Let Me Be the One (25 page)

“You are not my mother or her mother. It was none of your business,” Brian snarled. The room was chill, and she still had his shirt on. Had she wanted to wear his shirt, or had she just forgotten she was wearing it when she left?

“This wasn’t fair to her,” Logan said. “She hates being manipulated.” He went into the room across from Suzi’s and closed the door.

Brian arched an eyebrow at Jason. “Fucking brilliant idea.” He walked to the house and into the guest room. Inside, he leaned on the door. Last night, she’d loved him. Begged him to stay with her. Curled into his arms as if she belonged here. She had belonged there. He’d promised her he’d be there in the morning, but would she want him now that Logan was here? She must still love the other man. She’d fallen into his arms like he was magnetized.

Logan hadn’t treated her right. He made her feel like nothing but a sex toy. But that had been good enough for six years, and she didn’t exactly hate sex. Or did she not know how to act when a man wanted her for more than sex?

If he fought for her, she would get hurt. That, he didn’t want to see. The way she hurt now was too much. But if he didn’t fight for her, she would end up with Logan, and Brian liked to think she’d be better off with him.

* * * *

Suzi stopped at the bottom of the path and bent over trying to catch her breath. Running up the mountain first had been wise. It burned off most of her anxiety. Unfortunately, running back down had made her feel out of control again. To get back to the guest cabin to shower, she had to pass the kitchen, and she could hear the raised voices from here.

“You remember what you were doing twenty years ago?” Jason shouted.

“Our first tour. What is this, a quiz?” Brian snapped.

“You know what she was doing? Starting school.”

“She’s not five years old anymore.”

“She’s still fifteen years younger than you.”

“So?”

“Do you even think you can keep up with her?” Something banged on the counter. “You’re a total bastard stealing her like that.”

“She’s not a ball.” Oh good, Cassie was in there, too. “She made a choice. I don’t see anything wrong with it.”

“Oh, you don’t? You were the one all hot and bothered to get them back together. You said they just needed to talk.”

“Well, I was wrong.”

“That’s a first, isn’t it?”

Suzi pressed her hands over her face. Jason, Cassie, and Brian fighting in the kitchen. She was going to break up a band and a marriage. Jason and Brian had been friends longer than she’d been alive, and she’d come between them. Helen of Troy had nothing on her. Turning back, she ran toward the cabin.

* * * *

Logan staked out the common room. He knew Suzi. She’d show up here soon enough. Breakfast was a requirement for her. Jason and Cassie might not have done the kindest thing in setting them up like this, but he couldn’t pass up a golden opportunity.

“What are you doing here?” Suzi demanded when she walked back in from her run.

“I had nothing to do with your ambush,” Logan said. He tried to keep his voice calm. Dr. Kennedy told him he needed to talk to her, not shout. “Jason and Cassie invited me here, hoping they could convince you to come so we could talk.”

Suzi folded her arms. “I didn’t mean here in West Virginia. I meant here in the cabin.”

“I knew you would come here.”

She blinked. Her jaw flexed. “Don’t do this to me, Logan.” She walked into the kitchen.

“Do what, sugar?” Logan followed her.

She tried to juggle a carton of eggs, a package of smoked ham, a hunk of cheese, and a carton of milk as she backed out of the refrigerator.

Logan lifted the eggs and milk out of her hands. “Sugar, listen to me, please.”

“I listened to you for a long time. It didn’t work.” She went to the counter and spread out her ingredients before she went digging for utensils.

“I’m in therapy.”

“Bully for you.” She set out a bowl. “A little early for breakfast.”

“I could eat.”

Suzi’s lush lips twitched with a smile. “You always could.” She broke a couple of eggs into the bowl.

Logan leaned in the doorway, watching her. “Please listen to me. I’m trying to fix it. I really am.”

“You should have tried earlier.” She whipped the eggs, added some milk, and whipped them again.

“I know. I talked to my therapist about why I…did what I did.”

“Seduced every female in fifty feet?”

Logan sighed. “She thinks I was trying to remind you that other women are attracted to me. To make you jealous.”

“Right. I might have missed that.” Suzi cut butter into the frying pan she’d set on the stove. “I hadn’t noticed all the women throwing themselves at you all the time or the vast numbers of panties that arrived daily in the mail.”

