Letting Go of You (Anchored Hearts #2) (10 page)

“Want to get into some trouble with me?”

“What did you have in mind?”  Her eyes narrowed mischievously as she pursed her lips.

“The club
.  Want to go?”

“Of course I want to go.”

~ CASSIDY ~

We were downstairs watching a few different scenes play out.  All of them involved at least three to four people.  The prospect of joining them was thrilling and terrifying.  I didn’t want to share James and I knew he wouldn’t want to share me.  Why was I so turned on by the thought of it?

“It’s just sex.  Stop persecuting yourself for enjoying what you see.”
  How did he do that?  I looked to him as he smiled, “You’re human, and it’s natural to be turned on by what you see.”

I leaned back against him whispering, “I never thought I’d want to be involved with more than one partner, but it’s very appealing.  The thought of all those hands on every part of your body, bringing you pleasure.”
  A shiver ran up my spine. 

“Keep tal
king.”

“I’m not sure what to say.  What I want is selfish.”

“How so?”

“I want to be the one at the mercy of others.  All their attention on me, not the other way around.”  I looked to him asking, “Does that make me a horrible person?”

Shaking his head, “It makes you insatiable.  Exactly what I’ve been saying for weeks.”  His hands were running up and down my arms before he joined our hands.  Whispering in my ear he said, “There are plenty of people here who would get in line to pleasure you.”

I hummed in res
ponse.  I wasn’t prepared to ask for it and wasn’t prepared for what his answer might be. 

“Cassidy, if it’s something you want I will think about it.  A few years ago I wouldn’t have hesitated to bring in a third, but I’m not sure that I could handle sharing you.  I guess that makes me the selfish one.”

Turning to face him, “I don’t want to share you either.”  I kissed him before asking, “You’ve shared before?”

Shrugging his shoulders he responded, “An old buddy and I have been known
to share, though I’m not partial to sharing you with him.  He has a thing for redheads.”

“Oh does
he!  When do I get to meet him?” 

Tickling my hips he said, “Never, I forbid it!”

Leading me down the hall we entered the room reserved for us.  It was the same room we were in before and this time I noticed the spanking bench to the side.  There was also a swing handing in the corner of the room.  Not a child’s swing, but a swing for lovers. 

I pointed at it asking, “Was that here last time?”

“Yup, but I was too busy fucking you senseless for you to notice it.  You want to go for a ride?”

I nodded as my eyes got big
and asked, “Is it safe?”

He laughed replying, “It better be.  It’s anchored to a support beam.  I’m going to have lots of fun with you in it.”

“What if I want
you
in it?”  I pulled my shirt off my body as I walked away from him, swaying my hips for extra effect. 

“We can flip a coin if you like.”  He removed his own shirt as he sauntered toward me.

“Sounds like a win-win either way.”  I walked to the spanking bench and sat on it and spread my legs wide.  “Just as long as I get to feel you,” rubbing the crotch of my hot pants I whispered, “here.”

Undoing his pants, his cock bounced in front of him as he kicked off his shoes with his pants following.  He walked toward me saying, “What if I want to feel you?”

When he was close enough I tickled his thighs as my fingers danced up his thighs.  “Where?”  Moving higher I took hold of what was mine, “Here?” 

He leaned over me as I laid back against the bench.  My head was hanging off the back as my view was now upside down, my hair touching the floor.  “Now that’s quite the view.” 

He circled around me, running his fingers over my body before tracing the tops of my breasts.  Moving to stand behind me, his cock was now at the same level as my eyes.  He grabbed on to his dick and rubbed the tip across my lips.  “This could be fun too.”

“I agree.”  I opened up and began licking and sucking him as he groaned out.

He bent over me, nipping and sucking on the tender flesh of my ribcage.  His hand plunged into my shorts as he caressed my swollen bud.  It took immense concentration to focus on the task at hand, or at mouth.  He was swelling in my mouth as I began moving my hips to meet the movements of his hand.  Pulling away I squirmed in protest at the loss of him.  He took my hand and tugged me back up.  My head began to spin as the blood redistributed through my body once again.

“Careful.” 

