Letters From The Ledge (4 page)

"And you can just…see it. Just like that?"

"Sometimes, yes."

"Like you saw something in me."

"Yes."

Paige raised one eyebrow. "That makes me feel a little like a science experiment."

"Don’t be ridiculous. We both know you’re not a science experiment." Nate took another swallow of his gin. "An anatomy project maybe, but definitely not a science experiment!"

She laughed, sampling the Viognier for the first time. "It’s a good thing you’re cute, that’s all I’ve got to say."

Nate nudged her elbow and motioned toward the door. A well-dressed couple in their late forties had just walked into the bar, along with her boss, Kevin Bitterman. A few years older than Paige, Kevin’s tall, broad-shouldered frame carried an overly confident man in a decent suit on a quest for personal success. A nice Rolex and a smart pair of rimless glasses completed the GQ look he seemed to be shooting for.

Kevin came on strong when Paige first started at the firm, but backed off sufficiently when she made it clear she wasn’t interested in moving beyond a professional relationship. They’d settled into a congenial, sibling rivalry ever since. Her excellent performance and growing reputation gave her a good deal of leverage where he was concerned–a fact she rather enjoyed and often took advantage of.

Kevin glanced past Nate with a courtesy nod and smiled warmly at Paige. "Frank Evans, this is Paige Hadley."

Paige shook Frank's hand and he introduced her to his wife, Ginny, who was dressed in a pantsuit that smacked of Jackie O and had the bright red lipstick to match. Paige then introduced them both to Nate.

Nate stretched out his arm and offered Frank a firm handshake. "Nathan Banks. Pleased to meet you."

"Shall we find someplace more comfortable to sit?" Kevin directed the group toward a cluster of overstuffed furniture in the corner near a fireplace, but stayed by the bar to order for the rest of them.

Nate gently placed his hand on Paige’s lower back and led her toward their destination, teasing quietly over her shoulder. "See? I told you I wasn’t buying for everyone!"

When Kevin came back he was holding three drinks and Paige’s jacket slung over one arm. Nate stood quickly and grabbed it from him, laying it across the arm of the couch next to her. It wasn’t like him to miss something like that, especially where Paige was concerned. Kevin seemed to relish the opportunity to come to her rescue, and delivered Frank and Ginny’s drinks with a triumphant smile.

When they were seated, Frank was the first to speak. "So, Nathan–"

"Please, call me Nate."

"Nathan Banks–" Frank repeated the name to himself several times. Suddenly a cog in the wheel of recognition clicked into place as he pointed his finger. "You are just the spitting image of a colleague of mine. I don’t suppose your father is a jeweler?"

Nate nodded. "One of the best, sir."

Frank sat back, satisfied, his head bobbing up and down like a toy dog in the back window of a Buick. "And Paige–how long have you been working for Kevin?"

"I’ve been with the firm for almost three years."

"Well, I’ve heard good things about you."

"Thank you."

Ginny chimed in. "And how long have you lived in New York, Paige?"

"Except for college in the Midwest, all my life."

"Really! And you came back? That must mean you’re a true native." She smiled at Paige with a motherly look that somehow bordered on condescension.

Paige sucked in a deep breath. "Born and raised."

"In–" Ginny was still hunting. For what it wasn’t really clear.

"Queens." Paige sipped her drink carefully and tried to keep an even, professional tone. "Actually, Nate and I were discussing that on the walk over–how difficult it would be for me to even think about leaving New York again."

Ginny seemed to have found her mark. "You walked here? You’ve obviously moved out of Queens then." Again the subtle condescension.

"Yes."

Frank’s receding grey hair seemed lacquered in place. It stayed completely still even though his head kept up the bobbing motion as he watched their interaction. "I’d like to get right to the point, Ms. Hadley. Kevin tells me you’re a whiz with numbers, you’re meticulous, and you catch mistakes other people don’t. He also says you have a knack for saving your clients substantial amounts of money. That fact alone would be a fairly attractive selling point."

He laughed at his own joke and eyed her chest before continuing. She looked over at Nate. A muscle jerked in his jaw and she could feel him alternately clenching and unclenching his fist between them on the couch.

"Add to that your CPA/MBA combo and I have to say, I am more than intrigued."

Paige winked at Kevin. "Remind me to slip you that fifty later on." The circle erupted with laughter. Nate shifted in his seat.

Frank chuckled but immediately fell back into business mode. "Apparently you’ve had some experience with international business law as well and I’d like us to begin working together on a project that will involve domestic as well as offshore accounts."

