Like a Lover (15 page)

“I think
I’ve got it.”

“Told you
it was easy. You’re a natural.” Rupert drew Josh in a little closer, enjoying
the feel of Josh’s lean back under his palm, the tight grip of their hands.
They were moving as one now, perfectly in sync, and Josh was still smiling. His
expression was so open and joyful that Rupert’s heart skipped a beat.

They stayed
on the floor for the next dance too, and the next. The band changed to swing
after the waltz, and although they didn’t know the steps, they muddled through
by watching and copying what some of the others were doing.

“Am I still
being the girl?” Josh asked.

Rupert
chuckled. “I’m not sure. I think we’ve gone kind of freeform now.”

The people
who’d stared at them earlier had got over the novelty of a same-sex couple on
the dance floor, and nobody was paying them much attention. Rupert was enjoying
the liberation of being himself, dancing openly with a man at his mother’s
wedding. He caught Charles’s eye a couple of times and saw more than a hint of
disapproval in the tightness of his jaw. But Rupert was past caring. If he had
a problem with them, he could fuck off.

He lost
track of time. But after a while they were both hot and thirsty, so they went
to the bar again. Rupert’s whisky was still standing there from earlier, but he
ordered water now, wanting something to refresh him before they returned to the
dance floor.

“Want to go
outside to cool off?” he suggested after they’d drained their glasses.

Josh
nodded, so they walked out through the double doors onto the terrace. It was
almost dark now, a perfect summer’s night with stars beginning to pinprick the
deep blue velvet of the sky. A few other people were enjoying the cooler air
outside, but Rupert didn’t want to make conversation. He wanted Josh all to
himself for a little while. He took Josh’s arm and guided him down the steps
and onto the path that led through the rose garden. As soon as they were hidden
from view, he stopped, reached for Josh, and pulled him into his arms. He
cupped Josh’s cheek with one hand, rubbed his thumb lightly over Josh’s
cheekbone, and stroked his eyebrow with a fingertip, tracing out Josh’s
features, which were almost invisible out here in the darkness. So familiar to
him now, Rupert didn’t need light to be able to picture Josh’s face. He closed
his eyes and pressed their mouths together. The kiss was soft and gentle, a
slow slide of lips and tongue that sent a lazy swell of arousal through Rupert,
along with a sharper longing for something more.

He pulled
away, smiling at Josh’s reluctance to separate as his hands gripped Rupert’s
waist. Rupert leaned in for another quick kiss.

“I’ve been
wanting to do that all evening,” Rupert whispered.

“Me too.”

Rupert
reached for Josh’s hand and led him to a bench he remembered from earlier. They
sat and stared out over the dark lawn.

“Look,”
Josh pointed to where the moon was just rising over the trees below them. Huge
and almost full, it cast a silvery light that tipped the blades of grass and
shone in Josh’s eyes. “It’s beautiful.”

Rupert put
his arm around Josh. Josh leaned in close, his head on Rupert’s shoulder.

They sat
and watched the moon rise. The scent of the roses was stronger by night, a
sweet, heady scent that invaded Rupert’s senses. His heart lifted along with
the moon as they watched it break free of the branches and edge its way into
the sky. With Josh warm by his side and his hair tickling Rupert’s cheek,
Rupert didn’t think he’d ever experienced such a perfect moment. The only thing
that could make it better would be if Josh felt the same.

When they
went back inside, Rupert’s euphoria persisted. A little drunk and high on the
emotions racing through his system, it was easy to pretend this was real. He
held Josh close as the band played something slow and gentle, closed his eyes,
and imagined his feelings were reciprocated.

I love you
. The words were bursting to come out of him,
and he knew they were true.

Josh’s
cheek brushed his, and without thinking, Rupert drew back to find Josh’s lips.
He kissed him chastely, nothing more than a light brush of his mouth, but it
wasn’t enough. He kissed Josh a little harder, until Josh parted his lips and
their tongues touched for a fleeting moment. Sighing reluctantly, Rupert drew
back. If he went too far down that road, it would be almost impossible to stop.

Just then,
a firm hand on his shoulder made him start, their gentle sway to the music
interrupted.

“Must you?”
Charles’s face was flushed—with anger or alcohol, Rupert couldn’t
tell—and his voice was thick with disapproval. “Save it for your room,
for God’s sake.”

“What?”
Rupert blinked at him, his brain taking a while to catch up as disbelief,
followed by a wave of cold fury, swept through him. He was dimly aware of his
mother hovering behind Charles, her face anxious and strained. “What the hell
is that supposed to mean?”

“Are you
going to make me spell it out?”

They’d both
kept their voices low but were already attracting attention. Other dancers
close to them threw worried glances their way.

Rupert
deliberately raised his voice now, tired of putting up with Charles and his
snide comments and disapproving glances. “I think perhaps you should, Charles.
Because I can’t see a problem here.”

“Rupert.”
Josh gripped his arm tightly, fingers digging into his bicep, a note of warning
clear in his tone. “Just leave it.”