Before I could focus my eyes, I felt his mouth cover my own.  His hands pulled my shorts down as I kicked off my boots.  I was thankful I had decided to tie the laces loosely for just this purpose.  He moved behind me and unlatched my bra, cupping my breasts as I pulled the piece of fabric off my arms.  His erection was pressed against my ass and I pressed into him a little harder.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Entirely, with your body.”

“I know you won’t hurt me.”

He guided me to the swing and helped me lie in it, belly down.  I could feel him between my legs as he adjusted the ropes, raising me to the height he desired.  My hands were gripping straps to the side as my legs were spread wide, my ass in the air
.  A blindfold was then placed over my eyes. 

“I need you to relax.”  I nodded as his hands began massaging my ass and thighs.

He moved away and quickly returned.  His hand resumed touching me and rubbed over my opening from end to end.  His hand was covered in lube as he worked it over all of me.  I became slightly panicked.  I’d never had anal sex before.  I wasn’t necessarily opposed to it, but some of my friends had told me it was horrible. 

He felt the change in me.  “Cassidy?”

“Sorry, I’ve just never…”

“I know.  We’ll take it slow.”

I did know that if I was going to try it with anyone, I wanted it to be with him.  I’d entrusted my body to him and he’d never hurt me.  I took a deep breath as he rubbed more lube on me.  Gently, his fingers worked over my clit as the familiar surges of desire leapt through me.  Being suspended in the air only amplified the sensations. 

James began rubbing the head of his shaft over my nub and then slid into
me with ease.  He rocked me back and forth gently before holding me still as something cold probed at my back opening.  He pushed it into me slowly, reminding me to relax.  The feeling was foreign but surprisingly not uncomfortable.   

“You’re doing great.”  I felt his cock pulse inside me as he slid the device in and out of my rear.

“James…”  I didn’t know what I wanted to say.  Did I want more?  I wasn’t entirely sure.

I heard the sound of more lube being squirted out as he removed the item and was soon pushing another one in.  This one was larger.  Once he worked it in all the way he left it there and began moving his dick in and out of me.  I felt delightfully full and wanted more, but didn’t know how to ask.

“Can you handle more?” 

Nodding I replied, “I think so.”

He removed the plug and his cock from me at the same time.  “I’m going to fuck that sweet ass of yours now and you’re going to love it.  You’re going to come too.”

I didn’t know whether to be scared or turned on.  I momentarily thought about his cock in my ass and thought there was no way I would enjoy it.
  Hoping I was wrong I felt him slide a dildo into my pussy as I moaned. 

“You’re going to be so full, you’ll burst before you know it.”

“Christ.”

“No, still James.”  He began pushing against my ass and his tip slipped in within seconds.  “Fuck me.  You feel incredible.”

There was a slight burning as he pushed in further.  I felt the coolness of more lube drip on me as he pulled out and then pushed back in.  “James, oh God.  Are you in all the way?”

“Hang on baby.  Almost there.”

We both cried out in unison as he sank in further.  Every nerve ending was pulsing.  Feeling his dick pulse
there
was so odd, but I wanted more, needed more.  I just didn’t know what more was.  Once we both got used to the feeling he began to slowly pump in and out of me.  My walls clenched around the dildo and I thought it was just too much.  I became delirious trying to get closer to him. 

“Touch yourself.  You need more.  You won’t fall.”

I hesitated for a moment before I let my right hand reach down and between my legs.  Circling my clit, my body heaved at the wonderful sensations.  Suspended in air, I felt weightless and so full that I thought I would fall apart at any moment.  He smacked my ass then as he continued to slide in and out of me with ease.

“James.  It’s too much.  If I come I might die.”

“You won’t die.  Promise.”  He smacked me again.  “Shit, I can’t hold on much longer Cassidy.  Come with me.”

I pressed my fingers in a little more and circled my clit with more vigor.  Oh, God.  I was seeing stars as my body began to clench down everywhere.  My orgasm flooded me and it was all I could do to continue rubbing myself as my world propelled out of control.
  A toe curling, charley-horse making, blood curdling climax had me screaming out his name. 

“Yes baby, ride it out.”  I grew limp as I felt him convulse inside me.  I was aware of him pressed against my back, sucking on my shoulders.  “I might die.”

