Libera Me (23 page)

5…

The joy when I found my way back and we vowed to never again be separated.

I stare at the mirror. There is no sixth mark. I am still intact. Still me.

But for how long?

My reasons for dying come back in a rush. I know I can’t disappoint Nesy, but what other options do I have?

My mind wanders to Nessa. She isn’t Nesy, I understand that now. She can’t be. Nesy died at Azza’s hand. She exists only in my head now, my heart.

I take a deep breath and return to my room. Crawling back into bed, I draw an image of her in my thoughts. My Nesy. Angelic and whole. She is the holder of my heart. Only her. I close my eyes, willing myself to remember the feel of her skin on mine, the hope she carried in every kiss. My mind floats away and sleep returns…

Nesy waits in the distance, calling to me. “Aydan. Are you ready? I’ve come for you. I’ve been waiting only for you.”

I go without hesitation. There is nothing I want more than to be with her.

“I’m coming,” I whisper as I follow the apparition into the forest of my thoughts. She stays a few steps ahead of me, out of reach.

“Wait,” I call. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

“You need to hurry,” she replies.

I break into a run, desperate to reach her. She slips deeper into the forest. I hear her but cannot see her.

“Hurry, Aydan,” she teases. Her voice unleashes my desire. And my desperation.

“Nesy,” I call.

She laughs, teasing me further.

The trees break into a clearing. She stands at the far end, her arms outstretched. I slow to a walk and our eyes meet. My heart pounds as the distance between us collapses. Sweeping her into my arms, I inhale the whole of her.

“Are you really here?” I ask.

“Of course,” she says, weaving her fingers into my hair. “I’ve been waiting for you to find me.”

I kiss her neck, running my lips against her jaw. I feel her tremble as our lips find each other and we lose ourselves in a kiss. Our tongues press together and I am certain I am home. Finally.

Until my world explodes around me.

Nesy spins me around, her arm wrapped tightly around my neck. Only, it’s not Nesy. It’s Nessa. Same brown hair. Same tanned skin. “It’s time,” she whispers into my ear.

Smoke invades my senses. Nothing seems right. Not her now-angry voice, nor the aggression in her touch.

“What are you doing?” I sputter.

“Time for you to fulfill your promises, Aydan.”

The forest fades away and I am again in the courtyard of my memories, a mob of UnHoly surrounding me. Azza stands in the distance, watching. Smiling.

Nesy slams her knees into the back of mine and I am thrown to the ground, forced to kneel as an altar materializes in front of me.

“Nice of you to return, my apprentice.” Sulfur and ash flood my nostrils as Azza appears in front of me.

I squirm, pulling against Nessa’s hold.

“How do you like my newest apprentice? She understands loyalty, something you never quite appreciated.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. “This is only a dream. This is only a dream.”

“How can you be certain?” Nessa again whispers into my ear. “You’re right about Nesy; that girl is dead. Forever.”

She tightens her grasp around my neck and my thoughts begin to dim. Detach. I can’t breathe as she presses against my throat.

“There is no escape this time,” Azza says. “No one to save you.”

Nesy unsheathes her sword, replacing her grasp with the sharp blade.

“If you would do the honor, Nesayiel.” Azza says to Nessa.

“With pleasure,” she says as she cuts into my neck.

My body tightens and I again wrestle against her hold.

“Now, now,” she says. “Stay still. I wouldn’t want to accidentally decapitate you.” She pushes the blade deeper into my neck.

My mind roles in on itself as a scream escapes my lips. Fire and ice pour through my veins. My body feels aflame. A familiar scratching builds in the back of my throat as anger consumes every thought, turning into a fiery rage.

Nessa continues forming the final mark on my neck. The Beast growls and my mind is lost. At once, my thoughts coalesce into a single focus. A single desire.

Kill.

      Them.

                  All.

Chapter 35 – Immolation

Zane

“Zane!”

Cass’s voice screams through me. So many admonishments, so many accusations. And all of the correct.

I release Nesy and step back, allowing my glamour to fully fade. I want so much to lose myself with Nesy and claim a life I know isn’t true. But my duty screams at me to ignore the selfish pleadings of my happiness and the memories of a girl that may or may not exist anymore.

