Lessons of the Past (23 page)

I squirmed at the sensation, the feeling exquisite. “Please. I need you inside me, Javier,” I said before a loud moan erupted from my throat.

He leaned forward and captured my lips. “I will, baby. But first, I need to taste that sweet pussy. It’s been years, and if memory serves me right, it’s my favorite flavor.” His lips caught mine again, caressing me in a way that radiated love.

Don’t think about that
, I chastised myself. Now was not the time for thinking, only feeling. And not the feeling of love. This was nothing more than hot, sweaty, mind-blowing sex.

Javier’s lips trailed to my neck then up to my ear, lightly nipping. “I’m going to roll over and you are going to fuck my mouth.”

“Wha—” I began, but he had flipped us over, me on top of him, my pussy on his mouth. And I understood. I could feel his scruff against my swollen flesh, sending tremors through me. Sweeping his tongue out, he flicked my clit, and I was thankful for the headboard to hang on to.

His hands came up to cup my ass, kneading in a way that matched his tongue’s assault, driving me toward the edge. I wanted to savor the moment—knowing this would probably be my last time with him, something I didn’t know during our last sexual experience—but it was hard. Javier knew exactly what to do to me.

I felt the pressure rising and he could feel it, too. His lips kissed me once, then circled around my clit and sucked. I gripped the headboard in a tight hold as the orgasm rocked my body, sending my heated blood coursing through me. I hadn’t had an orgasm that good since…the last time Javier and I had been together.

“Fuck, you taste good.” Before I could gather my thoughts, he grasped my hips, and pulled me down on him. With his eyes locked with mine, he entered me in one hard thrust. I closed my eyes and tipped my head back, letting the feeling wash over me.

“Mmm,” I moaned. “You feel so good.”

“Fuck, Alexandria, you have no idea.” He grabbed my face and pulled me in for a hard kiss. “No. Fucking. Idea,” he growled.

He unhooked my bra and rolled a nipple between his fingers, while the other hand moved around to cup my butt—as if he couldn’t feel me enough. I felt the same way as I let my hands roam over his defined chest. I had missed touching him so much.

My orgasm was beginning to build, gathering in my core, and I tipped my body back, readying myself for the sensation as I rode him hard, grinding down on him. “Come for me, baby.” And I did. I let go and soared on the feeling of Javier being inside me. Before I could crash down to earth, he spilled himself inside me and my orgasm started all over again.

“That’s right, milk my dick.”
Hell. He always knew how to talk dirty.
The orgasm continued to rip through me, exhausting me until I fell onto Javier’s chest.

“Babe…” he trailed off, kissing my head. I could feel his heart beating against my cheek and I never wanted to move. Never wanted to let go of this moment. “I love you so fucking much.”

I stilled, not knowing what to say. I wanted to tell him I still loved him too, but I couldn’t. I was already probably giving him false hope just by being here. But could he really think a night of sex would fix everything and wash away his betrayal?

I tried to lighten the mood and change the subject. “You still have the biggest cock I’ve ever seen.”

Javier laughed. “Maybe I should use it on you again.”

“Right now?” I asked as he shifted himself on top of me, never pulling out.

“Mmm,” was his reply before taking my lips with his own. I moaned, letting the feel of his tongue sweeping through my mouth and his cock stroking my insides pull me under.

Javier definitely still knew how to fuck a girl into oblivion.

“I couldn’t hold back earlier, but now, I just want to take my time and savor you. Absorb the fact that you’re here.”

My fingers brushed through his silky black hair as I stared into his blue eyes. Javier was the absolute definition of sexy.

Every girl’s fantasy.

I had no idea why, but that thought brought tears to my eyes. I could feel the moisture pooling, getting ready to slide down my face.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” he whispered, thrusting inside me and stilling.

“Nothing.” I swallowed, trying to force the emotions down. “I’m good.”

I knew he wasn’t convinced by the pull of his brows, but he nodded and kissed me. Closing my eyes, the tears trailed down my cheeks, wetting the pillow below me—a mixture of sadness, regret, and happiness. Happiness that we were allowed this one last chance with each other.

Javier twisted his hips, hitting a spot inside me I didn’t know existed, and I came with the force of a wrecking ball. “Javier!” I shouted into the darkened room and he followed me over, calling out my name.

