Little Red Gem (26 page)

Shanessa had always been
the analytical one. Slap a find-a-word puzzle in front of her and
she couldn’t help but run her gaze over it to find the most words
she could in three seconds. Now, she ran her eyes over the sheet
and played the first few bars.

“
Not bad,” she
muttered.

Natalie was usually the
devil’s advocate of the group. She was the one to remind Shanessa
and me how we didn’t have time to change or we didn’t have time to
learn a new song or we shouldn’t eat carbs for two days before a
gig. So I was pleased when Natalie made her way over to stand
behind Shanessa. Her lips mouthed the lyrics, and the look of
concentration on her face indicated she was playing the music
inside her head.

Shanessa spun on the stool
and glared at me.

“
You wrote this?” she
demanded.

“
Hard to believe, but
yes.”

“
Honest to god this is
your music and not something you swiped off the
internet?”

“
I swear it’s mine. Look,
I know this is a lot to ask, but if we perform
this
song I’m confident we’ll make
it to the finals. Please give this one shot. If we don’t nail the
song first go, I’ll never badger you again.”

Natalie and Shanessa
looked at one another as if considering my proposal, or as if
considering ditching me at the last moment, I couldn’t quite tell.
But if they were considering my song then I knew they were thinking
that if we started playing and we made too many mistakes, or if the
song didn’t come together at all, then it would take more time than
we had to perfect it and we’d go with something they knew and could
teach me.

If they decided to cut my
song, I’d need to find a way to perform it on my own. The success
of my plan hinged on this song.

I held up my bandaged
wrist. “I’d play it myself if I could. Please. I really can’t do
this without you.”

“
No, you can’t,” said
Shanessa. “And we can’t win without you. Let’s get to it girls, we
haven’t got a lot of time.”

***

Thirty minutes later, I
left the studio with a cement-hardened heart at the realization
that I might not come back from the auditions because if Leo poked
through this charade and forgave me for dying, maybe I’d dissolve
into dust. Or worse, maybe Leo wouldn’t notice a thing and I’d
return to the cabin to spend eternity as a ghost where not even
demon hunters would bother me because I’d be too depressed to
attract their attention from being too depressed to terrorize
humans.

At least either outcome
meant an end to Audrey’s torment, and the relief my half-sister
would soon be free sent small bubbles of joy to dance inside my
stomach. Too little too late, if I was being honest with myself. I
suspected Audrey might not be as forgiving as I hoped.

The mall wasn’t packed
like at Easter or Thanksgiving, but it was busier than a typical
Sunday. Shanessa led the way to the registration booth past Wendy’s
where Leo and I used to sip milkshakes, and also past the jewelry
store where Leo had had on lay-away a garnet studded key chain
which now hung around my neck as a good luck charm.

I’d liked to have said I
was reveling in the moment, but the lyrics were getting bashed
around inside my head in a tumultuous wave of worry. I was nervous.
A lot was at stake here.

I memorized for the
millionth time the entire song, and when I spied Leo standing at
the registration booth the words flew right out of my
head.

I let out a groan. “This
isn’t gonna work.”

Natalie clutched at my arm
and offered me a warm smile. “You’ll be fine. We’ll be on stage
with you.” Her smile suddenly dropped. “Ruby told me she used to
look at a spot behind the crowd. It must have worked because a lot
of people said they felt like she was singing to them. Sorry, I
shouldn’t have brought this up at such a critical time. I still
find it hard to keep it together.”

Shanessa returned from the
booth carrying a program and our sheet music. “You okay Audrey? You
look a little pale.”

Natalie picked imaginary
lint off my dress, fussing the way my mom used to. “She’s
nervous.”

“
Totally understandable.
If you wanna back out, Natalie and I can perform another
song.”

“
No. I can’t back out,” I
said.

Ruby Parker was crazy,
desperate, impulsive, and irrational, but she was not a
quitter.

“
Good girl, because your
song is awesome.” Shanessa’s eyes scanned the crowd and I wondered
who she was looking for. “They’re here.”

“
Who’s here?” I
asked.

“
Simon and Thomas. Word
spread that Leo is performing solo and they said if he did he was
out of the band.”

“
But it’s his
band.”

Shanessa shrugged.
“They’re losers anyway. They’re always turning up to rehearsals
drunk or stoned.”

“
Not Leo,” I
said.

Shanessa smiled weakly.
“He’s just lost his girlfriend. Drowning his sorrows is
understandable, but I’m getting the impression he’s using Ruby’s
death as an excuse to check out of this world. She tried to warn me
and I didn’t listen. Anyway, I’ve tried talking to him about his
dark mood, but he won’t have a bar of it.”

Had I been walking around
with blinkers not to notice that people saw Leo differently to the
way I did. They saw a reckless boy who was a danger to himself and
to any girl who came near him. They saw a boy who got a girl
pregnant. They saw a boy who drank too much.

I saw a boy who was sweet,
shy, ambitious, loving. I saw a boy who saved up for a little red
gem for his Little Red Gem.

“
Do you know why I call
you Little Red Gem,” he’d asked me not long after he’d given me the
nickname. He hadn’t waited for an answer. “Because underneath all
the shine and glitter is a rock. You are my rock, Ruby. Without you
I am at the mercy of a dark tumultuous sea.”

“
What slot are we?”
Natalie asked, snapping me out of the past.

Shanessa consulted the
program. “Fifth. We’re on at twelve thirty.”

