Lessons of the Heart (32 page)

James is reading my face and gauging my emotions as I’m sure they’re written all over my expression. He looks around cautiously, making sure that we truly are alone in the parking lot and hidden from the roadway. I try to take another step back, but he catches my arm and pulls me into his chest.

“God, sweetheart, that’s not what I meant. I just had to get out of my professional head for a moment to remember that this is you I’m talking to.” He presses his lips against my forehead and sighs. “You are more than just some teenage girl to me and you know it.”

“Am I?” My voice sounds weak and I hate it right now. My emotions are getting the best of me because I know what I am to this man. I’m the exact same thing to him as he is to me. We’re equals. We’re meant to be together. We have to be. Otherwise, all this hardship and struggling would be for nothing. And I know better than that. Nothing good comes free. You have to work for it and James and I are fighting like hell against the outside world to make us work.

When our lips meet, everything vanishes from my mind. All thoughts of students and teachers and anything else keeping us apart drift into nothing as our lips move together, reacquainting themselves as if they haven’t seen each other in ages instead of hours. He backs me into my car as my fingers tangle in his hair, loving the feel of the silky strands underneath my touch. He opens the middle three buttons of my coat to slip his hands inside and pull me completely flush against him.

Our tongues tangle together, tasting and licking each and every space they can find. He tastes like coffee and mint and James. A flavor that heightens my taste buds until they tingle and feel almost alive with need. His kiss is my drug and with each swipe of his tongue the addiction grows into something I can’t live without.

I pull back breathless and stare into his perfect green eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m acting stupid.”

He shakes his head and smiles the gentlest smile I’ve ever seen on him. “No, you’re not. I made the error in my words. Plus we were both on edge today over what happened so it’s harder to adjust back into our normalcy.” He cups my face in both his hands, letting his thumbs brush lightly over my cheekbone. “I love you. I will always love you. Even if I can’t tell you when I want to, even if I don’t say the words out loud, I still love you.”

“We need a signal or something because these next few weeks are going to be difficult. We’re not going to see each other as much and our interactions are going to be scrutinized at every turn.”

He smiles at me and nods before pressing his lips to mine again. “I agree. We need a signal. Something easy that we can do if we pass each other in the halls or something not conspicuous that will draw attention during class.”

James pulls back and places his index finger on his lips in contemplation. Suddenly he snaps his fingers and a huge grin appears on his face. “I’ve got it. My signal to you will be this.” He holds up his left hand and pretends to twist an invisible ring on his ring finger. I don’t miss the significance of it and it sends tiny flutters through my chest.

I nod and think of my own signal, trying to come up with something good. “Okay, I’m kind of lame at secret signals but how about this?” I bring my fist up to my chest and press it hard against my heart, almost making it look like I have heartburn, which would technically be right. My heart does burn when he’s not around. It aches with a pain that is sweet and bitter at the same time, making it a real paradox of emotions for that one small organ.

He takes my hand, prying it away from my chest and opens my fingers to press our palms together. “It’s perfect.” Standing next to my car, our palms pressed together, we just let the world spin around us, caring about nothing more than just this sweet moment where we can be together.

The wind switches and a chill runs up my spine. James looks at his watch and shuts the hood of my car with a small thud. “Call Liam. Ask him to pick up a new battery for you. But you’re not staying here. I’ll bring you home or wherever else you want to go.”

“But how will I get my car?”

He winks at me and smiles. “We’ll figure something out.”

“Sounds good to me, Mr. Dumont.”

I laugh as I slide into his front seat, listening to him mumble something about frustrating women as he picks up his briefcase and climbs into the truck. It only makes me laugh harder. He’s just so easy to goad that I can’t help myself. I pull out my phone and call Liam, asking him to pick up a new battery and install it for me so I can get my car later. Hearing Penny laugh in the background is making me think that it’ll never happen but he swears he’ll get it done.

I rest my head against his shoulder as he brings me to my house. Part of me is anxious to have him come to my house, but the other part of me is jumping up and down to see him in my space for once. Maybe it’ll actually feel like we’re a real couple with nothing to hide.

As long as my parents don’t come home, what could possibly go wrong?

A
S WE DRIVE TOWARD MY
house, my phone beeps in my purse. Pulling it out I check the name that’s flashing across the screen. My brows draw together when I realize it’s Chase. What could he possibly want right now?

ENJOYING YOUR RIDE WITH MR. DUMONT?

The blood freezes in my veins. We just left the parking lot and I swear it was empty. I don’t remember seeing any cars anywhere or noticed anyone who walked by. My breathing spikes as I frantically try to remember if I missed something. No, I couldn’t have. There’s no way he could have seen us.
Unless he was spying on me.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I need to play dumb to see what he knows because I can’t let on that what he’s saying is actually correct.

CAR TROUBLES? I SAW YOU GET INTO MR. DUMONT’S TRUCK AFTER HE WAS LOOKING UNDER YOUR HOOD. WHAT ELSE OF YOURS HAS HE LOOKED UNDER?

“Oh shit,” I whisper and bring my hand to cup my mouth in horror.

“What?” James asks, registering my fear. I turn to face him, my face pale and ghostly white as all the blood has drained from my body. I feel cold, almost numb at the realization that this is it. We’re done for.

“Chase. He knows. He saw me get into your truck just now and I think he knew it was you earlier today in the hallway. Oh shit, he knows.”

Tears threaten to fall down my cheeks as I start to panic. What are we going to do? How can we keep this a secret for much longer if Chase knows?

“Britta, look at me,” James says. We pull into a gas station parking lot. He throws the truck into park and turns to face me. My hands tremble and shake uncontrollably. He reaches out to hold them, trying to calm my nerves, but it’s no use. “We don’t know that for sure. What did he say?”

