Life In The Palace (25 page)

Chapter 20

A
s soon as
she left, the picture faded away. In front of me stood Seth my loving boyfriend, light of my life and match for my soul. I was still shaking. He slipped his arms around me.

“What did she do to you?” he whispered.

I looked up at his perfect face. There were no words for me to say.

“What happened?” his tone was fierce but low, after all we were still in the library.

I couldn’t speak.

“What’s going on here?” The firm tone of the security guard seemed jarringly loud.

I looked from him to Seth and realized he assumed Seth was the cause of my screaming. They take harassment very seriously on campus.

Quickly I said, “I saw a spider.”

The guard gave me a withering look, “Listen lady this is a library, you have to be quiet, spiders or no spiders.” He looked at the rage on Seth’s face, clearly not convinced by my spur-of-the-moment lie. “Do you want to come with me to the nurse?” he asked more kindly.

I shook my head, “No, I’m just going to go home. I’m sorry I disturbed you.”

The guard watched us walk out side by side.

Seth wheeled around and faced me as soon as we passed through the heavy library doors, “What was that? Chloe, what’s going on?” His voice rang with a mixture of anger and fear.

I looked at him and found strength I didn’t know I had, “The same as before. I should break up with you. I’m killing you in the Palace. You have a destiny to perform. And I’m the big bad, blah, blah, blah.” My tone was light and while he wasn’t totally convinced, he took my hand and we started walking.

“So why’d you scream?”

I smiled sheepishly, “I think I’m losing it. I don’t really know. It’s all just been a bit too much, all of this stuff with Tal and the whole Stacy thing. Also I’m getting my period. My poor feminine brain just can’t take any more angst.”

The period thing had him stumped, he couldn’t argue with hormones. He put one arm around me and pulled me in close.

“Ok, but if she bothers you again-” he growled.

“Give me a break, I appreciate the macho moment, but what are you going to do, go around with a few heavies and beat her up? I don’t think she’s going to try again. She didn’t mean to be speaking to me today. I wasn’t looking where I was going and I walked straight into her. I can’t imagine there’s going to be a rematch. If there is, I can handle myself. It takes more than one little girl to scare me.”

I saw he wanted to argue with me. I must have looked awful, but I had a point, there wasn’t much he could do.

“What do you want to do about dinner?” he asked.

I had no appetite for anything. My mind was spinning and I desperately needed to get back to my own room to think things through. But I couldn’t just ditch him, then he’d know something was up.

“I don’t know that I actually need any more caffeine. Why don’t we grab a sandwich or something from Gert’s? I was going to study tonight, but now I’m thinking a hot bath and an early night might do me more good.”

Seth nodded, although the fast food option was not his favorite.

As soon as we’d sat down, in walked Bret and Andy. Bret called over from across the bar, “Seth, Mrs. Seth”

Seth shot me a look asking for my permission. I nodded and smiled warmly as they came and sat down. Bret was in great form and Seth couldn’t resist rising to the challenge. Soon a small crowd had gathered to watch the masters at work and the jokes flew back and forth. I thanked my lucky stars for the diversion. All I had to do was eat my burger and chuckle at their great wit. Best of all, I was able to keep the mute button firmly pressed on all my thoughts.

I walked Seth out when he had to go to work, although I wouldn’t have minded staying. I had to stick to my going to bed early story.

“Shall I come up later?” he asked as we parted company.

I shook my head, “I’ll be out cold, don’t bother. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

He looked at me. I almost always said yes, but he let it go. He kissed me goodbye, and I began my weary trudge up the hill towards home.

“Hi Simone,” I called as I came through the front door.

“Hey, Chloe. How are you? I’m just Skype-ing Brent,” she called from behind her bedroom door.

“Tell him I say Hi. Have a good night, I’m on my way to bed,” I called back.

“Good night.”

I hung my coat up and pulled off my boots. I made it until my bedroom door shut behind me. Then my strength ran out. I slid in a crumpled heap on the floor, my back against the door as the sobs racked my body. There was nothing coherent enough to call a thought, just the image of Seth’s Palace face filling my mind.

