Little White Lies (9 page)

Karl Ristoff
- 2:08 PM

Ha, right. Won’t be long though …

Coretta White
- 2:08 PM

She had to pretend not to be the very best in destiny’s child. be humble and pretend she didn’t know why she’s the one getting the interviews.

It’s like Justin Timberlake and N’Syncit’s awkward until they really are just a solo artist

Karl Ristoff
- 2:09 PM

Right! They seem to eventually break out and do their thing. And then the good ones maintain without self-destructing.

Coretta White
- 2:10 PM

Exactly Let’s neither of us self-destruct. So why are you so into beyonce? You’re a walking contradiction. I assume you can walk, but i guess I don’t know.

Karl Ristoff
- 2:14 PM

Oh, I’m just in a 5-day Bey phase. This too shall pass. I am fully ambulatory. I can walk away from Beyonce at any moment

Coretta White
- 2:16 PM

I just mean that you’re a middle-aged white guy who is really into beyonce

Karl Ristoff
- 2:16 PM

I know what you meant. There are tons of middle-aged white guys into beyonce. Most of them are gay.

Coretta White
- 2:18 PM

I guess I need to expand my circles. I can’t wait for college.

Karl Ristoff
- 2:18 PM

Yeah, you’ll meet tons of middle-aged gay dudes in college. They’re called professors. Kidding, of course! Though come to think of it, most of my favorite professors were gay.

Coretta White
- 2:20 PM

HAHAHA​HAHAHA​HAHAHA​HAHAHA​HAHA I don’t know why that’s funny, but it is. Let’s hope I get into a college

Karl Ristoff
- 2:20 PM

As I like to say, “Love making gay jokes. Hate homophobia.”

Coretta White
- 2:21 PM

That’s the next blog post … kidding of course.

Karl Ristoff
- 2:22 PM

Why? Cuz that’s not bad

Sunday, December 15, 2013 (Gchat):

Karl Ristoff
- 2:22 PM

You going to watch the Mandela funeral today?

Coretta White
- 2:23 PM

I’m not planning on watching it I will read coverage and watch videos. I’ve studied apartheid it’s ludicrous

Karl Ristoff
- 2:24 PM

I think the perspective of someone who has grown up post-apartheid might be pretty compelling

Coretta White
- 2:24 PM

I want to see the movie. eerie timing, right?

Karl Ristoff
- 2:25 PM

Yeah. Not sure if I’ll go or not. I do like Idris Elba though—come on, The Wire???

Coretta White
- 2:25 PM

I’ve never seen the wire. My parents probably wouldn’t want me to watch it.

Karl Ristoff
- 2:25 PM

Sometimes i forget I’m chatting with a 17-year-old

Coretta White
- 2:26 PM

I never forget I’m chatting with a 40-something white man

Karl Ristoff
- 2:27 PM

On Internet dating EVERYONE watches the wire. HA HA

Coretta White
- 2:27 PM

YOU DATE ON THE INTERNET?

Karl Ristoff
- 2:27 PM

I mean, HA HA what you said about not forgetting who I am. How else am I gonna get a date?

Coretta White
- 2:27 PM

Tinder, OkCupid, Match

Karl Ristoff
- 2:28 PM

Wait, how do YOU know about these sites, young lady??

Coretta White
- 2:28 PM

I don’t know what you look like … so I guess if walking around and asking someone out isn’t an option … or FB …

Karl Ristoff
- 2:28 PM

I’m not sure I want to get involved with your FB page. Certainly not your personal page—do you even do facebook besides LWL? How could you have time?

Coretta White
- 2:31 PM

I have a FB page i link my LWL posts to it It also helps because my friends share the links, which helps it spread. My parents look at my FB page, so it’s super boring

Karl Ristoff
- 2:32 PM

let’s not be friends ok?

Coretta White
- 2:32 PM

ahahahah, yes, let’s not be friends

Karl Ristoff
- 2:32 PM

Right: let’s not friend each other in the FB sense.

Coretta White
- 2:32 PM

I think the less ties we have, the better, right? You’re like a genie

Karl Ristoff
- 2:32 PM

FB is going to be over soon anyway.

Yeah, let’s keep it business.

Keep it direct message only.

I’m trying to slim down.

Coretta White
- 2:33 PM

Are you fat?

Karl Ristoff
- 2:33 PM

Oh you mean genie, like, magical?

