Licentious (4 page)

I let the tears flow freely as I force myself to crawl to Eve. I use my left arm as leverage to drag myself to her.

“Eve,” I cry. “Eve!” Her eyelids flutter before one eye barely sneaks a peek of that beautiful cerulean blue my way. I hear her groan in agony as tears spill down her tan, dirty cheeks.

“They’re gone,” I sigh in relief. “But we have to get out
of here.” Her eye flutters closed as she begins to take more shallow breaths. “Eve,” I cry as I shake her with my hands balled into a giant fist. Pain radiating through my right hand and arm. “Eve!”

Her eye barely opens
. “Joey,” she mumbles, “I love you.” She forces a pained smile.

“Don’t. Don’t talk like that,” I
say. Each breath is becoming harder to take than the last. “We need to get help. We need to get out of here.” I choke on a sob threatening to break free.

“S
hh. Joey,” she swallows loudly, “you’re going… to do… great… things,” she says between broken breaths.

“No. We! Eve, we!” I yell at her as my cries begin to takeover. “Eve…
you’re my other half,” I end on a whisper.

A small smile tips her lips
. “You’re my… better… half. Love… you,” she breathes, tears spill over the edge of her good eye before I don’t see that beautiful blue anymore.

“Eve! Eve!” I try to yell
, but it comes out more like a hoarse whisper. My breath becomes shallower. “Eve,” I cry. My body is growing tired. Exhausted from fighting it, I lay my head on her chest, near the crook of her arm, and close my eyes. I breathe through the pain taking over every inch of my body. Nothing compares to the pain deep within my chest, knowing that these monsters took my other half from me. It feels as if someone has a fist wrapped around my heart and are trying to extract it from my body, leaving me breathless.

Please. Please, God. Take me, too. Don’t leave me here without her. Please take me, too. Please. Please end this nightmare
.

They say right before you die, your life flashes before your eyes. That didn’t happen for me. I guess that means God didn’t answer my prayers. I didn’t have the flashes of beautiful memories project in my brain.
Did Eve?
If not, then there is no God. God is supposed to be this amazing creator of all things. He carries you when you can’t walk alone. Ultimately, He’s supposed to guide us through life, give us strength, and in the end—peace. I didn’t find peace. I only found pain and pure darkness.

“Nice of you to show up,” I hear my father’s voice wash over me. His voice sounds different. Broke. Tired.

“Oh, stop it, Aedan.” My mom’s annoying voice fills the room. She really doesn’t have an annoying voice, though. If I were honest, I’ve always thought her voice was beautiful. Like smooth silk. Of course, I’d never tell the bitch that.

“Our daughter is fighting for her damn life! Where the hell have you been?” I hear my
dad’s voice rise more angrily with each word slipping from his lips.

“Relax
.” I hear her exhale as if she’s bored. “I’m doing the best I can, Aedan,” she grumbles, “but you can’t continue to be here 24/7. We have lives! Life goes on. We have another child to think about,” she tells him with her smooth, sweet, fake voice. I have no doubt my mother is giving my dad her innocent expression. I wouldn’t put it past her to be batting her eyelashes right now.

“You’re right,” he sighs, “but Aedan is an adult. And right now, Joey needs us.”

“Last I checked, she too was an adult,” she drones.

“What the fuck is your problem?” I hear my
dad yell. If you knew my dad, you’d know he doesn’t yell. Ever. He’s the type of person who always keeps a level-head. No matter how angry he would get, not once have I ever heard him actually yell. He’s always the one to be ‘disappointed.’ For some reason that always hurts more. I bet my mom’s jaw is on the floor right about now.

Do I open my eyes and let them know I can hear them? If my
mom weren’t here, I would in a heartbeat. I could really use a hug from my dad right now, but the thought of having to deal with my mom makes my stomach turn.

“Excuse me?” my mother
gaffs. “I don’t appreciate your tone!”

“Yeah? Well
, I don’t appreciate the fact that you’ve been a heartless bitch. You may not care that Eve is dead and Joey is barely hanging on—”

“If I remember correctly, Joey’s stable
. She just refuses to wake up,” I hear my mother sneer.

Eve is dead.
Those words repeat over and over in my head while my chest grows heavy and breaths become harder to find. I can feel the blood rush in my veins. I
knew
it. I knew, but hearing it, letting it sink in…
Eve.
Tears start to pour from my eyes as I gasp for air while my sobs begin to choke me.

“Joey?” My dad gasps. “Joey, honey. C
an you open your eyes?” Dad asks softly. His rough, calloused hands rest on my forehead and arm.