Nesy. Who are you?

The question echoes, along with the answers I wish I could ignore—an agent of Azza, a Seer, Nesy. None of these promise a happy end, none of these allow for a life in which we are together.

None.

“You were supposed to wait for me.” Cass clenches her jaw. “Never mind, if we’re going to do this, it has to be now. The Council grows restless. Caim has not reported in and Sariel is worried. They are all worried.” 

Nesy furrows her brow, watching me. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

I take her hands in mine and swallow back my desire, my dreams…

The illusion of a life together.

“I need you to close your eyes for me.” I can’t do this while she stares at me, tempting me.

She hesitates, squeezing my hands as fear again clouds her eyes.

“But—”

“Trust me, Nesy. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.” Even if the price is my life.

Slowly, deliberately, Nesy closes her eyes and releases her mind to me. Centering my thoughts, I shield her eyes and ears. I need to be able to communicate with Cass without her overhearing us.

Nesy stiffens as I close off her senses, rendering her completely isolated. My body quivers with the fear she must be feeling now, the panic I know wells up through her soul.

“Now,” Cass instructs. “Enter her mind. Go as far as she’ll let you. Do whatever you have to do to get to her soul.”

I swallow. This will be painful for Nesy, invasive. Part of me wants to turn away and leave. But she has to know the truth. As does Celestium.

I need the truth.

“If she resists?”

“Do just what we practiced,” Cass says.

Lie. Plant false memories. Do anything to keep her open.

My shoulders tighten as I contemplate what I have to do. I don’t want to hurt her, lie to her.

And yet, I must.

“I’ll go into her heart at the same time,” Cass says. “I’ll push in unison with you. Between the both of us, we will find out what she’s hiding. We’ll find the truth.”

“And if we discover…” I can’t make myself say the words. Can’t admit my own fears.

“If she already belongs to Azza, we’ll get out and hope we aren’t discovered.”

“And if we are? If I can’t keep you safe, Cass? What then? I know you volunteered for this, but I don’t want you to risk your life for me. I can’t let you.”

“You have no choice. Gabriel told you we have to do this together. I knew the risk when I offered.”

“But Cass—”

“No. This is no more than you or Nesy would do for me.”

I inhale a sharp breath. There is no way I can ever repay this sacrifice. No way I can express my gratitude.

“We’re wasting time.”

I nod and clear my thoughts and push into her mind.

Nesy,
I say directly to her soul.
This will feel strange. But no matter what happens, I want you to keep your eyes closed until I tell you we’re through. Promise me, ok?

I tighten my grasp on her hands.

Promise me.

“I promise,” she says, choking on the words.

Her fear grips me, stealing the oxygen from my lungs.

“Focus,” Cass says. “She’ll be okay.”

I doubt it.

I clear my mind again and push into Nesy’s thoughts, feeling her mind tighten around me.

“Relax, Nesy,” I say as I push a memory into the empty places: She’s running through the streets of Celestium with me. Before she was Elle. Before Aydan. Adam.

Before.

Her body relaxes as the image takes hold. Her mind opens to me, blooming like a flower. I sense her heart, her soul.

Cass floats into Nesy’s heart, releasing the anxieties that Nesy has absorbed since being human. I push through her memories, allowing the pictures to overtake my thoughts. Clips of a life long gone, battles lost, death…

Elle shredded by Azza’s monster.

Fighting demons.

Aydan’s sword scraping across Nesy’s side.

My eyes fill with the images playing through me. My pulse races. I need to detach, pull back...

Mikayel sends a team to kill Aydan.

Aydan kills Lori.

Azza’s sword pierces Nesy’s heart.

The last image steals my breath and I feel myself wobble. I take a ragged breath. I can’t become these memories, can’t lose myself to this.

“Zane.”

The voice is distant.

“Zane.”

More memories encircle me, trap me.

“Zane, detach. You can’t help her like this.”

Cass’s voice extends through the onslaught. I reach for her, pushing the pictures away.

“Zane. This isn’t right. She shouldn’t have these memories. You gave them to Lilith. This isn’t real.”

