Letters of Love (Lessons in Love) (10 page)

“No
, I don’t.”

“See, there it is!” Ashley pointed proudly at Alex’s now smiling face. “Alex Heron
, you are in love. Your smile is proof enough!”

“Go back to sleep!” Alex playfully threw a pillow over at her friend.

“Get to class!” Ashley snapped as a rebuttal. “I need you here next year to listen to my man troubles, so make sure you keep those grades up!”

“I will!” Alex promised, leaving their bedroom, and by the time the door clicked shut
, Ashley had already fallen back into a deep sleep.

The
sorority house was always quiet at such an early hour. A few sisters were eating breakfast in the communal dining room, but there was an unspoken rule that before 9 a.m. all noise was kept to an absolute minimum, and so abiding by this rule, Alex quietly made her way down the stairs and out the front door.

There was a brisk coolness in the air
that made Alex thankful she’d chosen to wear her hoody. She walked purposefully towards the main campus, full of enthusiasm for the class ahead despite her lack of sleep. She could sleep later, when Ashley was out at classes, and then by the evening they’d both be caught up on their rest.

Rounding a corner
, Alex could see the building that housed her class, a tall building with a clock tower at its pinnacle. In front of it was a grassy area, where on sunny days students would sit out and read, but on this cold morning it was deserted.

As she walked, Alex went through her mental checklist of what she needed to do for class. There was an assignment to hand in and a test she was currently preparing for. Finally, she felt on top of her workload and caught up with her peers.

“Alex!” a deep male voice hissed her voice as she headed towards her building. She ignored it at first, but the caller persisted.

“Alex!”

Glancing back, Alex spotted the unmistakable figure of Oscar, his long limbs leaning against a column as he stood precariously close to a school building, smoking, which was forbidden on that part of campus.

“Oscar!” Alex strode over to him with fierce
, driven steps, suddenly filled with anger at his blatant disregard for the rules. “You can’t smoke here!” she told him angrily.

“It’s a free country
.” Oscar shrugged nonchalantly, deliberately taking an extra-long drag from the white stick held in his perfect mouth.

“No, it’s not
.” Outraged Alex reached out and grabbed the cigarette from between his lips, immediately throwing it to the ground, where she stubbed it out with her Converse shoe.

“America is a country of fake liberties, where the rich shepherd and exploit the poor, where the American dream is nothing more than a myth
, and the real dream is greed. Gordon Gekko’s mantra of
greed is good
should be woven on to the American flag, you said so yourself.”

“At least you’ve been paying attention,” Oscar deadpanned.

“You can’t flaunt the rules like this, Oscar. You’re going to get expelled.” Alex pleaded with him.

“So what?” Oscar shrugged.

“You’ve got such a great mind, Oscar. Don’t let it go to waste because of some ill-judged rebellion.”

“Ill-judged?” Oscar raised an eyebrow in annoyance.

“Smoking where it is prohibited is a petty point to make.” Alex sighed. “Why not use your time here to make a real difference. Ace your tests, get an amazing job, become a part of the one percent and help to make a real difference in this country. Fix healthcare, make the tax breaks fair, all the things you claim are broken, try to mend them.”

“I’m not going into politics,” Oscar answered stoically. “Your friend Ashley is the one destined to be a politician, which is a scary thought.”

“But what about you? What are you destined to do?” Alex looked at him with open, earnest eyes. Oscar was the smartest man she’d ever met, yet he never spoke about what he wanted to do with that intelligence, how he would wield it as he entered adulthood to enact positive change.

“I’m destined to die,” Oscar answered simply. The bluntness of his response shocked Alex
, and for a moment she was speechless. Her mind’s eye suddenly saw her father’s lifeless body as his precious blood seeped out of him, the color fading from his face. She felt sickened by the image but also terrified.

“Our time here is so precious and so limited,” Oscar continued, reaching into his pocket for another cigarette
, which he lit up, but Alex didn’t protest.

“We run ourselves ragged trying to make ourselves count, trying to make money
, and for what?”

The question hung unanswered in the air between them.

“You go to class today, you waste a day listening to someone tell you how to think, and then tonight you might die of an aneurism.”

Alex was silent. To anyone else, Oscar’s words might have sounded pious and self-righteous
, but to Alex they hit a nerve. In the wake of her father’s death she’d continually questioned the meaning of life; she still did from time to time. The fragility of life terrified her, as did the immense question everyone would one day face: what comes next? The oblivion of death, of ending, was overwhelming.

“Carpe diem,” she said, her voice small.

Oscar took his free hand and lifted her face so that she was gazing directly into his dark, brooding eyes.

“Exactly
.” He smiled around his cigarette. “This is why you’re special, Alex, because you get it. Everyone else gets caught up in the crap, of worrying about making the grade, but you know it’s all about making it count.”

“Yeah.” Alex was lost in his eyes, his eyes which were as deep and mysterious as an ocean.

“Like I said, I’m destined to die, so are you, it’s what we do when we are alive that counts. I want to be remembered for all the great things I did, not for how much money I made.” Oscar continued on his idealistic lament.

Standing before him
, Alex recalled a conversation she’d overheard in the weeks following her father’s death. Her mother had been at the kitchen table in their old home, surrounded by bone china plates and a top-of-the-range cooker.

Jackie Heron sat nursing a cup of coffee
, which had long since gone cold. Across from her sat her close friend Marie Shrouder, who lived in a house equally as beautiful.

“It’s just none of this, none of this matters,” Jackie had said tearfully, gesturing to the room around them.

