Little Memphis (15 page)

Shay

Spell F U C K I N G Doomed

Bebe needs to bring Lula with her to lunch, so we decide to eat at a Burger King with an indoor play area. I’m not a huge fan of little kids and the ones around us are why.

The rowdy little monsters run everywhere while their moms do nothing. The only dad in the restaurant is worse since he’s deeply in love with his phone.

Lula is an angel next to the other kids and sits quietly next to her mom. I almost forget she’s with us sometimes. Though I feel an easy comfort around Bebe, we’re still feeling each other out. All of my friends over the years ditched me when they found boyfriends. Once kids came along, I was definitely past tense. I couldn’t fit in their new family-oriented lifestyles, yet here I was hanging out at a Burger King with Bebe and her four year old.

“How old were you when…?” I ask, gesturing towards Lula playing with the toy from her kid meal.

“Eighteen. For my family, that’s F U C K I N G ancient. My mom had me when she was fourteen, if you can believe that S H I T. My sister came along a year later. Mom gave us to Grandma, but we ended up back with her. I come from a long line of women with a F U C K E D up understanding of birth control.”

Grinning, I look at Lula. “My mom was fifteen when she had me. People always called me a mistake, but I don’t feel like one. I feel like a person with a dumb parent. Lots of people with smart parents suck more than me, so screw them for judging.”

Bebe shares my smile. “I wouldn’t say Lula was planned, but I wasn’t exactly losing any F U C K I N G sleep when I turned up pregnant. My only regret is her dad being such a L O S E R.”

Lula looks up when her mother says her name before returning to play with the pink pony.

“Sorry about the spelling thing. I know it’s obnoxious, but I F U C K I N G love cussing. It’s my vice. I tried giving it up, but it’s too much a part of me. No other vice will do. I tried smoking and looked really hot, but it tastes like S H I T and I kept dropping the cigarettes. I figured I might try drinking, but I’m one of those Emo drunks who writes poetry then forces people to listen to it. I never liked F U C K I N G enough to get addicted to it. I tried smoking pot once and lit my D A M N eyelashes on fire. I’m a picky eater so food addict never clicked for me either. Oh, and shopping gets on my nerves and I’m too poor to gamble. What’s left? Not anything worth caring about, so I cuss. It’s my thing, but I don’t want one of those roughneck kids running around say F U C K this and F U C K that at the grocery store. I want a normal respectable kid, so I have to spell every F U C K I N G thing now. It’s a small price to pay to raise Lula right while also getting to cuss. I do know it sounds stupid to everyone. My A S S H O L E ex said I sounded like a F R I G G I N G mental patient.”

“How did he get locked up?” I ask, dipping an onion ring in my zesty sauce.

“Howie ran different rackets,” Bebe says, looking at Lula. “When I moved here, he was really sweet to me. Bought me stuff. Made sure I was always safe and taken care of. I thought he cared about me, but he was F U C K I N G grooming me. He wanted me to work for him like my mom did before she died. Like my sister did before she disappeared. I was a D A M N project, not a person. Then I messed up his plans by getting pregnant. His first plan anyway.”

Bebe runs her fingers through Lula’s thick brown hair then looks at me.

“They call Howie the Wolfman and his brother Clarence is Claws. It was Claws who wanted me to give her up for adoption. I thought about it when I realized what kind of man Howie was. I wanted a real adoption though. The legal kind where I got to meet the family and would get updates about my baby. That way, she would know who I was and wouldn’t have questions. F U C K I N G Claws wanted to sell her to some people in Little Rock. I refused and he acted all cool about it and S H I T. That’s the thing about Howie and Claws. They seem nice and relaxed, but they’re cold inside.”

Nearby, kids scream when their moms want to leave. Bebe frowns at the noise while Lula turns around in her seat to watch the show.

“That C O C K S U C K E R Claws tried to grab her more than once,” Bebe continues. “I saw this chick following me a bunch of times at the end of my pregnancy. She was trying to get me alone. Once she rear-ended me on the road, but I kept driving. I knew that move from when I was growing up. There was a R A P I S T who pulled that B U L L S H I T to get girls to pull over then he’d do his thing.”

Lula smiles at the screaming kids then sits back in her seat.

“Pony,” she says to me.

“She’s pretty.”

Lula leans her head against Bebe’s arm and eats a fry. She’s oblivious to the ugliness of what her mother is telling me.

