Living with Love (Lessons in Love) (18 page)

Inside the house, the party atmosphere was in full swing. People in their mid to late twenties were drinking, hanging around and listening to music throughout the house. Mark politely took Alex’s jacket and then introduced her to the host
, who only glanced briefly in her direction, seemingly uninterested in Mark’s date for the evening.

“Shall I get you a drink?” Mark asked, raising his voice over the music as he led her through the house, placing his hand on the small of her back.

“Sure,” Alex called back. The music was loud, bouncing off the walls and making conversation difficult. It felt more like a fraternity house party than a young professionals’ New Year’s Eve celebration.

Mark went to the kitchen and came back with a glass of wine for Alex and a bottle of beer for himself. He’d already told Alex that he might get a cab back yet, depending on how much he drank.

Drinks in hand, he led Alex away from the madness of the party as much as he could, finding a secluded spot at the top of the staircase. He sat down, the party pulsating beneath them, and Alex sat down next to him.

“Bet this reminds you of college, huh?” he asked, his face close to hers.

“Yeah,” Alex agreed, “it does.”

****

Three drinks later and Alex was beginning to relax, and Mark was finally more talkative.

“I still enjoy teaching,” he told her emphatically
. “I’m just not sure what more I can do here, in Woodsdale.”

“It’s a pretty small town,” Alex empathised, knowing how limited her own career prospects would have been had she stayed.

“Do you like working in the city?” Mark asked her, drawing close. “I can imagine you there, strutting round like you’re off that show, where they talk about sex.”

Alex blushed at the word sex
, and Mark smiled awkwardly, realising her discomfort.

“Actually, it’s not as glamorous as you think,” Alex admitted softly. “I live in a tiny apartment
, and I barely go out because I don’t have any friends there. I’m actually kind of lonely.” She surprised herself with her frank admission and gazed into Mark’s eyes. He was looking back at her adoringly. She’d missed the way he looked at her.

“So there’s no guy keeping you warm at night?” he asked the question casually
, but she saw his jaw tense after he’d said it as he took a swig of beer from the bottle he was holding.

“There’s no guy,” Alex clarified, her eyes sparkling slightly. Mark was right beside her, their legs were touching as they sat atop the staircase. She could smell him, feel him, and it made her realize how much she was still attracted to him. Even after all this time, she still felt something for him, of that she was certain.

Now, emboldened by the wine coursing through her veins, Alex dared to be flirtatious with him, to see if she could take her old feelings and turn them into something current, and real. She wasn’t thinking about the future, about what would happen when she returned to New York, she was thinking only of the moment, of the final night of the year.

“It’s nearly midnight!” someone downstairs declared excitedly as around them people cheered in drunken glee.

Mark checked his watch and nodded.

“So it is.” He looked at Alex as though waiting on her instruction for what they should do next.

“Do you want to go downstairs and count down with everyone?” Alex asked as below, the hallway cleared as everyone piled into the living room to watch the ball drop in Times Square on the television.

“I’m happy here,” Mark told her, his eyes flickering with longing. Alex felt her heart began to beat manically within her chest, her pulse quickening.

“Are you sure you don’t want to be with your friends?” she asked again, drawing closer to Mark. She could smell the beer on his breath, the cologne upon his neck.

“It’s okay
,” he confirmed again.

“Are you making any resolutions?” Alex asked, her face almost touching his.

“Not to let good things go,” Mark told her, his voice soft and seductive.

Downstairs
, the final seconds of the year were being counted away.

“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,” they chanted eagerly, euphoric in their merriment thanks to the drink and the music.

“Five, four, three, two, one!” As the New Year was rung in, the house erupted with cheers and whoops, and at the top of the staircase, Mark leant forward and pressed his lips against Alex’s.

The moment their lips connected
, Alex’s body fired up like an old toy suddenly getting its battery back. She parted her lips to allow his tongue to enter her mouth and ran her hand up into his hair. Mark pulled her close, the kiss becoming deep and passionate. The world around them fell away. There was no party, no fresh new year. There was only the two of them, lost to their passion and the kiss.

The kiss was hungry yet sweet, filled with a longing, dormant desire. When at last they pulled apart, they were both breathless.

Alex looked shyly at her feet, unsure of what to say.

“I missed you,” Mark said softly, still close, holding her cheek in his hand.

“I missed you too,” Alex confirmed, looking into his eyes. She wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. For so long she felt as though she was searching for something, and all along it had been where she had left it, back in Woodsdale. Kissing Mark made her suddenly feel whole again, as if she’d been incomplete ever since that day she’d pulled away from him at the train station.

Alex smiled at him
, but then her eyes were pulled away as she felt someone staring at her from the bottom of the staircase. She looked down and saw a woman looking to be in her early thirties, with dark blonde hair and a plain face, staring up at them with pain in her blue eyes.

Uncomfortable beneath the stare, Alex turned to look at Mark
, who had also noticed the observer sending them visual daggers up the staircase. When he saw the woman, Mark sighed wearily, and Alex felt his body stiffen beside her.

“Goddamnit
.” He sighed. “She wasn’t supposed to be here.”

“Who?” Alex looked down in bewilderment at the woman who was now moving away, her face still pinched with angry grief.

“My ex, Sophie.”

The words stabbed at Alex like a knife. Of course Mark had an ex. She did too. She couldn’t have expected him to have just sat and pined for her over the last four years. Still, a part of her had thought that. She imagined Mark missing her, wishing her return, remaining alone and keeping their love pure.