Coretta White
- 2:33 PM

yes I just mean you appeared out of nowhere and you are helping me like a magical genie I don’t see you as a fat genie though

Karl Ristoff
- 2:34 PM

Oh, well. Happy to help. I’m not that fat. Just kinda husky. Think about Mandela! Think about gay stuff too! I mean, you know what I mean.

Coretta White
- 2:38 PM

I will think about all gay stuff

Karl Ristoff
- 2:39 PM

LBGT is the new vanguard of civil rights. just sayin … I mean LGBTQ anyway, we can talk about gay stuff later. keep on keepin’ on …

Wednesday, December 18, 2013 (Gchat):

Karl Ristoff
- 3:39 PM

Yo what’s up with Target? I just saw a thing on Pulse TV about them not carrying the Beyonce album after her flash release? Okay, I know, enough about Beyonce.

Coretta White
- 3:40 PM

I don’t watch Pulse TV. I think I’m going to write something on the Obama selfie/Mandela story

Karl Ristoff
- 3:41 PM

Good idea! You really don’t watch Pulse TV?

Coretta White
- 3:41 PM

The selfie story seems really relevant.

Karl Ristoff
- 3:41 PM

Totally relevant. This is the year of the selfie isn’t it? And that was like Selfie of the Year.

Coretta White
- 3:42 PM

I haven’t seen the actual selfie, only a picture of said selfie I hope it was good. If my mom caught me taking a selfie at someone’s funeral … Oooo lawd

Karl Ristoff
- 3:43 PM

Is it online? You’ve got to friend that white lady! Yeah, selfies at funerals. Not a good look. Even for Heads of State. Or maybe, especially for Heads of State.

Coretta White
- 3:45 PM

Yeah, but I’m also going to work on stuff on Mandela … you know, since it’s quite a bit more important

Karl Ristoff
- 3:46 PM

Have you noticed they tend to crop out the white guy in that photo of the offending selfie? Maybe to make room for Michelle’s reaction … I wonder if he’s cropped out of the selfie itself. You’re right. In the grand scheme of things, Mandela trumps Selfie.

Coretta White
- 3:47 PM

it’s all about the story to be told Michelle has to look like a mean black bitch while barack schmoozes with a blonde woman blonde: the whitest kind of woman

Karl Ristoff
- 3:48 PM

Michelle does have a formidable resting bitch face.

Coretta White
- 3:48 PM

i have resting bitch face it’s a condition

Karl Ristoff
- 3:49 PM

I have a pretty strong RBF myself. so is that the current term for the expression we old people call ISS (“I smell shit.”)?

Coretta White
- 3:49 PM

i think RBF is just people chillin out when I have resting bitch face, im usually just thinking about what i want for lunch and it results in my face looking rather unapproachable i don’t have to see it so i don’t care

Karl Ristoff
- 3:51 PM

Ha ha. ANYWAY, I’ll keep my eyes peeled for the Mandela post. Please let me know if you want me to take a look at anything …

Coretta White
- 3:52 PM

if i write i’ll just post it i think that will simplify things right?

Karl Ristoff
- 3:52 PM

Yes. Just here to help. Not that you need it.

Coretta White
- 3:53 PM

oh, don’t be fooled, i do. winter break will allow me some time though to catch up on things (i hope) i’m drinking coffee now btw I think it tastes like garbage, but from the way adults treasure it, I hope to one day not feel like I’m drinking soil

Karl Ristoff
- 3:58 PM

Oh, don’t drink coffee. It’s a very expensive habit.

Coretta White
- 3:58 PM

really? can’t i have one vice?!!? i used to play candy crush, but I can’t do that while i’m busy.

Karl Ristoff
- 3:59 PM

5 bucks for a latte? And one per day is never enough! You do the math. Yeah, I’d advise you to stay off those game apps too! But that’s not my job. Wasn’t I trying to sign off a minute ago?

Coretta White
- 4:00 PM

oh, i’m not on a latte yet. I hope to stay on dunkin donuts regular for a while! Yes, I think you were signing off. let me know what you think of my post

Karl Ristoff
- 4:01 PM

Will do. Stay clean and fly right! I’ll send you some ideas for things I might write …

Coretta White
- 4:01 PM

ok, great. until then … i’ll sit here with my RBF

Karl Ristoff
- 4:02 PM

Over and out.

Little White Lie of the Day: 1) Barack Obama used his phone to take a selfie with the Danish prime minister. 2) First Lady Michelle Obama sat there the entire time scowling. 3) This is the part of Nelson Mandela’s funeral that deserves the most coverage.