Let It Burn (50 page)

“Tucker was a good man. He asked too much of Charli, though,” Colton sighed and I wondered if he knew the truth, “the entire fucking town hooked their hopes on that fucking wedding. Who knew if they would have ever done it? We got out easy; we took our girls and eloped. Charli had to deal with all the pressure of being half of this town’s favorite couple, even after he was gone.” Clearly if he knew the truth, he was not about to bring it up now; he looked at me and something passed between us.

“Charli had to deal with a lot because of the men in her life,” Cash sighed finally, leveling a look at me, “including us. I need you to prove to me, just as much as Charli, that you won’t hurt her again. Just how shit is around here, Cooper.” Finishing my own beer as the girls called us to dinner, I nodded, squaring my shoulders.

“Like I said, I’ll do anything for her. Charli is my future.” I didn’t know just what he meant by proving myself, but I was sure he’d let me know.

“The little scuffle in the barn,” Cash faced me, crossing beefy arms over his chest to try to intimidate me, “was just a taste of what I’ll take pleasure doing to you if you hurt her like that again. I will fucking end you.” Colton put his arm out when Cash started to shove closer, stopping him enough.

“Enough. Don’t piss the girls off. Charli won’t come home again if you get her mad. Sadie will have my ass and Maisie will roast yours. Cage, you do have some shit to prove. That’s our baby sister, and I know you got a younger sister,” I nodded and knew where he was heading with this, “I’d expect you might understand Cash.”

“Absolutely. In fact, I might think less of him, as a man, if he didn’t demand I show up when it matters.” Colton smirked and I knew we were going to be okay.

“Boys!” Charli shouted, her voice making their eyes snap up. Like I said, she ran these boys.

That was the end of us whipping our dicks out. We gathered around the table, each brother on one end of the long oak table. I sat beside Charli, my hand at her thigh beneath the table. Like always, like home. The girls sat across from us, near their husbands. I smirked when Maisie stood and made a production of filling plates for Charli, Sadie and I.

After making a plate for herself, she sat back down and started eating. Cash shot her a look and leaned over, whispering something at her ear. Charli chuckled beside me quietly, cutting into her steak and leaning over to kiss me and whisper a thank you. I knew it wasn’t for the meal, since the girls had finished it.

After the other two made their plates, Sadie softening towards Colton a lot quicker than I thought Maisie would Cash, the girls started talking. I listened to them talk about the store and how it had been an important part of their lives. Charli’s mom had been that mom at every event, every slumber party with goodies for the kids. The kitchen had awards and ribbons all over from all her fair wins.

The girls wanted to keep the shop open, keep her dream alive. Not just for her, but for them and for their kids. Charli agreed and promised to stay until it was up and running again. Beneath the table, I gave her thigh a squeeze, her hands lacing over mine. Looking at me, she mouthed a “Thank you” and I just whispered an “I love you” back.

Even though I didn’t want to think about her not coming home with me, I had to support her. I had to let her heal, too. Despite everything today, I knew we weren’t fixed yet. I knew she loved me now, and she knew I loved her. That should make it easy. I knew nothing about this thing with Charli was ever going to be easy. We both had too many issues.

Charli was fixing mine. I felt worth something because of her. All the emptiness and loss I felt before her seemed like it had been another lifetime. I hoped I could help fix hers. Make her realize just because she got burnt, didn’t mean she couldn’t survive it. I never wanted to hurt her again, but that was a risk you took when let someone in.

By the end of dinner, the guys were talking and joking with Charli, and once or twice even me. Colton was funny and liked to tell stories about Charli that embarrassed her but that I loved to hear. I could sense he wanted her to have whatever she wanted; if that meant being with me, then so be it. He loved Sadie and had no issues dropping a kiss at her lips or slinging his arm around her to bring her close.

They were all a little older than us, Cash twenty-seven, Colton twenty-six and both girls twenty-five. To watch them you would think they had been married for decades. I wanted something like that with Charli. After dinner, we moved into the living room, Cash keeping the fire going as he lit a cigar. I watched him fold into the big arm chair, wondering how I was going to crack him.

Charli started talking about the farm and the boys running it and the girls chimed in about the winter coming and maybe them staying at the house. I knew Charli did not want the house either. We’d talked about it before because it was another door I wanted to close. An escape I didn’t want her to use.

Now she seemed to be talking about one of the boys, or possibly both, taking it off her hands. This was a good sign. So good that I missed Cash and Colton talking about hunting for the winter. Before I knew it, I had somehow gotten roped into getting up the next morning and joining them. A real man bonding experience, Maisie said. Charli looked about as enthusiastic as I felt.

Miles from safety, I was going hunting with her military trained brothers. Who hated me for hurting their baby sister.

Life was good while it lasted, I guess.

1

Charli

As I showered, I wondered if my brothers were any good at digging a grave. I doubted it. But I kind of thought they were considering it when they insisted Cage join them to hunt early the next morning. I objected right away, but Cash pushed it and Cage, wanting to prove himself to them, agreed. I didn’t think my boyfriend, who had just hurt me, my military trained brothers and shot guns were a good mix.

Then again, I knew Maisie and Sadie were pretty good with firearms, better than I was. If they did anything to Cage, they knew they’d face a firing squad when they got home. I think Cash wanted to make him sweat, make him earn his place with them. I just wish it didn’t have to involve weapons.

I knew I didn’t have to tell them I was going back home to Cage. The girls knew the minute we came back from our drive through town. According to Maisie, I looked like I had just been fucked back to life. Which was, in a way, true. Sex was amazing with Cage of course, but it wasn’t about the sex. It was about the connection we both needed during it. The way my body responded to his closeness, no touch needed.

