Letting Go of You (Anchored Hearts #2) (25 page)

He pulled his fingers from me and dragged me to the very edge of the dresser and began rubbing his dick on my clit.  No longer able to hold back, I found his mouth as my release found me.  I loved kissing him as I came, like he was breathing in a piece of my soul
and I was breathing in a piece of his.  As the waves began to slow he pushed into me and stood with me around him, all of him.  His hands molded my ass as he lifted me, slightly, up and down on him over and over again.

Walking back to the bed, he climbed up the bed with me still clinging to him.  He laid me back and began worshipping my body.  He’d mastered my body in a way I didn’t think possible. 
He always gave me what I wanted and needed from him and I would do the same. His lips sucked and licked the contours of my body as I fought the tears of my immense love for him.  What was wrong with me?  It couldn’t be possible to love someone so deeply; there had to be something wrong with me.  Love wasn’t supposed to hurt.  Was it?      

  Working his way back up he entered me again as his hand gripped my hair and caused me to arch my back
off the bed.  He kissed my jawline as he pumped away inside me. 

“James, come with me.”  I wrapped his hair around my fingers and sought out his eyes.  “I’m so close, again.” 

We were both being aggressive in our urgency for each other.  I briefly kissed his lips before his movements became more determined and he reared up as he flooded into me.  He reached a hand down and rubbed me into submission. 

“I love you, Cassidy.” 

He whispered in my ear the three words I only seemed to hear when we made love.  The tears fell again from my eyes as I returned the sentiment.  He rolled to his side, unaware of my emotional state, or uncaring, and tucked me into his body.  It was my favorite place to be, his chest against my back keeping me safe and warm.

“Please don’t go.  I miss you.  I just want to sleep in your arms again.”  He kissed my temple before pulling the cover over our bodies.  I couldn’t stop myself from falling asleep
, though I tried.  The emotional turmoil from the night had taken its toll on me.

~<>~<>~<>~

When I woke in the early morning, I was cold and knew he was gone.  Rolling over I grabbed his pillow and buried my face where his scent was strongest before drifting off again.  As I drifted off again, I told myself that it would never happen again.  I had to put an end to it, even if it killed me.  Though I knew death would be easier.

C
hapter
24
~
C
omplicated

~ CASSIDY ~

April

A couple
of weeks had passed since that night at the club.  The only proof of his existence was the bodyguard that was constantly following me around.  I was numb inside.  I felt like life was happening to me instead of me happening to life.  I went to work and then went home.  Cecily and I were in the transitioning phase of my takeover so I was plenty busy.  She was helping to look through resumes for candidates for the CFO position, but no one had peaked our mutual interest yet.

In the midst of the transition I’d promoted Lena to my old position and Anthony was now working as my PA and Cecily’s.  I was worried about where to draw the line between my friendship with both of them, but Cecily assured me it would work itself out in the wash.  Linda was a whole other issue.  She was our receptionist and was just unpleasant.  Cecily told me I could replace her if I wanted, but I wasn’t prepared to make someone lose their job.  I hoped Linda’s attitude would improve in time. 

Emotionally and physically exhausted, I spent most of my free time in bed.  Some days I’d hop on my bike and attempt a workout, but I just wasn’t motivated.  That night I was going out with Jane.  It was her first fitting and I needed to decide between three different dresses she’d picked out for me.  I was dreading the questions that would surely come. 

When I got home, I laid on the couch and waited for her to pick me up.  Hearing her knocking on the door startled me.  I answered it and she smiled brightly and then narrowed her eyes at me.  “You look like shit. 
Were you sleeping?”

“Thanks. 
Just a short nap.”  She looked at me and I simply replied, “I haven’t heard from him.”

“What the hell is wrong with him?”  I just shook my head.  I’d thought about it too much.  “I’m sorry Cassidy.  I knew he’d take his moms death hard, but I didn’t expect him to shut you out.”

“I just don’t know what to do.  We’re married, yet I have no husband.”  I pulled my jacket on and grabbed my purse.  “I’ve tried talking to him, but nothing works.”

“I’m going to talk to him.”

“No, really it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.  If your brother catches wind of how bad this really is, James is going to regret it.
”

“Yea, him and Paul both.”  She just looked at me as we headed down the road in her car.  “There’s nothing going on between Paul and
me.”

“You sure about that?”

Sighing, “He was my first love, we have history.  What am I supposed to say?  He’s been a perfect gentleman and a good friend.  There’s nothing else to discuss.” 