We lay there in silence for several minutes, my fingers trailing through his hair with a leg wrapped around him, and his face buried in my neck. I didn’t want to move, just lay there until the hotel kicked us out the next morning.

“I’ve dreamed of this moment for the last five years,” he whispered into my neck.

“Me, too.”

Javier lifted his head to look at me. “You, too? But what about…?”

I stared into his eyes. “I don’t think I was ever in love with Caleb. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him—still do, actually—but he was a Band-Aid to soothe the hurt inside me. He was a great friend and genuinely cared about me. I think we just got married because it seemed…logical. Or maybe he thought if we were married I’d be different. Less aloof.” I lifted a hand to cup his face, letting my thumb run over his cheek. “I never stopped thinking about you. What I thought we had—”

“We
did
have. Doesn’t tonight prove that to you?”

I went on, not acknowledging his question. “Anyway, as time went by, we were basically roommates. We had sex because we felt like we had to—or, at least, that’s how I felt. Then he fell in love with his secretary somewhere along the way and you know the rest.”

“I really hate the thought of you and him…being together.”

“He’s a great guy. He didn’t deserve the marriage I gave him.”

Javier was silent for a moment. “I need a shower. Come with me?”

He pulled out of me and helped me stand. In one easy move, he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around him. Javier walked us into the bathroom and turned the shower on. I took his lips with mine as we waited for the water to heat. I tried to tell him I loved him with the kiss, I just couldn’t let go of the wounds he’d inflicted.

He stepped into the oversized shower, still holding me, and let the spray rush over our naked bodies. “So beautiful,” he murmured, letting his hand trail down my back but never breaking eye contact.

“You’re not so bad yourself. Especially that ass of yours.”

He turned his lips up into a smirk. “You like my ass?”

Nodding, I said, “Yes. In fact, before we got together, so like that first week of school, I called you Professor Hot Ass.”

Javier threw his head back in laughter, his chest jostling both of us. “Professor Hot Ass, huh?” I nodded and laughed. “Well lucky for you, it’s yours.”

I froze. “Javier…let’s just enjoy tonight, okay?”

“I can do that.” He backed me into the wall. “In fact, I think I’ll enjoy you up against this wall.”

“Yes, please,” I replied.

He thrust inside me, his eyes not moving from mine while I immersed in the feeling of him stretching me. The water sprayed down on us, droplets running down our bodies, but we didn’t break our connection. I felt like I could see into his soul, see his love for me. But would that be enough for me? The going got rough with Amy and he turned to me. What if we hit a rough patch and he turns to another girl? What would be left of me then? I couldn’t chance it.

“I. Love. You. So. Damn. Much,” he gritted out with each thrust. “You. Were. Made. For. Me.” His lips crashed into mine violently. I wrapped my arms around his neck, drawing us closer, needing him. “Do you understand me? I’m not fucking letting you go again.”

I didn’t answer. Instead, I took his bottom lip into my mouth and sucked, eliciting a deep moan from his throat.

My tongue swept into his mouth, tasting every inch I could. I needed him burned into my memory.

“Fuck,” he grunted when I pulled back. “So damn good with you.”

I nodded. “I’m going to come. Fuck…” I screamed, letting the orgasm vibrate throughout me. It seemed like each orgasm he gave me tonight was stronger than the last, leaving me weak.

Javier held me up as he continued to pound into me, giving me everything. I wasn’t sure I could take much more, but after a few more thrusts, he began pouring himself inside me, setting off another orgasm. My hands slapped against the tile, holding my weak body upright. “Fuck yes, squeeze my dick.”

When we both came down from our high, we grabbed the hotel supplied toiletries and washed each other, caressing every inch.

I laughed, thinking to myself. “Do you know you are like another person when you’re having sex?”

“What?” he asked, running a soaped hand down my back.

“You have the filthiest mouth when you’re having sex. And you’re bossy.” I bit my lip. “I’m not saying it’s bad. In fact, it’s the opposite. Your mouth is quite the turn on.”

He smirked. “I’ll have to remember that. Up my game.”

We both laughed and continued washing each other, not uttering another sound. Once we were finished, he dried me off with extra care and I did the same for him.

“It’s late. Do you mind if we just stay here? We can drive home tomorrow. Maybe grab some breakfast on the way back.”

