Letters to Julian (A Cupid Inc Novella) (2 page)

“Ridley, thank you, but I can’t do that.”

Instead of arguing with him, Ridley winked and began backing away. “I’ll see you around.” Then he turned and made his way to the back of the store without giving Julian a chance to say anything else.

“Well, al
l right then.”

Snorting to himself, he hurried out into the afternoon sun to hail a cab, which turned out to be surprisingly easy given the location and time of day. Once he settled into the backseat and gave the driver his destination, Julian thumbed through the pages of his new book, growing more excited with each passage he skimmed
. Turning back to the beginning, he frowned when a folded piece of blue paper fell from between the pages and into his lap.

Setting his book to the side
, he unfolded the lined paper and smiled as he read the printed message.

May you find the adventure you seek.

I’m sure we’ll meet again, Julian Haell. You know where to find me.

With a wistful sigh, he tucked the note back into his book and shifted around in his seat to watch the passing buildings through his window. “Yes,” he whispered, “we’ll definitely meet again.”

Every Monday and Thursday for three months, Julian entered the shop at precisely nine in the morning without fail. He usually pretended to browse the shelves, though Ridley always had a new book waiting for him. Then he’d eventually make his way to the coffee shop in the back of the store where he’d flirt with the barista, Bridget, order a Moroccan mint tea with honey, and sit in the same seat at the same table to wait for Ridley to join him.

It became their routine, simple and dependable, and Ridley looked forward to their twice weekly conversations. Though they’d talk for hours at a time, surprisingly, they never ran out of things to say. Talking to Julian came easily, never forced or awkward, and as they’d gotten to know one another, his shyness and anxiety had eventually melted away to reveal a shining personality Ridley found as addictive as any drug.

“Is it here?” Julian demanded the minute he walked in through the front doors of The Book Attic. “Did it come today?”

“Well, hello to you, too, love. Nice weather we’re having, wouldn’t you say?”

Julian turned to look through the large display windows
to the gray, sullen sky beyond. “Yes, just lovely.” Approaching the counter, he bounced up on his toes and leaned forward to place a friendly kiss on Ridley’s cheek. “Sorry, how are you?”

“Do you really care?”

“Not really,” he admitted with a mischievous grin. “Tell me. Did it come today?”

“Ever impatient, you are.” He teased, but in reality, Ridley adored the man’s excitement. “Yes, your bloody book came this morning.” It hadn’t been easy to track down the special edition Julian wanted, but Ridley had found a way to make it happen.

“You are truly amazing.” Julian held his hand out and wiggled his fingers. “Give me.”

Ridley retrieved the leather-bound book from the shelf under
the counter and handed it over. “Flattery will get you everywhere.” While loathe to admit it, he’d do anything Julian asked of him, if only to see that infectious smile of his. “What plans do you have tonight, Julian?”

“I’m going to curl up with a blanket by the fire and admire my new treasure.” As he spoke, Julian caressed the spine of the book and traced the edges with the tips of his fingers. “What about you?
Got a hot date tonight?” he teased.

“Nothing so exciting.” All month he’d been trying to work up the courage to ask Julian
up to his apartment over the store. It wasn’t the possibility of rejection that held him back, though. He worried about how it would change their friendship, and he didn’t have so many friends he could afford to lose one. “I’ll likely order a pizza and turn in early.”

“Look at us, a couple of party animals.” Holding the book to his chest, Julian shuffled to the other end of the counter and tilted his head to the side. “I’m going to get a tea. Do you want anything?”

“No, nothing for me.” Asking Julian up to his place or out to a movie shouldn’t be so stressful. They were friends. Clearly they enjoyed each other’s company. Ridley couldn’t see a downside to asking Julian on an outing—not a date, definitely not a date—but still, something held him back. “Go on,” he added when he noticed Julian hadn’t moved. “I’ll be along in a minute.”

“Ridley, is everything okay?”

