Letting Go of Us (Anchored Hearts Vol. 3) (35 page)

He looked to his crotch
before he realized I was being facetious. “Right. Sorry.” He walked
to the laundry room and walked back out with a shirt on. “Can we
talk?”

“
Yup.” He sat down in the
chair facing me as I played with my phone.

“
Do you think you can put
that down?” I looked up to him, rolled my eyes and set the phone
down. I was being a bitch on purpose and I think he knew it.
“Listen, about the club.”

I put my hand up, “I
agree.”

His head jerked back a
little as his eyes blinked a few times. “Wait, agree to
what?”

Huffing, “The club. If
Beast wants to come out and play, I agree.” I just stared at him,
deadpan as he processed my words.

“
Cassidy, I have rules.
You can’t just agree.”

“
I have rules too and
I
can
just
agree.” We stared at each other, each waiting for the other to
speak. “So, what are these rules?”

He leaned back in the chair
and quietly observed me. I kept eye contact and smiled, assuring
him that he wasn’t going to scare me off. “Why don’t we start with
your hard limits? If you know what those are.”

“
No blood play,
electricity, ball gags, I don’t like sleeping alone, umm…” He was
surprised at how quickly I continued to rattle things off.
“Surprised?”

“
A little. I wasn’t sure
how much I educated you before.”

“
Anal is ok, but it needs
to be worked up to. I enjoy being restrained, spanked, man
handled…”

“
I’d like to figure out on
my own what you enjoy.” His tone was serious and I nodded. “What’s
your safe word?” He didn’t think I saw it, but he adjusted himself
as my eyes traveled back to his eyes. “Focus, Cassidy.”

“
Oh, I’m focusing.” I
wasn’t sure if I should use the same safe word when, “Unicorn,”
fell from my lips. It was time for a new word.

“
Unicorn? Ok.” His gaze
lingered over me and I wasn’t sure what he was thinking about and I
was dying to know. “Are you always so challenging?”

I narrowed my eyes at him,
“What do you mean?” He didn’t say anything. “If you mean the
banter, we’ve done that since day one. I’m not sure it’s something
I can turn off with you.”

“
Ok. We’ll manage. I don’t
mind it.” He shifted positions and said, “Now for my rules.” I was
dying of anticipation, yet dreading what his requirements would be.
“I know that they call me Beast, but you’ll refer to me as Master
or Sir, preferably Master. No kissing, unless I say so. It muddles
emotions.”

God, Delaney was right. How
could I go with no kissing? Why hadn’t I listed that as a hard
limit? “No kissing!”

“
I’m not finished.” His
demeanor was so different, intimidating and sexy. My clit was
already tingling. “You will always wear a blindfold unless I tell
you differently. Satin panties, no bra, stockings are optional. I
want you to make a playlist of songs that turn you on, that you
enjoy, and email it to me. I’ll make sure it’s playing. And try to
steer clear of super sappy songs. They annoy me.” I nodded and was
looking forward to that. I already had a good start on a list of
songs I could send him. “I always wear a condom, but you must use a
method, too.”

“
I, um, I have an IUD.” He
nodded. I wasn’t going to bother telling him I had it put in after
the miscarriage because that would just start a whole new
conversation I didn’t want to have.

“
We won’t always have
intercourse, but pleasure is always my top priority. We, I, need to
build up our trust. Can you be ready tonight?”

Tonight! Fuck, yes! “Yes.
Tonight should be fine.”

“
When we’re here, there
will be no sexual intimacy. You will not instigate and we will
continue on as we have been. If and when the time comes for that to
change, we’ll sit down and discuss it.” My heart sank. Baby steps
and I kept repeating it to myself. “Do you still agree?”

I returned my gaze to his
and thought about everything he’d said. “Yes. I agree.”

He headed toward the
stairs, “Oh and no masturbating. Your orgasms are mine to claim
from now on. Send me the list and be ready to leave at
seven.”