I replay the movie and relive each emotion.

“Zane! Don’t trust this. It’s wrong.”

Cass is right. There is no memory here other than the ones I gave Lilith. Nothing that proves her to be more than human. Nothing that shows her to be UnHoly.

Nothing that proves she’s Nesy.

My Nesy.

A soft moan escapes Nesy’s mouth, as the images of her death loop over and over in her mind. It’s almost more than I can bear, and Nesy’s agitation dissolves my intent in an instant.

“No Zane. Don’t stop.” Cass’s voice soothes me. “Dig deeper. We have to know the truth.” Cass pulls on Nesy’s heart, calming her again.

A moment passes and the images slow, fade.

Fresh emotions surface from somewhere deep within Nesy’s mind. Nesy again stirs. Cass again relaxes her heart.

“Help her, Zane.”

I can’t move, can’t think. More emotions pour forward, enveloping me. Fear. Panic. Anguish. There are no images to accompany these emotions. No memories to link them. Just the feral rawness of feelings too powerful to ignore.

My breath rushes from my lungs in a whoosh. My head swims in the emotions swirling through me. My legs begin to shake.

I am too close.

Far too close.

I must detach before I am lost to feelings I can’t resist.

“Concentrate Zane. Look for the memory. Help her.”

Cass’s words again orient me and I forge some distance between me and the emotions threatening to annihilate me.

Another wave comes, and with it, images of an unfamiliar time.

A deep cavern set in an ancient mountain. Stalagmites and stalactites reach toward each other, forming an ancient mouth. The air floods with the scent of rotting eggs and burning flesh.

What is this place?

Shadows form along the cavern walls. Deep set eyes glow in the darkness. Time slows.

The only sound is that of my pounding heart. The only scents are the foul odors that define this space. The only emotion I can feel…fear.

A terrible, gnawing fear.

“Zane?”

“I don’t know this place, Cass.” It’s like nothing I’ve encountered before, not in any world.

I pull on the images, clicking them forward. I need to release it from the vault of thoughts Nesy hides from me. Need to see what the memory holds. Who Nesy really is.

I pull harder, yanking the memory free. It fades in an instant, replaced my something else.

A human girl, coiled from head to foot by a serpent. She speaks to the snake as it bites her over and over. The scene rushes forward, replaced by clips of Mikayel and Azza, battling a yellow-tinged giant.

A being I recognize from the history books. One that is all but dead.

Iblis of the Jinn.

Angels descend on the scene playing in front of me. Gabriel. Raphael. Azryel.

Chaos erupts in Nesy’s mind as she begins to writhe in pain.

“Cass, help!”

Within a moment, Nesy relaxes. Cass moves in and out of her thoughts, her emotions. She caresses and tames a grief that is almost impossible to fathom.

“These aren’t her memories,” Cass says once Nesy calms. “They can’t be.”

      “What do you mean?”

“These are memories from our history. Before Azzaziel’s fall.”

“Maybe Mikayel shared these with her during her training?”

“Maybe, But…”

“What?”

“It feels wrong still. I think we need to keep going. See everything.”

I nod and push back into her thoughts. There has to be more to these ancient images, something she is too scared to remember.

Nesy stirs again as the pictures of the old war thin and vanish. Emptiness engulfs the space. There is no time or space in this moment, nothing to cling to or push against. I float within her consciousness, my mind beginning to reflect the same emptiness.

“Zane, be careful. Don’t lose yourself to this void.”

Cass’s voice floats through me, but holds little meaning. A moment passes. And another. My heart slows as the vast darkness of her mind eclipses everything else.

“Zane.” Her voices breaks apart immediately after the word is formed, and the meaning is lost to me.

All emotions drain as I continue my descent into the crevices of thoughts that no longer exist. I feel as shadow, thin and detached. No emotions to torment me. No thoughts to define me.

Part of me wants to stay in this place, tethered to the emptiness.

To Nesy.

But I know this is no more real than the images that preceded it. It’s just another defense.

I inhale a deep breath, mustering the energy to root out the memories that still exist.

Help me, Zane. Find me.