I was struggling enough with my emotions without the help of anyone else.  Paul was slowly crawling up the list as my number one person to call.  James used to occupy that spot, but made it clear with his actions, or lack thereof, that he didn’t want to be my person anymore.  If I thought about it anymore, I might crawl in a hole and never come out. 

“Okay.  Sorry, it’s just…”

“What Jane?  Just say it.”

She looked at me cautiously.  “You know he’s in love with you, right?”

“James?”

“No, Paul!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Cassidy, don’t play so naive.  Paul is head over heels for you.  And if my cousin isn’t careful, Paul’s going to snatch you away.”

Dropping my head to the back of the seat I stared out the window.  Paul wasn’t in love with me.  He couldn’t be.  I wouldn’t let him be.  My own husband didn’t want me
, didn’t love me.  Why would Paul?

~ JAMES ~

Melissa had called me in a panic while I was having lunch with Smith.  The meeting earlier in the day had been stressful with Paul, but we both managed to keep it strictly business.  Melissa was frantic, saying she’d remembered something.  I told her Smith and I would be over shortly.  Calling Annie, I asked her to meet us at the hotel.

Annie was in the lobby by the time Smith and I made it to the hotel.  The three of us headed upstairs and they followed me to my suite.

Smith immediately questioned me.  “Why are we headed to your penthouse?”  I just looked at him.  “Please tell me it’s not true.”

“She’s staying in the guest room.  Dan will come back for her.”

“If Cassidy finds out…”

“She won’t.  Leave it alone.” 

Annie was thinking the same thing Smith was and I wasn’t in the mood to hear it.  Having Melissa in the suite down the hall wasn’t precaution enough.  If Dan wanted her, he’d have to go through
me first.  I knew Cassidy would be livid, but I also knew that
nothing
would ever happen between Melissa and me again.  I was letting Cassidy go, but not before bringing down Dan.

We walked into my suite and Melissa was pacing the living room.  I managed to get her to sit down and sat down across from her.  Annie sat next to her while Smith chose to stand. 

“What do you remember?  Start from the beginning.”  Annie gently pushed her to open up and held her hand as she began talking.

“I don’t know if it’ll be much help or not.  I was drugged and beaten for days, but things are starting to come back.”  She looked to Annie, “No one will believe me.  I’m a junkie.”

“Melissa, they’ll believe you.  You were tortured for days.  Just take a deep breath.  We’re all here to protect you.”

“Um.  Okay.  He was talking to someone about how ‘he better not mess it up this time by killing the wrong people like the guy before did’.”

“Wait, what?” 

She looked to me and said, “The Blue Horse, he was talking about her friend and the singer.  They weren’t the original targets from that night.” 

I was speechless.  I looked to Smith and he nodded, pulling out his phone.  He stepped into the kitchen and called his buddy on the force as Melissa continued.

“
He had a few people in and out of there, one was a woman, but I don’t know who she was.  I know for certain the one guy is the one on the video footage at the hospital.”  She looked to me, “He wants her dead.  I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize how far gone he was.  He, he…” 

She started crying like I’d never seen from her.  She’d put on the water works before, but this was real.  I walked to her and knelt down in front of her.  “I shouldn’t have let you go back in there knowing how dangerous he is.  I’m sorry, Melissa.”

“Before he had them take me away, he handed them a needle.  He looked to me and said, ‘I’ll finish you off, just like I did Jason.’  James…”

I got up and walked to the wall of windows overlooking the rooftop patio.  Grabbing a small table I picked it up and put it through a window before anyone could stop me.  Screaming at the top of my lungs before I tried catching my breath once Smith tried to calm me down.
  I marched over to Melissa. 

“You said that Jason caught you and Dan in bed the night he OD’d.  Is that a lie?”

“I don’t know.  It’s what Dan told me happened and I believed him.”  She tried putting her hand on my arm as a gesture of sympathy. 

“God dammit Melissa!”

“James, you need to calm down.”  Annie stood, glaring at me as she spoke.

“Calm down.  How many lives is he going to destroy before he’s stopped?  I’m going to kill him myself if I have to.  We already suspected that he killed Mayor Calhoun and possibly Abigail Charles. 
Now Holly and Sam, Jason and Cassidy is his next target.”  I turned and pointed my finger in Melissa’s face.  “This is YOUR fault.  You could’ve stopped this fifteen years ago.”