“
Ok.”

I sat on the couch in
disbelief for a few minutes. Soon, I heard the treadmill and I
grabbed my laptop. I started on my playlist and tried to keep sappy
songs out of the mix. Of course, I added in some of
our
songs. He’d never
know and maybe they’d trigger a memory. Over an hour later he
walked down the stairs dressed in jeans and a button-up
shirt.

“
I emailed
you.”

“
Already.”

“
Yup.”

He smiled. “Ok. I have to
run to the office. I’ll be back in time to pick you up.” He didn’t
say anything more and he was gone.

I’d titled the playlist
‘The Club’ and emailed it to him and I included the link to my
streaming playlist as well. I had no idea how he planned on
utilizing it. If he hadn’t figured out my eclectic music taste,
he’d get a taste of it with that playlist. He’d be back in a few
hours. I got a few chores done and then headed upstairs to shower
again and primp. New razor, salt scrub, lotion and all the
essentials for extra smooth skin were awaiting my use.

I did my hair, leaving it
down and lightly curled. It was longer than it’d been in years, of
course so was his hair. I applied my makeup the way I remembered
him liking. Heavy eyes with a nude lip accentuated my eyes and
features. I had music playing and heard a door close. Turning it
down I listened to him walk to his room and then into the hallway
bathroom. Looking at the clock, I knew I needed to get dressed. I
stared at the two outfits in front of me and debated making a
decision.

There was a knock on the
door. I was standing in the middle of my room in nothing but my
satin panties and bra. I smiled at the torture I was about to
unleash. I strolled over to the door and opened it before walking
back to the outfits laying on my bed.

“
Hey, I, uh…” He stopped
talking and when I turned my head, his eyes were planted on my ass.
Slowly, I turned around, hands on my hips. His eyes traveled up my
body, leisurely, before meeting my gaze. “Sorry, I was just
checking to see how long you needed.”

Turning back around,
because I couldn’t keep the smirk off my face, I responded, “Just
trying to decide what to wear. Did you want to pick?” I heard his
steps approach behind me. “I’d need help with that one.”

“
Help with
what?”

“
It’s a corset. I can’t
lace it up alone.” I could if I really wanted to, but he didn’t
know that.

“
You can’t leave the house
looking like that.”

“
I can’t. Why
not?”

A low growl vibrated in his
throat as he looked at me, “Stop that.”

I chuckled, “Stop
what?”

“
Wear whatever you want as
long as you’re covered up when we leave.” He stormed out of the
room and bellowed, “You have five minutes.”

Quite pleased with myself,
I put on my usual hot pants, my black bra—not caring that you could
see the straps—the purple corset that I could easily lace up
myself, and my black boots. I pulled a small black jacket out of my
closet and put it on. It only covered my shoulders and I hoped he
would find it satisfactory to being ‘covered up’ as he put
it.

C
hapter
21
~
C
onsummate

~ JAMES ~

I drove in silence to my
office, her words playing over and over in my mind. She couldn’t be
accused of not being assertive. If she wasn’t familiar with the
things the club brought to my life, she was a great pretender. And
she had one of my business cards and it was eating away at me. I
made a mental note to see if I had any emails in that specific
account from her. I doubted that she’d be able to handle the no
emotions part of it all. Hell, I doubted if I would be able to
handle it. But fuck if I wasn’t going to enjoy trying.

The Blue Horse renovation
was almost complete. The dedication ceremony and grand opening was
in a few weeks. We’d managed to keep the surprise from Cassidy and
Cal, Jane and Smith had filled me in on the details of that fateful
night. Cassidy hadn’t discussed much about Holly to me and I
understood why. My own actions had me confused. I was planning this
great surprise for her, I was attracted to her and I knew I cared
about her. But why wouldn’t I consummate our relationship like a
normal human being?

