Letters and Papers From Prison (27 page)

I’m writing as though I were turning over the pages of your letter. Perhaps only the truly cultured man becomes homesick, and not the intellectual. What you wrote about good fortune and the cross did me good. Have you a chapter about it? Perhaps it’s very important that one doesn’t wrongly have a bad conscience there.

I hope that we shall soon get your wedding sermon now. It’s frightful how difficult everything is now. I only dare ask your parents for something with the greatest caution. You encourage me so nicely to write some time. You’ve already achieved a great deal and I credit you with all kinds of midwife’s arts. If I were to write, that would of course be your masterpiece with me. First, only my critical vein has developed and not my ease of expression. I still prefer to read you than to write myself…You’ve written me so many splendid things; I can never do more than touch on things, but at least I want to show you that everything is occupying me a very great deal. I’m waiting for us to see each other and talk…

10 January

Well, everything still isn’t cleared up. Tomorrow I’m off to Verona. In the meantime I’m spending two nights at a well-known place: the Europäischer Hof.
¹¹⁷
Full, of course. But a reference to our, your stay here last year got me a room.

I’m now going to visit Ninne Kalckreuth, who sounded pleased to hear me on the telephone. Good-bye for now. Next it’s over the Brenner.

Your Eberhard

What about the anguish of Christ, about which something has to be said?

From Renate Bethge

Sakrow, 10 January 1944

Dear Uncle Dietrich,

Many thanks for your long letter. We were really delighted with it…Eberhard went off early yesterday, in the first place to Munich. He telephoned this afternoon to say that he had to go on to Verona tomorrow morning, and that his destination would probably be in that area. But he doesn’t know the name of the place yet, or even whether he is now going to be a clerk, as was first said. I’m rather worried that he will have to go still further, because what we were told earlier was certainly not right…The feeling of separation for an immeasurably long time is quite terrible, especially the feeling of one’s own utter helplessness in the face of everything. I’m now thinking a great deal about what you wrote to us on the subject. I hope that our patience won’t be put to the test as long as yours. Indeed, one hopes that everything won’t last much longer. What you write about your own work is very interesting. Of course we’re all very excited about it already. It’s really marvellous that you can work there in this way; I just can’t imagine myself in such surroundings. The parents have fixed their house again enough for them to go back again today …

Much love and many thanks for everything.                                                                            Your Renate

From Eberhard Bethge

In the south, 15 January 1944

Dear Dietrich,

Of course it’s still a while to your birthday, but I hear that the post is taking such a tremendously long time that I’m writing already. Perhaps the letter will reach you in time. Warmest congratulations; I hope that this day won’t become a day of sadness. There could be many reasons for that, and I think egotistically of the unbridgeable distance between us. I have the impression that somehow we’ve celebrated your birthday less frequently than mine; I remember mine clearly, here and there, and above all that evening in Florence. I remember yours especially on those occasions at
Finkenwalde. On the last one I expect that you were travelling. Now we have to keep birthdays quietly in a way to which we haven’t been accustomed before.

After the first two days I can give you a good report. I’m sitting near the place
¹¹⁸
where we saw the seven hills in the glimmering twilight after the hot car journey…You will…look back on a remarkable year that is without parallel…

My wishes are obvious…possibilities for writing; and a little more courage on your part to get things into readable form; perhaps someone who will be technically a help to you to make this laborious stage as easy as possible. By the way, when I read some passages from your letters to father,
¹¹⁹
he and others with him were again very impressed by your style. I can’t understand why some people find it so hard to understand. It’s probably the concentration that it demands…

Will I be able to hear again from you soon? At home everything keeps being so oppressive and agitated, whereas these two days in this country house everything has been going well and I’ve nothing to do but enjoy the sunshine…

You can think of me emptying one of the many wine glasses to drink your health!

Warmest greetings.