"Well, I’d be happy to help Mr. Evans, although I’m sure Kevin has exaggerated my talents just a bit. I hope you won’t be disappointed."

Frank stared openly at her long, crossed legs sticking out from under her skirt. "I don’t think that’s going to be a problem."

Even Kevin looked uncomfortable at that last exchange. Paige started to sweat. Being next to the fire wasn’t helping. Nate shifted again, laying his arm across her shoulders.

Ginny took a long drink through tight lips before setting her glass back down. "So, Nate–tell us a little bit about yourself."

Nate forced his eyes off of Frank and focused on Ginny for a moment. "Not much to tell, really." He pulled on the collar of his turtleneck and twisted his head slightly. Paige grabbed onto his free hand and held tight.

"Nonsense. What is it you do for a living?"

"I run my own company. That’s how I met Paige–and Kevin."

Ginny’s job was to make small talk and keep the conversation going and she seemed quite comfortable in her role. "Really? What kind of company?"

"It’s a small e-tech firm."

"Well there’s something I haven’t heard of before. What exactly is ‘e-tech’?"

Nate smiled politely. "It combines web design with a sales and marketing interface, helping companies set up a web presence and online commerce. I also run a specialized search engine for businesses that are looking to set up what I call an ‘e-mmunity’."

"E-tech, e-mmunity…was I supposed to bring my passport, because I'm certain you're speaking a completely different language!" This brought a small round of chuckles from the group. Ginny flashed her charming smile and sipped on her drink.

"Sometimes it feels that way with computers, doesn't it?" Nate laughed sympathetically. "Basically, it’s a community on the Internet that draws like-minded businesses and people together so they can share ideas, as well as a customer base."

Ginny nodded her understanding. "So it's a marketing tool.”

"Exactly! We use creative web design, innovative photography and the latest web source technology to provide an 'updated' look and feel for a company."

"Sounds like a great niche."

"It really is.” Nate picked up his drink again. “As it turns out, this up and coming generation of tech babies requires a whole different set of marketing skills."

Ginny smiled again. "Well, I have to applaud your excitement. You seem to genuinely enjoy what you do."

Nate shook his head. "It’s actually a lot of fun. Some days I can’t believe they pay me to do this.” Kevin gave Nate a courtesy chuckle and offered Frank another drink, which he accepted without hesitation. Nate sipped his gin and tonic and sat back, wrapping Paige in his arm again.

Ginny’s tight-lipped smile returned. "Well, that sounds like quite the deal. You must be very resourceful. Does Paige do your accounting too?" She was trying too hard and it showed.

"She used to–before she became a conflict of interest." He gave Paige’s shoulder a playful squeeze. Paige blushed a little and looked over at Kevin, who smiled politely before looking away.

Kevin locked eyes with Nate before he re-entered the conversation. "I actually had another one of our employees take over Nate’s books officially, but from what I understand, Paige still does a fair amount of personal consulting for him. Unpaid, of course." Another loud burst of laughter broke out.

Frank kept steering the conversation toward Nate. "So, why didn’t you go into business with your old man?"

"I did. His was the first website I launched on my own, while I was still at Columbia, but between my intimate knowledge of our family’s business and his connections with other ‘like-minded companies’, the idea sort of evolved and snowballed and became its own entity."

Frank seemed overly intrigued, leaving Nate suspicious. "And from there it was just a matter of time."

"So it would seem. As dad's sales and stock started to climb, word spread among his associates and the next thing I knew, an independent company was born."

"Family connections can be a powerful tool."

Nate wasn’t sure exactly what Frank was insinuating, and his taut smile threatened to betray his anger.

"Son, I think I’d like to hear more about what you do." He pulled out a card from his vest pocket. "Have your people call my people. Let’s do lunch next week."

Nate took it hesitantly. "Sure thing Frank. We’ll do that."

"As for this little lady–" Frank spoke to Kevin as if she were an afterthought. "When can she start?"

"I’m not sure. Paige? What’s your schedule looking like?"

She gave Kevin a cool stare and a teasing smile. He remained steady, but his eyes told a different story, one that wasn't lost on Nate. His stomach began turning over on itself. He tried sipping on his drink but the gin only burned at the rawness and intensified the heat.

Paige squeezed his hand. "That all depends, Frank. How much time do you think you’ll need?"

"Initially a couple of days to get you up and running. After that you’ll need to be brought up to speed on our accounts, then do the necessary research for the countries where we have our other holdings…" He shook his head, and gave up trying to tally it. "All told it might take a fair amount of your time."

