Lizzie's War (36 page)

‘It's so peaceful here. You could almost forget that there's still a war going on,' she said as Tony came to stand behind her, his arm going around her and holding her close to his body. She could smell the fresh smell of soap on his skin and feel his arousal through the thin material of her nightgown and felt a tingle of pleasure. She'd half been dreading the night, fearing that her experiences at Bernie's hands would leave her cold, but Tony's kisses had melted the ice inside her and she knew that she was ready to love again and to be happy. After all, she'd known the pleasures of physical love once before with Mark – and Tony had been her first innocent love; her fighting spirit was back and she was determined that nothing would stop her taking the happiness that had come her way. She had seven days to relax and think of nothing but making love, walking along the cliffs, and eating leisurely meals that someone else had cooked. ‘We're so lucky, Tony. You've come through the war and we have a good life ahead of us.'

‘Yes, my darling, we are lucky to have each other,' he said and kissed the sensitive spot at the nape of her neck. ‘I thought I'd missed my chance with you and at first I didn't care if I lived or died – but after I saw you again in that café I knew I still wanted you, loved you – and I'd made up my mind to tell Vera, but she was so excited about the wedding that I couldn't. You have no idea how relieved I was when you told me she'd found someone else.'

‘I felt so awful about telling you,' Beth said and turned in his arms. ‘I thought you were upset over it?'

‘I just hated it that I'd lost an arm and I didn't think I could ask you to marry a cripple – and then you told me you were going to look after the shop and you kissed me… and then I knew it was worth trying to get better…'

‘And do you still think so?' Beth whispered and laughed as he pulled her hard against him, and she pressed closer, seeing the answering fire in his eyes.

‘Get to bed, you wicked woman, and I'll show you,' Tony said fiercely. ‘You're mine now, Beth, and I don't ever intend to let you go.'

‘That's good, because I don't want to go anywhere without you…'

‘Well, I think I'll go up,' Hatty said and yawned. ‘It has been a long day and my daughter-in-law is calling for me early in the morning. She's taking me to see the cottage they've found for me. Apparently, it's just across a narrow lane from where she and my eldest son are going to live now that he's been invalided out of the Army with that weak chest of his. The doctors told him he needs country air and he's going to join a country practice of lawyers. John is an intelligent man and he made a good officer. It was a pity his Army career had to be cut short, but he says he's more of a liability than an asset these days, with that cough of his.'

‘When do you think you will leave?' Lizzie asked. She was going to miss Hatty who had been more than a housekeeper these past months.

‘In about two weeks, I should think,' Hatty said. ‘It will need some restoration and there's the furniture. I have a few bits in store, but we'll need more.'

‘Well, I shall move into Aunt Miriam's house in a few days, but you must feel free to stay on here until Beth and her husband return.'

‘I can stay with my daughter until I'm ready to move,' Hatty said and sighed. ‘I've enjoyed working with you, Lizzie, and I shall miss you, and especially Betty, because she's such a sweetheart and I've loved her – but my place is with my daughter-in-law. She has three children and with John likely to have bouts of sickness, she will need help.'

‘Yes, of course. I perfectly understand,' Lizzie said, ‘but we'll miss you.'

Hatty smiled, picked up her mug of cocoa and left the kitchen. Lizzie sat down at the table and sipped her own hot drink. Life moved on and things changed. Hatty leaving was another set-back, because she would miss her. She was going to miss Beth too, but she would see her at the workshops three mornings a week. It wouldn't be the same though. Beth was happy now and her husband and family would come first. With Hatty leaving her as well, Lizzie was aware that she would find a large hole in her personal life. She had the workshops and her friends there and she had more money than she'd ever imagined having… even a stylish shop in the West End, where her own hats were selling to customers who paid highly for the privilege. Yet it wasn't enough. Her dreams had all come true, but without love – without that one special person in her life – it wasn't enough… not nearly enough. Lizzie needed her husband and Betty needed a father…

Lizzie finished her cocoa and put the mug into hot soapy water to wash. She was thoughtful as she went upstairs to look in at her beloved daughter sleeping peacefully. She was so lucky to have her darling little Betty. It was wicked of her to feel lonely and sorry for herself when she had her daughter – or to feel sometimes that life was hardly worth the effort.

Betty was hers to love. The child had no father and only an elderly great-aunt to love her if her mother wasn't around. Lizzie must make the best of life for her daughter's sake. Betty would go to a good school; she would have pretty clothes and a chance to make something of her life and Lizzie would do her best to keep her safe from harm.

She decided that she would visit Sebastian's house again the next day. It was a Sunday and the housekeeper didn't visit then. If it was nice she could have a picnic in the garden with Betty – and perhaps she could make up her mind to sell the house.

It was a long time since she'd been told Sebastian was missing without trace, and she knew it was foolish to go on hoping he would turn up. If he were alive someone would know – she would have heard by now. Surely he would have found a way to get in touch with her?

