Letting Go (Healing Hearts) (30 page)

She didn’t deserve to feel so cherished, so wanted. It overwhelmed her, yet she couldn’t get enough. Her longing for his love was so powerful that she held nothing back. Tears fell as she kissed him over and over.

Dave suddenly pulled back, his breathing heavy. He brushed her tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

“Why are you crying?”

“I just . . . I . . . ”

“What is it?”

“Oh, Dave.” She sobbed into her hands.

“It’s okay.” He pulled her into his arms and held her close.

She breathed deeply and inhaled his clean, masculine scent. The wonderful aroma of his skin made her cry even harder. Why did love have to feel so painful? What was she afraid of?

When her tears finally subsided, she moved out of his arms. She noted a trace of fear in his eyes. He had opened his heart and now he looked worried that she’d reject him at any moment.

She traced the contours of his face with her fingers. Smiling, he closed his eyes.

“I think . . . I think I love you too,” she whispered.

His smile broadened. “That’s awesome.”

“But I’m scared.”

“Me, too.” He ruffled his bangs and sighed.

Her heart pounded as they studied each other. His deep brown eyes expressed both vulnerability and strength. Oh, how she wanted him to be hers forever.

He captured her mouth again with a quiet moan. This time his kisses held such passion they literally made her head spin. She had never felt such intense love for a man before, not even Randy. At that moment she knew she’d do anything to please him, and that terrified her.

Pushing away from his embrace, she tried to catch her breath. “We have to stop.”

He froze, his expression incredulous. “What?”

 “I can’t do this, Dave. I just can’t.”

Running his fingers through his hair, he searched her eyes. “What do you mean you can’t do this?”

“I want to make love to you, and I’m afraid of what I might do if we keep this up. My feelings are so strong—” She cleared her throat. “I want to wait this time.”

He released a loud sigh and sank back into the couch. “Thank the Lord. For a minute there I thought you were going to say you couldn’t see me anymore.”

She gasped and popped his arm. “Why would you think that?”

“I keep thinking this is all so great, but I worry it will evaporate like a dream and I won’t get to see you anymore. That scares me.”

“You don’t trust me?”

Dave raised her chin with one finger. “I want to trust you, but I’ve never felt anything like this before. What we have—it’s so incredible.”

“What about from your marriage? Are your feelings for me different?”

He released her chin. “No, just a whole lot stronger.”

She smiled and bit her lower lip. “How did I manage that?”

“Don’t know.”

“Why do you love me?”

He hesitated for a moment. “I’ve felt this stirring in my heart since the first day I saw you at that New Year’s party.”

“I felt something for you too.” Her lips curved into a shy grin.

He touched her face, moving his thumb down her jaw until it settled on her lip. She kissed his thumb. Her heart sped up again at the hungry look in his eyes.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “I feel like the luckiest man alive.”

To her amazement, those words didn’t make her shudder and send her mind into a tailspin of horrible memories. Maybe there was hope for her after all.

“Thank you.”

“I want to ask you something.” He dropped his hands to his sides.

“Okay, ask.”

“I don’t want to scare you off or freak you out or anything, so if this is too soon, just say the word and I’ll hold off for a while. Okay?”

She shrugged, now curious about his question. “Sure.”

His eyes held hers, and his voice grew husky. “I love you so much that I want to marry you. Will you marry me?”

A lump clogged her throat, and she swallowed hard. Her eyes stung as she blinked back tears. His question touched her so deeply she couldn’t find any words to say in response.

No one had asked her the question that she had waited forever to hear. Not before Dave came into her life.

“It’s too soon, isn’t it? I knew it. Diane, I’m sorry. Just forget I said anything. I don’t want to lose you. I really don’t—”

She stopped him with a hungry kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck as she pulled him against her and wove her fingers into his hair. He drew her against him, which made her kiss him even harder. His lips moved from her mouth to her neck until she lost herself in the emotion of feeling wanted, loved.

Finally he pushed away from her with a frustrated groan, hopped to his feet, and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m either going to go insane or do something we’ll both regret if you stay a minute longer. I’m sorry, Diane. I really need you to go now.”

She rose from the couch and ran her hands over her thighs. “I’m sorry I kissed you again. I didn’t mean to tempt you, I swear.”

He was clearly surprised. “I put myself in this situation. Don’t blame yourself for what I should have stopped twenty minutes ago.”

“Okay, then I won’t. I’m sorry I stayed too long.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry, okay?”

