Little Rainbows (24 page)

While Jason didn’t physically resemble Darren at all, he had a lot of the qualities she’d adored in her husband. And yet she didn’t think those similarities were the reason her need to be with him was growing stronger. Her breath faltered. Where had that thought come from? When had her wanting the intimacy turned into a need to be with Jason?

She stared into the distance in an effort to stop her fevered mind from asking her questions she couldn’t answer. Couples walked through the garden and others were swimming or sunning near the pond. She felt peaceful in these beautiful surroundings. The Blowhole
with its majestic manor and the lush and peaceful grounds was like a small piece of paradise on earth right now. Everything around her was quiet and soothing and yet her mind refused to fall in line.

She closed her eyes and allowed memories of the night before to surface. She’d gone so deep. There were parts of last night’s scene she still couldn’t recall. She hadn’t expected him to have that much control over her after such a short time. Delight at having found a way back to this lost part of herself battled with a sense of too much too soon.

She opened her eyes and looked at the pond again and watched people swimming, splashing each other and laughing. Heather smiled.

Waking up in Jason’s arms this morning had been sublime. It had felt natural. There hadn’t been a moment’s doubt. She’d known whose embrace it was, whose erection she felt pressing into her arse, as soon as she’d opened her eyes. And yet…she had all these conflicting feelings she didn’t know what to do with.

“Hey, mind if I join you?”

She had to squint her eyes in the bright light before she recognized the girl. “Not at all, Amber. It’s lovely to see you.”

“I know.” The redhead smiled. “I’m so happy you’re back.” Amber stared at the pool, apparently lost in thought. “I’m not sure I should say this but we worried when you left so suddenly.” The girl’s smile grew wider. “Well, I worried. Hector went ballistic.”

“Hector went ballistic? Why?” Heather turned to the woman next to her. “I can’t imagine Hector being anything but calm and collected. I don’t understand. Why would he react so strongly?”

Amber shook her head. “I’m not sure. I told him about our talk and what you said about Jason before you left—how he didn’t seem to know what he wanted.” The girl’s eyes grew distant for a moment as she remembered the conversation. “Hector went rigid, murmured something sounding like
the bloody eejit
and walked away.” The distant look was replaced by a smile when she continued, “When he came back he was a different man, relaxed and happy. He wouldn’t tell me exactly what happened. Only that sometimes even the smartest people are incredibly stupid.”

Heather smiled. “Remind me to give your man a huge hug next time I see him.”

The surprise on Amber’s face made her laugh.

“I’m sure I’d still be in Dublin if it hadn’t been for Hector talking sense into Jason.” She thought about it for a moment. “I’d love to tell you the whole story, Amber, but that wouldn’t be fair to Jason.”

Amber’s understanding nod filled her with relief. “I don’t need to know the details, Heather. I’m just glad you’re back.” A naughty grin crept over the girl’s face. “It’s good to see you look so satisfied.”

She felt the color creep up her cheeks. It hadn’t occurred to her people might be able to see how she’d spent the night just by looking at her. “Is it that obvious?”

“To me it is.” Amber smiled. “Don’t be embarrassed. There’s nothing better in the world than a good night submitting to a man who knows what he’s doing.”

Their simultaneous sighs made them both laugh.

Heather looked away. If only it were that easy. She wanted to just enjoy the memories of last night, allow her body to remember the sensations and relive them. She didn’t want to be second-guessing herself and her feelings.

“Heather, you’re frowning. What’s wrong? Do you regret coming back?”

The lightness was gone from Amber’s voice, replaced by concern and worry.

“Last night was wonderful, Amber.” Heather shook her head. “Almost too good, if I’m honest. I’m all confused now. Don’t know what I’m feeling or how I feel about what I may or may not be feeling. Am I even making sense?”

She looked into Amber’s blue eyes and found understanding.

“Yes, I get that.” Amber nodded her head. “I can’t even imagine having to go on without Hector.” She thought for a moment and hesitated. “Just tell me if I’m out of order. But—” She hesitated again. “Are you insecure about what you might be feeling or are you suffering from guilt because you’re having feelings at all?”

