Lisa Lutz Spellman Series E-Book Box Set: The Spellman Files, Curse of the Spellmans, Revenge of the Spellmans, The Spellmans Strike Again (73 page)
Authors: Lisa Lutz
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Thirty-three pages ago, Dad said Mom was at the dentist. Remember?
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Not yet.
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Albeit a flawed quarter-carat diamond.
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Place of birth makes collecting background information much easier.
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The entire series is now available in a box set from Time Life!
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An international spy organization—the good guys.
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Maxwell Smart, Agent 86.
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The international organization of evil.
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Best known for his role on
The Love Boat.
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Max’s girlfriend. Her name is never revealed.
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He’s actually a very good agent, but he has a crying problem.
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There is an amusing lack of follow-through in the defecting agent’s story. She is shot but still alive, and yet Max never seems to call an ambulance for her.
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If you are unfamiliar with the old patty-cake trick: This is where two men (usually) pretend to play patty-cake and then surprise their would-be attackers by punching them.
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Yes,
I offered to help, but he said no.
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This was yet another bullet point in my suspicious behavior report on Subject.
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While it had been previously established that Rae now had friends, witnessing it still seemed out of the ordinary and worthy of a report.
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This was a question with an anticipated answer of “no.” Asked just to be sure.
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Until eighteen months prior, Rae’s weekly visits—a.k.a. shakedowns—with David had resulted in an income of almost $100 a month. My parents put the kibosh on that when they found a hollowed-out algebra book with almost two grand inside.
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Dad’s long-lived undercover name.
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A dummy business name that our firm uses for cases that don’t require an extra element of privacy.
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pas•ta (päs-ta) n: 1. Unleavened dough, made of wheat flour, water, and sometimes eggs, that is molded into any of a variety of shapes and boiled. 2. A prepared dish containing pasta as its main ingredient. 3. SpaghettiOs, RavioliOs, or any other canned dish containing a semolina flour product and red sauce.
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My mother had left one dining rule upon her departure: no pizza. Rae was apparently losing interest in all other main courses and my mother wanted to cut her off cold turkey. She even went so far as to call most of the regular pizzerias in the neighborhood and convince them to refuse us service in her absence.
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I’ve discovered that astrology talk is really the best way to get a DOB out of someone. Unfortunately I know very little on the subject. However, I know much more than my sister.
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Ten days away from Henry and she’s off the wagon.
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Rae was choking. I told her to study the zodiac, but she didn’t think it was necessary.
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Yes, Rae was very disappointing in this charade. If this were her own investigation, I guarantee she would have prepared better.
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Which had grown quite full from our habit of stuffing them.
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Which has a 75-percent accuracy rate.
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I made that suggestion so he could have more time to memorize the details.
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For a partial list of Mom’s criteria for men, see appendix.
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I played early-riser, hoping to get more information. This almost killed me.
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Another detail that went into my report on Subject.
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By me. Have not yet established whether this is a universal stance.
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Spellman definition applies here: disappearance.
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My parents’ rule is that Rae can eat junk food on the weekends only.
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The subtext of this glance was “If you ruin this, I will make your life a living hell.”
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There was, indeed, a memo (see appendix).
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Morty was trying to drag this out as long as he could, I realized.
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As a former cop, Dad’s use of the f-word was loose and frequent. But as a father he discovered that by moderating its use, he could use it as a warning sign to his children.
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The investigator will bring in anywhere from $15 up. My going rate is $25/hr on surveillance; $20/hr for investigative work; $15/hr for administrative (which I try to keep to a minimum).
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The last four thinking about how badly I wanted to pee.
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Henry explained that if we engaged her in conversation, the time would pass. The goal was for time to feel endless.
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That is, unless I decide to fight dirty. Stay tuned—sibling brawl to come.
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90 percent of which was based on my own behavior.
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Do not try this at home.
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See previous document if you would like all the details—
The Spellman Files,
now in paperback!
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Sorry, had to give up that one detail.
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Notice how I am being vague and not offering any further details on Subject’s and my relationship.
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You think I wouldn’t know the details of a sport called ‘hurling’?
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Notice the swapping of “you” and “for.”
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If you are not privy to our sibling ESP, we both decided at the same time that we needed Subject’s trash.
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Garbology on security-savvy (i.e., shred-happy) people is always a painfully dull chore.
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I know. Not wise.
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Not a true statistic, but probably in that ballpark.
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The man knew how to make coffee.
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She said this while scratching her nose and avoiding eye contact. According to basic body language interpretation, this was most definitely a lie.
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The lie did not go unnoticed.
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Purely a manipulative tactic to keep Henry around longer.
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Research and reconnaissance.
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I’m good, huh?
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Now available in paperback!
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The #1 most popular female name, according to the same source above.
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Our standing lunch date is Thursday, but I didn’t want to wait, and Morty, as usual, was free.
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Morty likes to eat most of his meals on the early side.
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I had relaxed the “sugar only on weekends” rule since there were so many far more serious rules I had broken during my stay.
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Another detail for the SBR: keeping large sums of cash handy.
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Planning on being late for school.
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She actually used that word.
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In fact, not a lie.
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Squinting and tapping on a bluff, and a “look of disdain” on a winning hand.
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No, I didn’t.
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I’m pretty sure this was a gift from my sister so she’d have some music to listen to at his place.
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Dad’s one of those people who think television is interactive. We have tried to cure him of this vile habit, to no avail.
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The first season of the new series. Technically, not the first.
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In this episode the doctor and his sidekick, Rose, travel to the year five billion to watch the sun swallow the earth. But the real trouble is that there is a murderer amongst the aliens who have convened for the big event.
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The doctor and his sidekick, Rose, travel back in time and meet Charles Dickens and some zombies.
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During World War II, a spacecraft crashes on Earth, spreading matter into the air that alters human DNA and causes gas masks to adhere to people’s faces, and then they roam the streets of London saying, “Are you my mommy?” Hard to explain. You should probably just watch the episode. Warning: It’s surprisingly scary.
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Yes, April 1st is an unfortunate date for a birthday. I’ll spare you the historical details.
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Wormlike creatures that fit into human bodysuits as a disguise and are frightfully gassy.
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Evil alien beings that resemble a cross between a bronze R2-D2 and a thimble, with a gooey squid center on the inside. They appear to pose the greatest risk of ending humanity.
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A time-travel machine that appears from the outside like an old-fashioned police call box.
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Crime and Punishment
by Fyodor Dostoyevsky (Review: four out of five stars—hard to keep track of all the characters.)
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It had been only four weeks at this point; however, I was mostly healed.
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A habit that died two years later when he read research on high-fructose corn syrup.
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Only half a stick of Dentyne, because fighting dirty isn’t David’s style. He fought back merely to hold his ground. His heart wasn’t ever really in it.
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For further information, please see the first document. (Now available in paperback!)
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Bring your own booze.