Lily’s War (24 page)

‘My heart’s not in anything.’ Daisy sighed. ‘There’s talk of there being another war. Our Ben was saying Britain and France have pledged to support Poland if Hitler invades.’ She spoke in a quick breathy voice. ‘I don’t know what I’ll do if we were to have air raids as they did in Barcelona – but the Corpy are making all kinds of preparations and going on about carrying gas masks and I can’t help thinking about what Dad told us about gas attacks in the trenches.’

‘It probably won’t happen,’ said Lily.

‘You think not?’ She nodded and Daisy appeared reassured because she smiled. The smile altered her whole face, making her appear more youthful. ‘Anyway, what about you?’ she asked, obviously forgetting what she had said about not asking questions. ‘What are you doing here from down under? You made it sound marvellous in your letters.’

Lily picked up her suitcase and pushed Daisy in the direction of the kitchen. She had done a lot of thinking on the voyage home but only now did she made the decision what to tell her sister. ‘Make us a cuppa and I’ll tell you all about it.’

The tea was duly made, accompanied by a shop-bought scone spread thickly with farm butter. Lily did not speak until the first cup of tea was drunk. ‘Matt’s in New Guinea spreading the gospel to the headhunting natives. It’s a largish island up from the Queensland coast.’

Daisy’s eyes widened. ‘And you let him go?’

Lily brushed crumbs from her lap, and avoided looking at her sister. ‘You know Matt. If he believes that’s where God wants him, then nothing’s going to put him off, not even having a wife.’ She tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice but did not quite succeed.

Her sister shuddered. ‘Isn’t he brave!’

‘Hmmph,’ murmured Lily. ‘But who wants a dead hero?’

‘At least he had the sense not to order you to go with him.’

‘Oh, yeah, he had that much sense,’ murmured Lily, filling her cup again and wondering if she would have gone if the choice had arisen. It would have been a real test of love, she thought wryly, living like Jane and Tarzan in the jungle with the natives.

‘Was it his idea that you came home to see us? Nice of him if it was.’

‘He left that decision to me. He knew I still had some money left over from Uncle William’s little nest egg.’ She lied without flinching. ‘How are Uncle William and Aunt Dora, by the way?’

‘She’s much the same as usual but he’s not supposed to do as much … had some kind of funny turn. Ben says he’s not very good at being told.’

‘Tell me a man that is,’ said Lily, leaning back in the chair and stretching her legs towards the fire.

‘Ted’s the same,’ said Daisy bluntly. ‘I never thought he’d be so persistent.’ She glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece. ‘Any minute now he’ll come in the shop, suggesting we go for a walk. He lost his job a few months ago.’

‘Poor Ted.’

Daisy nodded. ‘It’s hit him hard. I feel sorry for him.’

Lily smiled. ‘Then you doll yourself up and go for your walk while I mind the fort.’ She would be glad to have a few minutes to herself before Ben and the children came in.

Her sister hesitated. ‘How long will you be staying, Lil?’

‘I’ll be here for a while,’ she said evasively, leaning forward and poking the fire. ‘If you can get a job, you go back to work.’

‘Thanks!’ Her sister hugged her and ran upstairs.

After Daisy left with Ted, Lily wandered round the house, looking in the bedrooms. It seemed Ben was still using her father’s old room. He had put up a shelf for his collection of second-hand books and a faint scent of tobacco hung in the air; the once familiar smell of rum had seemingly gone for ever. She went into what had always been called the girls’ room. Daisy had left her apron on the floor and there was face powder on the dressing table. Lily looked at the double bed and could not fancy sleeping three in it again. She decided she would buy a single. For a moment she remembered how comforting, as well as exciting, it had been sleeping with Matt, and felt a familiar ache. The medicine for that kind of pain was work, she told herself, and went downstairs.

She found her old pinafore, still on its hook, and walked down the yard to the shippon. She sniffed the familiar smell of straw, metal and manure. There was a reassuring sense of belonging as she moved among the cows, recognising several old friends and talking to them softly. Then she heard footsteps coming down the yard and hurried to the door to fling it open.

Ben stared at her before a slow smile eased his face and she realised he was not surprised to see her. ‘How?’ she demanded.

‘How what?’ he said.

‘How did you know?’ It was almost as if the last seventeen months had never happened.

‘It was the way you wrote. I knew something was up. What went wrong?’

