Let It Burn (45 page)

Last night I left a book on the kitchen island, with one last note in it. Explaining why it hurt, at least partially. The irony that even now I had yet to tell him all my own truths, while punishing him for the same, was not lost on me. I knew I was fucked up, that I was asking more of him than I had been willing to do.

My lies would not hurt him, though. Would never make him question the time we spent together, like his had. In fact, my lies were actually truths, ones I hadn’t yet been able to share, that would cement just how much I loved him. Once Cage knew all my truths, he would have to realize why this hurt so badly. Because I thought he was the great love of my life and instead, he might be the biggest heart break.

“Damn Jehovah’s,” Maisie came back in laughing with a slam of the door, her eyes swung to Sadie’s, mine, then back again, “too early for bible thumping.” I’d known Maisie all my life, even if it took Cash marrying her for us to get close. We were now though so I could read her. Maisie was lying.

Cage. Before I had always felt him when he was near, it sounded silly but it was true. Those first few days at the library, I ached to be close to him, like something magnetic was pulling me to him. After that, before he walked in the door at the cottage or his condo, I could feel him close.

When he showed up at the library ten minutes before I expected him, I felt him before his sexy smile flashed that dimple. If he got up in the middle of the night for work, I felt him leave me. Now I felt him again; so either he had indeed chased after me, or he planned to. Either way my gorgeous, mouthy sister-in-law knew something I didn’t.

As we finished breakfast, I watched her closely and she was definitely up to something. Maisie was always ‘on’; always laughing and talking and never one to mince words. During breakfast she was quiet but smiled, like she had a secret.

As soon as the coffee was gone, she was ushering the boys out with fresh thermoses and hurrying Sadie around. I sat back and watched it with a raised brow, feeling like something was about to be sprung on me

Following them out and trying to get a straight answer out of Maisie about how we would fit in bakery time with their full schedules, I gave up. They were down the gravel walk and into the paddock before I finished. Sadie gave me a squeeze as she passed and then I was alone on the porch.

Most people might love this kind of country; it was quiet and we didn’t have neighbors for miles. Once upon a time, I thought I did love it. After losing just about everyone, basically all at once, that distance seemed wider even as those neighbors closed in on me fast.

Now I knew my home was no longer here. These people, my brothers and their wives, would always
feel
like home. The house that I had grown up in, then been shackled with, was not my home. This tiny town with all the nosy neighbors and questions and expectations would never be home again.

My home was a tiny, perfect cottage sitting where it made no sense and that library with my warm, mouthy Sara and improper and wild Lola. I thought Cage might be my home too.

Now....even as I ached over what was left unfinished, I couldn’t bring myself to rule him out. To close the door to him forever. I hurt; but part of that was because he meant so damn much to me. I loved him and I didn’t know how to get right with what he had done.

“I made a promise to you, Sugar.” Cage was no good for me; I heard his voice and my heart stopped, literally stopped, my breathing seized in my chest and I got hot all over.

Cage had chased me. Just like he had promised and I had thought I wanted. I wasn’t sure after last night. But seeing him standing there, exhausted with eyes full of pain, I knew I needed it. Needed him to make me feel like this mattered, one way or another. Whether I could forgive him and go back to him, or not. I had to know this meant something to him.

Fuck, he was beautiful. Even with over a day’s worth of scruff, which just made him sexier, and his rumpled clothes, he was stunning. Cage crossed the walk, coming away from the barn that was empty while Cash waited to repair the roof. Now I understood Maisie’s nod in that direction earlier. The little bitch. Then my eyes swung to him as my mug tumbled from my hand.

Sweet Jesus
I loved him. My chest ached, both from the pain of the last twenty-four hours and with how deeply and recklessly I loved him. It filled me up and soothed all the broken pieces of me. I missed him. How could I miss him when we had been apart less than a day? How could I make it longer?

My body reacted to his closeness immediately; my breasts were achy and my nipples pebbled, thank god for the massive hoodie. Between my legs, my bare pussy grew hot as his eyes slid over me, looking as hungry as I felt. But also hurt and full of remorse. Damn him.

