Lessons Learned (16 page)

“It’s nothing, Lucas.”

The sun began to set, so we folded up the blanket and headed back to the car. The drive home was quiet, mostly because I was too wrapped up in my own head to carry on a conversation. Lucas seemed to understand I needed some space, so he simply held my hand all the way home, rubbing little circles along my skin until he finally pulled into the driveway. Always the gentleman, he walked me to my door.

“Thank you for this afternoon,” I whispered.

He turned toward me, and I couldn’t stand to see the pain in his eyes.

“Sarah, what’s wrong? What did I say?”

“You didn’t say anything.” Reaching for the door, I was determined not to cry in front of him. I’d done enough of that to last a lifetime.

“Sarah, wait—”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Closing the door behind me, I pressed my forehead against the wood. Listening intently, I waited for the sound of the car’s ignition.

It never came.

Of course, he wouldn’t leave me.

Wiping away my tears, I walked toward the living room and over to the bookshelf. I quickly found the photo album I needed and carried it over to the couch. Taking a deep breath, I placed the album in my lap and began to thumb through the pictures.

Sixteen Thanksgiving dinners.

Sixteen Christmas mornings.

Sixteen years of holidays with my family.

I flipped through page after page of my family as we surrounded our Thanksgiving table. Endless photos of me when I was a child, opening presents on Christmas day. My parents and grandma were always in the background, looking healthy and happy, and completely full of life.

I closed the photo album and set it aside.

I couldn’t look at it anymore.

I had no idea what was wrong with me. It wasn’t like this would be my first holiday without my family, but it would be my first without them in Sycamore Falls. Lucas would be with his parents in New York, and Aubrey and Tommy probably had their own traditions at their house.

I would be alone.

I
am
alone.

I buried my face in my hands and wept. I hadn’t felt alone in so long, and suddenly, the feeling was suffocating me as memories flooded my mind.

Visions of us chopping down the Christmas tree.

Sitting on my father’s shoulders while I placed the angel on top.

Spying from the top of the stairs in the middle of the night as my mom and dad propped my bicycle under the tree, shattering any hope that Santa Claus was real.

“Sarah . . .”

I could hear his voice, but I was too lost . . . too consumed by the darkness and the grief to find him. Suddenly, I was in his arms, warm and safe, and he cradled me close to his chest while he murmured softly in my ear.

I had no idea how long we stayed like that, but after a while, my tears finally began to subside.

“I’m a mess,” I whispered, wiping my face with the back of my hand. Very gently, Lucas tilted my head toward his. His blue eyes were pained as he examined every inch of my face. Without a word, he tenderly kissed my eyelids.

“I hate to see you cry,” he murmured.

“I’m sorry.”

“No,
Sarah,
I’m
sorry. I’ve sat on your porch this whole time, trying to figure out what I said to upset you.”

“It wasn’t you. We were just talking about Thanksgiving, and it made me miss my family. It really hit me that I would be alone in this big house for the holidays.”

“But you don’t have to be alone. I want to spend the holidays with you, but if it’s too much—”

I was so confused.

“But you’re going to New York . . .”

“I’m not going to New York. I just said it would be nice to see my parents at Thanksgiving,” Lucas replied, gently wiping a stray tear away from my cheek. “I invited them here.”

“Here?” I asked, sniffling quietly. “Your parents are coming here?”

Lucas smiled down at me. “Mom doesn’t believe me when I tell her my apartment isn’t a complete dump. Plus, they want to see where I’m teaching, and they’re very, very eager to meet you.”

“They know about me?”

“You’re pretty much all I talk about when I call home.”

Suddenly, I was terrified.

“Your mother’s going to think I’m a basket case.”

Lucas gently laced his fingers through mine. “She will love you. There’s just one problem. My apartment is extremely small. I don’t even have a kitchen table. If only I knew someone who had a big house and liked to cook . . .”

“If only,” I said, giggling softly. “Lucas, I would love that. Where would they stay?”

“I don’t know. Do you trust the motel in town?”

I wrinkled my nose.

“Not at all. I could fix up a room for them . . . that is, if you think they’d be comfortable here.”

“That wouldn’t be awkward for you?”

I shrugged. “I don’t think so. I’d love to spend time with your parents.”

Mesmerized, I watched as his fingers slid along mine.

“I didn’t mean to make you sad, sweetheart.”

The sentiment flowed through me and melted my heart.

“You didn’t. It was just the thought of being without my family. Sometimes, I forget I’m really alone in this world.”

Lucas gently stroked my cheek with the back of his hand. “But you’re not. You’re not alone, Sarah. I couldn’t walk off your porch because I knew you were upset. I didn’t even consider going to New York for Thanksgiving because I knew I’d miss you too much.”

Tears swam in my eyes, and I bowed my head.

Gently, he lifted my face toward his, forcing me to look at him. His voice was soft and sincere.

“You’re not alone in this world. I’m right here, and I’m trying so hard to love you. All I want to do is love you.”

He kissed me and it was soft and sweet. My fingers tangled in his hair as I pulled him closer, and he groaned when my lips parted. Suddenly, I was lying beneath him, and I whimpered when his mouth blazed a trail along my neck.

“Let me love you,” he whispered roughly, and I whimpered as his entire body pressed into mine. I arched against him, and he swallowed my moans with a burning kiss. Our hands roamed, and it was when I felt his hand slide along the button of my jeans that I had my moment of clarity. The two months of pent-up emotion were causing us to be reckless, and I knew one of us had to come to our senses.

