Lingerie For Felons (21 page)

‘Now, Rocket, stop planning some sick revenge on your poor bloody friends and relatives right now. It wasn't any of them. It was me.'

‘What do you mean?' My eyes narrowed at him.

‘I've sort of…got a source at the NYPD.'

‘A source?' I spluttered. ‘What are you, a narc? Have you given up being a shipping magnate for a life undercover? What's going on?'

‘No need to be so melodramatic, Rocket. It's not like that. I just worry, that's all. Especially after you dropped off the face of the earth on me last time. And you forbade your parents from talking to me.'

‘Huh,' I snorted. ‘You try forbidding Mom from anything. If she stopped talking to you, she was probably just tired of you. Like an old toy. You probably started to bore her.'

Heidi snapped. ‘Jesus, Lolly, do you have to be so mean to him? He hasn't done anything wrong, just walking along the street, minding his own business.'

‘Heidi,' I snarled. ‘He's just admitted to stalking me. Don't stick up for him.' I inclined my head at Wayne. ‘Go on then. Explain yourself.'

‘We-ell,' he started. ‘I sometimes have to deal with the police on various issues. The feds mostly. Licensing matters. Staff problems. Pirates.'

‘Pirates?' Heidi suddenly looked very focused. ‘Like real pirates? Like “arr, arr, pieces of eight”?'

Wayne laughed and his big head tipped back, showing his Adam's apple bobbing around. ‘You know, Heidi, you kind of sounded more like a German Shepherd than a pirate just then. But well, kind of, yeah. Real pirates still hang around a bit. But they don't have wooden legs anymore, I'm pretty sure. Least, I've never met one who did.'

‘Okay, Sinbad,' I interrupted. ‘Get on with it.'

‘Well I just mentioned to one of my contacts —'

‘So Wayne,' Heidi interrupted, ‘are you, like, really rich now? I mean, the only people I know of with police contacts are drug lords and really rich people…'

Wayne laughed again. ‘Well, I've done pretty well out of the shipping thing. It's been hard. But good, you know? The company was just about on its arse when I got it. It felt great to turn it around, slowly —'

‘Yeah, yeah, all very commendable,' I agreed. ‘I'm sure you really cleaned up the place, sacked all the dead wood, made the place more efficient, et cetera. God is smiling on your capitalist ass right now.' Wayne was frowning properly at me now
.
Good. I felt my tension start to lift. ‘So,' I continued. ‘You were explaining about the stalking…'

‘Anyway,' Wayne went on, looking at me like Luke used to look at me when we were kids just before he gave me a Chinese burn. ‘So I mentioned to one of my contacts that if he could keep an eye out… Anyway, he rang me last night and told me about what happened. Are you okay, Lola? It sounds like it got pretty intense there for a while. You've been charged, huh? Trespass, and break and enter? And maybe assault?'

I exploded. ‘Oh. My. God. There is no confidentiality in this town,' I squawked. ‘The whole system is completely corrupt. It's really none of your business, you know. And anyway, your informant —'

‘Source,' Wayne corrected me.

‘Oh, sorry, yes. Sounds much more respectable, you crook. Your “source” has it wrong. Well, not all right anyway. They're still tossing up criminal damage as well. So there you go. Yes, I am well and truly in the poop. Happy?'

‘No, of course not,' Wayne sighed. ‘Are you?'

‘What's that supposed to mean?' I barked at him.

‘It means, are you okay? Are you scared of going to court? Are you alright?'

‘Oh, lovely,' I hissed at him. ‘So you've come to gloat. You think I'm some kind of failure too. Just because I keep getting arrested and I still just do part time math teaching.'

Wayne's eyes widened. ‘What do you mean “too”?' He looked very dark and his lips were thin and tight. ‘Who says you're a failure? Who told you that?'

‘Hey, don't look at me,' Heidi squeaked. ‘I'm her biggest fan.'

‘Second biggest,' Wayne bit out. ‘So who thinks you're a failure, Rocket?'

I deliberated for a minute. Why not? I had to talk to someone about it.

‘Me,' I muttered. ‘I'm 33 for chrissake. It's all crazy and everything makes me angry, but I'm going to die and have done nothing about anything. This shitty world is still going to be filled with shitty people doing shitty things to each other and —'

‘Oh, Rocket,' Wayne purred, reaching for my arm.