“I’m sorry.  I was a naïve girl trying to escape my own demons.  I’m so sorry.  I really did love Jason.” 

“And your love got him killed!”

Everyone was speechless.  Melissa nodded her head and left in tears, making her way upstairs.  Smith confirmed that his buddy and the DA wanted to see Melissa to take her statement.  He agreed to take her downtown and I was grateful.  I couldn’t look at her without wanting to choke the life from her.  All my suspicions about Dan were finally confirmed.  I didn’t really care if he was charged with all of the murders or not.  One
conviction would be enough for me as long as he ended up in prison.  Dead would be better.

~<>~<>~<>~

Later that afternoon I was sitting on the couch when Smith dropped off Melissa.  She grabbed something from the fridge and started up the stairs.

“Melissa,” she stopped, but didn’t look at me, “I’m sorry.”

She stood there for a few before walking down the stairs she’d climbed and sat down next to me on the couch. 

“We’ve each been through so much agony over the last fifteen years.  I’m really sorry for any role that I may have played.  You need to stop blaming yourself for Jason’s death.  It’s not on you.  It’s on me and Dan.”

I looked to her and took another drink of my Scotch.  “I find myself wondering what he would’ve been like as an adult.  He was enamored with you.  I guess when I latched onto you a few years back, I was trying to find a piece of him.”

“Same here.  I know you may not believe me
, but I think I was looking for that too.”  We sat there, both quiet, for a long time.  “I’ve never visited his grave.”  That surprised me.  “It just hurt too much, especially after the death of my mom.”

“You and Cassidy have more in common than you think.  If you two could put your claws away long enough, you’d probably figure that out.”  She didn’t say anything to that.  “I can take you.  To see Jason’s grave, if you want.”

She just nodded.  We walked out the door and I had her drive as we headed to the cemetery.  She stopped to pick up some flowers on the way.  When we pulled in it was already getting dark.  I had her park the truck and left it running so the lights could help guide us. 

“
This way.” 

We walked in silence as we
made our way to his grave and then stood and stared at his marker.  I was lost in my own thoughts when I heard her sharp intake of breath.  Her hands were covering her face as she squatted down.  She’d already placed her flowers down.  She began talking to him and I stepped a few feet back, trying to give her a moment.

“I’m so sorry Jason.  Please forgive me.” 

After a few minutes she started walking back to my truck.  I touched the top of his gravestone and then walked back to the truck.  I climbed in behind the driver’s seat and looked to her.  “He would want you to find peace, Melissa.”

She looked to me and feigned a smile.  “Same for you.  You’ve carried the guilt of his death all this time too.”

I knew she was right.  After what Melissa had told us earlier about Dan and his possible involvement I didn’t feel as guilty as I once had.  Though I still wished I would’ve managed to keep him home that night.  But I couldn’t change the past, I knew that.

“We should get back.  You still like Chinese?”  She nodded and we picked it up before heading back to the hotel. 

Something had been bugging me and I had to ask.  “You mentioned that you were running from your own demons.  What were they?”  She looked at me and I could see the fear flash in her eyes.  “You can trust me.  But I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“No.  It’s been long enough.”

She went into explicit detail about her childhood, things having to do with her father and the loss of her mother.  I was shocked at the things she told me and everything started to make sense.  She was always cold and callous, but used sex as her weapon.  I felt sorry for her.  She talked more in those couple of hours than I think she’d ever done when we were sleeping together. 

“Is this still going on?”

“I’m not entirely sure.  It’s part of the reason I told you that my dad cut me off.  More like I cut him off.  If people find out…”

“Melissa, you should tell the authorities.”

“I know.  Just remember, he’s still my dad.”  She gazed at me like she wanted to say something else.

“What is it?”

“I owe you an apology.  I saw you as my savior, my key to freedom from him.  When I saw the way you looked at her at the auction.  Well, jealousy doesn’t begin to describe what I felt.”

“We both made our share of mistakes.  Things could’ve been different had I known what you were going through.”

She nodded her head in agreement.  “Do you still love her?”

I wasn’t quite sure why I was discussing
it with her.  “Yes, that’s why I’m letting her go.”

“James…”

“Melissa, please drop it.  I’ve done too much to hurt her.  She’s better off.”

“You’re an ass.  Good to see some things don’t change.  She married you to keep you out of jail.  That’s not something you throw away.  If you don’t let someone in, you’re going to be alone forever.”

I was dumbstruck.  Her words mimicked Cassidy’s and it was like a knife to the gut.  “I know.”