Lex and Lu (3 page)

“It’s OK, Lu,” she somehow managed, although she was far from OK.

Both, slightly embarrassed, pulled back. Lu stood and moved a chair closer so that she was facing Jo. “I’m so sorry. And sad. I’m so sad that he’s gone,” she said, wiping away the tears which seemed to have a mind of their own.

Jo reached out and rubbed Lu’s clasped hands. “I know. You and Mike always had a special relationship. Especially over the last few years. You gave him so much joy.”

“I couldn’t stay away. I don’t want this to be any harder for you, but I couldn’t not be here to say good-bye.”

“And to set things straight?” Jo said before she could stop herself. But once she said it she knew that it needed to be said. They had to have this conversation before her son arrived. Pinning Lu with the death stare she decided to move forward. “Is that why you came, Louisa May?”

Lu, startled, but only slightly, took in the double whammy. As kids they had all joked that the death stare paired with the full name meant serious trouble. Without meaning to, Lu smiled. “Dr. J.—you’re pulling out the double whammy on me at 6:00 a.m.?” she asked.

Jo laughed. “I suppose I am.”

“You know it still works. Even as a twenty-six-year-old, with my own set of responsibilities, I fold under the double whammy.” Lu got up, uncomfortable being in such close proximity. Without meaning to, she paced, rubbing her wrist, a habit left over from childhood. Again, Jo found herself smiling. So interwoven were their families that this gesture was as familiar to her as when she saw Lex’s ritual after scoring or when Pete rubbed his ear.

“When it comes to Lex, I haven’t really thought very far. Maybe that’s surprising, but it’s more about being here to celebrate Mr. P. I shouldn’t have come alone. For the first time in eight years, I am shirking my responsibilities, but I couldn’t do that to you. I just don’t know. I don’t know what it will feel like when I see him.” She stopped pacing and returned to her chair. “We were so young. But I still miss him. Not that soul-searing emptiness I experienced when he left—and let’s be honest, for a couple of years after. But we were so close for so long, I wonder what it will be like when we see each other again.”

“Lu, you know that’s not what I’m talking about,” Jo responded, more annoyed than anyone should be so early in the morning.

Lu, suddenly angry over being backed into a corner, responded with raised ire. “What about you, Dr. J.? This is as much your secret as it is mine. How much longer are you willing to keep this from your son?” she challenged.

“Do you know that he never forgave me?” Jo said, looking directly at Lu but somehow looking beyond her, into the past. “He died yesterday, and he had never really gotten over it.” Jo paused and Lu let the silence descend over them, each lost in the memories of that fateful decision.

Lex had already left for the U-20 World Cup training camp when the shit hit the fan. And even though it didn’t seem that long ago, they didn’t have smartphones as they did now. Lu often wondered if there would have been a different outcome if she and Lex had been able to communicate with each other. Could they have text messaged their way to a different outcome than the one their parents chartered for them. No day had passed that she had not regretted the outcome of the decision, but she could barely stomach the collateral damage to all of the people they loved.

“I’m at a loss here, Dr. J. I know what the right thing to do is. I have always known that. But I’m not going to be losing Lex this time. Chances are you will. And can you handle that without Mr. P. here?” Quiet settled between them again.

“I need some more coffee. Would you like some?” Jo asked.

Knowing this was far from over, Lu stood. “I’ll go,” she offered, needing to move. She picked up both mugs and went into the house. Again, she was overcome with memories of the times she had spent there. She had been walking in and out of this house at will since she was six. And although she and Lex didn’t have an auspicious beginning, they were soon inseparable.

Her mom and dad had begun building their house next to the Pellitteris’ when Lu was five. So when they moved in after almost a year of construction, eight-year-old Lex and six-year-old Pete were a little upset that their construction site /playground was no longer available. They already knew all the ways into the house and were not shy about expressing their displeasure over their neighbors being girls. When Dr. J. showed up at their door with a store-bought cake (she never baked), a vintage bottle of wine, and her two sullen children, Lu and Willa were left with the task of entertaining them while their mothers drank wine—a scenario that would play itself out, over and over, throughout the next ten years.