“Fine.” No, he didn’t feel
fine
, but he didn’t know what had changed or why he suddenly felt so off-kilter. Keeping his back to Julian, he stacked papers and sorted different odds and ends on the counter, though his mind drifted a thousand miles away from his task. “Go on, Julian. Go get your tea.”

Slipping behind the counter, Julian curled his fingers around Ridley’s elbow and tugged gently. “Hey, look at me.”

Since he didn’t have a good reason to refuse, Ridley choked down his sigh and turned to face his friend. “What is it, Julian?”

“
I could ask you the same thing. Talk to me.”

The concern in his honey-brown eyes
tightened the knot that had been forming in his chest since Julian had first entered the store. “I’m just in a foul mood today, love.” The pet name had come about organically and had never meant anything beyond a friendly endearment. Hearing it roll from his lips this time, though, felt different, more intimate. “Not to worry. It’s probably just the weather.”

“You’re a terrible liar,” Julian accused. “Let me help. That’s what friends do, right?”

Friends.
It may have started as nothing more than friendly talks over tea, but recently, Ridley found himself thinking of Julian, worrying about him, or wondering if the elf thought of him when they weren’t together. On more than one occasion, he’d lost track of the conversation because he’d been too intoxicated by Julian’s smile or the cute way his nose wrinkled when he smiled.

Julian wound his long, elegant fingers around Ridley’s wrist and
pulled. “Come with me.”

“I have to work,” he argued.

“You have employees who can watch the store for a couple of hours.” Julian pulled more insistently on his wrist. “The place won’t fall apart if you take a personal day. I promise.”

Ridley didn’t worry about the store or his staff, and it wouldn’t be the first time he’d taken off during the day. In his current mood, however, he didn’t trust himself to be alone with Julian. His gaze was repeatedly drawn to the elf’s
pink, heart-shaped lips, and no matter how many times he told himself a failed romance could ruin their friendship, he still wanted to know if Julian’s silvery blond hair felt as silky as it looked.

For as long as he could remember, Ridley had been alone, and he preferred it that way. People and their constant need for interaction exhausted him
. Not the case with Julian, though. He could listen to Julian talk all day about the most random topics and never grow tired, but therein lay the problem. Ridley couldn’t pinpoint the precise moment his feelings for the man had moved beyond mere friendship, but if he acted impulsively on those feelings, he could potentially lose the one person who had come to mean so much to him.

Opening his mouth to tell Julian he couldn’t leave work and maybe they should postpone their usual chat, Ridley nearly choked when he heard the actual words that exited his mouth. “Where do you want to go?”

“Nowhere in particular. I thought maybe we could take a walk through Central Park or maybe go sightseeing. I’ve lived here my whole life, but I love to watch the tourists. Everything is new and shiny for them, and it helps me remember why I love living here so much.”

Maybe it was an elf thing, but Ridley couldn’t recall a single instance when Julian hadn’t been eager for adventure or unwaveringly optimistic about where the day might take him. “Are you ever angry?”

“Angry?” Julian hoisted himself up on the counter to put them at a more even height. “Sure, I get angry, frustrated, irritated, and you know what?” Leaning forward, he lowered his voice to a loud whisper. “Sometimes…I’m even sad.” Sitting up straight again, he shrugged and continued in normal tones. “Those kinds of emotions take a lot of energy, though, and really, they don’t do any good. Has being angry ever changed what ticked you off in the first place?”

“I suppose not.” The longer they talked,
the looser the knot in his chest became, allowing Ridley to take his first deep breath since the conversation began. “Keep talking.”

“Okay.” Julian drew
the word out, and his brow furrowed. “All I’m saying is that you need to have more fun in your life. You work. You go home. You work again. It’s not healthy, Rid.”

On the contrary, Ridley felt the happiest and most centered when alone. “That’s a matter of opinion, I think. I enjoy being alone.”

“You like spending time with me,” Julian countered.

“I do.” Julian never pressured him, and he never held Ridley to any unreachable expectations. “You’re different, though.”