I don’t know how long I lay there crying what felt like my entire life into the old shag pile carpet. Eventually the tears slowed enough for me to drag myself over to the bed. But then my pillow smelled of him and the floodgates opened again. Now it was worse, the thoughts came like a hundred arrows piercing my heart.

Tal said that your Palace face is your real face. It’s who you are spiritually.

Spiritually Seth is a decaying monster.

How can that be?

Tal says it’s because of me; I’m the Big Bad that’s killing my boyfriend, killing him softly.

It can’t be. How could something that feels so good, so true, be so bad? How can I be killing him?

It must be a mistake or a trick. She must have some way of doing it. That thing can’t be Seth.

Seth says he doesn’t believe, and even if it’s true he doesn’t care. He’ll give up his place in the Palace for me.

Seth would give me his whole life, in this world and the next.

But can I take it from him?

My thoughts spun around. I screamed into my pillow. The release calmed me slightly and I reached for my phone.

“It’s a good thing it’s you,
chica
. After twelve is not the best time for a social call,” Spike said slightly sleepily.

The sound of her voice broke me all over again. I couldn’t even say her name. I just sobbed into the phone.

Instantly, she was wide awake. “Take your time,” she said softly.

Spike listened to me cry while I struggled to find my voice.

“It’s Seth,” I finally managed to say.

“It was either him or Stacy,” Spike quipped to try to lighten the mood. “Did you have a fight?”

“No,” I choked back more tears.

“Did he do something to you?” Spike sounded really worried.

“No.”

“Chloe, I’ve never heard you like this before, what the hell’s going on? Did you get yourself knocked up also?”

“No. I saw him, and it was awful. He’s dying, and it’s all my fault.” The words came tumbling out.

“Whoa, can we do a Julie Andrews and start at the very beginning, please? Seth’s sick?”

I took a deep breath, “No. Not really.”

“From the top, what happened?”

“I was in the library, and I saw Tal. She was in the Palace. She wouldn’t have seen me, but I tripped over her and then she like half woke up and we had this big fight.”

I could almost hear Spike nodding as I spoke, “Anything new or just the same old stuff?”

“The same, I’m killing Seth and destroying the world.”

Spike sighed, “That girl needs some assistance in the mental health department. But if it was the same old stuff, what got you so worked up?”

A fat tear trickled down my left cheek. I tried to steady myself.

“I guess because I disturbed her, she didn’t actually come all the way out of the Palace. I could still see what she was seeing.”

“Okay.” She was waiting to see where this was going.

“Then Seth came over, he was supposed to meet me and he walked right into it.”

I choked back a sob. “Spike, I saw what Seth looks like in the Palace. Tal was right, it’s awful. His skin was falling off him and-” I could hardly get the words out. “I’m killing him. Seth’s dying in the Palace and it’s because of me,” I wailed. There was a pause while she digested the information.

“Oh, fuck.” That about summed it up.

She listened to me cry again.

When my sobs subsided, she asked, “Are you sure? Was it a trick? This Tal chick really wants to get her way on this one, maybe she’s pulling a fast one on you?”

I rubbed my eyes, “I don’t think so. She looked pretty surprised to see him. How could she plan for that? She didn’t know I was going to be there, let alone that he was going to come and find me.”

“I don’t know. She’s part of the God squad. She might have all sorts of things up her sleeve. He’s got some good tricks, God.”

I sat up on the bed, “Spike, listen to yourself. I don’t want to be on the side that fights against Him. It’s God, for heaven’s sake! The Master of the Universe, what am I supposed to do, fight Him for Seth? Seth says any price is worth it for us to be together, but how can he really mean it? He doesn’t think there is a price. He thinks Tal’s a hysterical weirdo, the Palace is a tool to keep the poor in their place and God’s a pleasant construct.”

I ran out of ranting steam and waited for her to say something.

“What are you going to do?” she asked carefully.

“I have no idea. Right now I’m only up to freaking out.”

I heard her breath in, “Go to sleep. It’s nearly one in the morning. This is not something you want to decide on the spur of the moment. Call me when you get up.”

I nodded, it was the best advice I’d get for the time being. “Ok, good point.”

Just as I was about to hang up, she said, “
Chica
, it’s going to be ok. If God’s real, then He’s also big. There has to be a way for this to work out.”