“All right. Thank you, Dave. I enjoyed tonight.”

His eyes darkened as his gaze strayed from her eyes to her lips. “I enjoyed spending time with you too.”

A shiver coursed through her. This intense attraction made her crazy with longing. She needed to either marry Dave soon or stay away from him. The idea of not seeing him again made her chest ache.

“Yes, I will.”

“What do you mean you will?” He quirked his brow. “You’ll leave now?”

“No. I mean, yes. I’ll marry you. Yes, I will.”

“You will?” His mouth gaped.

She gave him a wicked grin. “Close your mouth, or I’ll have to kiss you again until you can’t remember your name.”

He snapped his mouth shut. “Yeah, but then if I lose control this time, I’ll hold you responsible.”

She shivered at the implication. Too tempting.

“Dave . . . don’t.”

“Yeah, right. Sorry.”

Snatching her jacket off the coat tree, she slipped it on. “We’ll talk soon, okay?”

“Sure. Want to go look for rings next weekend?”

She smiled, but kept her distance. “Sounds great.”

“Excellent.”

“Night.”

*   *   *

Dave woke in the morning, his spirits still soaring from the night before. He hadn’t felt such intense emotion in years. In fact, what he felt for Diane far surpassed what he had ever felt for Merilee.

Just thinking his wife’s name brought her face to mind and made his chest squeeze. He’d always miss certain things about her, but moving on with his life was for the best. Diane said she’d marry him, and he didn’t want to bring any baggage into their relationship if he could take care of it now. He’d spend the rest of his life proving to her what a good husband he could be. He’d do anything to keep her eyes on him so her heart wouldn’t stray.

While he made his bed and tucked in his sheets, he thought of the many nights he’d spent with Merilee trying so hard to make a baby together. He ached as he remembered her disappointment when she found out that he was the cause of their infertility.

Why did he have to think of her now, when everything seemed to be going right for him? His heart ached at the realization that he was never good enough for Merilee. He cried out to God, sharing his fears.

“What about Diane, Lord? She’s so beautiful, so perfect. When I’m around her it’s like my soul’s on fire. Will she leave me too? She’s still a baby Christian. So what if after we’re together for a while she tires of me? What if I can’t make her happy?”

He remembered the last time he saw Merilee. Their last argument.

*   *   *

“I can’t take this anymore. I want my own child, and if I can’t have one with you, then I want a divorce. I want out.”

“I thought you loved me. We agreed last night that we’d go to the clinic and get a donor, just like you wanted. What more can I do?”

“I’ve changed my mind. When you kiss me, I don’t feel attracted to you anymore. Nothing’s there, Dave.”

“Where’s this coming from? What are you really trying to say?”

“Honestly? You bore me in bed. It’s no fun being married to you. When we’re together there’s no real satisfaction. Everything is so . . . mechanical. We do it the same way every time. I need more excitement in my life.”

“You need more excitement? You’re the one who always pushes me away. I try to make you happy, but it seems like everything I do is wrong.”

“That’s because we’re wrong for each other. We always have been. I just didn’t see it before. I should have left you a long time ago.”

At the sound of Joey crying, she gave him a push. “Go to him. Your precious baby is crying. Just leave me alone. I’m going to the baby shower because I said I would, but don’t expect me back.”

“Wait, Merilee. Let’s talk. Please.”

“I don’t love you anymore. You’ll get over me.” She turned and walked out.

Joey’s cries increased.

“I’m coming, Joey. It’s okay, little guy. Daddy’s right here.”

*   *   *

Tears soaked his cheeks. He hadn’t realized he was crying until his chin itched from the moisture drying on his skin.

“Heal my heart, Lord.”

As he waited expectantly, he began to sense that he was to share his fears with Diane.

“I can’t do that, Lord,” he protested. “What will she think of me?”

But the feeling persisted, became stronger.

Suddenly, Dave wished he hadn’t asked God. What the Lord wanted him to do wasn’t possible. If Diane knew about what had happened between him and Merilee, she might never marry him. He didn’t want to take that chance.

“I’m not doing what you say. Not this time. I won’t lose her.”

His cell phone rang. Dave reached in his pocket and pushed the answer button.

“Dave’s Corporate Consulting. How may I help you?”

A husky voice greeted him. “Hi, gorgeous.”

His heart did a little flip. “Hey.”

The joyful tinkle of her laughter greeted his ears. “This is gonna be a really great day.”

He chuckled. “Oh, yeah? And why is that?”

“Guess.”