It was at this meeting that Lex had dubbed Louisa May Knight “Lu,” a nickname that she would never escape. After being introduced, Lex and Pete followed the girls upstairs into their very pink and purple playroom.

“Why do you have such funny names?” Lex asked.

“You have a funny name too,” Louisa shot back. “And they’re not weird. We were named after famous authors.”

“That’s weird,” smirked Lex.

“My mom’s an English professor,” Willa offered. “We’re named after Louisa May Alcott and Willa Cather.”

“Well, those are old-lady names. I’m just gonna call you Will and Lu,” Lex announced.

“You have a stupid name,” Lu returned.

Willa pushed her slightly and whispered loudly, “You’re not supposed to say ‘stupid.’”

“Well it is. Why is your name Lex?”

He moved his head toward Pete, “’Cause he couldn’t say ‘Alex’ when he was little. He could only ever get out ‘Lex.’ Doesn’t matter. It’s just a name. And no one else has it.”

“Well, no one has the names Louisa and Willa either.”

“Trust me,” Lex retorted, “some old ladies have those names.” Willa couldn’t help herself. She laughed. But Lu didn’t think it was funny at all.

“Don’t you ever smile?” Lex asked her.

“My mom says she has an old soul and she’s much too serious for a six-year-old,” Willa informed them.

“Looks like your mom is right,” Lex concurred.

Lu, who may have had an old soul, also had a quick temper. Without letting anyone see what she was doing, she went over to their easel, which was set in the back of the room, and picked up a bottle of blue paint. She walked behind Lex, stood on her tiptoes, and poured the paint over his head and onto his favorite soccer jersey.

Willa and Pete cracked up. Lex, sputtering more from surprise than anything else, turned and ran downstairs. Willa, Pete, and Lu followed, racing down the steps. To Amber and Jo, who were almost done with the wine, it sounded like a herd of elephants was coming toward them.

“Uh, oh,” murmured Amber.

“Mom,” Lex said, “look at my jersey!”

“What happened?”

Lex opened his mouth to tell his mom what the little jerk had done. But before he could say anything, he caught sight of her. She stood with her hands on her hips, looking mad, but with tears unshed in her big, blue eyes. And he couldn’t do it. “I was messing around by the easel and the paint fell over.”

Pete and Willa’s eyes got wide and Lu turned and ran up the stairs.

“Alexander James Pellitteri. You need to march upstairs and clean up the mess right now. Then get home and into your room.” Jo’s voice rang out in the kitchen. No one really wanted to mess with Dr. J.

Amber, who had been watching her children, knew that there was something wrong with the story. Those paints were always secured, tops tightened. But before she could get to the bottom of it, Lex, Pete, and Willa ran back upstairs.

“Wow,” Willa said. “Why didn’t you tell?”

“Ah, I probably deserved it,” he said with a devilish smile.

There wasn’t much to clean up and Lu had hidden herself away so she didn’t have to face Lex. But he had sealed their fate that evening. Lu, who had been saved from a spanking and probably a very public apology, swore to never do anything bad to Lex Pellitteri. And Lex discovered that he was a sucker for big blue eyes.

Lu pulled herself back to the present. Grabbing the two mugs, she headed back out to the deck. Sitting down across from Jo again, she handed her a mug. Jo took a sip gratefully.

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, savoring their last few moments of perfect harmony. Then Jo reached out and grabbed Lu’s hand.

“Louisa May, I think it’s time.”

Lu met her gaze. And although she had been prepared for this moment, she still felt stripped bare. She knew Jo wasn’t done with what she had to say, so she held her tongue.

“I want you to go home,” Jo told her.

Anger hit Lu like a punch to the gut. “I am not leaving. I need to be here. You can’t keep deciding my fate for me.” All the resentment that had built up over the last eight years rose up like bile in her throat.

