Lemonade Sky (12 page)

I explained how Cal had these itchy feet, and that was why he couldn’t ever manage to stay in one place for very long. Gran said, “That’s a pity. Your mother could do with a stabilising influence in her life.”

I said, “You mean, like, if Cal was to live with us all the time it would be a good thing?”

“Your mother certainly needs someone,” said Gran.

Monday afternoon came and we still hadn’t heard anything. Tizz was all set to go off to the stables and have her ride, but Gran said me and Sammy could stay home if we preferred.

“There’s something you might like to investigate. Here!” She handed me a cardboard box that said QUALITY WINES in red letters on the side. “There’s some old stuff of your mother’s in there. It’s been up in the attic for years, I’ve just never got around to doing anything with it. Have a look through, see what you can find. Anything you want to keep, you’re quite welcome. The rest might as well be thrown out. Your mother’s never shown any interest in it.”

As soon as Gran and Tizz had driven off, me and Sammy dived into the box. I was really excited at the thought of actually finding things that had once belonged to Mum. Being able to hold them and know that all those years ago Mum had also held them. I tried explaining this to Sammy as I picked up an old moth-eaten teddy bear.

“See? This must have been Mum’s when she was little. Her teddy!”

The box was like a treasure trove. There was an autograph book with coloured pages containing messages signed Grandma and Grandpa, or Mum and Dad, plus lots from people that had maybe been at school with her. Jenny, and Zoe. Pippa, Mags, Chloe, Rachel. I wondered if Mum would remember any of them. I liked the thought of her having lots of friends.

Puzzlingly, there was a baseball cap with
Go Yankees
written on it. Why would Mum have had a baseball cap? Just for fun, perhaps. I put it on and found that it fitted me. Sammy at once said that she wanted something, so I fished out a T-shirt with glittery bits all over it, and that made her happy, even though it was far too big and came down almost to her knees. I told her she could use it as a nightie. She liked that.

Another thing I found was an old school report from when Mum was in Year eight. The same as me! It seemed she was good at English – like me! – but bad at maths and science, and totally hopeless at all forms of sport. “Poor coordination.”
Just
like me!

At the bottom were comments from her class teacher: “Deborah has a good brain when she allows herself to use it. Unfortunately she lacks concentration and is somewhat unpredictable in her moods. However, she is in general a happy and cooperative child.”

I felt so sad when I read that. The thought of Mum, the same age as I was now, being happy and cooperative, even if she did lack concentration, not knowing that she was going to end up bipolar, upsetting people and quarrelling with her own mum. Running off and leaving her children, even though she loved us to bits. Which I knew that she
did.

“Ruby?” Sammy was tugging at me. “What’s this?”

“Oh!” Sammy had found a book. A young child’s book, with a picture on the cover showing a big yellow sun amongst puffy clouds in a bright blue sky. Birds were flitting to and fro, carrying bits of leaf and twig. A squirrel sat at the foot of a tree, munching an acorn. Flowers, all colours of the rainbow, poked through grass that was emerald green.

Sammy sat staring at it, entranced. “Pretty!” she said.

I agreed that it was. I would have loved it when I was Sammy’s age. Mum must have loved it, too, cos it was quite tattered and torn. It had obviously been read A LOT.

I opened it – and immediately rocked back on my heels. There, on the very first page, the words leapt out at me: Lemonade Sky.

In a lemonade sky

Where the clouds hang high

Go dream your dream

Of Hush-a-bye.

“What’s it mean?” said Sammy.

“It’s poetry,” I said.

“But what’s it
mean
?”

“It’s just words. It’s like you said, it’s pretty.”

“But what does it—”

“I don’t know!” I didn’t care what it meant. It had been important to Mum, that was all that mattered. My heart was racing. I could hardly wait for Gran to come back!

The minute I heard the car in the driveway I went rushing out, waving the book.

“Gran, Gran, look what I’ve—”

That was as far as I got before Tizz’s voice came clattering at me.

“Guess what? I went for a ride and I didn’t fall off once! Gran says I’m a natural.”

“You are,” said Gran, “but there’s no need to boast about it. Other people need a bit of space. What’s that you’ve found, Ruby? Something from your mother’s box?”

“Look!” I thrust the book at her. “Lemonade sky!”

“Oh, my goodness.” Gran had gone quite pale. “I had no idea.” Her hand shook slightly as she turned the pages. “I’d completely forgotten about it. This,” she told us, “was your mum’s favourite book when she was little. She used to sit on her dad’s lap while he read it to her. Over and over… she couldn’t get enough of it! I honestly think that was the happiest time of her life. She and her dad were so close. She was a different child after he died. Looking back—” Gran paused, as if momentarily lost in thought. She sighed. “I don’t think she ever really got over it.”