I woke to my phone buzzing. It was Seth. I didn’t answer. I looked at my alarm. I had enough time to get to get up, grab a coffee and get to class. Three classes back to back wouldn’t give me too much time to think.

On the way to class I texted Spike:

Thanks for last night. Hope you made it to class. Call you later.

Immediately she replied:

I had an idea. I’ll call later and let you know if it pans out.

By the end of my third class, I saw I had two missed calls from Spike and a text from Seth.

Seth wrote:

Good morning lovely. I hope you feel better for all the rest. I tried to call you - did you forget to charge your phone again? Lunch at my place.

I was about to dial Spike when my phone buzzed again with a text from her.

Got class now, need a couple of hours to work on this, call you later, k? keep smiling.

I wondered what mystery activity Spike had planned. But I had bigger things to worry about.

How am I going to get out of lunch with Seth? I can’t tell him what happened. I can’t just go to lunch and pretend that everything is normal. He’ll know straightaway that something is up. Then what am I going to tell him? Tal was right, I’m killing you and I don’t know what to do about it? He’ll find some way to convince me that I’m mistaken, that it must have been a trick of the light, and I’ll want to believe him. I want his kisses to make it all better. But those kisses are killing him. What if one more pushes him over the edge and it’s too late?

I hadn’t been paying any attention to where I was going so I nearly jumped when someone called my name.

“Hey, Chloe,” Bernie was standing next to Maxine as she smoked one of those horrible French cigarettes that even Seth wouldn’t touch if he had no alternative.

“Are you guys trying to get frostbite?” Thankfully my mouth was on autopilot again.

“Every winter I decide that’s it, no more smoking, it’s just not worth it. And then I have to write a thesis or have an exam and I forget all my good reasoning.” Max shook her head at her own folly.

“What’s your excuse?” I asked Bernie, “You don’t even smoke.”

“No, but watching Max here freeze while doing it makes me happy that I don’t. And I’m a good friend.”

“You’re more dedicated than I am. These days I make Seth go on the balcony and I open the patio door and talk to him through the crack, while wearing a coat.”

Behind us a voice called, “Not one of you is a real Canadian, what are you all doing loitering around outside in this weather?”

Josh came over with Ethan.

“Waiting for you,” Max purred.

Josh snorted, “I think it’s lunchtime, people. Where are we going?”

“I think Seth’s cooking,” I said quickly.

Ethan’s face lit up. Josh whipped his phone out of his pocket.

“Bro, I hear you’re making lunch. Is this a private party for you and the missus or can anyone crash?”

Seth said something and Josh passed the phone to me, “Apparently you’re the decider.”

“Do you have enough food?” I asked before he could speak. “Josh is here with Ethan and Bernie and Maxine.”

“I wasn’t planning anything so exciting it can’t stretch. Tell Josh to pick up more bread on the way, but are you sure that you want a whole crowd? I thought it would be just you and me.”

My heart wrenched, but my voice stayed steady, “Why not have everyone? We can hang out later.”

“Fair enough,” his tone shrugged.

I handed the phone back to Josh. “We’re on.”

We all headed over to the apartment. Lunch dragged on and after a while I pulled my books from my bag and started studying on the sofa in the living room. Seth finished the dishes and came to sit on the other side from me. I looked up and smiled and prayed I seemed natural and relaxed.

“I have to work tonight,” he said after a while. “It’s Henri’s mom’s birthday. I said I’d swap with him, so that gives us a free weekend.”

“Nice.” I flashed a smile, “I’m still in mega catch up study mode. Hopefully by the weekend I’ll be ready to play again.”

“Does that mean I should come straight home again?” I could hear the effort he was exerting to keep his tone casual.

I nodded, “Might as well.” I reached out and stroked his hand. I’m not sure if I was trying to reassure him or me. He didn’t seem too bothered. He was obviously a bit concerned, but seemed to be buying my excuse.

I left around five, making up a nonexistent study date with Jen. It was dark already and the temperature was dropping. Even with my gloves, I was reluctant to take my hand out of my pocket to answer the phone. It was worth the effort, finally Spike was getting back to me.