It had been that way from the first day, as if I had just been waiting for him to flick my switch so to speak. I was pissed that a lie had drove us apart, and more upset that the woman who had forced him to do it had hurt him. I didn’t think he harbored feelings for her now; Cage just had feelings left over because of her and women like her. How someone like Cage, with friends and family like he had, could feel so worthless, I had no idea.

Then again, it took one person to tie me to this town, to force me into a lie that I had to carry on for years. I guess it took a few women to make Cage forget his worth. It made me ache to think about him fucking his way through women, seeking that feeling.

Not because of jealousy, although that was certainly an element of it, but because I knew it only made him feel more worthless. Cage wasn’t that guy, and he had tried to be because he was made to feel like that was all he was worth. I hated Ariel more than I hated the first girl to let him go. She could have made him see his worth but since she was worthless herself, she had no idea how.

It was my job now to show him what he was worth. To show him he was good enough. To prove that a lie, one meant to protect me especially and protect what we had, didn’t mean more than that. Didn’t mean more than what we were. I knew he needed me now, just like I needed him.

Cage made me feel alive and gave me hope and believed in me when I thought no one else did. My writing was coming along; I had more than half a book done and dozens more in my head, waiting for their chance. I might call him my muse, but really it was just his faith that had got me writing. Of course what his body did for mine, to mine, certainly helped fuel some of the hotter pages. Cage never doubted me and it was time I let him know I no longer doubted him.

Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped the thick chenille robe that had once been my mama’s around me. When I walked into the bedroom, I felt my breath catch. Cage was sitting at the edge of the bed, shoulders sagging and face buried in his hands. Freshly showered too, his hair wet and back damp and bare, with just a pair of sweats on he looked beautiful but broken.

Because of me. Because I thought his lie was enough to make me run away. It wasn’t fair; I told him I would be scared with him but I ran just like he thought I would. Every single person in my life had lied and yet I still loved them. Just like I still loved him.

“Cage...” As his head came up, I almost couldn’t look at the pain in his eyes.

After everything, he thought I was going to keep running. That was my fault and I had to prove myself to him as much as he had to prove himself to me.

“Hey gorgeous,” His eyes clouded with brightness but there was still pain, “I wanted to...I just wanted to see you before...” I frowned, when I realized he had readied the couch in the corner. No way I was sleeping without him again.

“Cage, will you rub my shoulders when we lay down? The trip here killed me.” I took the bottle of orange scented lotion from the dresser as I crossed the room.

“I thought.... till we were fixed you might not want me in your bed.”

After the morning at the barn, he didn’t assume we were fixed and that just meant he knew he had hurt me. Not enough to go a night longer without him holding me than I had to.

“Of course I do. Shoulders,” I smirked as I stood in front of him, shaking the lotion playfully, “yes or no?” Cage sighed and reached out, tugging at my hips.

Pressing his face into my stomach, he lassoed his arms around my legs and held on. I sighed and dropped the lotion onto the bed, letting him hold me. My fingers combed through his damp hair, chasing droplets of water down his tattoos.

Cage trembled against me and I realized he was crying at the same time I realized some of those droplets were my own tears. I bent my head and kissed the top of his head, closing my arms around him. Nothing he had done hurt more than this did. Knowing he doubted my love because I hadn’t fought for us killed me.

The entire time I had been so scared to get hurt that I all but set him up to do just that. Even all the time we had together, I had one hand out to keep him just far enough away.

While he gave me all of himself, I kept all the important parts, the truth that could have saved us this heartbreak, locked away. If he had known all my pieces, he would have known a lie could send me running.

Instead he didn’t know how to protect me and so he tried his best and I punished him for it. Cage had been watching me, waiting for me to run and I was weak and did just that. While he fought for us, I used my first chance for escape and ran, not caring that it would tear him apart too.

“I love you, baby,” I murmured now, sinking my knees on either side of his hips on the bed, “I am so sorry I ran, even though I said I would. You deserve better than that. I won’t.... I won’t run out on us again, Cage. I don’t want to hurt you, baby. I told you it was never because I wanted to or to hurt you. The lies...they’re not bigger than our truths. I didn’t think about that before I ran. I’m so sorry.”

“I just know I’m not good enough for you. I knew it all along but I thought I could try to be. It was stupid to lie about her thinking it might protect you. I just didn’t want my past fucking up my future and yet that’s exactly what it did.” Cage was talking as if he had accepted it was over, and that scared the shit out of me. Since dinner, he had been quiet and I wasn’t sure what had prompted it but I needed to reach him now.

“Look at me,” I ordered, leaning away to seek his gaze, “I am done running. I will go home with you tonight if that’s what it takes to prove it to you, Cage. I love you and I want to go home with you. What....what has you thinking this way now?” Cage’s eyes were full of pain and wet with tears and it broke my fucking heart.

“Your brothers are right. You buried one man already. Everyone has taken so much from you, Sugar. Your family, Tucker. I won’t be another. My job....it could cost you and I can’t do that to you. I let you give and give while I just took. I just took you as mine. I am the same piece of shit you met two months ago, and you deserve better. I won’t chase you anymore. I’ll leave before they go hunting in the morning. I won’t come by the cottage even if it kills me. I just can’t hurt you again....” My entire world shifted on its axis and I nearly stumbled to the ground.

Cage was trying to run this time. I had hurt him by giving up the first chance I had. Now he was so defeated, so certain my intent was to stay here, he was the one giving up. I looked back on our time together and realized this had happened once before. The shift of power, maybe.

The night of the power outage that had him certain I was running just days after we started. I never gave us a chance, because he was so sure the entire time I would run. Not even because I wanted to, or he hurt me. Because Cage didn’t believe he was worthy of love. Which was absolute bullshit. I shoved at his shoulders, sliding from his lap.