There was a long silence, while Gran stood there, staring down at the book.

“No idea,” she whispered. “I had no idea!”

For once, not even Tizz was brave enough to say anything. It was me, in the end, who asked the question.

“So when Mum said we’d have lemonade sky…”

“She must have been back in her mind all those years ago, when she was just a little girl.”

“When she was happy,” I said.

“Yes. When she was happy.”

“She still
is
happy,” said Tizz. “Most of the time, she is.”

“It’s true,” I said. “We have lots of fun! It’s only when she gets depressed-”

“When she doesn’t take her meds.”

“Well.” Gran cleared her throat. “In future we must make very sure that she does. I shall have a word with her! And this time,” said Gran, “I don’t intend to take no for an answer.”

That very same evening, Cal rang to say that Mum had come back. It was Gran who took the call and came to give us the news. I immediately grabbed hold of Sammy and began dancing her round the room.

“Mum’s back, Mum’s back! Now we can go home!”

But oh, it seemed that we couldn’t. It wasn’t as simple as that. Gran said that now the police were involved, and the Social Services, Mum wouldn’t be allowed to have us back until she was judged fit to take care of us.

I waited for Tizz to explode. We’d said all along that Mum would come home. We’d said we shouldn’t involve the police.
Now
look what had happened! But Tizz remained silent. I was the one who asked Gran why Mum hadn’t rung us herself, and whether we could speak to her.

Quite gently, Gran said that just at the moment she didn’t think Mum was in any state to talk to us.

“She’s been off her medication for too long.”

“Is she depressed?” I said. It was like last time all over again, when Mum had to go into hospital. Oh, and it had been such a horrid hospital! Really scary. Me and Tizz had hated having to visit her there. She hadn’t seemed like our mum; more like some total stranger.

“Where has she been?” Tizz put the question, abruptly.

“As far as I can make out,” said Gran, “she’s been with that friend of hers, Nikki.”

“Oh.
Her,
” said Tizz. Her lip curled.

“Her and her boyfriend. Apparently they met some –” Gran paused – “some
person
in a club and all went gallivanting off to France together.”

“Mum’s been in
France
?” I said.

“So it would seem. They’d most likely be there even now if this Nikki hadn’t got frightened and brought your mother back home.”

“I hate Nikki,” I said. “I hate her! She knows
Mum’s bipolar.”

Tizz, rather bitterly, said “What did she think was going to happen to
us
?”

“I don’t imagine she thought anything,” said Gran. “She sounds like exactly the wrong sort of friend for someone as fragile as your mother. All one can say is at least she brought her back and didn’t just abandon her, which she well might have done.”

“Cal wouldn’t have,” I said. Not however much his feet were itching.

“Cal wouldn’t have let Mum go running off in the first place,” said Tizz.

“No, I’m inclined to think he wouldn’t,” agreed Gran. “He may be a bit of a drifter, but his heart’s obviously in the right place.”

I liked the thought of Cal’s heart being in the right place. I liked it that Gran approved of him, especially as I had the feeling he wasn’t really her kind of person. I said that Mum had always been better when Cal was around.

“He sort of keeps her steady.”

“When he’s there,” said Tizz.

“This is the problem,” said Gran. “Your mother certainly needs a steadying influence, but it would take a very special person to saddle himself with such a responsibility.”

“Cal
is
a very special person,” I said.

Gran didn’t deny it; but when I hopefully suggested that maybe we could all go home and live with Cal until Mum was allowed out of hospital, she said she didn’t think that was such a good idea.

“He’s not your father, so I doubt Social Services would allow it. I’m afraid you’ll have to make do with me for a while. Is that so very bad?”

I had to say no, cos what else could I do? It would have been rude to say I would rather be with Cal.

Gran said, “That’s settled, then.” She didn’t sound as if she minded too much. She seemed to have got used to us and what she called our odd ways. “You can spend the rest of the summer with me and we shall at last get to know one another.”

It’s the end of August, now. We’ve been living with Gran for nearly two months. Once a week Gran takes us to visit Mum. She’s getting so much better! She’s not depressed any more. We go for walks in the hospital grounds, and we tell her everything that’s going on in our lives, like how Tizz is learning to ride and how Gran says she’s a natural. I reckon Tizz must have told Mum this about ten times. But I forgive her cos she’s also told Mum how I took charge while Mum was away.