‘I don’t know if it was me that went wrong,’ she said slowly. ‘I’ll tell you while we do the milking.’

Lily told him everything and afterwards he was silent for a long time. ‘Well?’ she demanded at last. ‘What do you believe is the truth?’

Dark blue eyes met dark blue. ‘You say you never received a letter from Matt after that first one we sent you?’ said Ben.

Lily caught on quickly and her heart begun to beat with thick heavy strokes. ‘You mean there was a second?’

He nodded. ‘It was months after. I was surprised when it came but thought maybe it was something to do with the post. It’s a long way between here and Australia. Anyway I sent it to you in Sydney.’

‘When did it come?’ Her voice was breathless. ‘Can you remember the time of year if not the month?’

‘Summer!’ he said without hesitation. ‘It was when it didn’t get dark till after ten.’

Lily pressed a hand against her lips. Their first wedding anniversary. It had to be then. But what had Matt written, and why send the letter to Liverpool, and why had she not received it when Ben sent it to her? How different everything would have been if she had received that letter. It might have said much that would have helped her understand his actions and she could not help wondering if there had been others that had gone missing.

‘I don’t believe Matt ran off with any sixteen-year-old,’ murmured Ben.

She looked across at him. ‘So I’ve only God to contend with then,’ she said with a slight laugh.

‘Matt never pretended his work wasn’t important to him,’ said Ben slowly. ‘But it sounds to me as if he doesn’t know you went to join him. Perhaps he believed you’d had second thoughts about marrying him.’

‘I didn’t. Ever.’

He raised his eyebrows. ‘Even when this Rob bloke came on the scene?’

‘I was flattered. He’s so different to Matt … full of himself.’ She stood, not sure how she felt now, and carried the pail of milk into the cool room.

Ben followed her. ‘Are you going to write to Matt and tell him you’ve been and gone and come back from Australia, then?’

Lily hesitated, then shook her head. ‘What would be the point? He’s in a village miles from anywhere. Perhaps that’s the way he wants it?’ She attempted a smile. ‘I’ve made a right mess of things, haven’t I?’

He shrugged. ‘Things happened that you couldn’t have foreseen. If you’d gone with him straight away …’ They were both silent. Then he smiled. ‘Anyway, I’m thankful for small mercies. You’re here now and I’m glad of it. Our Daisy’s been a right misery guts. She’s not cut out to stay at home. Now she can find herself a job.’

Lily agreed. She’d had enough at the moment of slaving for someone else for a pittance. At least here in the dairy and the house she was mistress of all she surveyed and could pick her own hours.

At that moment the door bust open and May entered the cool room. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair hung down her back in a thick plait. ‘It’s true!’ she cried. ‘I didn’t believe it when Mrs Draper said you were home. Now we might have something decent to eat. You wouldn’t believe the meals our Daisy dishes up!’

‘They couldn’t have been that bad because you’ve grown,’ said Lily with a smile in her voice.

‘I know,’ said May, thrusting out her burgeoning breasts. ‘Jean McGuire’s only got a couple of pimples and she’s dead jealous. Can I have a bra? Our Daisy said no, all the lads’ll come after me, that I’ve got to carry on wearing me liberty bodice and keep it flat. You don’t think that, do you, Lil?’

Before Lily could open her mouth, Ben grunted, ‘Heaven help the lads in a year or so with you around,’ and left the room.

‘What’s wrong with old narky? I thought he’d be glad to see you back,’ said May, hoisting herself up on to a table and swinging her legs. ‘Have you come home for a holiday? I’d have thought you wouldn’t ever come back here.’

‘Then you’re wrong, aren’t you?’ said Lily, seizing her arm and dragging her off the table. ‘Hygiene, May.’

May stuck out her tongue and then hugged her. ‘I know it’s too late now but do a lamb hotpot tomorrow.’ Her voice was muffled against Lily’s shoulder. ‘I always loved your hotpot.’

‘I’m glad I was good for something.’

May pulled away, her eyes bright. ‘I’m going to run and meet our Ronnie so I can be the first to tell him you’re here!’ She raced out of the room.

Lily thought how she would have liked to run to meet her younger brother but felt certain a fourteen-year-lad would not like it. So instead she peeled potatoes and put them on to boil. There was liver in the meat safe so she fried it with onions, made gravy and opened a tin of peas. Ben came downstairs with his hair damp. ‘That smells good. You could sole shoes with our Daisy’s liver.’