“Another B I T C H started following me after that. Once Lula was born, it was the same F U C K I N G thing. The second one tried talking to me in a parking lot and I knew she was going to grab my baby. I showed her my knife and asked if she was willing to die. She backed off, but I was scared and left Little Memphis for a while. Stayed with my S H I T T Y uncle, but he hated having a baby around. Finally, I came back and told Howie if he hurt me or the baby that my uncle was going to F U C K I N G kill him. I lied and said my uncle was in the Klan and they would come to Little Memphis and kill him and Claws. Kill everyone because my uncle was B A T S H I T crazy.”

Lula mumbles the word crazy while playing with her doll’s hair. Seeing how easily the kid picks up on the naughty words, Bebe’s spelling doesn’t seem so weird.

“After that, Claws realized it wasn’t worth the trouble. They were making money in other ways. Girls weren’t making them as much money as animal fights. That’s what finally got Howie in trouble. People in Little Memphis don’t care about selling drugs or girls, but they love their dogs. Someone snitched on the brothers then others snitched. Soon, the cops picked them up and a jury gave them five years. They’ll be out in a year or two.”

I don’t know what to say or do after hearing Bebe’s story. Hawthorne was a rough place, but I never felt most of it. Bebe who smiles at my silence.

“Are you rethinking lunch?”

“No. I’m thinking I like you more now. Is that weird?”

“Yeah, but weird is good. Who the H E L L wants to be normal?”

Smiling, we finish our meals before taking Lula to the play area. She plays with her doll and avoids the rowdier kids. Despite the violent world she was born into, Lula’s smart and sweet. A moment passes where I lose my fucking mind and imagine having a baby with Ford one day. Fortunately, I slap the thought down fast.

“Are you still seeing the club enforcer?”

“Yes.”

“That’s good. Things are getting F U C K I N G tense in town. Someone important got killed the other day and everyone is waiting for a war or payback. My housemates are on edge and their S H I T H E A D boss is hanging around. That’s why I didn’t want to leave Lula with them. I’m planning to take her to work this afternoon. No way can I leave her with D U M B F U C K Paro hanging around, smoking pot, and having the girls take turns S U C K I N G him.”

Seeing Bebe’s hands in fists, I don’t blame her for being angry. She’s working hard to live a decent life, cleaning toilets for minimum wage. Now an asshole is in her house and around her kid. My anger at her situation inspires an impulsive thought.

“I’ll watch her if you want.”

Bebe frowns. “You don’t have to. That’s not why I told you all that. I wasn’t looking for pity or help. I just wanted you to understand me.”

“I know. When I was growing up, my mom didn’t raise me alone. If people hadn’t helped her, I don’t know what would have happened to me. Everyone needs a break, so why not you and Lula?”

“I can pay you.”

“Don’t,” I say softly. “I’m not judging you or feeling sorry for you. I told you how I got here. How Lucky helped me out then Darby did by letting me stay with her. A lot of people have helped me out lately. Now, I want to help you.”

Bebe nods, but she’s unsure. I think she’s worried about leaving Lula with someone she doesn’t know well. I try to reassure her by telling her stories about my brothers. How I took care of them and kept them safe when they were small.

Bebe puts the diaper bag and car seat into Darby’s car. Even scared to go with me, Lula doesn’t cry. When I think about how she’s used to feeling fear, my heart breaks.

After I drop off Bebe at the hotel and drive home, Lula lets me carry her into the house. She’s trembling in my arms, waiting for something bad to happen. I’m panicked about taking care of her suddenly. We’re a couple of scared chicks when Darby appears from her office.

“Who’s this?” she asks.

Never did it occur to me that Darby might be pissed about a strange kid in her house.

“Bebe needed a babysitter while she works, so I offered to watch Lula. I should have called you first. Sorry.”

“Lula?” Darby says, stepping closer. “Tell me that’s not her legal name.”

“It’s Tallulah.”

“Better. Does she want to watch TV?”

“I don’t know. She’s scared.”

“Because you’re holding her wrong.”

“Excuse me?” I balk. “I know how to hold a kid.”

“No, you need to cuddle her.” Darby takes Lula from me and sits in a chair. “You need to hold her closer, so she knows she can’t escape. Once she submits, you’ll own her heart.”

“That sound like a bad romance.”