I repeat the texts word for word and watch as his face pales like mine. My throat feels dry as I barely make out the last few words.

“What are we going to do?” My lip trembles and James moves his hand to gently press against my cheek, warming it slightly to regain some color.

“We’re going to figure out something. We’re in this together. Besides, all he has right now is me giving you a ride home. That’s innocent enough, especially since your car is broken down at school.”

“But what if he saw our kiss?”

An image of the kiss flashes in my mind, remembering how his body felt pressed against me as he explored my mouth with his tongue, how his hands held firmly onto my sides as he anchored our bodies against my car. It was a stolen moment after calling me a teenager, but it didn’t lack the passion that we always have. He knows as well as I do that everything we do is passionate. We don’t know any other way.

“Then we’re going to have some explaining to do.” He pauses to think quickly then frowns. “Ask him what he wants.”

“I’d rather not. I’d rather tell him to go fuck himself and mind his own business.”

“That won’t do us any good and you know it,” he says, shaking his head.

Dread fills me as I type out my response because I know exactly what he’s going to say. I need a game plan, an exit strategy where I can protect James from Chase’s wrath.

“Whatever it is, I won’t let anything happen to you,” I tell him. My phone beeps and the reply is exactly what I thought it would be.

I WANT WHAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE MINE. MEET ME AT MY LOCKER TOMORROW BEFORE SCHOOL AND WE’LL WORK OUT OUR NEW ARRANGEMENT.

My eyes close and I fight to keep the tears from falling down my face. I quickly delete the message because I don’t want James to see. He mustn’t know what I’m about to do, what I’m about to sacrifice to keep him safe.

“What did he say?”

I swallow hard and clear my throat. “He wants to meet me before school to talk.”

“No,” he says harshly.

“James,” I sigh, knowing he’s not going to let me go without a fight.

“No, you’re not meeting with him. I’ll meet with him and then it’ll be done.”

“You can’t do that. He’ll destroy your career. All your hard work, all your graduate studies will be for nothing if you get fired because of me.”

He grabs my face and kisses me hard. I can taste his fear and anger in this kiss. It’s not the soft and gentle kiss that I usually get from him. This one is fueled by rage and possibly sadness because his lips slow against mine, changing it again into something more fragile, something that can be broken with the slightest touch. I know that feeling well. It’s the same feeling that’s in my heart at this very moment. Knowing that everything we’ve worked towards, everything we’ve built together in trying to secure our future will be crumbling to the ground, leaving nothing but dust and shattered dreams in its wake.

“You let me worry about my career. I don’t trust him. He’s unpredictable and will strike however he wants to get the most damage.”

I kiss him again, this time with tenderness and understanding. I need him to understand that I’m going to protect him. I won’t let this roach infect our lives. I’ll squash him like the bug he is. But I need James to know that what I’m doing is for love.

“I will handle this. You stay out of it.” I quickly look down before meeting his eyes again. “You’re right, though. Chase can do a lot of damage to us if we’re not careful. Just please, trust me. I’ve got this. I can handle Chase. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again.”

His bright green eyes are sad as they seemingly accept what I’m saying. “You don’t have to be my protector. I’m pretty sure that’s my job for you.”

I shake my head and force a smile. “We’re supposed to protect each other. That’s what love does. It means you fight for the one who you love above all else. And that’s you. I love you above all else and I won’t see our future taken away from us.”

Those sexy lips of his curl up in the corners as he smiles. “Our future. Yes, our future will survive whatever is thrown at us.”

“I’ll make sure of it. I just need you to trust me.”

“I trust you,” he says, kissing me once more.

I pull away and straighten back into my seat. “Good. Now take me to your house.”

He gives me a puzzled look. “I thought you wanted me to bring you home.”

“Change of plans. I have the need to keep you all to myself right now.”

His thumb runs over my jaw, sending a round of goose bumps to appear on my body. My nipples tighten in anticipation and my breathing spikes, making the small confines of his truck seem stifling.

“I think we can handle that. We’ll be home in five minutes,” he says, pulling back into traffic and heading towards his house.

Home.
Oh, how I wish it really was my home because that would mean we could be together, permanently. That no one could tear us apart with accusations or destroy our future with exposing us to the outside world. Home is meant to be a safe haven, a place of peace and understanding. A castle to guard you against enemy attacks. But now our home is broken, or at least it will be once tomorrow morning shows. Because what I have to do, what needs to be done to keep James safe is something that will put a crack in our defense. I know he won’t understand it. But he can’t know. Not yet. Not until I figure this whole thing out.

Soon enough we pull into his garage and walk into the kitchen area. Taking my coat from me, he places it in the closet and ushers me onto a barstool.

“Are you hungry?” He glances at the clock and frowns. “I didn’t realize it was this late already.” He starts pulling out pans and some cheese out of the refrigerator. “Grilled cheese sound okay?”

“Sounds great,” I reply, trying my best to appear normal.

He continues grabbing all his ingredients as I stare off into space, formulating my plan of attack against Chase. I know that I have precious little time with James. Chase will make sure that he takes me away from him.

I’m shaken from my thoughts as James comes into my view mere inches from my face. “Are you still with me?”

“Huh?” I blink at him, hoping that my face hasn’t given away too much of my thoughts.

“I was wondering if you wanted some sun-dried tomatoes inside your sandwich.”

I force a smile and nod. “Yeah, that sounds good actually.”

He turns the burner off, abandoning the sandwich on the stove. Rounding the counter, he pulls me off the stool and into his arms. “Please don’t worry about this. We’ll take care of it. Chase won’t hurt us. Besides, we’re stronger than him, right?”