Your Eberhard

To his parents

[Tegel] 14 January 1944

Dear parents,

Susi has just left the parcel for me again; I’m very grateful to you and to her for it. If I had guessed that I would be here so long, I would have asked you much earlier not to take so much trouble over me and above all not to curtail your rations, short as they are, in order to send me something. Of course, each time it’s a great delight to receive your parcel, but it is being gradually affected by the thought that you’re not as well-fed as you should be with the strenuous work you now have to do, especially after the bomb damage. I had hoped that in the meantime you would have decided
on a rest in Pätzig; it would really be a great comfort to me if you got away from the nights of air raids, repair works and general Berlin turmoil, at least for a while, and had some relatively normal food; moreover, it would of course be a delight if you got to know the house in which I hope later on to be at home…If anything happens about my case any day during that time, it’s easy to reach you – how marvellous it would be if I could then come with Maria to Pätzig and meet you there. I know that you’re not fond of travelling and that usually it’s not very useful. But perhaps it could be my birthday wish for you? Above all, you are not to overstrain yourselves; everything else is quite secondary to that!

Yesterday and today you have birthdays.
¹²⁰
I expect that you will be together in the evening with K. Friedrich and Rüdiger. Today we must be thankful for each day and each hour in which we can still be together. I’m sitting by the open window, with the sunshine streaming in almost like spring, and I take this uncommonly fine start to the year for a good omen. Compared with last year, this year can only be better. - I’m getting on all right. I’m finding it a little easier to concentrate, and I’m enjoying Dilthey very much. I hope that I shall soon hear that you’re on your way. Keep well. With much love from your grateful

Dietrich

From his father

[Sakrow] 16 January 1944

Dear Dietrich,

I want to use a quiet Sunday here in Sakrow to send a letter to you. Weekdays are still very disturbed by the people who make a noise near the windows, doors and on the roof. In between times patients come, and whatever else the day brings. By and large we’ve got to the point of being warm, and we can sit in the rooms - though not in all of them - without winter coats. I hope that it hasn’t all been done in vain and that the next attack won’t throw everything about again. Our house in Kurländer Allee has been designated a total write-off and the occupants have been given an
evacuation order. We’re now having papers and visits about the notification of damage and compensation for rent, etc. We want to be here at night for the dark nights that are coming next. People are now interested in the rising of the moon, when beforehand they didn’t give it a thought. I’ve noticed that I have a shameful ignorance of the phases of the moon. It seems that the English are now - unlike earlier times - afraid of the bright nights, presumably because of the night-fighters. The people at Friedrichsbrunn write that they watched an air battle during a daytime raid by the Americans; they saw aircraft crashing and prisoners being brought in - a great excitement for the Bonhoeffer and Dress children. By and large, I see that people who have gone through numerous attacks and bombings in the neighbourhood and have kept in good spirits are often affected afterwards. Their attention and their ability to concentrate suffers, they become emotionally excitable, irritable and are easily reduced to tears. This is also noticeable when one travels on the trams. A lot of time is spent searching in the house; one doesn’t know what one has put away in the cellar or elsewhere, and on the whole one works more slowly. The soldiers; think that sitting around doing nothing during bomb attacks at: home is much more unpleasant than being in the field, where one has to take action.

I hope that we shall soon be able to talk to you again. I sent off an application about 8–10 days ago. We were very pleased about your Christmas and New Year letter, though it only reached us a few days ago. Renate got her first letter from Eberhard today, from Verona. Meanwhile he has gone further south. Our health is good. Rüdiger has reported to us that he found you looking well.

Affectionate greetings, Father

To Eberhard Bethge

[no date; sent from Tegel
on 18 January 1944]

Dear Eberhard,

My thoughts have been with you constantly since you went off into the unknown. I hope that very soon I shall hear where you’ve
ended up. It’s one of those pieces of luck that almost seem to be following you around that you managed to be with Renate once again and even to bring her to Berlin, or rather, it’s another instance of the goodwill that you find everywhere…I don’t know anyone who does not like you, whereas I know a great many people who do not like me. I don’t take this at all hardly for myself; wherever I find enemies I also find friends, and that satisfies me. But the reason is probably that you are by nature open and modest, whereas I am reticent and rather demanding…

I keep being glad to think that you were about at Christmas. No one could have filled my place better. I’m also very glad that the Dohnanyis were so pleased to have you; that’s clear from letters and the remarks of Klaus, who visited me. He’s become a very nice boy. These children today are much more knowledgeable and accomplished than we were at that age. I believe that a quite excellent generation may be growing up, which will be clearer, more open and less fearful than ours.