‘Don't you “oh Rocket” me,' I warned him darkly. ‘You're part of the problem. You had to go off and be all successful. Get rich. Not that I care about money, but good lord, couldn't you just have been
averagely
successful? Did you have to buy a freaking shipping line? And turn the thing around? And end up with contacts in the NYPD, like Donald freakin' Trump or something?'

Somehow, during all of this, Wayne had parked his enormous frame in a chair at the tiny little table Heidi and I had been drinking coffee at. He looked like Goliath.

‘Rocket,' he started again, picking up my hand. ‘Don't you get it? You're the most successful person I know. I met you when you were twenty-three, and you cared about everything. You changed how I thought. About everything.' He was smiling like he was remembering something. ‘I can't look at anything, I can't read the bloody news, I can't go to a dinner party, without your voice in my head telling me about stuff that needs fixing. And you do that for everyone.' He paused. ‘Doesn't she, Heidi?'

Heidi nodded meekly, tears in her eyes. ‘You go on, Wayne, you're doing well.'

‘Well,' he continued. ‘That's why I'm here, really, today. I was hoping I could find you. I've gotten involved in something new, and it's really exciting. And I wanted to tell you about it. See if maybe you were interested in being involved.'

‘Oh yeah? What is it?' I wasn't mollified. What did it matter if he said I was great? It was probably just the dull echo of all that great early-twenties sex going to his head. He knew nothing about my life now. How hard it was. The compromises.

‘Green fleet shipping,' Wayne announced with this big smile. ‘It's amazing, Rocket. It's going to change the world. Change how we ruin the world. Stop us doing it, even. Shipping's an environmental disaster, but this new way has really low emissions. Totally renewable. And lower chance of spills. We don't need to poison the earth. We can…'

Oh great. Just fantastic.

Now not only does he get to be Richie Rich, but he also gets to save the world. My job. Thanks very much. This was like some ‘Single White Female' thing. But, you know, with a boy. Not content to corrupt my friends and family and bring them to the dark side, now he's stealing my life mission. I think I was happier when he had no conscience.

‘Sounds great. But I don't need any favors, thanks. I've got my own stuff. I'm busy.'

He looked at me, his shoulders slumped, his mouth a tight line.

Good. Hope one of his eco-friendly ships sinks and he's in it.

I knew a bit about the environmental impacts of shipping. But of course I wouldn't have known how to go about starting up a clean shipping enterprise if you paid me.

But as I watched him sitting there, looking really sad and disappointed, I mentally kicked myself. Twice.

‘Look, Wayne,' I offered. ‘It's...it's great. Honestly. Just amazing.' I worried that it still sounded kind of churlish, so I tried again. ‘Honestly. I'm... I'm so proud of you.' It didn't hurt to say it as much as I thought it would. ‘But why me? Why are you here? What do I know about shipping? And my life's complicated. I told you last time…'

‘Yeah,' he agreed. ‘I remember what you told me.'

He was frowning at me, and he had every right to. After that phone call, way back in 2001, he had every right to think we were going to pick up where we'd left off. I mean, I
had
said I was coming over. I
had
asked for his address. And then I
had
failed to show up. He'd been waiting outside my place the next day, looking hopeful and happy.

But in between that hasty call and the next morning, there'd been a world of pain.

I didn't know Clark had it in him to be so vicious. He'd been almost gentle as he told me that I was self-destructive and destined for misery. That thrills,
chemistry
, didn't make people happy. That I was throwing away the most sensible thing I'd ever have. And I kind of believed him. I'd always felt that I was kind of flawed. And Clark had been nothing but good to me. He'd offered friendship when my life was pretty chaotic. And he hadn't wanted that much in return, really.

Just for me to be sensible too.

So, when I'd seen Wayne standing there, the day after I broke up with Clark back in 2001, I couldn't face him. He seemed somehow emblematic of my messed-upness. I saw a disastrous life ahead of us, where we disagreed on fundamentally important things. Maybe we would have a few more years of killer sex before our own incompatibility slowly poisoned us, like lead in your drinking water. I couldn't bear it.

So I'd told him a crazy fib. And it had made him go away.