“I…” God, she was perceptive. “Amber, I’m not sure. Both I guess.”

Heather felt the frown form on her face and saw the worry in her friend’s eyes.

“The guilt is stupid anyway. Darren more or less ordered me not to close my heart off.” She hadn’t known she needed to open up like this, but she felt better with every word. “I’m also afraid.”

There, she’d said it. Heather felt as if some of the weight she’d been barely aware of carrying was lifted off her shoulders.

“What if I have these feelings and they’re not returned? I’m not sure I’m strong enough to deal with the loss of anyone I’ve grown attached to again.” She shook her head. “I mean, there’s no way Jason’s feelings are anything like mine. Look at him. Look at this place. He’s spoiled for choice. Why would he need or want me with all my baggage?”

Her words took Heather by surprise. She hadn’t allowed her thoughts to dig this deep. She still didn’t want to admit that what she felt for Jason was more than some form of animalistic attraction.

Amber’s laughter surprised her.

“I’m sorry, Heather, but have you looked at Jason’s face when he’s with you? It is as if the rest of us cease to exist. When he’s with you, you’re all he sees.”

The jolt of joy Heather felt was as scary as it was delightful. “Really?”

“From the moment I first saw you with him.” Amber smiled. “And remember the state I was in at the time—I’ve had no doubt that you were what Jason needed.” She grew serious. “I told you. Jason had been out of sorts for quite a while before you arrived. As soon as you were here, he started turning back into the man he used to be.”

They both turned to the pond and smiled as a pair of swimming trunks went flying through the air.

“As I said, Hector hasn’t told me any details about his discussion with Jason. But I saw it. He seemed to have lost something and whatever it was, he found it again when you arrived here.”

Heather nodded. She did know what Jason had thought he’d lost. She wasn’t going to share his secrets with Amber any more than Hector had, but those words made perfect sense. Could the rest be true as well? Could his feelings possibly mirror the ones she could feel herself developing for him? She glanced at her watch and realized she had a meeting to attend. Relief at the forced interruption flooded her. She wasn’t ready to delve much deeper into the intricacies of whatever she and Jason might be feeling for each other.

“Sorry, Amber, I have to go. Thank you so much for finding me. I didn’t know it, but I needed somebody to talk to, a friend.”

A big grin appeared on the girl’s face as she gripped Heather’s hand and squeezed it. “Yes. Friends.”

* * * *

Jason looked at his notes. They were getting there. All the agenda points had been worked through, last minute issues resolved and final decisions made, which meant they’d arrived at the trickiest part of this meeting.

“Now then, is there anything I need to be aware of or worried about as far as our guests are concerned?” He caught the quick glance between Heather and Hector. “I don’t think I’ve met any of these people before, so I’m depending on your familiarity with the Irish scene to help me out here.”

He turned to Heather and lifted an eyebrow. “Anything you want to share?” He shifted his gaze. “Or you, Hector?”

The anxious glances between the two of them made him nervous. He registered Hector’s small nod in Heather’s direction before she faced him and answered.

“A name has been added to the guest list since the last time I saw it.” She frowned as she looked at the paper in front of her. “A name I would have preferred not to see.” Her gaze shifted to Hector in what appeared to be a silent plea.

“Rogan.” Hector frowned. “He could cause all sorts of trouble. He sees himself as the king of the BDSM world and so far, nobody has had the courage to disabuse him of that notion.”

Jason frowned. “I can’t see you taking shit from anybody?”

“No, I don’t, but I’ve never found myself in a situation where he felt the need to exert his supposed power over me. And I prefer to not go looking for trouble.”

“But you think he’ll bring trouble to The Blowhole?” Jason asked.

“He’ll want to make sure he doesn’t lose his position and yes,” Hector answered Jason’s unasked question, “he will see you and your club as competition.”

Jason thought about it for a moment. He’d come across situations like the one Hector had described several times in America. This
uber-dom syndrome
was far too common and almost always led to trouble. The last thing he needed was a guest under the illusion he could take over proceedings. In Jason’s experience, such an attitude usually hid a rather insecure personality but that knowledge wouldn’t help him if the man—Rogan—decided to cause trouble. He needed more information.