I was barely able to form the words, “You won’t die.  Promise.”

He snorted before saying, “I love you, Blackbird.”

After he cleaned us up and helped me out of the swing, he carried me to the bed.  Laying down next to me I wondered about the toys he had used.  “What did you use on me?”

“Just a couple standard butt plugs, dildo and lubricant.”

“Did you get those toys for us?”

He chuckled.  “Yes, they’re mine.  In fact the room is mine as long as I pay ahead of time for it.  No one else is allowed in here without my permission.”

“Oh.”

His hands were moving up and down my back and my side.  “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No.  I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.  I might let you do that again sometime.  Maybe.”

“You make me so happy.”

“Feeling’s mutual.”  I felt myself drifting off as I told him, “I wish we could stay here, forever.  I love it here with you.”

“Me too.”

I wasn’t sure what I expected to learn about myself going to the club with him.  The only thing I had really learned was that I did indeed love it there, with him.  I never wanted to leave and wouldn’t object if he tied me to the bed and made me wait for him to come to me every day.  A girl could dream right?

C
hapter
10
~
D
epression

~ CASSIDY ~

We had just arrived at his parent’s house for his birthday lunch.  We were putting our coats away when his mom and dad made their way into the foyer.  J.J. was pushing Eva in a wheelchair.  I was taken aback, not expecting to see her so deteriorated from a week ago.  I walked over to her and leaned down to give her a hug. 

“How are you feeling?”  I tried to limit the concern in my voice, but I knew that it was there.

“I’m hanging in there.  How are you dear?”

We proceeded with our day and had a lovely lunch together, just the four of us. 
We made our way to the living room, afterward, for some quiet family time.  His dad pulled a large manila envelope off a side table and handed it to James.

“What’s this?” 

“Your birthday gift from Mom and me.”

James seemed a little nervous as he opened the envelope.  He pulled out a stack of documents and began scanning through them.  He looked at his parent’s in disbelief and then went back to looking through the papers.

“What is it?”

“It’s everything.”  His voice was barely a whisper.

“Everything?”  The papers looked like several different legal documents.

“Don’t be so shocked, Jimmy.  You’ve been ready for a long time.  Its time.”  Eva put her hand on his knee and smiled at me.  I was still lost, not having a clue what they were talking about.

“I don’t know what to say.”  He looked to his dad, “Does this mean you’re retiring?”

“You won’t get rid of me that easily, but it’s yours to control now.”

James was speechless.  Was he just given a trust, the house?  I was so confused and didn’t feel like it was my place to ask.  Before either of us could say anything else Eva and J.J. told us to go enjoy the rest of our day.  Eva was exhausted and needed her rest.  We all exchanged hugs before we left.

James handed me the keys, which surprised me, but I gladly accepted them.  We pulled down the drive and out the gate when I looked over to him.  He was still scanning through the papers as if checking the fine print.

“So, what’s everything?  If you don’t mind me asking.”

He was silent for a moment and gazed out the window.  “They signed the company over to me.  I mean, I knew eventually it would be mine, but I didn’t expect it to happen now.”

“So, what does that all entail?”  I was kind of clueless as to how big their company was, the only thing I knew was that his grandfather started the company. 

“My grandpa Jackson started the company and had dreams that Jason and I would one day run the company and we wanted that too.  Grandpa died the summer after I graduated high school.”  He glanced at me and I could see the pain of the memories in his eyes.  “Jason didn’t handle his death very well.  It’s probably the trigger that started the drug use.”  He rubbed his face before saying, “Anyways.  Now it’s mine.”

“Are you okay with that?”

“Yes, not that I really have a choice.  I just figured it would be a long way off.”

“You’re a good business man, James.  You can do this.  This is a great opportunity.”

~<>~<>~<>~

I worked, the next two days along Cecily some more.  I was getting a feel for her side of the business and was enjoying what she had showed me.  We brainstormed a few ideas on implementing a more thorough filing system and other areas where we could cut down on time, while being more efficient. 

“You’re going to do great Cassidy.  Be careful or I’ll hand the company over to you.”  We both laughed at that.  She couldn’t possibly be serious.  Could she?