Sitting at my desk, I
scrolled through my DOM email and found nothing. Maybe it was a
fluke that she had one of my cards, maybe not.

Pondering my next move, I
called Dr. Pratt. He was surprised to hear that we had yet to
consummate things. I told him what I was struggling with and he
advised against my plan.

“
If she’s agreed, I can’t
stop you, but I think—if you want this to begin to function
properly—you need to live as normal a life as you can.”

“
But doc, the club is my
normal.”

He sighed, “Touché. Please
don’t shut her out at home. The only thing you’ll do is build
animosity between the two of you. And if you still have that
ridiculous no kissing rule, get rid of it. You can’t do that to
her. She’s your wife.”

“
Gee, doc, just speak your
mind.”

“
You asked for my opinion
as a friend. I’ll gladly bill you and give you my professional
opinion if you like. Though you’ll only hear the same thing.” I
laughed at that and we said our goodbyes.

Pulling up her email, I
opened up the playlist. Scrolling through it I recognized some
songs and some I didn’t. She had songs ranging from Rob Zombie to
Ginuwine and everything in the middle. I compiled the list onto my
iPod and began listening. She had a thing for guitar riffs and
pianos, which was evident, but not necessarily together in the same
song. I laughed wondering if I should have her checked for
schizophrenia.

Looking at the clock I
realized the day had flown by. After locking up, I headed back
home. She wasn’t down stairs and I concluded she was in her room
when I heard the faint sound of music drifting through the air. She
was always listening to music and a lot of it I’d never heard
before. She loved her top forty, heavy metal, but she also liked
her obscure indie rock. If anything, she was quickly catching me up
on the music scene and introducing me to bands I didn’t even
know.

I knocked on her bedroom
door and waited for a moment. To say I was flabbergasted when she
opened the door didn’t even begin to describe me. She was in her
bra and panties and I nearly became irrational. She totally played
it off like it was no big deal. I don’t even remember what we
talked about when I left the room and told her she had five
minutes. What the hell was wrong with me?

She walked down stairs and
my eyes traveled up her legs and over the pants that looked painted
on. Gauging by the look on her face, there was no point in asking
her to change. She wouldn’t be seen by many anyways. There was no
way I’d be able to walk around with her for long without her being
propositioned. That’s when it dawned on me that she had no collar.
People would think she was free game. I’d have to remedy that, but
there was no time.

We were halfway to the club
when I asked, “You sure you can do this?” She looked to me and
nodded. “No emotions, Cassidy. Just pleasure.” She was looking out
the window and I wasn’t sure if I was asking her or myself. Christ.
I needed a drink.

We walked in and headed
straight downstairs. Checking in at the desk, I was told that my
room was ready and waiting. With my hand on the small of her back,
I guided her through the corridors. I had no intention of stopping
to make small talk with anyone. I opened the door and she walked in
with no hesitation and looked around.

“
Is the room
ok.”

She shook her head, “It’s
our room. It’s fine.”

It had momentarily slipped
my mind that we’d been here before. It was
my
room, so of course she was
familiar with it. “Do you want a drink?”

“
I wouldn’t turn it
down.”

“
Anything in
particular?”

She shrugged a shoulder,
“Something fruity. Fuzzy navel is fine.”

“
Ok. I’ll be right
back.”

I walked down the hall to
the secured bar that was for those with private rooms. I ordered
her drink and got myself a shot of whiskey. I downed mine and
headed back to the room with hers. She was sitting on the end of
the bed and stood back up when I entered the room. I handed her the
drink and she began sucking on the straw.

“
I’ll be back in a few
minutes.” I walked over to the stereo system and docked my iPod and
hit play on the list she’d provided. “Your list is
quite…eclectic.”

“
I warned you it would
be.”

“
Remove your boots and the
jacket. You can leave the top on, for now. There’s a blindfold in
the dresser. I want you kneeling right here, hands on your knees,
with the blindfold on. Understood.”