“Cage! W-what.... I told you not to...”Cage stepped onto the porch and I just wanted to go to him, let him hold me against his muscled chest, feel his heart race. I didn’t move.

“I told you once running didn’t mean a damn thing. Told you I would always chase you no matter how far or how long you needed to run,” Damn I loved when he said pretty words like that, hit me in all the right places, “I knew you would run, Sugar. Nothing’s changed.” That hurt because I felt like everything had changed. One lie had changed everything about us.

“Everything changed, Cage. Y-you,” Tears thickened my words but I struggled to speak past them, “.... you lied to me. The one thing that I can’t forgive.” Might as well start being honest with each other now.

“Nothing about how I feel about you will ever change, Charli,” Cage moved closer with every word and I could breathe in smoke and leather and him, and I moaned a little as it overwhelmed me, “I made a mistake by thinking you were better off not knowing. Thought I had to protect you. I never, ever wanted to hurt you or lie to you, baby. We don’t just give up, you get me? We fight and we argue and you say I fucked up and I promise never to do something so stupid again. But we don’t give up.” Shit that’s exactly the kind of things I wanted him to say. Double damn him.

“Don’t you understand.... lying to me is like.... everyone lied to me, Cage. My mama, my daddy.... Tucker. Even my brothers,” I hadn’t told Cage all my truths so he couldn’t know this, but I had been working up to it, “You were the only person...and now...it’s not ever going to be the same.” Pain flashed in his honey hazel eyes but something else too. Acceptance. Understanding. He knew it wasn’t the same.

“I get it, baby. You don’t want protection, not from any of us. Because you don’t need it. You’re the strongest woman I know,” Cage smiled a little and I had to lean against the post because it was beautiful, “And I should have realized the last thing you wanted is another person thinking they had to lie to protect you. I am so fucking sorry I made the same mistake they did. I am not the same as them, Sugar. You know that.” Cage was different; I loved him more than I loved anyone before him. Of course he wasn’t the same, so his lies weren’t either. 

“Cage....I can’t...I don’t know what else you kept from me,” I needed the support of the post for different reasons when I thought about that, “How many lies are there? How can I trust you again?” At last my eyes met his, my tone accusing but his look took me off guard. Because he looked soft around his edges and so happy that a little of it bled into me.

“One other thing, Charli. Just one other thing I never said.” Cage’s voice was as gravelly as the drive that he had crossed to get to me and he pressed close. So I moved closer.

“Cage?” Something pure and beautiful lit his eyes as his hand wrapped gently at my throat, forcing my eyes to hold his.

“I love you, Sugar. I fucking love you so much Charli. You, Sugar, are the great love of my life and I will do anything,” Strong fingers at my throat tightened at the pulse that his words had racing, “Any. Fucking. Thing. To fix this and bring you home. I can’t go back to my life before you because I wasn’t living before you, not really. I want you, us, a family, in that cottage for the rest of my fucking life. Please, tell me how to mend what I broke, baby. I love you so much. So fucking much.” I could not see for the tears in my eyes, but I felt him shuddering and knew he was crying too.

Love.

Love.

Cage loved me.
Fucking
loved me, in fact. A million things bloomed inside me. Like a switch on a botanical garden bringing colorful, bright and lively blooms back to life. Cage was in love with me and I knew he meant it because I felt the weight of his words as he whispered them in the sunlight. Pretty words. Amazing words. I had to say something back, right? I was supposed to and damn I wanted to.

Then his warmth surrounded me as his firm body pressed close and his mouth was on mine. Gentle, asking for permission. Pleading.

My mouth opened under his full lips, my tongue tracing the sweet, delicious seam of his mouth. Cage groaned and I felt it low in my belly, pressing closer. Needing him to hold me. He did. Tight and close but letting me breath as we got lost in a kiss that said so much. Not enough.