"So it’s just the foreign subsidiaries you want me to help you manage?"

Frank bristled. "Not manage, just assess and advise."

His implication was clear. Paige’s response was short and to the point. "I’ll try to help in whatever way I can, Mr. Evans."

Frank seemed amused by her curt reply. "Call me Frank." When he stood, Ginny followed his lead. He held out his hand to the other two men. "Kevin, thank you for the drinks and Nate? I hope to hear from you soon."

Nate nodded respectfully and tried not to look at Frank’s face, instead concentrating on helping Paige back into her jacket. "The sooner the better, sir."

__________

Nate’s gut had twisted into a solid knot by the time they left the hotel. His eyes were dark and he began thinking about things he would’ve done to Frank in another life. The lunch request was a no-brainer. His father had always taught him to keep his friends close and his enemies closer. Frank was quickly becoming the latter.

Paige was visibly shaken. She stood hugging her coat close to her body, trying to look nonchalant. When the others were out of sight he turned her to face him and took hold of her shoulders, stooping down to try to get her to look at him. "Paige."

"Yeah." She kept staring at her feet.

"Paige…"

She raised her eyes to the level of his chest. "What?"

"Would you please
look at me?" He touched a finger under her chin but didn’t apply any pressure. He waited until she lifted her face to his before slipping his arms around her. "Just do your job. Once he sees how good you are, everything else will fall away."

"It’s going to be pret-ty difficult for him to see my brains while he’s focusing on my legs–or my chest. Take your pick. He seemed equally interested in both." Paige smiled in spite of herself. Nate dipped his head down and kissed her softly.

"Well then, I guess you’ll just have to wear pants from now on–and big, baggy sweaters. He kept one arm around her shoulders and pulled her in the direction of their apartment. "Hey–we’ve still got that twenty. How about a cup of coffee?"

She nudged him off balance. "Very funny.”

“Real loss is only possible

when you love something more than you love yourself.”

-
Good Will Hunting

“Just remember Star Wars.”

Sarah looked up from her sandwich. “Pardon me?”

Brendan was standing behind her on the next step up, looking over her shoulder. She had to crank her head almost all the way around just to see him.

“Didn’t you see the Star Wars movies?”

She squinted against the sunlight. “Yeah, why?”

He sat down next to her. “Remember
Attack of the Clones
? Well, that’s recombinant DNA. Just remember the storm troopers and the cloners and you’ll be fine.”

“And this is your method of studying?
This
is how you get a ninety-seven?”

Brendan laughed. “No, this is how
you
get your grade up above a “C”. I get ninety-sevens because it makes sense to me.”

“Star Wars makes sense to you…Congratulations. No wonder you don’t have any friends.”

“No. Star Wars doesn’t make sense to me. Science does.”

“So you suck in what–English? Math?”

“No–” He sat back and leaned his elbows against the step behind him. “They’re pretty much all easy.”

Sarah sat there staring at him. “Are you stoned again?”

“Maybe a little.”

“How can you get stoned all the time and get good grades?”

He laughed at himself, shaking his head. “I don’t know, man. It’s a gift.”

She stood up. “I gotta go.”

He put his hand across the arm of her jacket. “Wait! I can help you.”

She looked down at his hand, then back to his face. “Help me with what?”

“With biology.” Wasn’t that obvious?

“And I should accept help from a stoner…why?”

She certainly didn’t hold back. He put his hands up innocently. “Hey, I’m not the one failing.”

She challenged him with her eyes. “Tell me then, why should you even care?”

Brendan stopped. “I don’t know.” He took his hand away.

She looked at him for a long time, but he didn’t say anymore, so she got up and started for class. He caught up with her at her locker, closing it just as she got it open.

“Look, the fact of the matter is, I have an A in this class and you have a C minus. We’ve still got twenty minutes before the quiz. Let me show you a few tricks to help you sort things through in your head. If your grade doesn’t go up then I promise to never save your ass from creepy guys that follow you to Starbucks ever again.” He stuck out his hand. “Deal?”

She shook on it. “Ok, but what I still don’t get is why?”

“See, there’s your problem right there. Mr. Phillips isn’t asking you to understand every intricacy of DNA theory. He just wants you to regurgitate facts. So you can’t over think it. Don’t spend all your time trying to pick apart the theories themselves. This is college level biology. The guys who wrote that textbook are the ones responsible for figuring out the why’s, not you.”

“But it bugs me when I don’t
get
it.”

“Sometimes stuff just
is
.”

