Lessons Learned (13 page)

“You cannot be this perfect,” I mumbled.

“Sorry?”

I frowned. “I mean it. There must be a flaw somewhere. Anywhere.”

His forehead creased—a sure sign he was deep in concentration and trying to decide if I was even remotely serious.

“You think I’m perfect because I can quote my favorite 80s movie?”

My heart stopped.

“
Ferris Bueller
is your favorite 80s movie?”

Lucas nodded.

“I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to kiss you now.”

His eyes brightened. “Because I love
Ferris Bueller
?”

Scrambling onto his lap, I wrapped my arms around his neck. His hands settled against my hips, holding me close as I brushed my nose against his.

“Do you have a problem with that?” I whispered.

“None whatsoever.”

I kissed him lightly, and he groaned, pulling me closer. Gentle fingers trailed along my spine as we kissed, and when I felt his lips part, and his tongue slide along mine, I knew the innocent kisses we’d shared at the falls were nothing but a sweet, distant memory.

“I really missed you this week,” he whispered when we came up for air.

“You didn’t have to stay away.”

I trailed my lips against his neck, and he roughly whispered my name. Far too soon, the oven timer sounded again, and I regretfully pulled away. Breathless and panting, he leaned his forehead against mine.

“Don’t go,” he pleaded.

“The cookies . . .”

“I couldn’t care less about the cookies.”

His blue eyes were desperate and pleading, and with a quiet groan, I brushed my lips against his once more.

After tossing the burned cookies and finishing the movie, Lucas offered to help me read some of the essays from my creative writing class. We were still snuggled up on the couch with the blanket around us, but this time, we were actually working instead of making out like teenagers.

“Wow, your students use really descriptive language.”

I laughed. “Isn’t it amazing how they all had a front row seat to this fight?”

I knew their stories were truly creative and most of what we were reading was a complete fabrication taken straight from the teenage rumor mill.

“Howie’s essay is interesting,” he noted.

“I thought so, too.”

Howie was convinced the fight had absolutely nothing to do with a girl and more to do with the fact that Patrick knew entirely too much about Matt’s personal life. Howie had been careful to keep his thoughts vague, but I couldn’t help but recall my last conversation with Matt.

“What are you thinking?”

“I was just remembering something Matt told me last week,” I said. “I get the feeling he’s not entirely comfortable with his life, and I’m not sure why.”

“Well, he is a senior,” Lucas reminded me. “Maybe it’s just a bit of teenage rebellion?”

I dropped the essay onto my lap and rubbed my tired eyes. “I don’t think so.  I think it goes a little deeper.”

“And I think you’re tired.”

I smiled sheepishly, unable to deny it.

After packing up the leftover cookies, I handed him the container before following him out onto the front porch.

“What are your plans for tomorrow?”

I shrugged. “I don’t really have any. I need to finish some grading and do some lesson plans for next week.”

“Me too.”

He reached for my hand and our fingers entwined. “Would you want to go to church with me on Sunday?”

I grinned. “Are you giving it another chance?”

“I thought I would, yeah.”

I squeezed his hand. “Okay, I’ll go with you.”

“Really?”

“The roof may cave in,” I warned him.

“Not a chance.” Leaning down, he brushed his lips softly against mine. “Thanks for dinner.”

“You’re welcome.”

Another kiss, and this time, I was pretty sure I felt my toes curl.

“And the cookies.”

“Anytime,” I whispered.

After promising to pick me up on Sunday morning, he kissed me one last time before we said goodnight. I locked the door behind me, grabbed my cell, and it was only when I glanced at the screen did I notice today’s date.

September 8.

I’d been so consumed with school and Lucas that I hadn’t realized that Saturday was the anniversary of my parents’ death.

And just like that, I had plans for tomorrow.

The cemetery was just as I remembered, although I couldn’t imagine graveyards really changed much through the years. Silk flowers surrounded stones of granite, and I was disheartened to find some graves were in better condition than others.

It didn’t take long to find our family plot, and I was relieved to see the four gravesites were well maintained. I had no idea who was taking care of them, but I was grateful.

My eyes ghosted along my grandfather’s headstone. He’d died when I was young, so we’d never really had the chance to become close. I could recall some Christmases with him, but honestly, it was all a big blur. My most vivid childhood memories were with my parents, and of course, with my grandmother.

