Letters of Love (Lessons in Love) (13 page)

****

After watching both
Sex and the City
movies and drinking more wine, the girls were lying on the floor of the lounge area. Outside, darkness had crept in, smothering the campus in the emptiness of night.

“I just can’t believe he didn’t call!” Alex admitted, slurring her words.

“I know!” Ashley agreed vehemently. “I mean, how hard is it to call someone?”

“Not hard at all!”

“And you called him.”

“So many times! Too many times! I started to feel like a freaking stalker!” Alex giggled slightly.

“You need to forget him,” Ashley instructed, her eyes focused on the ceiling, which seemed impossibly far away.

“I know.”

“Forget him and move on.”

“Yes.”

“Pretend he never existed.”

“Okay…”

“He’s dead to you.” Ashley’s anger was intensifying.

“Want me to also kill his puppy?” Alex laughed. This made Ashley giggle too.

“No, let’s avoid bunny boiler territory.” Ashley smiled.

They continued to lie on the floor, the CD player they’d previously turned on belting out Demi Lovota’s latest album
, but neither of them were really listening.

“Why is the ceiling spinning like that?” Alex asked.

“I don’t know. I was trying to figure it out.”

“We should really get to bed,” Alex decided, trying to clamber up to her feet and failing, sliding back onto her bottom
, much to Ashley’s delight.

“You’re drunk!” Ashley laughed.

“No drunkerer than you.” Alex levelled an accusing finger at her friend, which wobbled in the air as though it had a mind of its own.

“Drunkerer, that’s not even a word!” Ashley began to giggle hysterically.

“It so is!”

“Isn’t!”

Alex was smiling. It felt good to smile, to not be alone anymore. Finally being able to discuss Oscar felt like a massive weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and she felt light and free. Eventually, after several attempts, she managed to stand up as a particularly high-energy song began to play. Uneasily, Alex began to sway back and forth before breaking into more of a shimmy.

“What are you doing?” Ashley laughed, still lying on the floor.

“I’m dancing. I feel like dancing.”

“I want to dance too!” Ashley tried to get up but couldn’t. “Alex, help me up!” she pleaded sorrowfully.

Alex came over and let Ashley grab on to her arms, but rather than help her friend up, she got pulled down so that they were both on the floor in a crumpled heap.

“Wow, we are too cool!” Ashley laughed.

“I hurt my leg,” Alex moaned, making a face of faux pain.

“I’m glad I’m back,” Ashley admitted in a rare moment of sincerity, the frivolity of the evening fading briefly.

“I’m glad you’re back too. I really missed you.”

The girls hugged, knowing in their hearts that they would always be the best of friends.

“Oscar doesn’t deserve you,” Ashley said kindly.

“I know
.” Alex sighed. “Does Pierre have a brother?” she teased.

“Haha, no.”

“I’d settle for a cousin.”

“I bet you would.”

After a few more tries, the girls finally were both on their feet and dancing around the sofa, throwing up their arms in carefree abandon, no longer worrying about school, wasted romance or the big, bad world beyond the sorority house. They were lost in the moment, and it felt amazing. Neither of them wanted to break the spell and end the evening.

****

At some point, however, their evening did end, and Alex awoke on the floor of the lounge area, the sun streaming in through the window, burning her eyes. She tried to move and winced in pain as her back protested the movement, sore from sleeping on such a hard surface all night.

“Urgh,” Alex moaned, stretching and trying to get her bearings.

“No light!” Ashley cried out from somewhere close by.

Hearing her bones creak like a haunted house
, Alex managed to stand up and survey the damage of the previous night. There were a few empty bottles of wine littered around, along with strewn cushions from the sofa, three of which Ashley was curled up in like a cat. The CD was still playing, they must have put it on a loop, and DVDs were all over the floor from when they’d drunkenly tried to select a movie to watch.

Alex strained her eyes to focus and noticed that the sudden influx of sunlight had come from the now open front door, within which stood a very unimpressed
-looking Cindy, who regarded both girls with disdain.

“I see you’ve been working hard this summer,” she said cruelly to Alex
, who flinched at the directness of the insult.

“Ashley just came back last night,” Alex tried to explain but struggled to suppress the nauseous feeling inside her
. The room continued to spin as it had done the night before, only now the spinning was accompanied by an intense pounding in her head.

“Well
, make sure you clean it all up,” Cindy instructed coldly. “Playtime is over.”

****

Alex sat in class and listened diligently to the lesson taught by her professor. She ceased staring intently at the front of the room only to briefly glance at her notepad as she frantically scribbled down the key points. She was a changed student. No longer did she arrive late for class, her hair wet and her clothes thrown on. Alex was now always on time, if not early, dressed impeccably with her hair tied in a neat bun, her jeans now ironed and coupled with a crisp white shirt. Her image reflected her new, serious attitude.

She found that she enjoy
ed studying. Now that she allowed it to be her focus at Princeton, she finally felt like she was reconnecting with the young girl she had once been, the girl who had dreamed of one day attending the prestigious college and expanding her mind.

The best part of it all, however, was offering her thoughts a distraction from Oscar. She found that whenever she had a spare moment for her mind to drift
, it immediately went to him, wondering where he was, what he was doing or more distressingly, who he was doing. Alex kept seeing guys around campus who looked like him from a distance but was always disappointed when she drew close; it was never Oscar. She began to consider if perhaps he had dropped out of school altogether. His attendance was certainly poor enough to warrant expulsion.