My eyes flutter open after a few attempts
. The light is piercing intensely into them causing me to squint. It’s almost painful. I try to speak, but no words come out. My throat is so dry, sore even. Dad sees me struggle for words and reaches to the bedside table for his water to give me a sip. After taking a few small sips, I try again. “Daddy, Eve…” I cry. I can’t even say the words. He gently rests his chin on the top of my head. He wraps his arms around the front of my body as he softly ‘shhs’ me. I hear him breathe ‘thank God’ so quietly that if he weren’t sitting next to me, I wouldn’t have heard him.

“Eve,” I whimper. Why? Why didn’t God take me
, too? Why would he make me live without her? Why didn’t he just let me die with her?
Why?

“I know
, baby. I know. I’m so sorry, Joey,” he whispers into the stuffy hospital air as his shoulders start to shake from what I assume are silent sobs.

“I’m so sorry,” I cry
breathlessly. I try to turn my head into his chest, but my neck is so sore that it hurts to make any movement at all.

“No, Joey,” he
says softly as he pulls away and turns his body until he’s sitting upright, facing me. Both of his large hands capture my face. His cerulean blues are rimmed brightly in red from his silent pain. “Joey, this wasn’t your fault. You have to know that. Tell me you know that,” he pleads.

There’s nothing I can say to take away the pain that this has caused him. And there’s nothing he can say that will make the darkness closing in inside of me to disappear. All I can do is nod.

“I’m going to go get the doctor. Let them know you’re awake.” He forces a smile and kisses the tip of my nose before he turns for the door.

As soon as he exits the room, my mother obnoxiously clears her throat. Turning my head slowly
toward her, I can’t stop the groan that escapes my throat. My entire body is stiff and sore. Pain fills every inch of me. Every breath my lungs grasp for is almost too much.

My mother stands from where she was seated across the room. Her nose wrinkles as if she’s disgusted by a certain sight or smell
. She crosses her arms covering her chest before she takes a few steps closer to the bed. Slightly dipping her body forward, she snarls, “You do realize that this is, in fact,
all your fault.
Right?”

I know this
, but it royally pisses me off that she feels it’s her place to say those words to me. The words that hold so much brutality toward my heart and soul. My dream killed my best friend. My sister. My
other half
. So many emotions swirl inside me from her words. Sadness. Guilt. Regret. But most of all, right now, anger. Anger toward this bitch who is supposed to love Eve and me unconditionally, and yet, I’ve never felt loved by her. Not once. Not even for a second. I’ve seen the love she has for my father and my brother. She’s never hidden it. She’s also never hidden her disgust for Eve and me. But now Eve is dead. I always wondered if Mom would feel different about us if we weren’t around anymore. If she would mourn us.
Guess I got my answer for that one.

“Answer me,” she orders.

“What would… you like me… to say, Mother?” I ask as sarcastically as I can while I search for breaths.
Why is it so hard to breathe?
“Besides, it’s not… like you give a… flying fuck. This is what… you have always… wanted. You never… wanted Eve or me. Your wish… came true,” I whisper as I lock my gaze on her cold coffee eyes. I refuse to back down from her. I will never give her that satisfaction.

“You’re wrong,” she whispers back. “My wish didn’t come true.
You’re
still here,” she says coldly. Her eyes blaze straight into me with her words stabbing me right in the heart. “Unfortunately, you’re alive,” she grimaces before starting to turn away.

A lone tear slips from my eye as I look down at
the white blanket covering me. “No, I’m not,” I whisper so softly, she probably didn’t hear me. I don’t think there’s anything left alive inside of me. Nothing but pain, anyway.

Right before she reaches the door, Dad strolls through with a genuine smile playing on his lips. When his eyes greet Mom, the smile fades, ice taking residence in his eyes. “Leaving?” he
says to her as he brushes past her just before she exits the room.

I feel bad for my
dad. He always talked about how much in love he was with Mom from the moment that they met and that it had never faltered. As Eve and I grew older, Dad and Mom’s relationship seemed to fizzle more each day. I know it was because of us. I also know that Dad would give his life for Eve and me if he had a choice in the matter. I may have been happy with that fact. Before. But now? Now it makes me sad.

It’s because of my dreams that Eve is dead. We wouldn’t have even been there if I
hadn’t insisted on entering that stupid contest. I have to live with that. I can’t stomach the idea of tearing another family member apart. My dad loved my mom unconditionally. If he didn’t, they wouldn’t still be together. But now, it’s strained between them. I know that it’s because of me.

Dad sits down on the edge of the bed, his hand grasping mine. “
The doctor is with another patient. He’ll be here in a minute.” He forces a smile, tears resting at the edges of his eyes. “Joey,” he starts, his focus remaining on our joined hands, “do you remember anything?” His voice was soft as if he were afraid if he spoke louder, it’d cause him to break.