“I know.” His lips quirked up on one side, and he batted his lashes. “I’m special, which is why you adore me. It’s a gift.”

“And you’re so humble.” Reaching out with his index finger, he tapped Julian on the tip of his nose and chuckled. “You should eat.”

“I like food. Where we going?” Jumping off the counter, Julian zipped his blue sweater jacket and headed for the exit. “You’re buying, right?” He stopped with his hand on the door and glanced over his shoulder when Ridley didn’t immediately follow. “Well, are you coming or not? I’m wasting away here.”

“When did you eat last?” Ridley enjoyed the soft lines and
smooth curves of Julian’s compact body—maybe too much—but he did worry that the guy didn’t take care of himself.

“I had a cupcake for breakfast about an hour ago.”

“Then I suppose we need to get a proper meal in you before you wither away to nothing.” 

“Now we’re talking.” Rolling his eyes and sighing dramatically, Julian pushed the door open and waited for Ridley to walk through it before following him out. “I want pancakes or donuts or maybe a cinnamon roll.”

“Or you could have an omelet with toast and orange juice.” It was an argument they had regularly, and while Julian’s penchant for sweets amused him, he felt the guy needed a diet with more nutrients and less refined sugar.

“Buzzkill,” Julian muttered. “It’s my cheat day.”

“What about yesterday?”

“That was my cheat day, too.”

Ridley laughed and squeezed the back of Julian’s neck as they walked together down the sidewalk. “Come now, love, don’t disparage. We can stop for hot cocoa on the way back. How does that sound?”

“Charmer.” Julian eased closer to him in such a subtle move, Ridley almost didn’t realize it. “I guess you’re right.
I’ll try to cut back on the sugar.”

Coughing, Ridley released his hold on Julian’s neck and sidestepped to put distance between them as his chest tightened again. “You’re an adult, Julian. You can do whatever you want.”

“Yeah, okay.” Julian pushed both hands into his jacket pockets and rounded his shoulders as though curling into himself. “Did you want to take a walk in Central Park after brunch?”

“I have things to do, Julian. I can’t entertain you because you’re bored.” It wasn’t a fair or accurate statement, and Ridley didn’t know why he’d even said it.
You scare me, Julian Haell
.

Neither of them said another word until they reached the diner around the block. Even then, Julian only spoke to the waitress to order a glass of water and a bowl of fruit. Not since the first day they’d met in the bookstore had things been so stilted between them. Ridley hated the silence, and more, he hated that he’d caused the awkwardness.

“You need more than fruit.”

“It’s okay,” Julian mumbled. “I’m not that hungry.”

“Bloody hell,” Ridley cursed under his breath. “Julian, look at me.”

He did, but not with his usual open and sunny expression. “I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry.”

“What you did…” Ridley used both hands to scrub his face as he chastised himself for being such a bastard. “It’s nothing you did, love, I assure you. I’m just terrible company today, and I should have realized it rather than subjecting you to my bad temper.” Reaching across the table, he placed his hand over Julian’s and squeezed. “My apologies for being a right sod. Forgive me?”

“Wanker,” Julian teased,
but it came off stilted, and his eyes never lost the guardedness.

“Aye, that I am. Truly, Julian, I’m not upset with you.”

Julian shrugged. “Why are you in such a foul mood? What happened?”

“Nothing in particular, just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I suppose.” How could he explain how he felt when he didn’t fully understand it himself?

Instead of the easy acceptance Ridley expected, Julian pushed away his fruit bowl and shrugged. “I guess you need to get back to the store. Are you ready?”

“Julian, I’m—”

Holding his hand up to halt more of Ridley’s apologies, Julian stood from his chair, threw a twenty down on the table, and donned his jacket. “You don’t have to apologize for being in a bad mood. I can even take you snapping at me if you need an outlet for whatever has you all tied in knots. I’m just disappointed that you feel you can’t talk to me about it.” Then he shook his head and left the diner without waiting to see if Ridley would follow.