“Sure,” I replied, following him to the bed. We pulled the comforter back along with the sheets, then crawled on the bed. Once our heads were on the pillows, Javier pulled me close and sighed. “I love you, Alexandria. Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams,” I replied weakly, knowing what I was about to do would hurt him.

I waited for his breathing to even and his body to relax, then I slipped out of bed. Very quietly, I found my clothes and put them back on. I took one last look at Javier’s beautiful body, grabbed my purse, and left the room.

Once I made it down to the lobby, I had the front desk call me a cab. The ride home was long and exhausting as I sat in the backseat and quietly cried, all of my feelings escaping with each tear and sob.

Tossing my purse onto my sister’s small porch, I searched for my keys. Tears were still spilling down my face and my hands were shaking. A strangled sob broke free and I fell against the door with a loud thump. My body felt cold, numb, and I couldn’t control the sobs tearing their way up and out.

The door behind me cracked open and I fell back. With my head laying on the floor, Rebecca crouched down beside me. “Alex? What is wrong? What did that asshole do to you?” I tried to shake my head no, to show her he hadn’t done anything, but she didn’t pay attention. “I should drive over to whatever swanky neighborhood he lives in and rip his balls off.”

“Bec…he didn’t do anything. I left him. I left him sleeping in a hotel room.” The tears poured out and I let my face fall to the side.

“What? Why? Tell me what happened.” She grabbed me and pulled me into a sitting position. “Let’s get you to bed. You have to help me.”

I batted her hands away and stood. She put her arms around me and we walked to my bedroom. I collapsed on the bed and my sister scooted beside me. “Tell me what happened,” she prompted after a moment of silence.

“I fucked him. Well, I guess he fucked me. Several times, actually.” I sniffled. “I left him there, asleep, him thinking we were going to work things out. I’m going to burn in hell.”

My sister chuckled and brushed my hair back with her fingers. “I don’t think you’ll burn in hell, but that was kinda shitty. Why did he think you were going to work things out?”

“Because I let him fuck my brains out and never corrected him. I just kept quiet because I wanted to fuck him. I knew if I told him we weren’t going to get back together, he wouldn’t have.” I paused for a minute. “The last time we had sex, I didn’t know it was the last. This time, I knew it would be and I wanted to enjoy it.”

“Oh, Alex.” She moved down the bed and faced me. “Why did tonight have to be the last? Can you just not forgive him? Don’t get me wrong, I think what he did to you was awful, but put yourself in his shoes for just one second. He has a daughter he loves with all he’s got. He was scared because if he got caught being with you, it wouldn’t just ruin his life, but hers too.”

I sat silent for a moment, absorbing Rebecca’s words, knowing what she was saying made sense. “I’m going to burn in hell.”

“I really don’t think that’s true. Love isn’t always pretty and everyone makes mistakes.”

“I just want to go to sleep. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“It’s okay.” She climbed off the bed. “I’m here if you need me.” She left, shutting the door behind her.

I continued to cry until my body was completely dry and I fell asleep.

***

Pounding on the door startled me from sleep, but I couldn’t open my eyes. They felt heavy and my body like lead. The pounding continued, so I grabbed a pillow and placed it over my head. I needed it to stop because my head was also pounding.

Voices erupted from the living room, and two seconds later, my door slammed open, then shut. “Alexandria? What the fucking hell?” Javier roared.

I should have expected him since he knew where I lived, but I hadn’t. I guess I just assumed he wouldn’t fight for me.
Us.
I didn’t move, hoping he’d think I was sound asleep and leave.
I’m acting like a complete child.

“Stop acting like a little bitch and talk to me!” The bed dipped and he rolled me on my back. Removing the pillow, he said in a calmer tone, “Please. Just tell me what the fuck happened.”

Peeling my crusty eyes open, I was met with his handsome face, etched with worry and fear. Pain stricken. “Jav…” I trailed hoarsely. “I…last night was a mistake.”

“The only fuckin’ mistake last night was you leaving! I thought we were working our shit out. Instead, you left!” He was silent for a moment, then he pushed off the mattress. Walking to the foot of the bed, he ran a hand through his hair and met my eyes. “Was last night payback? Huh? Fuck me and leave me like I left you?”