“Charles,
that’s enough. Please,” Geraldine said, tugging on Charles’s elbow.

But Rupert
wasn’t prepared to drop this, and it seemed Charles wasn’t either. Rupert
glared at him, waiting for him to explain.

“You’re
making people uncomfortable,” Charles said, his voice like ice.

“By kissing
my boyfriend?” Rupert said, disbelieving. “I don’t think most people were
bothered. Seems to me you’re the only one who wants to make an issue of it.”

“For God’s
sake, Rupert. Bringing him at all was bad enough, dropping this on your mother
with no warning. It’s not enough that you need to make some sort of a statement
by bringing a man to our wedding, but you have to parade your relationship in
front of everyone like this? Are you trying to ruin this day for us?”

Rupert
clenched his fists. “It was only a kiss, just like you kissed my mother earlier
in front of everyone. How is it different? Why should you be allowed to kiss
her and I’m not allowed to kiss the man I’m in love with?” Rupert was shouting
now, not caring that people were listening. The words spilled from him, hot and
bitter. “But don’t worry. We’re leaving. I’m not staying here to be insulted by
a homophobe.”

Rupert turned
to Geraldine, who was speechless. “I’m sorry, Mother.” Her face registered
shock and something that might have been shame, but maybe it was just
embarrassment at the scene they were causing. Rupert’s voice cracked as he
spoke again, emotion swamping him. “We’re clearly not welcome here. Come on,
Josh.”

Josh was
staring at him, stunned and pale. Rupert took Josh’s hand in a vice-like grip
and pulled him towards the nearest escape route—out through the doors to
the garden and into the comforting darkness that lay beyond.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Josh
stumbled after Rupert, tripping over an uneven paving slab as his eyes
struggled to adjust to the sudden change. They half walked, half ran across the
lawn and down through the rock garden to the shelter of the trees and shrubs
that edged the lake. Rupert’s breathing was ragged, and when they finally came
to a stop, Josh realised Rupert was crying, harsh, tearing sobs.

“That
fucking bastard,” Rupert spat. “I’m so sorry, Josh. If I’d known it would be
like this, I’d never have asked you to come.
God
.”

Josh pulled
Rupert into his arms and held him tight. Rupert clung to him, his tears hot and
wet against Josh’s neck. Unsure what to say, Josh made soothing sounds,
stroking Rupert’s back and waiting for him to calm down. Josh’s heart was
pounding hard, and all he could think about was what Rupert had said back there
in the heat of the moment. The exact words he’d used… one word in particular.
Had there been any truth in it at all? Or did he just say it to prove a point?

He brought
a hand up to cup Rupert’s head, combing his fingers through Rupert’s curls
until Rupert finally gave a sniff and drew back. The moon was high now, and
there was enough light for Josh to see the wet streaks on Rupert’s cheeks. His
heart twisted, and he pulled Rupert’s face to his, kissing the tears away, then
pressing his lips to Rupert’s temple, breathing him in and trying to push down
the surge of emotion that was threatening to overwhelm him. He wanted to focus
on offering the comfort Rupert needed.

“That
wasn’t how I wanted to tell you,” Rupert said quietly.

Josh felt
as though his heart stopped for a moment, frantically trying to wrap his mind
around what Rupert was saying. Surely he couldn’t mean…. “Tell me what?” He
needed Rupert to be clear.

“That I’m
in love with you.”

Josh’s
heart surged, tripping against his ribs and making him almost dizzy with
elation. He pulled back, holding Rupert’s face in both hands so he could study
his expression, still almost afraid to believe his ears. Rupert was utterly
calm now; the tempest of emotion had passed, leaving still waters in its wake.
He held Josh’s gaze, and there was nothing there to make Josh doubt him, just
raw honesty and hope.

Knocked
sideways by longing, all Josh could do was kiss him. Trying to say with his
actions what he wasn’t ready to say with words, he kissed Rupert slow and deep,
pulling him in close as though he was trying to meld their bodies into one. He
wanted so much. He loved Rupert too; he knew it deep down in his blood and in
his bones. But how was this ever going to work?

Right now
he pushed those thoughts aside as their bodies took over and reason fled. Hands
tugged at shirttails, seeking skin, as they pressed together, hard and wanting.

“Rupert,”
Josh groaned as Rupert unzipped Josh’s trousers and shoved his hand into Josh’s
underwear, curling around his erection and stroking.

Josh
reached for Rupert too, fumbling until he had Rupert in his hand.

“Fuck,
yes,” Rupert muttered.

Their lips
locked again in a messy kiss as they jerked each other off, chasing their climax.
It was as though all the adrenaline of before, all the tangled, overwhelming
emotion had led to this, this surge of desperate need and want that tore
through Josh, leaving him breathless and teetering on the brink within minutes.
He threw his head back and moaned as he came, slicking Rupert’s fist as he
spilled between them in a series of dizzying pulses. He was dimly aware of
Rupert coming too, hissing out a curse as Josh stroked him through it. The
scent of their come filled the space between them, and the sound of their shaky
breathing was suddenly loud in the still quiet of the night air.