“It sounded stupid to me at first, too.”

“At first?”

“Well.” Logan focused on the counter, tracing the grain of the wood. “The more I thought about it, the more sense it made.”

“You are grasping at straws. I don’t know why, but you are.”

“Because I love you.” Logan slammed his fist on the counter. It hadn’t taken him long to lose his temper. Dr. Kennedy would be disappointed.

Her beautiful face went completely blank. In one hand, she held a knife while she steadied the ham with the other, but neither moved.

“I fucking hate it when you do that,” Logan snarled. He started pacing the kitchen.

“When I do what?”

“Look at me like that. Like I’m an idiot.”

“I’m not looking at you like you’re an idiot. If you want to read that into my expression, that’s your prerogative.”

“Would you quit using your vocabulary on me? Does he know you do this crap?”

Suzi focused on chopping the ham. “First, I’m not using anything against you, and second, he has a name, and you used to know it.”

Logan leaned on the wall beside the door. “Yeah, I just can’t believe you’re fucking him.”

“We have always been friends.” Suzi smiled at the cutting board. “It was a natural progression.”

Logan’s stomach clenched at her smile. He had dozens of photographs at home of her with that same expression— aimed at him. She loved Brian. In the same way, she used to love him. There had to be a way to turn that smile back on him. Something between them that left Brian out. He leaned on the counter beside her. “I’m sorry about the baby.”

“Why are you bringing that up now?”

He shrugged. “I just didn’t get a chance to tell you before.”

“It’s water under the bridge. I always knew I couldn’t have kids.” Suzi shrugged. Anyone else would think she didn’t care, but Logan had seen it often enough to know it was a cover.

“I know, but when you told me, my first thought was that we would have a beautiful baby, living and breathing. A child who would show the world how much we loved each other.”

“And it’s my fault that that child won’t be born.” Suzi scooped the ham into the frying pan.

“That’s not what I meant. I just never realized how much I wanted us to be a family.”

“Well, we’re not going to be a family.”

“We could be.” Logan took her hand. “Just because you can’t carry a child doesn’t mean we couldn’t have kids. We could adopt. Or we could hire some woman to do the pregnancy.”

“A surrogate?”

“Is that what they’re called?” Logan laced his fingers through hers. Her hands were sticky from the food, but small and warm and fit perfectly in his. “We could get a surrogate and have a child of our own. Children. As many as you want.”

“So I can be left holding the babies when you went wandering off to check out other women?” Suzi pulled her hand out of his. “No, thank you.”

“But I wouldn’t. My therapist says that once I have you for sure, I won’t do that anymore.”

“Have me for sure?”

“You are the only one I ever wanted.” Logan leaned toward her. “That’s why I flirted with all those other women. To make you jealous so you would stay with me.”

“Guess what?” She leaned toward him, too. She was close enough he could feel her breath on his cheek. Her lips curled with anger and misery. “It made me feel like shit.” She grabbed the cutting board and stomped to the sink to wash it.

“I know that now.” Logan followed her. This tack wasn’t working the way he’d wanted it to. He’d hoped that getting her to think about them as a family would bend her back in his direction. The only other idea he had was sex. “And I’m sorry. I’ve changed.”

Cass returned to the eggs, stirring them around. “The tune is familiar, but I think the words have changed, and I don’t want to dance to it anymore.” She dropped in cheese he hadn’t even noticed her cutting up. “Did your therapist tell you this is a classic abusive cycle?”

“I never hit you.”

“You engage in the behavior, and then you seek forgiveness. Then the cycle begins again.” She made a circle in the air with the spoon before stirring up the eggs.

“I’ll ask her about that.” Abusive cycle? He needed to get Suzi in to talk to Dr. Kennedy. They spoke the same language. “I will. I promise. What happened between you and Cherney?”

“What do you mean what happened between me and Cherney?”

“Well, you left with him, but you didn’t stay long.” Logan picked up a kitchen towel and started pulling strings out of the fringe.

“You wondering if I had sex with him, too?” She took a loaf of bread out of the refrigerator and dropped two slices in the toaster.

“I wasn’t going to ask.”

She snatched the towel out of his hands. “I didn’t.”