“
Good, only an hour of
butterflies and doubt churning in my stomach,” I said, although, I
had been too nervous to eat breakfast so probably I was
hungry.

“
Relax,” Shanessa said,
though I detected a trace of nervousness in her tone,
too.

We took our seats
backstage but we were too anxious to sit still, so the three of us
moved around the room as if we were casing the joint. In a way I
was. The second I’d stepped backstage I’d been on the hunt for Leo.
Right on cue he walked backstage and our eyes locked. He lifted a
hand and waved at me. My cheeks warmed instantly and my heavy heart
lifted a little. Even the butterflies stopped beating their wings
for a second, and then they realized what was at stake and they
returned to hyper drive mode.

Great effort was expended
trying to take my eyes off him, but the first act took to the stage
and I needed to check out the competition. Act one was an older guy
with black greasy hair and a beaten up guitar. Traditionally, these
TV reality shows favored the younger acts, so I was shocked this
guy had bothered to show up. He didn’t even look like he could
sing, but was I mistaken. He could play, too, and the crowd
applauded long and hard.

Act two was a group of
young male singers. They shimmied and harmonized well, despite the
jerks from school taking the piss out of them. By the second verse
the heckling seemed to have lowered their confidence because they
started to come undone. They managed to get their moves back under
control but the slight dip in coordination must have lost them a
few points.

Act three stepped onto the
stage. Shanessa nudged me.

“
She’s the favorite,” she
whispered.

The favorite was a
ten-year-old girl with a violin. We’d performed at enough talent
quests to know kids got awarded points simply for showing up. Add a
big pair of innocent eyes, pigtails, the ability to sing and play
any instrument – one year a kid with an innocuous triangle trumped
us – and the other contestants might as well have gone home and set
themselves on fire. The funny thing was, right now I didn’t care
about winning. I only cared about Leo paying close attention to the
lyrics and my voice.

At last we were called up
to take the stage. Natalie had borrowed the violin from
Rock-A-Lilly’s, but sadly the grand piano wouldn’t fit in the car.
Shanessa had to make do with the upright piano on the stage. My
place was centre of stage, behind the microphone and facing the
audience, but without Leo in my sights I couldn’t seem to face the
crowd. Shanessa and Natalie glared at me to face the front, and
when Leo pushed through the people who had gathered backstage until
he was standing in the wings, not visible to the audience but
visible to me, I gushed like a girl thinking that her savior had
sensed her worry and come to the rescue.

He mouthed the words,
“Good luck”, and I mouthed the words, “Close your eyes”.

I turned to face the
audience. Their fidgeting stopped when Shanessa played the intro,
at which point I knew we’d hooked them in.

On the ride over we had
agreed that, considering I’d written the song, I would sing and
they would accompany me. I hadn’t had to push the point to get them
to agree. I was mildly surprised to find they had matured since my
passing.

Taking my own advice to
Leo, I closed my eyes, and after a slight pause from Shanessa to
signal the end of the intro I opened my mouth and sang:

“
You walked a million
miles around me

Not noticing at
all

Shooting stars and me are
so much alike

In that, we both
fall

This is the part of me I
hate

The part that’s full of
lies

This is the part of me I
hate

The part I try
disguise

You walked a million miles
around me

Not much of me you
see

A bleeding heart and
thoughts of you are all I have

To keep my
company

This is the part of me I
hate

The part too scared to
speak

This is the part of me I
hate

Whenever you are near, I
grow weak.”

Shanessa pressed down hard
on the keys and Natalie upped the tempo on the violin to signal the
incoming coda. I didn’t notice anyone else, and I hoped they didn’t
notice me; I was sure tears were gushing down my cheeks:

“
Maybe I could be
happy

If I could tell you how I
feel

Maybe I could be wrapped
up in your arms

But I doubt it, somehow
that’s much too real.”

The music simmered down
but we weren’t finished. Shanessa gently pressed on the keys and
Natalie muffled the strings while I sang the final
verse:

“
You walked a million
miles around me

Never stopped along the
way

Painted glass and me are
so much like

In that, we don’t give
much away

This is the part of me I
hate

The part afraid to say, I
love you

This is the part of me I
hate

Whenever you are near, I
fade away

This is the part of me I
hate

The part I try
disguise

This is the part of my I
hate

The part that without you,
simply dies.”

The song ended on a
resonating note and we weren’t used to deafening silence so we
quickly bowed and left. It was only when we were hidden by the
curtain back stage that the crowd began to cheer. And I mean really
cheer. The applause was loud enough to drown out the overhead
announcement of a lost child.

We couldn’t stop
smiling.

“
Oh. My. God. That was
amazing,” Natalie gushed. “Audrey, you are so in our band. Got any
more songs?”

I recalled the song I sang
to Anne my first night in the cabin. “A few.”

“
I hate waiting till the
end for the results,” Shanessa shrieked.

We nodded our heads in
agreement. Then we spent the next few minutes waiting and pacing
and waiting and pacing. How horrible of the judges to expect a
group of teenagers to grasp the concept of patience.

Leo hurried down the
stairs. All notions of a musical career were cast aside and I took
a brief moment to silently chide myself for getting suckered in by
the limelight and forgetting the very reason I was here. I told the
girls I’d be back in a minute and raced to intercept
him.

He pulled me aside. His
breathing came out fast. As he drew me in closer, parts of my body
began to quiver in anticipation of his kiss.

“
You were great,” he
said.