Sarah chewed on a stray piece of hair and considered the idea. “Well, I happen to think there’s a reason for everything. Nothing happens for nothing, and I like to understand why. It’s not a crime, you know.”

She tried to open her locker again but he put his hand up and closed it a second time. She looked up, half exasperated, her eyes probing. Suddenly he couldn’t swallow, and it took a minute for the words to untangle themselves from his throat.

Brendan’s eyes searched the past and landed, unsatisfied, back in the present. “That may be true, but trust me–you don’t always get to know the reasons why.”

“Maybe you’re right. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t keep trying to figure it out.”

“Good.” He took his hand away from the locker. “You’re going to need to channel all that persistence if you want a decent grade on that AP exam.

__________

Paige had the top of her body shoved out the window while the bottom half, bent at the waist, stood like one of those lawn decorations where the woman is supposedly bent over pulling weeds.

Nate laughed out loud but she was oblivious, so he tried an old trick his mother used to use. "Green Eggs and Ham."

"Pardon?"

"The other day–you asked me what my favorite book was when I was a kid."

“I did?”

“Yeah. You did. Why don’t you shut that? I’m freezing over here.”

She shivered involuntarily. "The breeze is a little chilly tonight, isn’t it?"

"Come and sit with me."

She closed the window, hugging her arms close to her red cotton t-shirt and joined him on the couch. He tugged the fleece throw down and laid it over the lower half of her body as she tucked her legs up underneath her. He stroked her hair tenderly and kissed the top of her head. "Do you want some tea?"

"No. Just you." She laid her cheek against the soft, brushed flannel of his shirt and hooked her arm around his waist, holding on tight and just breathing in and out. "You know, when I’m with you I feel like nothing in the world can hurt me–not ever."

"Mmm. I like it when you talk
dirty
to me." He made a funny sound in his throat as he spoke the word ‘dirty’. Squeezing her shoulders lightly he tried his Holy Grail Frenchman voice. "
It’s a veh-ry nice-a
."

She pulled away ever so slightly and looked up at him, still and very serious. Those deep green eyes of hers stopped his Monty Python routine dead in its tracks. He searched her expression and waited. She opened her lips slightly, but lost her nerve. Her eyes left his face and focused on the tiny hairs sticking out of the top of his shirt. Nate let out his breath and pulled her back into his chest. He’d just have to keep waiting.

He brushed his lips absently back and forth across her hair, holding back those feelings and declarations that he knew, more than anything, must scare her to death. After the attack all he’d wanted was to pull her closer, to somehow keep her safe, but the increase in his intensity had the opposite affect on her. It only seemed to push her farther away.

All this time, loving her from a distance. All this time spent massaging the ground beneath their relationship, waiting and watching. Time was an incompetent companion and he grated against its ignorance. It knew nothing of the progression of her healing, but most days, neither did he. And so they waited, an unwilling pair bound together against the greatest of odds.

The only time it seemed to lock step and synchronize was during times of intimacy. In those moments she welcomed the consuming fire of his intensity. It baffled him how she could crave so powerfully the very act that had robbed them of their prior happiness. Or maybe, somehow, incredibly, for her there was no connection between the two.

Whatever the case, it seemed to calm her somehow and she reached for it like a life preserver in the storm, clinging to his every touch and igniting a fire in him that was difficult to extinguish when the time came to take his place at the edges of her life. His constant hope was that the two realities would someday meld into a happy medium, because being with her was the most excruciating pleasure he’d ever known.

__________

It occurred to Paige on Thursday afternoon that she hadn’t yet made it over to Frank Evans’ office to get started on the new project. Kevin ducked his head in to let her know they’d called and he was giving a couple of her current projects to other, more junior employees.

"I really need you to focus on giving Frank your best work."

"It’s that important to you?"

"Yeah, it really is. Frank Evans is an important man with a lot of very important friends. We make him happy and we’re bound to land other big clients as well. I promise, you do this one right and you’ll be very happy come bonus time."

She glanced over the top of her glasses. "Kevin?"

"Yeah."

"You don’t give bonuses. And I quote: ‘You guys make too much damn money as it is!’ end quote."

He returned her smile with a playful grin. "Well I just might start, so do a phenomenal job, ok?"

She stared at him, incredulous. "Have I ever once given you less than one hundred percent?"

"No, and I don’t expect you to start now."

"Alright already, now get out of my office so I can get some work done!"

Kevin gave the edge of the doorframe his characteristic double tap but then hesitated.

She looked back, wide-eyed and exasperated. "What?"

"Thanks Paige."

Her hand brushed the air away. "You got it."