But instead there was an ex-girlfriend, a very real ex-girlfriend who had been watching their passionate reunion.

“I should go
.” Alex got up, suddenly eager to leave. She’d never had to deal with a jealous ex before and was in no mood to deal with one now.

“I’ll take you home,” Mark insisted.

“I’m fine.” Alex shrugged him off, but he held her hand tightly, refusing to let go.

“She meant nothing to me,” he implored, his eyes wide, begging forgiveness. And Alex wanted to believe him, truly she did.

****

Alex awoke with the taste of Mark’s kiss still on her lips. She rolled onto her side in the small bunk of the trailer and smiled. But her jubilance was short lived. It was a new year and a new day
, and in a few hours she would be boarding a train and returning to New York. Whatever was beginning anew with Mark might be forced to end prematurely due to geographical complications.

But Alex didn’t want to dwell on what happened the night before. She no longer wanted to be that girl who fretted over guys. Instead, she got up and headed into the small kitchen area of the trailer. Both her mother and Andy were still sleeping
, so she set about making pancakes for them as a nice surprise.

“Well
, isn’t this lovely!” Jackie exclaimed as she came and sat at the table as Alex handed her a plate of freshly made pancakes.

“I thought I’d do something nice
since this is my last morning at home.” Alex smiled sweetly. She didn’t notice how Jackie’s eyes watered upon hearing her daughter refer to the trailer as home. The trailer that she had once so fervently loathed.

The trials and tribulations of the past number of years had taught Jackie Heron that a home was much more than bricks and mortar. It was the people in it who made it. But that didn’t stop her missing her beautiful old house and her perfect old life. Sometimes she caught herself sitting in the trailer and wishing things were different, wondering how her life could have brought her to this point
: widowed and existing below the poverty line. It was a far cry from the life she’d dreamed of, the life she’d been living.

“Honey, you baked!” Andy declared jokingly as he stumbled into the kitchen, still slightly intoxicated from his own party antics the night before. He’d rung in the New Year with old school friends. Unlike Alex, he’d managed to hold on to his friends from Woodsdale. When he lost his money
, they didn’t shun him and exile him from their plush homes, instead they brought him tighter into the fold and welcomed him with open arms. Alex had always envied his connection to his past. She’d been forced to hide her true self for many years while he was always accepted.

“Good night?” Alex asked her brother, raising an eyebrow as she noticed his bloodshot eyes and heard his hoarse voice.

“It was okay,” Andy cackled cheekily to himself.

“Are you going back today too?” Jackie asked her son as she bit into a piece of pancake.

“God, no!” Andy shook his head and then coughed dramatically. “I couldn’t handle being on a train for hours in my state. I’ll go back tomorrow.”

“And you thought you were getting rid of us,” Alex joked.

“Stop it! I’ve loved having my children here.” Jackie smiled fondly at them both. “It’s been one of the best Christmases I can remember.”

And her children smiled back at her
. It was a sentiment they all shared.

****

That afternoon Alex insisted on going to the train station alone, citing that she was too grown up for a farewell entourage. The reality was that she hadn’t heard from Mark since their kiss and was clinging on to a small shred of hope that he’d come to the station to bid her good-bye. She’d told him she was leaving and at what time. She just had to hope that he wanted to come and see her. She didn’t know what she expected him to say; she just needed to know that he felt the same, that the kiss had meant something, that the fire between them still hadn’t burnt out.

Alone on the platform and waiting for her train
, Alex began to fear that he wouldn’t show. Wrapped tightly in her coat and scarf, she steeled herself against the cold. The ice had started to thaw slightly, turning to slush. Already Alex missed the snow. She liked how it coated the whole world in a beautiful white blanket, making even the ugliest of places appear magical and ethereal.

The wind bit at her cheeks
, and she started to wish her train would arrive early, even if it meant not seeing Mark one last time. As she turned to glance up the line for an incoming train, she saw him walking slowly towards her.

He was wearing a long, dark wool coat
, which was buttoned up high to protect his face. His hands were thrust deep into the pockets of his dark denim jeans, shielding them from the cold.

“Mark
.” The word fogged before her as she released it. She smiled when she saw him and felt her spirits rise, but they soon started to cascade back to earth when she noticed the paleness of his face, the sadness in his eyes.

He had not come here to say he felt the same. He had come here to say the kiss had been a mistake, to finally set her free once and for all. Alex started to feel sick and wished her train would arrive and transport her away from this painful moment.

“Hey,” Mark said uncomfortably, not daring to come close to her.

Alex tried to remain composed. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her break, of letting him know how much he meant to her. Had it all just been a game to him? Did he just want to see if he could woo her back one last time to satisfy his selfish ego? Alex wanted to take his letters and rip them up in his face, letting them scatter to the wind to show him how little she
cared, that he could never break her.

But it wasn’t true. Inside, she was trembling, terrified that he was about to shatter every illusion she’d ever held to be true of him. She had loved him, loved him still, the kiss had made her certain of that. If he didn’t feel the same
, she’d be left as a fool, nursing a broken heart and resigned to a life of bitterness.

“Why are you here?” Alex asked tersely, unable to conceal her emotions.

“I came to see you,” Mark said sheepishly.

“Why? To tell me how last night was a mistake? That you never meant to kiss me? Do you resent me that much that you insist on breaking my heart one final time before I leave this hell hole of a town forever!” Tears flashed down Alex’s cheeks as her anger boiled over.