Memories of that horrid nightmare attack me
—near dark black eyes, evil lurking behind them. I hear Eve’s cries and whimpers. I hear the breaking of bones, and the sounds that two bodies make when they are joined together. I feel the pain of losing my virginity to that monster. The feel of the knife entering and leaving my body viciously just for it to happen all over again. I feel the heaviness in my heart as I realize Eve was dying. The exhaustion creeps over me as my vision slowly grows black and numbness takes over the pain, making it nearly impossible to move. The hopefulness blooming within me that the end was coming and that God would take us both.

“Joey?”
Dad’s whisper brings me back to the realization that the hopefulness I felt was a façade. An illusion. I’m still here just reliving a nightmare. If only I could awake from it.

I slowly move my gaze to him. I can’t talk to him about this. I can’t talk to anyone about this. I don’t want their pity. I don’t want to be the reason for causing him more pain than he
is already in. I slightly lift a shoulder in a half attempt of a shrug. That alone leaves me tired, the soreness becoming prominent in my body.

“Do you remember who did this?”
His eyes beg me for something.
Anything
.

“I’ve never met them before. They were
… in the audience… with Eve after… the contest. I love you, Dad, but… I just… can’t,” my voice shakes. Closing my eyes, I will the tears away.

“Joey…”

“I can’t right… now, Dad. Please,” I plead with him, “I just… I need some time.” My bottom lip quivers and I force it in between my teeth. I bite down so hard that I wouldn’t be surprised if blood arose, but I’d rather have that physical pain than the feeling of all the emotions that are swirling through me right now. I’m not sure how to do this. I’m not sure I can. “So…” I purse my lips for a moment, trying to think of
anything
to say to steer the conversation elsewhere. “How long… was I out?” Fair question.

“For a while,” he shrugs
as if it’s no big deal.

“Like a few hours, a while, or like
… a few days, a while?” I’m actually surprised. Not that I feel like running a marathon, or shouting from the rooftops because honestly, I feel more like crawling into a hole, curling up into a ball, and crying myself to death. But remembering everything that did happen, I would expect my body to be in a greater amount of pain until I healed.

“Like, almost… a month, a while,” Dad says sadly.

“Wait. What?” I gasp. “A month?” A month? What the hell? “What… where’s… when did…” I trail off speechless. I’m the one with the talent for words, and yet all vocabulary has fled my brain.

“Joey, you were out for almost a month. Two days shy actually. You had some substantial injuries
.” His chin starts to quiver, eyes fogging with unshed tears. His shoulders slump in defeat. “I thought I was going to lose you.” He drops his head and catches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “They didn’t think… they didn’t think you were going to pull through. Your heart, it… it stopped while they were operating for a little over a minute before they could bring you back.” He shakes his head slowly before connecting his sad gaze back with mine.

“I died?” I barely manage to whisper. He nods in response, tears streaking down his face, catching in the dips and
crevices of his aging skin. My Dad’s not
old,
per se, but he’s not young, either. I just never noticed that he was aging before. Maybe that’s my fault, too.

“What injuries
… did I have?” I ask as if I can’t remember. In a way, it all still feels unreal to me. I know what was done to me, but I don’t know what was caused from what was done.

“Well,” he pauses as he takes a deep breath to steady himself, “you had a collapsed lung, which they were able to repair in surgery. They repaired several wounds. Stab wounds in your stomach, chest, splee
n, and intestines. You also have six broken ribs, a broken wrist, and a sprained ankle. In the scheme of it all, you actually are very lucky, Joey. Thank
God
, He was on your side that night.” Dad finishes in an almost whimper before dropping his head and allowing the sobs to rip through him.

My mind falls blank. I’m unsure how to process all of this. My eyes refocus onto the man who has been my hero since the day I took my first breath. Tears prick my eyes as I
try to slightly lean forward and wrap my arms tightly around his stocky body frame, but the pain throughout my chest, ribs, and stomach are too much. “Daddy. I’m okay… It’s going to… be okay.” I try to reassure him. “We can do anything… temporarily.” As soon as the words leave my lips, I wished I could bring them back. My mouth grows dry and my heart feels like someone has a vice grip around it. The last time I had said those words, they were to help Eve and I to mentally make it through that hell.
Eve is gone
. Will that ever fully sink in for me? Will it ever feel like I can keep living? Doubt it. Dad seems to think that God kept me alive and then brought me back from the dead on the operating table. Personally, I hope that was God trying to grant my wish, but maybe it was that my luck ran out—so here I am.