Lemon (35 page)

Authors: Cordelia Strube

Tags: #Young Adult, #ebook, #book

BOOK: Lemon

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It
is
hard to be miserable with blossoms abounding. I turn my face toward the sun and tell myself she's up there, free of pain, building houses with doors in case someone nice comes to visit.

They're cooking lasagna. Something's up, there's a charge in the air. She spoons the sauce and the ricotta, he lays the noodles, they both sprinkle cheeses. âDon't drip on your shoes,' I warn.

âCan you set the table, Lemon?'

I put out the linen napkins so we don't kill trees. Vaughn's backpack is out. I don't like this, don't know how much of Drew's recovery is because of him, don't want her cracking up again, can't fix her on my own. Can't fix myself.

âServe up the grub,' Drew says. As usual, Vaughn overloads our plates.

âAre you leaving?' I ask. He finishes serving then gives me the tree-frog stare.

âYes,' he says.

âWhy?'

âBecause I'm not doing anything here.'

âWhere are you going?'

âSherwood Forest.'

âYou're going to be Robin Hood?'

âI'm going to save some trees.'

âI can't believe you're still doing that.'

âWhy not?'

âThey're going to die anyway. Everything's going to die.'

âWe don't know exactly when, though, do we? Might as well do what we can while we can, don't you think?'

âIt's pointless.'

âWho says there has to be a point?'

âThat's a point,' Drew says. âWho says there has to be a point?'

I dig around in the pasta. I don't need him anyway, don't need anybody. All they do is let you down, over and over and over again. Or die.

âThe thing is,' Drew says with tomato sauce on her chin, âhe wants you to go with him.'

I stare at them, trying to figure out what's real and what isn't.

âYou need to get away from here, Lemon,' she says. âYou need to see something different.'

âI can't leave you,' I blurt, stunning even myself. Since when do I care?

âI'll be fine,' she says. âI'm going to work in the garden this summer, tend my veggies, and go back to school in the fall. I have to get back to work, earn some cash. I'm looking for a smaller school.'

She's moving on, they're both moving on while I just want to sit on benches between them. I didn't even know I wanted this.

You never know what you want until you can't have it anymore.

âI'm not a tree sitter,' I say.

âWho says you have to be a tree sitter?'

âIsn't that what you'll be doing?'

âNope. There's plenty of work on terra firma. You can get people to sign petitions, can't you?'

âI'm buying you an open ticket,' she says. âSo you can always come back.'

âYou might not want to come back,' he says. âYoumight meet an English lord and find romance.'

âVaughn's got rich relatives over there with spare rooms.'

âThey go to the south of France in the summer. Leave me the dogs.' He keeps eating like we're discussing a spin to Buffalo. âMakes a good base camp.'

âI'll give you some cash,' she says. âBut Vaughn's the king of thrift. He can live off twenty bucks a week. He's been a world traveller since he was twelve.'

I pull up weeds as instructed. At least I hope they're weeds. âHow did you recover from your friend dying?'

âWho says I've recovered?' He's digging another bed for Drew.

âYou seem to have accepted it and all that,' I say. âYou're supposed to accept it and move on.'

âWho says?'

âI don't know. Everybody. The stages of grief.'

âIt's in stages?'

âYou start with denial and anger and all that, then move to acceptance.'

âWell, I can't deny he's dead, have to accept that.'

âAre you still angry?'

âOf course.' He jabs at more turf. âBut I don't think he'd want me sitting around with my thumb up my ass.'

âWould he want you to sit in trees?'

âDoubt it. Even said
he
was getting too old for it. It was supposed to be his last sit.'

Out she bustles in her straw gardening hat offering popsicles.

She has an interview tomorrow. She's going alone in her car. We wanted to go with her but we're getting on a plane.

She's determined to come into the terminal with us even though Vaughn has been a world traveller since he was twelve. She parks and we check our baggage then sip burnt coffee while the airport drones around us. She has fussed over me for twenty-four hours, made certain that my backpack contains everything a girl on her first transatlantic voyage could possibly require. I wait for her to ask me to promise to write.

âI'm worried about you,' I say.

âDon't worry about me.'

âWorry about
me
,' Vaughn says.

âWe never worry about you,' Drew says.

Beside us a sagging woman announces that she has lost eighty pounds and asks her scrawny companion's advice regarding what hats to wear now that her face is thinner. âI like that sixties look,' she says. âYou know those little peaked hats? Those are cute. Would I look good in one of them?'

Vaughn holds both our hands. âTime to go or you'll be late for your interview.'

âYes.' She stands, unfamiliar in her still loosely fitting principal clothes. Gone are the pink polka dots and the straw gardening hat. âTake care of each other,' she says, hugging him and then me. She feels thin but alive, an animal strengthened by her injury. I don't let her go because I'm afraid she'll disappear, or die on me. âYou'll be fine,' she whispers in my ear. She pulls away without asking me to promise to write. She digs in her purse for her car keys and I can tell this is hard for her, that pushing us away is another act of courage.

âYou're allowed to cry,' he tells her.

âOh, stop it,' she says. âI'm gone.' And she is, sharply in her pumps, soon to be swallowed by the crowds and sliding doors. It is only when she is out of sight that I realize she is my mother.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Cordelia Strube is an accomplished playwright and the author of seven novels. Her first novel,
Alex and Zee
, was shortlisted for the W. H. Smith/
Books in Canada
First Novel Award, and
Teaching Pigs to Sing
was a finalist for the Governor General's Award and a recipient of a Toronto Arts ProtÃ©gÃ© Award. Her novels
Blind Night
,
The Barking Dog
and
Planet Reese
were shortlisted for the Relit Award. Her play
Mortal
won the
CBC
Literary Competition and was nominated for the Prix Italia. She lives with her family in Toronto, where she teaches at Ryerson University.