~<>~<>~<>~

On New Year’s Eve, after work, I got home via Smith.  I hadn’t seen James since
the morning before, but he assured me that he would meet me at the hospital that night like we had planned.  Smith waited for me to change my clothes and grab a few things before dropping me off at the hospital.  I had made Cal some cupcakes, his favorite and hoped James liked them too.  We planned to have a quiet night in the hospital to celebrate the New Year and James’ birthday.

We’d been sitting around for over an hour waiting for James. 
“Do you want to go grab dinner down in the cafeteria, Cassidy?”

“What?  Oh, umm.”

“Cass, go have dinner with Jane.  I need to get a little rest if you two are insisting on watching the ball drop tonight.”

“Yeah, okay.  If James shows up just tell him we’ll be back.”

“Will do.”

Jane and I walked in silence to the elevator.  When we reached the floor for the cafeteria she broke the silence.

“He’s doing really well.  You shouldn’t worry.”

“Cal, I know.  He’s not who I’m worried about.
”

“James?  What’s going on?”

We had reached the cafeteria and made our way around separately picking out our dinner.  I decided on salad and pizza with a bottle of Cherry Pepsi for the caffeine kick.  After paying I found a table and checked my phone while I waited for Jane to join me.  I was setting it back down on the table when she sat down.

“So, what’s going on with my brooding cousin?”

“Brooding, you got that right.”  We laughed.  “He’s been really off the last few weeks, especially since the shooting.”  I saw her cringe and apologized.  “Sorry.  I know it must be difficult for you, especially with Derek alive.”

“It’s ok.  I have to talk about it at some point.  He’s cuffed to the bed
with a guard watching him and once he’s stable enough they’ll transport him to county.  I know he can’t hurt me anymore.”

“Does Cal know?”

“That Derek is alive?  Yeah.  I told him earlier.  He’s happy that he’s alive so that James doesn’t have to live with the guilt of killing a man.”

I knew that James would probably live with more guilt knowing the son of a bitch still lived, but I didn’t say anything about it.  “Do you know anything about his time in the Army?”

“Not really.  He never really talked about it and I never asked.  If he wants to talk about something he will.”

“
Mmm.”  I didn’t know what to say to that.  It was driving me crazy that he never told me he served.  “He never told me he served.  Smith let it slip.”

Jane examined me for a minute before she took a sip of her drink.  “
I’m surprised and not surprised that he didn’t tell you.  He was wounded in a pretty bad ambush.  He lost almost half of his platoon.”

“Oh my, God.  I had no idea.”  I briefly wondered about scars.  I knew his body like I knew my own.  He didn’t have any visible scars.  “What…”  My phone chirped then.  I pulled up the text from James and threw my phone in my purse as I sighed.

“That him?”

“How’d you guess?  He’s running
late.
”  As usual.  At the rate we were going I’d probably be lucky if he showed up.

“You okay?”  I nodded and knew she was genuinely concerned. 

“I just wish he’d open up.  I want to know every part of him, good and bad.”

She smirked, “You and your brother are
so much alike.  James and I grew up in a loving family, but emotions, at least sad ones, weren’t well received.  You and Cal welcome
all
emotions with open arms.”  I shrugged my shoulders, not sure how to respond.  “It’s refreshing.  But you may have to decide if you can handle him being shut off.  And he may open up in time.  You need to pick your battles.”

We finished dinner and kept the
rest of our conversation laid back.  We talked about our jobs and life in general.  I really, really liked Jane and told myself I couldn’t be mad at her for what happened with Cal.  She didn’t ask for any of it to happen and I knew enough to know that she made the choices that she thought were right at the time. 

Part of me just wanted to go home, but Smith left and James wasn’t
there to take me.  I didn’t have a ride home.  This shit was getting irrational.  I was a big girl.  I needed to get my car back pronto and make him stop with the babysitting.  Part of me was scared, but part of me thought it was absolutely ridiculous.  Jane and Cal still didn’t have any idea what was going on.  It was probably better that way.