Lucas must have realized it at the same time, because the urgency of our kisses was suddenly gone. With a quiet groan, he buried his face against my neck as we both struggled to catch our breath.

Slowly, he lifted his face toward mine and peppered soft kisses along my cheek.

“Let me love you, Sarah.”

This time, it wasn’t an urgent plea fueled by lust. It was tender and sincere and the sweetest words I’d ever heard.

“I don’t know if I can,” I whispered honestly. “I don’t know how.”

It was the truth. Ryan had tried, but I’d been too wounded and weak to let him love all of me. I hadn’t given him the chance to love every insecurity and flaw.

Lucas, however, had seen them all.

And by some miracle, he still wanted me.

“I’ll show you how,” Lucas promised with a whisper.

We smiled, and I framed his face with the palm of my hands before his lips found mine once more.

“You know, it’s still weeks until Halloween.”

It was too early on Saturday morning, and Aubrey was dragging me through the aisles of Wal-Mart. The forty-five minute drive to Winslow had only taken thirty, thanks to my friend’s total disregard for the speed limit.

“You’ve obviously never shopped for a Halloween costume for a toddler,” Aubrey said while fervently hunting through the racks. Screaming kids were running wildly up and down the aisle as frazzled mothers tried to control them with the promise of a Happy Meal. “The good costumes are probably already gone! I’ve waited too long, but Tommy always had practice or a game or . . .”

I let her ramble while I continued to dodge children wearing angel halos and zombie masks. In the distance, I saw a small display of fall decorations, and I navigated my way through the kids to get a closer look. Beautiful red and gold place mats and tablecloths hung neatly in a row, and I ran my fingers along the fabric.

“Oh, those are pretty!”

I counted out enough place mats for each chair. “I’m buying them for Thanksgiving.”

“Are you cooking? I never do, but I was going to invite you to my mom’s for dinner.”

“I appreciate the invitation, but I’m cooking for Lucas and his parents.” I smiled. Aubrey arched a curious eyebrow, and I sighed. “Yes, Lucas’s parents are coming for Thanksgiving.”

“You’re meeting his parents . . .”

“Yep.”

“And you were going to tell me this when?”

“I’m telling you now.”

I could feel Aubrey’s eyes on me as I tossed the tablecloth and mats into the shopping cart.

“So, did you find what you wanted?”

Aubrey glanced down at the costumes in her hands. One was Buzz Lightyear and the other was a giant pumpkin. I had a feeling I knew which Daniel would prefer. “No. I can’t decide because I’ve been momentarily stunned by the fact you’re being introduced to the parents, and you seem completely nonchalant about it.”

I was actually a complete nervous wreck, but I figured it was still October. Why panic now?

“Sarah Bray, don’t ignore me—”

Her ringing cell phone interrupted her rant, and I smiled sweetly and sniffed a nearby scented candle while she answered it.

“Is he all right? . . . No, I understand. We’ll be right there.” She quickly snapped her phone shut and tossed both costumes into the cart.

“Aubrey, what’s wrong?”

Tugging me by the arm, she pulled away from the costumes and toward the registers. Her eyes were wide and brimming with tears. “We have to get back to town.”

My heartbeat turned frantic. “Is it the baby?”

“No, it’s Matt.”

“Aubrey!” I practically shouted, grabbing onto her arm. “What’s wrong with Matt?”

A tear trickled down her cheek.

“Someone’s beat the hell out of him.”

Chapter 13

The clinic wasn’t open every day—and it certainly wasn’t open on Saturdays—but when the high school quarterback suffers an injury, it’s amazing how quickly a doctor and his staff can be convinced to open their doors.

    “I just don’t understand,” Aubrey said quietly while we waited for word from the doctor. Lucas was in the seat next to me while a few teammates kept vigil outside. “Why would Patrick do such a thing?
Again
?”

The details were sketchy, but from what we’d gathered, the team had gone to a party down near the river after last night’s win over Bradley High. No one was sure what started the brawl between Matt and Patrick, but it ended with Matt being beaten to a bloody pulp. Some of his teammates had helped him home where his mom had done what she could to clean him up. Both the sheriff and the doctor were called at dawn.

Lucas sighed. “No one can blame it on a girl this time.”

Gazing out the window, I noticed the small group of football players who’d congregated in the parking lot. Howie was there, and when he saw me looking, he offered me a sad smile and an unenthusiastic wave.

“There is some serious tension between those two boys, but I don’t think it has anything to do with a girl,” I replied.

Suddenly, Tommy appeared in the waiting room with Matt’s parents by his side. Debbie was crying into her tissue with her husband whispering comforting words in her ear.

“Broken arm,” Tommy announced grimly. “Doc says he’s out for the season.”

Debbie just cried harder, and I closed my eyes with a groan.

So much for those college scouts.

“That boy is going to pay for this!” Matt’s dad bellowed loudly.

“He’s been arrested,” Aubrey offered softly.

Mr. Stuart snorted. “Arrested? He’s Mike Wilson’s kid. The boy has probably already made bail and sleeping soundly in his bed.”

Mike Wilson was the only attorney in town.

Tommy glanced in my direction. “Sarah, he’s asking for you.”

“Matt?”

He nodded. “Just to warn you—he looks pretty beat up. Don’t let it upset you.”