Caressing a freaked out Lula’s hair, Darby laughs. “I know kids. I’m everyone’s favorite aunt.”

Opening my mouth to respond, I pause when my phone vibrates and I find a text from Ford.

“I’ll need to cancel my dinner plans,” I say out loud. “He’ll be cool with that. He’s totally flexible that way.”

Darby laughs loudly and Lula smiles at the sound. I can’t believe it, but they’re bonding. Maybe that snuggle them into submission thing works.

“Go out with Ford and I’ll watch Lula. She and I are becoming fast friends.”

“Bebe says Lula takes a nap soon.”

“What a coincidence. So do I,” Darby says and Lula smiles again. “We’ll nap then play outside then watch TV. Eat too. I know lots of yummy food to make for a little girl.”

When she catches me staring at them, Darby shrugs. “I like kids. Joker and I planned to have a bunch. He’s a good daddy too.”

Between the earlier talk with Bebe and hearing Darby speak so lovingly about a man she was no longer with, I feel sad. When I see how much Darby and Bebe try to find happiness, I know I’m a fool to think my fantasy with Ford can ever become a reality.

After Darby and Lula leave to take a nap, I message Bebe. I try to find the best way to explain how I’m ditching her kid to go hang with my hot boyfriend who will dump me soon. Mostly, I play up how it’ll be such a short time between when I leave and Bebe gets done at work. I even mention how Darby will pick her up.

Despite my happy text, Bebe’s reply sounds unhappy. I feel like an asshole for offering to watch her kid then bailing to be with a guy. Makes me think this kind of crap is why I had no friends back home.

Every time I check on Darby and Lula in the master bedroom, I feel a little less guilty. Darby is a helluva lot better with kids than I am. No way would she ditch Donnie and Devin like I did.

My mood sucks by the time Ford arrives hours later. Waiting on the porch, I watch Darby chase Lula around the yard. They’re laughing and having a ball. Ford grins at them then struts to where I’m pouting.

“Are they bullying you?” he asks, nuzzling my hair with his lips. “Is that why you look like someone shit in your cereal?”

“I’m depressed.”

“My cock feels the same way about spending the day away from you.”

Laughing at Ford’s sweet talking efforts, I wrap my arms around him. “Tell me I’m not an asshole.”

“You’re a doll. A princess. Whatever is the opposite of an asshole.”

Resting my head against his chest, I whisper, “Don’t get weird, but I missed you a lot today.”

Ford’s powerful arms wrap me and my sadness washes away. I don’t feel like such a failure to have left my brothers and moved to Little Memphis. The fantasy returns and I believe Ford is mine. Fuck tomorrow. Right this second, he’s mine.

“I missed me too,” he says, being a jerk because wanting the fantasy scares him too.

I stare into his eyes and smile. “Can I stay at your place tonight? I want to feel special and I always do with you.”

“Stop saying shit like that.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumble.

Ford cups my face and studies me. “You’re in a mood. Why?”

“Life is fucked up, you know? It doesn’t do what it should. Good people suffer. Bad people get away with shit. It’s depressing.”

“Who are the good and bad people in your little rant?” he asks in a soft, maybe defensive voice.

“What does it matter?”

“I’m a bad guy. Are you complaining about me?”

“Are you trying to start a fight because I said I missed you?” I ask, grabbing his shirt and glaring at him. “Don’t you even think of messing with me when I’m in a bad mood. If you try to run, I will hunt you down and force you to fuck a smile on my face.”

Ford gives me a slow sexy grin. “Don’t tell anyone, but I missed you today too.”

Kissing him, I whisper against his lips. “Is that why today you texted me like a clingy bitch?”

Giving me a dark glare, Ford wants to play cold. My tongue finds his and he realizes games need to wait.

Thanking Darby, I say goodbye to Lula and grab my bag with work and overnight clothes. I climb on the back of Ford’s Harley, press my face against his leather jacket, and hold on tight. We arrive at Apron Strings after racing around afternoon traffic.

The waitress from before frowns at Ford and sits us in another girl’s section. I suspect she slept with him at some point. I suspect the same about tonight’s waitress. Everyone has fucked Crawford Reed. I’d be jealous, but can I really blame them? He’s hot and fucks like a dream. No way can I hold a grudge. Of course, I’ll smack anyone who makes a move on him while I’m around.

After we order, Ford leans over and kisses my forehead. “Here’s some cash to get your feet done.”