For some time I’ve been writing away at the little literary work that was prompted by our short meeting. But, as almost always, it’s taking me more time than I expected at the beginning. I’ll send it to you as soon as it’s finished – if it’s at all reasonable.
¹²¹
In a rather haphazard way I’ve recently been reading a history of Scotland Yard, a history of prostitution, finished the Delbrück – I find him really rather uninteresting in his problems –, Reinhold Schneider’s sonnets – very variable in quality, some very good; on the whole all the newest productions seem to me to be lacking in the
hilaritas
– ‘cheerfulness’ – which is to be found in any really great and free intellectual achievement. One has always the impression of a somewhat tortured and strained manufacture instead of creativity in the open air. Do you see what I mean? At the moment I’m reading a gigantic English novel which goes from 1500 to today, by Hugh Walpole, written in 1909. Dilthey is also interesting me very much and for an hour each day I’m studying the manual for medical staff, for any eventuality.

This letter has been lying about for a couple of days. Meanwhile Rüdiger has been to see me and told me that you first went to Verona, but after that he doesn’t know where. I’m waiting for
more news daily, also for W,
¹²²
whom I’ve hardly seen for two weeks. You’ve also seen him, though, and I’m pleased about that. Over the last three days ‘I’ve been reading a French novel,
Manages
– not bad, but remarkably frank…I was strengthened in my conviction that the naturalistic, psychological novel is no longer adequate for us. But we would have to talk about that later.

W. is to come today. Good. I hope that the attack on Magdeburg hasn’t damaged any of the places that are so much in your memories…

Now keep well, and overcome all the burdens on body and mind as you’ve been doing so far. The readings are my daily joy. Thank you for everything.

Faithfully, your Dietrich

To Renate and Eberhard Bethge

[Tegel] 23 January 1944

Dear Renate and Eberhard,

Since the ninth, my thoughts about you have taken a new shape. The fact that shortly before your parting you read the text Isa.42.16
¹²³
together puts these thoughts in a special light; on that day, which I knew had special significance for you, I kept reading the passages with special attention and great gratitude. That Sunday was a wrench for me as well as for you, though in a different way. It’s a strange feeling to see a man whose life has in one way or another been so intimately bound up with one’s own for years going out to meet an unknown future about which one can do virtually nothing. I think this realization of one’s own helplessness has two sides, as you, Renate, also say: it brings both anxiety and relief. As long as we ourselves are trying to help shape someone else’s destiny, we are never quite free of the question whether what we’re doing is really for the other person’s benefit – at least in any matter of great importance. But when all possibility of cooperating in anything is suddenly cut off, then behind any anxiety about him there is the consciousness that his life has now been placed wholly in better and stronger hands. For you, and for us, the greatest task during the coming weeks, and perhaps months,
may be to entrust each other to those hands. When I learnt yesterday, Eberhard, that you are now somewhere south of Rome, this task became much clearer to me. I am to suppress all the questions that I may keep wanting to ask myself in this connection. Whatever weaknesses, miscalculations, and guilt there is in what precedes the facts, God is in the facts themselves. If we survive during these coming weeks or months, we shall be able to see quite clearly that all has turned out for the best. The idea that we could have avoided many of life’s difficulties if we had taken things more cautiously is too foolish to be entertained for a moment. As I look back on your past I am so convinced that what has happened hitherto has been right, that I feel that what is happening now is right too. To renounce a full life and its real joys in order to avoid pain is neither Christian nor human.