about to get another surprise after supper. I had no doubt life with her would be magical.