“Hey guys,” I said, sitting cross-legged in the grass. Wildflowers were scattered in shades of yellow and purple along the ground. “I know it’s been a long time. I have absolutely no excuse, so I won’t even try.”

Thankfully, the cemetery appeared to be empty, giving me the privacy I needed to talk to my family without feeling self-conscious about it.

“I’ve moved back to Sycamore Falls. I’m living in Grandma’s house. It has a new porch and it’s the prettiest shade of blue now.” I took a deep breath. “I’m teaching English at the high school. Aubrey and I have reconnected. She married Tommy, like we always knew she would. They have the sweetest baby boy. They teach, too.”

I drifted my fingers along the stem of a dandelion growing wild in the grass.

“And there’s Lucas.” Carefully, I pulled the dandelion from the ground. “He’s really wonderful. So patient and kind. I’m just not sure I can be what he needs. I’m afraid I’m too wounded.”

A single tear fell down my cheek, and I hastily brushed it away.

“He really cares about me, and I really care about him, too, but even that scares me because everyone I love eventually leaves me . . . or I leave them. Sometimes, I wonder if maybe I can’t truly be healed. Maybe the wounds are just too deep and raw.”

A swift wind brushed across my cheek, and the dandelion seeds floated through the breeze.

“I miss all of you.” Leaning closer to the stones, I reverently traced the letters of their names.

Minutes later, the sky began to darken, and I rose to my feet, gently brushing the grass off my jeans before making my way to the car. I’d just opened the door as the first raindrops began to fall.

It was the longest I’d ever spent at the cemetery, and I couldn’t believe how exhausted I felt. Baring your soul was draining, but in some strange way, it felt cathartic.

Maybe I’d come back someday.

“
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind
,” Pastor Martin quoted from the New Testament.

That scripture was profound. I couldn’t help but think it might be even more effective if the preacher wasn’t screaming it from the pulpit.

Lucas squeezed my hand, and I tried to relax.

It had been so long since I’d stepped inside this church—or any church for that matter—but everyone welcomed me with open arms and smiling faces. Aubrey and Tommy ushered us to their pew, and Daniel had immediately climbed into my lap. He was such a good baby, somehow sleeping through the commotion that surrounded us. Throughout the service, the congregation had given testimonies, and after each, the choir would sing. It was joyous, spirited, and loud, and Daniel had snored peacefully through it all.

I’d been naturally apprehensive about today, but the music was good, the sermon wasn’t too terrible, and Lucas was by my side. Pastor Martin was a definite improvement from the preacher from my childhood who coerced youngsters into being “saved” with threats of eternal damnation and lakes of fire. I never understood the concept of using fear to convert the masses when, at the same time, you were trying to convince them they were serving a loving God.

Very confusing stuff for a kid.

As an adult, it was still puzzling, but at least you were capable of making your own decision about such things.

The preacher asked us to turn to a page in our hymnal, and the entire congregation stood to sing “Amazing Grace” before we were dismissed.

“Why don’t the two of you come back to the house?” Aubrey asked, reaching for Daniel. He buried his face against her shoulder and continued to snore. “Tommy could fire up the grill. It might be our last chance until spring.”

“Whatever Sarah would like to do is fine with me,” Lucas replied.

Tommy then pulled him aside to say hello to our principal.

Aubrey sighed. “Is he really that perfect?”

“Yes, and it’s maddening.”

She giggled. “I think it’s wonderful.”

I watched while Principal Mullins introduced Lucas to some of the men surrounding their pew.

“Is that area still reserved for the deacons?”

“Yes, and our principal is one of the most vocal,” she replied sourly. “You know the amendment in the constitution about the separation of church and state?

I nodded.

She leaned close, her voice now a mere whisper.

“Principal Mullins doesn’t believe in it.”

“What does that mean?”

But she didn’t have the chance to answer because we were suddenly surrounded by smiling faces—none of which I recognized, but who seemed to know all about me. I smiled politely and breathed a sigh of relief when they finally walked away.

“So, you’ll come back to the house?”

“Sure. What can we bring?”

“Just yourselves. Tommy will be so excited. He’s been begging to grill for weeks. And the great thing is, we’ll have their undivided attention because the Colts don’t play this afternoon.”

Across the room, Tommy was still in deep conversation with one of the deacons. Lucas’s eyes, however, were fixed on me.

Naturally, Aubrey noticed.

“It looks like someone’s attention is already undivided,” she whispered in my ear.

“Something’s changed.”