“The best way to get over one guy is to get under another,” Ashley had declared the previous evening in their room as Alex gazed dreamily into space.

“Huh?”

“You’re thinking about him again,” Ashley noted accusingly.

“I can’t help it.” Alex sighed.

“You need to get yourself a new boy toy, someone new to occupy your thoughts.”

“I don’t want to date anyone else,” Alex admitted. The wounds over her breakup with Oscar were still fresh and sore; she didn’t feel strong enough to let someone new close to her.

“Well, let me know when you’re ready
. Pierre has some really hot friends I could introduce you to!”

“Does Pierre like you calling his friends hot?” Alex teased.

“I’d just say he was misinterpreting my meaning, the language barrier and all.” Ashley smirked.

“You’re terrible.”

“Terribly good!” Ashley clarified. “And while you, Alex Heron, are now a model student, you are a poor friend! All you do is mope around here! You need to get over Oscar pronto!”

Ashley’s mantra about how Alex needed to forget about the last man she had loved had become a daily ritual.

“I just can’t stop thinking about him.”

“Well
, he seems to have stopped thinking about you,” Ashley said harshly. “I’m sorry to be cruel, Alex, but I feel like I need to be blunt with you. He never texted or called. He’s probably off with some skank, or multiple skanks, while you sit here torturing yourself by thinking about him.”

“You’re right.”

“I’m always right,” Ashley said confidently.

During class was the only time when Alex’s mind was occupied enough to stop her thinking about Oscar. She lost herself in the complex equations and theories she had to learn, enjoying the simplicity of mathematics and numbers. There was always a right answer, a right way to work something out; you just had to learn the method. She wished that life could be that simple.

“Miss Heron,” Miss Dunne called to Alex one morning after class had concluded.

Alex hung back from the other students who were leaving the room
, and she loitered near her teacher’s desk after being called back.

“I just wanted to commend you on your newfound study ethic
.” Miss Dunne’s hard face actually broke into an awkward-looking smile as she spoke. It was evident that she was a woman who rarely smiled because the gesture looked so unnatural.

“Thank you.” Alex stood awkwardly before her, clutching her textbooks to her chest like a shield. She was so accustomed to being berated by Miss Dunne that she felt nervous, like a naughty child awaiting their punishment.

“It’s rare that students like yourself manage to turn things around so dramatically.”

“I’ve tried to apply myself and be focused.”

“Well, you’ve done a good job. You should be proud of yourself.” Miss Dunne smiled awkwardly again.

“Thank you
.” Alex nodded, but loitered again before leaving the room.

“He didn’t get expelled,” Miss Dunne said suddenly, as though able to read Alex’s thoughts. “That’s what you want to ask me, right?”

Alex was taken aback by her teacher’s astuteness, and it left her speechless.

“Mr. Deloitte is still here studying at Princeton,” Miss Dunne continued, “but by the look on your face
, you were hoping he wasn’t.”

The color drained from Alex’s face as she finally succumbed to the grim reality that Oscar was walking around campus and just choosing to ignore her, not caring that he’d not seen her, no longer having any feelings for her. Her chest became tight as though someone had just d
rove a knife into it but was then applying extra pressure, turning it to induce as much pain as possible.

“You want my advice?” Miss Dunne asked sharply, her smile long gone.

Alex could only nod numbly.

“Forget you ever met him and focus on yourself
. It’s been working for you so far this year. You’ve got perfect attendance and impressive grades. There’s a lot more to life than men; don’t forget that.”

Miss Dunne nodded at her young student, satisfied with the knowledge she had imparted
, and walked purposefully out of the room, her heeled shoes clicking methodically against the hard floor as she left. Alex listened until the footsteps were beyond earshot before slinking out of the classroom, her head down, eyes on the floor. She felt as though she’d just been stepped on.

“He’s still here!” Ashley screamed when Alex told her about the conversation with her teacher.

“That’s what she said.”

“And he hasn’t bothered to get in touch with you since classes began! The little rat!” Ashley was fired up, pacing around their shared bedroom in her pink fluffy slippers.

“I’m not surprised, to be honest,” Alex said sadly.

“He better hope I never see him!” Ashley declared through clenched teeth.

“Ash, it’s okay. I’m trying to do like Miss Dunne suggested and just forget him.”

“Well
, you must be Ghandi to be able to be so calm about it all!”

“I’m trying to take the high road
,” Alex said softly.

“Good luck with that
.” Ashley waved a dismissive hand. “Personally, I’d feel a lot better once I’ve smashed a few windows out of his car, or at least slashed some tires.”

“He doesn’t have a car.”

“Of course he doesn’t! Because he’s a rat!”

The soft tap at their bedroom door caused Ashley to cease pacing. Cindy’s head came poking around the white wooden door, glancing first at Ashley and then over at Alex
, who sat on her bed.

“Just to remind you that the Kappa Pi pow wow starts in five minutes
,” Cindy whispered into the room.

“We can tell the time, Cindy
.” Ashley sighed. “Pow wow starts at five every day. You don’t always have to come in and tell us.”

Cindy scowled at Ashley and then closed the door, leaving the roommates once more in peace. Things ha
d been icy between them and Cindy since she’d found them after their reunion evening.

At precisely five Alex and Ashley headed out of their room, down the wooden staircase and into the lounge area of the sorority house. There were already a dozen girls waiting, leaving them no space to sit except on the floor.