“Honestly, she was so bossy you wouldn’t believe! All she did all the time was nag at us. But it was probably just as well,” said Tizz, “cos otherwise we’d have spent all our money on crisps and stuff, and stayed up all night watching telly, and never gone to school or washed our hair or had a bath or
anything.
It was only thanks to Ruby.”

Mum gave me a big hug when Tizz told her this. And when she heard about Sammy washing her own hair, she laughed and said, “I bet there was water everywhere!”

That’s when I knew she was getting better, when she started laughing again.

The hospital is quite close, just half an hour away. I
think
Gran might be paying for it. I’m not quite sure, but it’s as different as can be from the other place Mum was in. For a start, it’s called a clinic rather than a hospital. Secondly, it’s a whole lot smaller. Thirdly, it isn’t anywhere near so scary. Not really scary at all.

I was worried the first few times that Gran would start lecturing Mum and that Mum would explode, but I have come to the conclusion that she and Gran really do love each other, in spite of Mum telling Gran to get out of her life. Gran knows she didn’t mean it. It was just the bipolar talking. At any rate, Gran hasn’t lectured and Mum hasn’t exploded.

I’m hoping that by September Mum will be able to leave the clinic and we can all go back home. Otherwise, what would happen about school? I don’t want to have to start at a new one. I wrote to Nina and told her I would be coming back, and now that Gran has given us our own email addresses we send each other emails all the time. I would hate not to see her again! But I think it will be all right, cos last time we visited Mum she was really bright and chirpy. She said, “Darlings, I’m going to turn over a new leaf! In future I’m going to take my tablets
every single day
. I promise!”

Tizz said, “Mum, we’ve heard that before.”

Mum said, “Yes, but this time I mean it!”

I thought to myself that if Cal were still with us he would make sure Mum kept her promise. If only his feet didn’t start itching again! If they did, it would have to be up to me. But I wouldn’t mind! Just as long as were all together.

It’s not so terribly bad, living with Gran. I do enjoy having a garden to play in, and I’ve started learning the names of all the birds that visit us. The only ones I could ever recognise before were sparrows and pigeons. Oh, and seagulls, of course, from the docks. Maybe robins, though I never actually saw one. Only on Christmas cards. Now I can recognize blackbirds and thrushes and bluetits and swallows, and all the tiny little finches that flit about amongst the bushes making their high-pitched chittering sounds. Sammy likes to put food out for them. She very proudly fills up their nut bags and changes the water in the bird bath. We have even become friends with Piper, who is quite a nice dog once you get to know him. He is going to miss us when we go home, especially Tizz. They are always together. He has even started sleeping on her bed.

I think I might miss Gran; just a little bit. She is rather strict, and insists that we tidy up after ourselves and always clear things away after every meal and not just let stuff pile up in the sink like we did at home. If we make any kind of mess, like dropping crumbs on the carpet, she expects us to use the dustpan and brush and sweep them up
immediately.
If we have a bath, we have to clean the bath afterwards, a thing I never heard of!

It is funny that her house is so clean and neat while her stables are so messy. All that hay all over the place, and all the mud brought in on people’s boots. It seems messy to me, though maybe, for a stables, it is quite normal. Me and Sammy don’t very often go there. We’re not really horsey people. Tizz is there practically every day, doing what she calls ‘mucking out’, which means cleaning up after the horses have done things, then giving them fresh bedding so that they can do some more. Yuck! Not for me. But Tizz absolutely loves it.

I sometimes wonder about Tizz. Me and Sammy can’t wait to get back home, but Tizz… I am not so sure. I pointed out to her, the other day, that she could always come and stay with Gran in school holidays. She said, “I suppose. But it wouldn’t be the same!”

What was she saying? That she didn’t want to come home?

“Know what would be really good?” said Tizz. “If we could live here all the time.”

Rather shocked, I said, “Without Mum?”

“No! Of course not without Mum. Mum could come and live here as well. Then we could all be together and wouldn’t have to go back to South Street.”

“But that’s our home,” I said.

“But this is nicer,” said Tizz.

I don’t know. I’m not sure Gran would want that. Even though they love each other, I can’t see her and Mum managing to live together.

“Anyway,” said Tizz. “That’s what I reckon ought to happen. I suppose you’d rather just go back to the way things were before.”

“Not quite,” I said.

There’s this one big difference. I didn’t tell Tizz, but I have a secret dream. I dream that Cal’s feet will finally stop itching and that he will never go away from us, ever again. I even dream that he and Mum will get married, and that we can be a real proper family.

Lemonade sky, my darlings! We’ll all have lemonade sky!

Of course I know that it
is
only a dream. But who said dreams can’t come true? Dreams come true all the time. You just have to dream as hard as you can…