The tension
hadn’t dissipated between them. If anything, it was worse now their physical
needs had been met. The silence was deafening. Josh knew he should tell Rupert
how he felt. But instead he let out a shaky laugh and said, “I hope you know a
good dry cleaner. Because our suit trousers are going to be fucked.”

Rupert
huffed a laugh and drew back. He held his hand up, and Josh could see come
glistening on his fingers. “I think I caught most of yours.”

Rupert
stooped to wipe his hand on the grass, and Josh did the same, before
straightening up and adjusting his clothes.

“Josh.” His
voice was serious now. “We need to talk.”

Josh’s
stomach flipped, but he nodded. “Okay.”

They made
their way back up to the main garden, stepping carefully over the uneven path
in the darkness. They skirted the edge of the lawn, avoiding the terrace where
people had spilled out from the wedding party. Josh breathed a sigh of relief
as they reached the path that led around the side of the hotel to the front
entrance. The last thing he wanted now was another showdown with Rupert’s shit
of a stepfather.

In their
room, Rupert sat on the edge of the bed and Josh took the chair by the window.
There was a long pause before Rupert finally spoke.

“So. I’m
officially a ridiculous cliché. Do you get many clients falling in love with
you?”

“Not that I
know of. I mean, you’re the first one who’s ever said.”

Rupert gave
a hollow laugh. “I guess that makes me extra stupid.”

“Rupert—”

“Don’t,
Josh. You don’t have to say anything. I know this must be really awkward for
you. I wish I’d kept my stupid mouth shut, but I lost my temper with Charles
and it all came out… and then I was tired of hiding it from you.” He sighed,
and his lips thinned, turning down at the corners. He looked so unhappy that
Josh’s heart ached in sympathy.

“Rupert,”
he said again, more insistently this time. “It’s not one-sided, okay? I… I feel
the same about you. It’s more than a business arrangement for me.” Hope was
dawning on Rupert’s face, so Josh carried on quickly, not wanting to let him
get carried away. “But—”

“Fuck. I
knew there’d be a catch.”

“
But
I don’t see how this could ever
work. How can we go from escort and client to a real relationship? How would
you cope with me doing my job? How could we ever be equals? I dunno. I just
don’t think it’s possible.” Josh’s chest ached as he said the words, even
though he knew them to be true.

“We could
make it work,” Rupert insisted. The hope in his expression hadn’t died yet.

“This is
real life, Rupert. Not some cheesy Hollywood flick.”

“You’ve
only got one year left at uni. You could move in with me, rent-free. I don’t
need you to contribute anything towards bills, and I don’t have a mortgage to
pay.” Rupert’s voice was pleading. “I could even pay your tuition fees. You
don’t need to keep working.”

“But then
I’d feel as though I
was
still
working. I’d just be working full-time for you. I couldn’t be dependent on you.
It wouldn’t be right.” Josh felt awful, watching the excitement drain from
Rupert’s face, to be replaced by hurt.

“But that’s
what couples do. They support each other.”

“In a
long-term relationship, maybe. But not with something so new, and especially
not given how we met. I couldn’t live like that, feeling as if you were buying
me in a different way.”

“So, what
are you saying? You’ll be my boyfriend, but only if you can carry on sleeping
with other men for money?” The bitterness in Rupert’s voice stung.

“Basically
yes.” Josh shrugged. “Just for another year, and then, if we’re still together
when I graduate, I’ll quit as soon as I get a permanent job.”

Rupert
shook his head. “I don’t know if I could deal with that. I want you all to
myself.”

Josh’s
heart squeezed. He wanted that too. He imagined how he’d feel if Rupert slept
with another guy, and the thought of it was like a blunt knife to his gut. He
couldn’t ask Rupert to put up with that.

He sighed
heavily, exhaustion overwhelming him now the adrenaline rush from the earlier
drama had passed. It seemed Rupert felt the same, because he yawned. Josh
noticed the shadows under his eyes and the tired slump to his shoulders.

“Can we
sleep on it?” Rupert asked. “See if either of us feel differently in the
morning?”

Josh
nodded. “Yeah. I’m knackered.”

They
stripped down to their underwear in silence and shared the bathroom, moving
around each other in the small space as they took turns to pee and brush teeth.
It felt so domestic and intimate, and only made Josh more aware of how much he
longed for what Rupert was offering. But he knew he couldn’t do it on Rupert’s
terms.

Head aching
and thoughts whirling, he lay and stared into the darkness. Rupert had curled
in behind him, his arm tight around Josh’s waist as if he was afraid Josh might
sneak away in the night. From the rhythm of his breathing, Josh suspected
Rupert was lying awake too.

Josh went
over and over what Rupert had said, considering the problem from every angle as
he waited for sleep to come. Maybe there was a way they could make it work….
But he needed to be sure.