“He worked himself so hard, and now I’m going to lose everything anyway.” She glanced down sadly at her cold coffee, unaware that a few feet away a young Alex sat on their large wooden staircase, leaning against the elaborate wooden spindles, hanging on her mother’s every word, which carried up to her.

“But I’d give it all up, every last bit of it, just to have him back. Nothing matters but him, and I can’t tell him that.” Jackie’s tears intensified to sobs
, and a young Alex struggled to understand what her mother meant. They had a beautiful home, full of beautiful things, why would they ever choose to give it up?

But now, standing before Oscar, Alex completely understood what her mother meant. The trappings of their life didn’t matter. What mattered was the love that they shared. Even though living in a trailer was hard, the love Jackie Heron felt for her children had only intensified. They still had each other
, and that in itself was priceless.

“You matter to me,” Alex told Oscar as her eyes grew misty.

“And you matter to me.” Oscar discarded his newly lit cigarette and pulled Alex in for a deep, passionate kiss. A kiss that started as tender and loving began to quickly develop into something else.

They parted
, breathing heavily, and Oscar drew Alex closer and whispered in her ear. “It really turns me on when you talk like that, when you quote my Gekko theory.” His breath was hot and heavy against Alex’s skin, and it made her whole body tingle with suspense.

“My roommate is out all day
. Let’s go back to my dorm room where we can spend all day in bed,” Oscar suggested seductively.

“I’ve got class,” Alex cited lamely, already feeling her body bend to his will.

“You can either go and sit in class and learn lame, boring information or you can come and get in my bed, where I’ll use my tongue to make you see stars all over again.”

Needing no further convincing
, Alex let Oscar take her hand and guide her away from the main campus buildings, towards his dorm building. Her previous enthusiasm for a day of learning had evaporated against the heat of her own desires.

****

Hours later, as Alex lay in Oscar’s bed and listened to the Radiohead CD he’d put on, her mind began to wander back to the moment that morning when he’d called her as she headed over to class. It seemed too much of a coincidence that he’d just been there at that time, when he didn’t have class himself. She began to wonder if it was no accident that she’d ended up in his bed all day, that he’d had that intention all along, that their whole conversation had been premeditated.

But Alex was unable to dwell on the thought for too long as her lack of sleep caught up with her
, and she fell into a pleasant slumber, all thoughts about missed classes and planned conversations fell from her mind in place of the beautiful coolness of sleep.

****

Alex eyed the white envelope cautiously. It stared up at her accusingly from the carpeted floor, having previously been pushed under her bedroom door, her name neatly typed on the front. She immediately recognized the format of the letter and knew that it didn’t indicate anything good.

Ashley came bursting through the door, her skin freshly scented like lemons from her shower, placing one slipper
-covered foot directly on top of the letter.

“Oh, sorry,” she apologized before bending to pick the envelope up. “It’s for you
.” She casually passed the letter across to Alex.

Sitting on her bed, Alex held the envelope in her hands
. It felt heavy with expectation.

“You not going to open it?” Ashley asked as she began to comb through her wet hair as she sat at her desk
, which was used more frequently as a vanity table.

Alex was quiet.

“Is it another letter from the college?” Ashley asked, sounding anxious. She turned to give her friend her full attention.

Alex merely nodded numbly in response.

“It might not be bad. You haven’t opened it yet.” Ashley tried to sound optimistic. “Besides, you’ve been turning up for all your classes.”

Alex shamefully shook her head.

“Oh, Alex.” As she spoke, Alex’s eyes grew sad. “I thought you’d been going all the time, making extra effort.”

“I was
.” Alex tried to defend herself, already knowing it was too late for excuses. “But…” Her voice trailed off, unable to complete the sentence.

“But along came Oscar,” Ashley answered for her. There was no judgment in her voice, only saddened understanding.

“Yeah, along came Oscar,” Alex admitted sadly.

“Love can blind the best of us.” Ashley came and sat beside her friend, placing a consolatory arm around her.

“Open it. It might not be as bad as you think,” she urged gently. “And I’m here for you, no matter what it says.”

With trepidation, Alex opened the letter and read the neatly typed words that were intended for her eyes.

After a few moments scanning the document, Alex sighed wearily. “I’ve got to go and meet with Miss Dunne this afternoon.”

“See, that’s not so bad!” Ashley tried to sound positive.

“Isn’t it?” Alex asked pessimistically.

“No, not at all. It’s not
a straight-out expulsion, which means that they’re offering you an olive branch, so go take it!”

Alex looked sadly at the letter and thought of all the days she’d spent with Oscar when she should have been in class. She realized that the problem with
carpe diem was that if tomorrow came and you hadn’t prepared for it, you were screwed.

****

“We meet again, Miss Heron,” Miss Dunne greeted Alex coldly as she settled herself on the opposite side of the teacher’s impressive oak desk.

“Yes, we do.” Alex’s voice was small and sorrowful.

“I anticipate that you know why you’re here.”

“My attendance?” Alex squeaked.

“Yes, your attendance. While your grades have been adequate, your attendance has been far from satisfactory, a point made even more grave by the fact that you’ve been previously warned about your poor record.”

Miss Dunne held Alex in a steely gaze that made her shift uncomfortably.

“I’m… I’m sorry.” Alex knew how lame an apology sounded in light of such accusations but felt she had nothing else to offer.

“Is that all that you’ve prepared to plead your case?”

“I… I’m not sure what else to say,” Alex admitted.