Breaking away, I stared up into his warm eyes as he stepped back. Gave me the chance to push him away and break his heart. Of course I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I still need him to chase me though. Because I had to be certain this time. So I spun on my heel, my fuzzy socks silent on the wood porch. With a grin at my face that felt like it split it in half, I headed inside.

Cage let me go because he understood. He knew I needed the effort he said he was ready to put in. I needed someone to fight for me. Even though, biting at my bottom lip, tasting his coffee and cinnamon flavor, I hadn’t fought for him. I would though. Because he loved me. Falling back against the door, feeling him on the other side, I felt raw and exposed but full with more emotions than I knew what to do with.

Cage loved me. Was here to chase me, to fight for me.

Now I definitely wanted him to try.

1

An hour later I was dressed in jeans, a white shirt and the same hoodie, my hair in a messy bun and my contacts in. I felt fluttery and excited and was still smiling. Stepping outside, my sneakers quiet on the warped wood, I found Cage sitting on the hood of Finn’s blazer, waiting.

Damn he was gorgeous; he looked sexy in the city but sitting out in the barn, shadowed by the damaged roof and smiling in the sun, he looked like a country boy.

Crossing the gravel drive to meet him, I watched him slide down the front of the beat up old tuck, running a hand through his thick, dark hair.

“I....y-you...you’re here.” I murmured, warmth blooming in my cheeks, my belly and lower when that slow grin took over his face.

“Sugar, course I am. I won’t ever break a promise to you. Besides you met my family. Soon enough I got to meet yours. I know.... we need to talk. I know you are hurting, baby. I never...what?” I was watching him, feeling giddy and stupid like a teenager.

I was in love. With a beautiful, sexy, amazing man who loved me back. Who chased me just like he promised. I was hurting but that still mattered to me.

“You’re so handsome; you fit right in here, Cage. All the ladies in town will lose their shit when they see you. I expect Maisie was mildly inappropriate.” Cage laughed and damn it sounded good and pulled me closer, a step at a time.

“Baby, I love your pretty words. Maisie was,” He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, “sweet. A little freer with compliments than I am used to, though. You are fucking beautiful, Sugar. Twelve hours without seeing your face just about killed me, Charli. Thinking I might never....” Then I was against his chest, his breath whooshing out of him as my arms laced around his neck, fingers tugging at his hair.

My mouth was on his again, hot and demanding and he groaned. His large hands went to my backside; grabbing handfuls of my ass and lifting me against him. My legs wound about his waist and he spun, setting me at the hood of the blazer. My pussy throbbed and I wanted him as bad, if not worse than I ever had.

Yanking at his hair, I bit at his full bottom lip, whimpering when his hands shoved beneath the sweater. Beneath the thin t-shirt. Over my back, pressing me closer, his cock pressing between my legs.

Cage groaned when my hips rocked, seeking the weight of his thickness. Tearing my mouth away and leaving us both breathless, I watched him in the dim light of the barn.

“I missed you. I didn’t know what else to do, Cage. You broke my fucking heart,” That wasn’t entirely true but at the time, it sure as hell felt like it, “you are the first person to own so much of me. Only you. For you to lie to me...it wrecks me.” Cage nodded his eyes full of pain as they watered.

“I know baby. I know, I didn’t.... I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. I am so fucking sorry. It was so stupid. I can’t lose you, Sugar. I can’t fucking breathe without you, Charli. I love you so fucking much.” There it was again and then I was on him, ankles tightening above his ass, yanking him closer.

Cage’s magic hands moved, shoving over my front, lifting my tits in his hands. I moaned, arching into his touch, biting his lip when his thumbs flicked over my hard nipples. Hard. Soft. Harder. My hips rocked harder, my pussy soaked as I cursed throwing jeans on.

Had I left the leggings on, I could feel his cock pressing against my wetness; let him feel how bad I wanted him. Still wanted him. Would always want him. Cage’s mouth was at my ear, teeth at my earlobe, then my jaw, then sucking at the curve of my neck. My head dipped back and he moved until I was almost lying back on the blazer.