The next morning Paige showed up at the oh-so-posh offices of Evans and Associates at their Trump Plaza address at nine, ready for work. It was a courtesy visit, designed to put names and faces together and get a chance to see how the office was run. Some systems weren’t set up to transfer files electronically for security reasons, but there were always ways around it. Nate had taught her that. She had literally worn pants, just in case.

Frank Evans himself showed her around and introduced her to all of his key people, reinforcing his anticipation of their full cooperation. What she hadn’t expected was an office with her name on the door, a computer, and everything she could possibly need, including the use of one of his secretaries.

"Frank? Are you trying to tell me something here? Is this more of a mess than you let on?"

Frank closed the door to her ‘new office space’ and motioned for her to sit down. He took the seat behind the desk, leaving her to sit in a low chair across from him. The gesture wasn’t lost on her, but wasn't exactly unexpected. Most CEOs were control freaks.

"I’m going to be completely honest with you Paige. My last accountant, whose desk you are now sitting in front of was–well, let’s just say he was not an honest man."

"Embezzlement?"

Frank nodded. "Unfortunately I didn’t become aware of what he was doing until it was much too late, and so far his antics have cost me over a million dollars. I’m afraid there are accounts buried in our offshore holdings that I still don’t even know about."

"And now you can't find him?"

Frank shifted in his seat. "Oh, we're looking, believe me. Problem is, the body has disappeared, but the "leak" in my finances hasn’t. I need it found, and I need it stopped. Time is of the essence."

"Have you reported it to the proper authorities? That kind of fraud definitely warrants legal action."

He tapped his fingers together and gauged her reaction. "I'd really like to avoid a big, ugly mess, if possible."

"What about a temporary freeze on your assets?"

Frank got up and walked around the desk, dragging his finger against the mahogany as he did so. "A lot of my competitors have become aware of my ‘recent embarrassment’ and they’re taking advantage of it–making our clients nervous with a lot of nonsense talk about how their accounts aren’t safe here; how we don’t run a tight ship–basically slaying our credibility. To put a freeze on now would only further the rumors and hurt the business."

"Well, if you don't mind me saying so Frank, they'd be right to think that. If you've got an accountant running around with loophole access to millions of dollars, I'd say you have a very large problem on your hands."

Frank Evans’ tight smile did little to make her feel at ease. In fact, it felt like diving into very deep water with no buddy system–and no extra tank of air.

"That's exactly why we hired Kevin's firm. It has the best reputation in the city for honesty and integrity. Your name on our payroll gives us the appearance of stability, enabling us to keep our clients happy."

"So they can unwittingly finance your accountant's house in Bora Bora?"

His anger flared. "No, so they can help keep this company liquid while we find the problem and redesign the system so that nothing like this will ever happen again. That, of course, is where you come in. You, and your knack for finding leaks."

Problem solving–always problem solving
.
It was equal parts gift and curse. "I’m not a computer scientist, Frank."

"Computer scientists are a dime a dozen. What I need is someone who can tell them where to plug the holes."

He walked over to the mini bar and poured himself a scotch. "Let’s just say you’re ‘on loan’ to me until further notice."

"On loan?"

"As in, you work for me now."

"I’m still not sure I’m following you. Listen, I appreciate what you’ve done here, but I really prefer to work at my own office. If we can just have the files transferred over there I promise you I’ll get right on this."

"Sorry. That's not the deal I made."

"The deal? Again, I’m not sure I’m following you. Are you saying you 'bought me'? Is that what you're saying?"

"You think I give all my temps a private office with their own staff? We need to make this look permanent, at least until the worst is over."

"I’m sorry Frank, but I'll have to talk to Kevin about that."

"I’ve already talked to Kevin. He assured me this arrangement would be fine as long as I don’t try to steal you permanently." He smiled a checkmate kind of smile and offered her a drink.

She stared at the glass in his hand. "It’s ten o’clock in the morning."

"Well that’s nearly noon, isn’t it? Besides, we’re celebrating!"

"What exactly are we celebrating Frank?"

He made himself comfortable in her new chair once again. "Your golden ticket, of course. You do this up right, and there are about a dozen companies I know of personally that would make you their CFO in a heartbeat."

She raised her eyebrows. "A corporate back scratch?"

"I always get what I want, Ms. Hadley."

Her blood was boiling. Men like Frank Evans made her want to eat multiple pints of Ben and Jerry’s to cool her insides.
Until further notice? Smooth Kev.
She sighed audibly. "Well then, kings to you Frank. Why don’t you just vacate that chair then so I can get started saving your ass?"