‘It's alright, Rocket,' Wayne whispered. ‘I know you didn't get married, like you told me you were going to. I found out last week. I ran into Raelene. She saw you at the dry cleaners. You told her you weren't married…'

I'd done such a thorough job that day. I can lie so well when required. I'd even told him that the phone call the night before had just been wedding jitters.

‘Wayne,' I croaked. My throat felt really dry. ‘I didn't marry him, but that doesn't mean we aren't…'

I was searching for the right word when Heidi's eyebrows started doing their crazy dance again. This time she was looking over my right shoulder. How could this scene get any more insane? But, obviously, with all the madness, I'd lost track of time…

‘Mommy!'

Before I knew what was happening, two fat little arms were around my neck and my face was being covered with chocolate kisses. ‘I missed you! Grandma said you were at the Big House. Don't you want to live at our place anymore?'

I wanted to keep my face buried in Eve's neck forever. I knew the scene I would confront when I emerged would be difficult, or worse. But you can only hide so long behind a four-year-old. The little critters don't stay still long enough.

Within seconds, she was twisting out of my reach, launching herself at Heidi with an ecstatic ‘Aunty Heidi, Aunty Heidi, can I lick your froth?' Heidi speechlessly handed over the remains of her cappuccino and gave me a look that said ‘oh dear'.

Stripped of my cover, I was forced to finally take in the scene.

Wayne was speechless as he took in the little blonde girl who'd been holding hands with Clark seconds before. Wayne's beautiful, dark face was a picture of pale confusion.

Clark, on the other hand, normally so pale, was looking darkly furious.

Eve, finely attuned to all the social nuances of any given situation, was looking quickly between all of the grown-up faces. She studied Wayne earnestly.

‘Are you the Australian?'

Three pairs of eyes pivoted immediately towards her. Clark glowered at me.

This was so unfair. I'd never mentioned Wayne to Eve. Now Clark would have that to be annoyed about as well. I already knew from Mom and Dad that he was furious about the arrest. Clark was up for re-election in the state senate this year and he'd told me he didn't need the mother-of-his-child creating any more issues for his campaign.

Hang on, that makes it sound like he's become some really mean, calculating politician. It isn't like that. For the most part we manage to get on really well, but apparently a child out of wedlock is baggage enough. He keeps saying I need to grow up.

‘Great Aunty Vera told me about you,' Eve continued.

Wayne looked astonished. ‘She actually lets you call her Great Aunty?' he asked. ‘Wow, she must really like you.' He was smiling, so he must be recovering.

‘She does,' Eve confirmed. ‘Apparently, I'm her favorite.'

‘Favorite what?' I was kind of peeved. ‘She says that to everyone, darling.'

Eve rolled her eyes at Wayne. ‘She told me you'd say that, Mommy. Apparently —' ‘Apparently' was Eve's new favorite word. When she said it, she seemed about 25, and it made my heart hurt. ‘— I'm much nicer than you were when you were little. But don't be sad. You're very good at math, so that makes up for it.'

‘So,' Wayne went on. ‘What does Vera say about me?'

‘Aunty Vera,' Eve corrected. ‘It's rude to call gown-ups by their first names.'

‘Oh dear,' Wayne agreed, holding his palms up in contrition. ‘Sorry, sweetie. Aunty Vera. What did she say?'

‘I don't think we need to go into that, do you?' Clark's tone was sharp. ‘I don't think we've met. But I'm guessing you're the famous Wayne.'

‘Hey! Aunty Vera says that too, Daddy,' Eve said. ‘Sort of. She says “The
In
famous Wayne”. In-famous, Mommy. Is that really a word?'

‘Uh-huh,' I confirmed, a bit shell-shocked. ‘Er, Clark, Wayne. Wayne, Clark.'

Wayne looked at me, sadness and confusion in his eyes. ‘I'm sorry, Rocket,' he said. ‘I didn't realize. When Raelene said…'

Heidi leaned forward, shaking her head, but I grabbed her hand under the table.

‘No problem,' I said tightly. ‘It was good to see you. I'm really glad it's going well.'

Then Eve piped up again. ‘Wayne,' she started, enquiringly. ‘Do you have a penis or a vagina?'

Oh God, the latest thing. Ever since finding out about the critical difference between boys and girls, Eve had been obsessed. My favorite time of all had been when my mother had come to visit and the minute she'd walked in the door, Eve had hit her with, ‘So, Grandma, do you have a small vagina or a great big vagina?'