“So what should I expect from him?”

If he knew what he was up against, hopefully he’d be able to ward problems off before they actually started.

Another worried glance between Heather and Hector. Whatever came next, Jason knew he wouldn’t like it.

“He’ll jump on any weakness he finds—perceived or otherwise.” Hector took a deep breath. “Which is why you can’t afford to not put on a performance this weekend.”

Jason looked at Heather who stared right back at him.

“He’s right. You’re going to have to put on a show. Rogan will take it as a sign of weakness if you don’t, and use it to put people off coming here.” She smiled as if trying to apologize for something she couldn’t change if she wanted to. “You don’t have a choice. You have to pick a sub and put on the best exhibition you are capable of.”

Just for a second the thought flew through his mind. What if he could do it with Heather? Then he let it go. Of course not. She’d only just returned to the dynamic. She wasn’t ready and they didn’t know each other well enough.

He could feel the eyes of the other Doms on him. None of them had any idea why he’d been so reluctant to do his share lately, and he’d no intention of telling them.

“Okay. I don’t like being pressured into this, but if the success of the weekend depends on it, I will of course do my part.” He sighed. “Hector, please tell Souris I’ll be playing with her. I’ll meet with her tomorrow afternoon to work out the details.”

Hector’s relieved nod told Jason he’d made the right… No, scratch that, the only decision.

“Anything else?”

“Rogan will be trying to catch you out, trip you up, no matter what you do.”

He didn’t like the worried look on Hector’s face.

“The man is a pain and a control freak. All of us will have to keep an eye on him. It’s only for two days, so it should be possible to control the situation.”

God, he didn’t like the sound of this at all. He’d thought he had most problems covered, and now this. He didn’t like playing power games with other Doms. Strutting around like a self-important hard-man just to keep up an image was not his usual style. Having to pretend to be someone he wasn’t would be exhausting, not to mention frustrating.

“Fine. We all know to keep an eye on him then. At the first sign of trouble, talk to me, Hector or Karl. We’ll deal with any problems.

Jason looked around the table. “Anything else?” God he hoped not. This Rogan situation was enough to cause a major headache. “Grand. We’ll stick to the plan and hopefully we’ll be congratulating ourselves on a successful weekend come Monday. Thank you.”

He watched as his senior staff gathered their papers and got up to leave. “Heather, could you stay for a minute?” Her nod and smile lifted some of the tension gripping his shoulders.

As soon as they were alone, he stalked over to her. There must have been something in his face because she retreated, until the back of her legs hit his desk.

“Jason, what are you doing?”

“There’s something you haven’t told me.”

“I—” Heather faltered and looked away.

“Tell me.”

“He came by my house some time ago.”

“Rogan did?”

“Yes.” Anger flashed across her face. “And told me it was time for me to submit again and then he claimed me.”

“He what?” Jason couldn’t believe his ears.

“He trains subs and mentors new Doms. There are few lifestylers in Dublin he hasn’t had under his thumb. Over the years it has created the illusion the Dublin community only functions because he organizes it. He expects people to fall in line when he wants something. And, to be fair, most people do. It has become a habit.”

Jason’s mind spun. “So, you’re his now?”

Heather glared at him. “Of course not. I told him to f-off, and swore I would never submit to him.” She paused. “I thought it had been enough. But when I got home there was a voicemail waiting for me. He restated his claim.” Anger flared across her face again. “He said he’d see me soon enough. I didn’t think he meant here, because his name hadn’t been on the original list.”

“Were you going to tell me any of this if I hadn’t asked?”

Heather opened her mouth to answer and closed it again, dropping her gaze to the ring she was twisting around her finger. “Probably not.” Her eyes met his in a silent plea for understanding. “I would have dealt with it. He’s my problem, not yours.”

“Like hell he isn’t.” It took some restraint not to shout. “We promised each other there wouldn’t be any more secrets. I need you to talk to me.”

She stared at the floor as she nodded. “I know. I’m sorry.”

He sighed. He didn’t want to make her feel insecure. They would deal with this Rogan situation as it happened. For now, all he wanted was to see Heather happy again. He smiled.