We headed back up to Cal’s room and found him climbing back in bed.  It was great to see him up and walking around, but it was obvious that he wasn’t at full strength.  Around ten p.m. I’d had enough of waiting for James to show up.  My blood was boiling.  It was his birthday and we had plans to celebrate together.  Where was he?  He was making it increasingly harder to trust him.  He was great at making me feel like the center of his world when he was with me. 
But was that enough? 

I stood up and put on my coat.  “Alright lovebirds.  I think I’m going to head home.”

“No, you should stay.” 

“Cass, please stay.  Ring in the new year with us.”  Cal looked concerned, but I ignored it.  He knew I was irritated.

“No.  You two should be alone.  Enjoy the cupcakes.  They’re your favorite.  I’ll stop in tomorrow to visit.”  I kissed Cal on the cheek and gave him a big hug before leaving.  As the elevator doors closed I thought I heard someone call my name, but shrugged it off.  I was probably hearing things.  And if it was James, it’d serve him right for keeping me waiting all night.  I walked out of the hospital and hailed a cab.  James and his babysitting tendencies could get bent.

When I got home
Chessa was there to greet me.  I changed clothes, grabbed a drink and curled up on the couch to watch the ball drop.  I put my phone on silent and placed it face down on the end table.  I wallowed in my misery as they showed all the couples kissing at midnight.  The sound of a car pulling into the driveway startled me.  I glanced out the window behind me and saw his truck in the drive. 
Shit.

I sat and waited.  I heard the key turn in the lock, the door opened and then slammed shut as he bellowe
d, “Cassidy!”

I watched him storm into the room as his eyes adjusted to the darkness
. He found me on the couch and glared at me.  Throwing the blanket off, I stood and folded it before taking my empty glass to the kitchen. 

“Cassidy.”

“Yes?”

“Why are you home?”

“I’m sorry?  Why am I home?  Really?”

He glowered at me before he continued chastising me.  “You’re not supposed to be alone.”

“Well that’s rich coming from you.  All you do is leave me alone.”  I watched his jaw flex as every muscle in his face tensed.  I wasn’t in the mood for one of his staring contests.  I walked right by him and headed for the stairs.  “You know where the door is.  I’m sure you can find your way out.”

“I’m not finished with you.”  His hand latched around my wrist as he spun me back toward him.
  I could smell the liquor on his breath, he was so close. It was faint, but it was there.  Who was he drinking with and why was he driving?

“Oh, right.  I forgot how this works.  You tell me you love me, fuck me, hold me and in the morning
when I wake, you’re gone.  Why don’t you just save me the heartache?  Just fuck me and leave.  That way I’m not disappointed in the morning.”  I knew that I was being incredibly coldblooded, but I was so livid.  Words were my weapon, always had been.  “How much have you had to drink?  Out celebrating without me?  Did one of your cronies discover I was missing and ruin your good time?”  We both knew that I was referring to Smith and Ryan.

“It’s not safe for you to be out alone.  We’ve discussed this.”  His voice was
remarkably calm.  “I got to the hospital, expecting to find you there and Cal and Jane told me you had left.  I lost my shit.”

“What do you mean you lost your shit?  You didn’t tell them did you?”

“Of course I told them!  Where the FUCK is your phone?”

“Fuck off!”

“Dammit Cassidy.”  He had long since let go of my wrist and started to remove his coat.

“You’re not staying.”  His head whipped toward me.  “Get out.”  I glared at him.  I would not budge.  “You want to fuck first?  Okay.
  How about here on the stairs?  We haven’t done it here yet.”

“Why are you being such a bitch?”

“Why are you being such a prick?  Tell me what the fuck is going on.  What’s Melissa helping with?  What happened in the Army?  Why won’t you talk to me?  Why don’t you trust me?”

“I trust you.”

“Then prove it.  Where were you tonight?  It’s your birthday and all I wanted to do was to spend it with you.  And I swear to God, if Melissa is the reason you stood me up…”  I couldn’t bear to finish the sentence.

Neither one of us said anything else.  He leaned against the door before sliding to the floor.  He
sat motionless with his head hung low.  I didn’t know what to say or how to get through to him.  I was so drained.  All I wanted was my bed.  I climbed the stairs and crawled into bed.  I never heard the front door close.  Maybe he slept on the couch, maybe he left.  I didn’t know.  But as usual, he was gone in the morning.