Logan blew out a breath. That thought had been haunting his nightmares since he watched her drive away with Cherney. Boy, had he been off the mark. “That’s a lot of food for the two of us,” Logan pointed out.

“You said you could eat.” She shut off the fire.

Logan rested his hand on her shoulder, waiting to see if she would shrug it off. When she didn’t, he let his hand slide up to her neck. Her skin was so soft and supple. “Suzi,” he whispered, “I still love you.”

“Logan,” Suzi murmured.

His breath caught. The raw tremble in her voice drew him forward a step to lift her hair off the back of her neck and kiss her. She tasted just the same. He traced his tongue down the back of her neck. “Suzi, you taste so good. You always taste so good.”

“Logan, don’t.” Suzi moaned.

“Don’t what? Don’t stop?” Kissing the tender spot behind her ear, he slipped his hands around her waist. “It feels good, doesn’t it?” He pressed his hands on her belly, pulling her tight. His member thickened.

Her body molded to his, soft and yielding. Her breath shortened.

“Let me show you how much I love you. Come with me now.” Every touch, every glance, every breath they had shared came back to him. Logan drowned in her. “So sweet. So fine. I understand why you went to him. It doesn’t matter. We’ll put it behind us. Make love with me again.”

She twisted in his arms. “It would be easier.”

“What would be easier?” Her liquid eyes were dark with desperation. If she would give him the chance, he could fix that. Whatever it was. He could make her life perfect. Just having her in his arms, he felt better than he had since she left.

“If things just went back to the way they were.”

“We can put things back and make it better.” He brushed a lock of hair off her face. Her skin was softer than he remembered. “I promise you, Suzi. I want to work this out.”

She touched his face. Her fingers were light, teasing. “I’m ruining his life.”

“Whose?”

“Brian’s. I heard him fighting with Jason. Cassie was there, too. They were all arguing.”

Logan clenched his teeth. He should let the guilt eat at her. If she wasn’t with Brian, he had a chance. He brushed his lips across hers. When she didn’t slap him or hit him with anything, he pressed farther, teasing open her mouth to taste her. Her flavor was like no other woman. Rich and sweet. She responded with familiar eagerness. Her arms wrapped around his waist. “Suzi, please, come back to me.”

“Back to you?” She made it sound as if she’d never really left.

“Being with you is…” Logan drew a breath. “Magic. Every time. All the time. You always made me feel like the hero of one of those books you write. Like the greatest guy in the world.”

“Logan,” she moaned. Her eyes were dark and soft.

“One more time, Suzi, please,” he whispered, nipped her shoulder. “I’m begging you for one more time.”

She bent to him. “One more time,” she murmured.

Logan lifted her off the floor and carried her out of the kitchen. Drugging her with sex had worked for five years. It could work again.

Halfway through the common room, Suzi gave a strangled cry, twisting out of his arms. “No,” she sobbed. “Stop.” Dropping to the floor, she staggered to the back of the couch.

Logan froze. Another ten feet, and he could have had her. His thwarted body throbbed, but his heart ached more. The only things keeping her up were her pride and the couch.

“I’m not with him just because I couldn’t be with you.” Suzi rocked like someone had stuck a sword in her gut.

“I know that.”

“I don’t think you do.” Suzi’s face was streaked with tears. “How can you make me feel so good and so bad at the same time?”

“What?”

“I loved you. I gave you the most precious gift I had to give. I did everything I could to please you, and all you could do was treat me like crap.”

“I never treated you like crap,” Logan whispered. “I treated you like a queen.”

“Who? Catherine of Aragon?”

Logan threw his hands in the air. “Who the fuck is Catherine of Aragon?”

“The first of Henry the Eighth’s wives.”

“I never cheated on you.”

“It felt like you did. It felt like you had sex with every one of those women you flirted with right in front of me.”

“And it’s all my fault.” Logan wasn’t sure if he was serious or sarcastic.

“No, it’s my fault, too. I thought I could be okay with it, but I never was.” Suzi wiped her face. “I should have made my feelings clear sooner. Before I stormed out of that party.”

“That might have helped. Not treating me like a moron might have helped, too.”

“Logan, I never treated you like a moron, but I’m sorry if you felt that way.” She straightened. “Eat your breakfast.” She walked into the bathroom, and a second later the shower started.