‘Poor Daisy,’ said Lily in a mock severe voice. ‘You’re an ungrateful lot.’

‘That’s what Ted kept saying. He wants to marry her despite her treating him terrible.’

‘Well, that’s no good if he hasn’t got a job.’

‘That’s what she told him the other day. I heard them arguing.’

Lily wondered if Frank still had any part in her sister’s life but kept quiet.

She had just switched the potatoes off when she heard voices in the yard, then something crashed against the wall. She hurried over to the door and opened it. ‘Hello, love,’ she said.

Ronnie straightened up, bicycle clips in hand, head held on one side. His face had changed, was longer, angular, and the sleeves of his blazer and shirt exposed bony wrists. ‘It is you!’ His voice broke, deepened mannishly. ‘I wasn’t sure if our May was having me on.’

‘No, it’s really me.’ She smiled, touched him, was reassured as to his well-being. ‘Tea’ll be ready in a minute.’

Over tea they talked and talked, until Ronnie remembered he had Scouts that evening, changed and dashed out. May also vanished, saying she was just nipping up to Jean McGuire’s house. They were going to have to go at doing each other’s hair differently.

Lily looked across at Ben, feeling like a spare part with the rest of the family out on this her first evening home. ‘What about you? Haven’t you got somewhere to go?’

‘Later,’ he said, a slight pucker between his dark brows. He lit a cigarette. His smoking was something new but she kept quiet. ‘Lil, you do realise there could be a war?’

She paused in mid-stitch. ‘Daisy said something about Poland but surely the Germans have got more sense than to push their luck?’

‘Hitler thinks we won’t fight because nobody’s stopped him so far – but we’re going to have to if he invades Poland.’

‘Why are you telling me this now?’ she said lightly.

‘You know I’m in the Territorials – so it’s likely I’ll be among the first lot to be called up. In fact, I might volunteer.’

She was stunned for a moment, and when she did speak, her voice was a harsh whisper. ‘After all what Dad said about the Great War I never did understand why you joined the Territorials.’

‘Didn’t you?’ He drew on his cigarette and a veil of smoke drifted in the air between them. ‘It was because of what happened to Dad. I didn’t want to end up in the army knowing nothing. I wanted to make sure I knew more about staying in one piece than Dad did. I remember Mam telling us how thousands volunteered in the last war, thinking it was something noble and that they’d easily thrash the life out of Jerry. I don’t think like that … but I’d enjoy having a go at the Nazis because I can’t stand the way they think they’re so perfect.’ His eyes met hers. ‘And as well as that, a German shell destroyed the man Dad could have been as surely as that horse killed him when it kicked his head in.’

Lily nodded. ‘OK, I understand. It’s just that—’

‘I know. It’s just that you’re a woman and you want me safe.’ He raised his shoulders, then let them drop. ‘Forget about it for now. I was just warning you if you were planning on staying that it’s not going to be a picnic.’ He picked up a book, opened it, slammed it shut and stared at her, his eyes concerned. ‘It won’t be like the last war, Lil. Liverpool will be a prime target for the bombers. Lloyd George realised that back in ’37. Hitler will try and destroy our ships and the docks. We’re an island race.’

Tentacles of fear gripped her stomach. ‘Are you trying to frighten me into going back to Australia?’ She forced a laugh. ‘I’ve burnt my boats, Ben! I’ve some money left from what Uncle William gave me but that’s for a rainy day. Besides is Australia that safe? Pete, Joy’s husband, said something about the Japs. I’d just as soon take my chances over here. This is my country.’

Unexpectedly he smiled. ‘You still feel like that? You made Australia sound pretty special to the kids.’

‘Even the Garden of Eden must have had its drawbacks or Eve wouldn’t have listened to the serpent,’ she said lightly, switching on the wireless. ‘How about a cuppa before you go out?’

‘I won’t bother, thanks.’ He squeezed her shoulder and left the room.

A thoughtful Lily had just finished scalding the milking pails when Daisy came in. She stood in the doorway, watching Lily dry her hands before bursting out, ‘I wouldn’t have said yes if you hadn’t come home but seeing how you have I did and I think it’s only right because he’ll be leaving soon and I won’t see him for ages and he wants me now.’

‘What are you talking about?’

Lily stared at her sister’s flushed face. Her eyes glistened and she gripped her handbag tightly. ‘I’m going to marry Ted! It’ll have to be a register office do. We haven’t time for banns.’