Jo took Lu’s other hand and caressed them both, again comforting her as she had done many times over the years. “You misunderstand me, Lu. I want you to go home and get my grandchild. I think it’s time that Lex meet his daughter.”

“What are you going to do, Lu?” Willa asked. Walking over to where Lu was sitting on her bed, Willa gently rubbed her back. “Whatever you want to do, you know I’ve got your back. No pun intended.”

“Ugh, Will. I don’t know.” Lu stood up, disengaging herself from Willa’s contact. She didn’t want to be touched. She needed space to think. “I haven’t thought this far ahead. Why does everyone assume I have a plan all carved out for this funeral?”

“Shit, Lu, you always have a plan. You were born with a miniature FranklinCovey planner in your hand.”

“Yes. I have a plan for school and a plan for Nina. But I never planned on Lex Pellitteri. And see what happened?”

Willa couldn’t help it. She laughed. “You’re actually cracking jokes?”

“No, Will!” Lu snapped, exasperated. “I don’t think any part of this is funny.”

“Sorry. Have you talked to mom about it?” Willa asked.

“No. I haven’t had a chance. And I certainly didn’t expect for Dr. J. to tell me that it was time to tell Lex. I thought she was going to order me to go home—tell me that I wasn’t welcome. And instead she orders me to go get Nina. I thought I was doing the right thing coming alone. I don’t want to spring his daughter on him. Doesn’t he deserve an explanation? And what if he doesn’t want her? There’s no guarantee that he is going to want his eight-year-old-daughter that he didn’t even know existed.”

“You don’t want him to hate you,” Willa observed. “You want to break it to him and give him a chance to get used to it. But, Lu, he’s going to want his daughter. And he’s going to hate you. And his mother. And our mother. And maybe even Pete.”

“Right, I know that. And knowing that, should I tell him he has a daughter right after he’s lost his father? Because while he might be excited about having a child—and that’s probably the wrong word—he’ll find out that everyone who loves him has deceived him for the last eight years. How can I do that to him?”

Willa made a fist with one hand and put it against the palm of her other. “Rock,” she said, shaking her fist. “Hard place!”

Lu wanted to engage in a full-fledged temper tantrum. She wanted to fall on the floor, cry, and beat her fists and kick her feet. She wanted to have a throw-down that would make Nina proud. Frustrated and sad and scared, she walked to the window of her old bedroom. It faced the front of the house and provided a good view of the street. Out this window she would crawl, onto the flat part of the roof, to sit and think, to escape her room. It was on the roof that she had told Lex she was pregnant. There, they had made a plan for their future. There, she had retreated when their parents stepped in and changed the plan.

Turning away from the window, she sat heavily upon her bed. “So what’s the plan for the next few days?”

“Dad gets back soon. He caught the first flight he could from Australia. Takes a while to get back from down under.”

Lu acknowledged that with a nod. “And the arrangements for Mr. P.?”

“Oh, sorry. The viewing is tomorrow. One from 10:00 to 2:00 and then another from 6:00 to 8:00. Memorial service on Friday at 10:00. No burial. They are cremating him. And I think it’s a closed casket.”

“Do you know if Lex is staying after that? Is he staying for the weekend? Does he have to get back?”

“Sorry, sweetie. I don’t know his plans.” Willa knew Lu was trying to work out what to do. She wanted to be able to help her by talking it through, but often, Lu planned on her own and shared her thoughts after she had formulated them.

“What about after the funeral? People going back to the house?”

“Oh, I
do
know something of Lex’s plans,” Willa said excitedly. “They were going to read the will on Saturday. Something about Lex having to get back before Monday.”

“So I have three days?” Lu murmured without looking for a response. She turned away from Willa, walking back to the window. “Three days.” Leaning her head against the pane, she let the tears flow. She cried for the children they had been, for the decisions that had been made, for the loss of Mr. P. She cried because she had never been away from Nina for more than the length of a school day. And she cried because she suddenly realized that the dream she had buried for the last eight years, the one where she and Lex figured everything out and became a family with their daughter, that dream was never going to come true.