Beth was right, Lizzie was still a young woman, even though she felt much older than her years. She had to let go of the past and then perhaps she might find someone she could love again.

*

Lizzie had spread rugs in the garden and unpacked the picnic basket. She'd brought cheese rolls, apples, ripe tomatoes and some small sweet almond cakes she'd made. Betty loved them and crumbled them all over her as she looked around in excitement at the strange new place she'd been brought to. Clutching her cake in one hand, she was up on her chubby legs and toddling from one new thing to another. She would be three in September and chattered away when she felt like it, but she wasn't a noisy child, not like Beth's twins!

Sebastian's roses were in bud and beginning to scent the air, and the grass had daisies growing, their yellow hearts open to the sun. The lawn needed a cut, Lizzie thought, wondering if she had the energy to find the mower and push it over at least part of the lawn. Alfie Jackson, the new housekeeper's teenage son, was supposed to cut the lawns and tend the garden at the weekends, but he obviously hadn't been for a week or two. She would have to discover why and perhaps get another gardener.

Betty had sat down on a patch of grass warmed by the sun. A hungry robin was taking advantage of the crumbs she had scattered, hopping closer and closer to where she sat and gobbling up the delicious morsels. Lizzie smiled as she saw her daughter watching the tiny bird with its bright red breast. Betty was obviously enjoying her visit to this beautiful garden, and Lizzie remembered her first time here, when she and Beth had come to display their stylish hats at one of Sebastian's parties in the hope of getting Lizzie's name known as a designer. It seemed such a long time ago since she was that young girl…

Lizzie had felt out of place amongst so many fashionable people and she'd wandered further into the garden, across the little bridge over the large pool. She'd sat on the bench and watched from a distance until someone came to fetch her and after that she'd enjoyed herself, mixing with the guests and talking about her hats.

Betty was up on her feet, running after the robin that had flown further into the garden – towards the pool. Lizzie rose quickly and ran after her daughter, afraid that she might fall in.

Reaching her darling Betty, she took her tightly by the hand and walked her over the bridge to the bench. Lizzie wondered what it would be like to live here, to have a house filled with children running in and out – and to have time to play with them and watch them grow. She hadn't had enough time to be with Betty – not as much as she ought, but sitting here enjoying the peace and quiet, she decided that she was going to spend more time with her in future. Hearing her daughter laugh as she saw the robin descend on their picnic basket and help itself to a large piece of cake, Lizzie thought what a wonderful sound it was. Betty was happy here…

Taking Betty safely back away from the pool, Lizzie gathered up the debris and scattered more crumbs for the birds. As she walked away, Betty scampering in front of her, occasionally sitting down suddenly on her bottom or taking a tumble only to get up again and laugh; Lizzie realized that she too was happy, more relaxed than she'd been in a long time.

She went into the kitchen and put the basket on the scrubbed pine table. It was cool despite the heat of the day, spacious and well equipped, much bigger than her kitchen at home. Perhaps she would be foolish to think of closing up such a lovely house. She had intended this to be her last visit, and only to the gardens, but now she decided to have another look round.

She walked through the downstairs rooms, noticing that everything was beautifully cleaned and smelled of polish; the curtains had been drawn back to let in the light, which was a little strange – unless Mrs Jackson thought the house could do with some sunlight to warm it. Actually, it made everything seem warmer and nicer, Lizzie realized. She'd only seen the downstairs rooms shrouded in dust covers, though she vaguely remembered it as it had been on the day of the party. Suddenly, she started pulling the covers off tables, chairs and settees, bringing it all back to life. The dark shapes became beautiful objects again, what had seemed a mausoleum became a home once more; antique chairs and cabinets, and comfortable squashy chairs to relax in by the fireplace.

A house could only be what its owners made of it, Lizzie thought. She left the dust covers lying on the floor for the moment and went upstairs. She hadn't explored many rooms up here, because the book she'd found in Sebastian's rooms had upset her, but now she started exploring the bedrooms one by one, discovering large sunny rooms – including one that might have been a child's room. It had a large rocking horse, a doll's house, two pretty dolls with china faces sitting in a Victorian-style chair and a teddy bear sitting on the bed.

Betty gave a squeal of delight, ran ahead of her mother and bounced onto the bed, grabbing the soft toy and chattering to herself as she nursed it. It was the first teddy bear she'd seen to Lizzie's knowledge and it was clear that she loved it as she crooned and held it to her face.

Lizzie laughed, because the toys here were old but still in wonderful condition. It was impossible to buy anything comparable now and Betty had very few toys at home. Suddenly, feeling a surge of joy such as she hadn't felt for years, Lizzie picked her daughter up and put her on the back of the rocking horse, setting it in motion. Betty shrieked with glee, bouncing up and down in her excitement.

‘Mumma… go faster…' she pleaded and screamed in delight as Lizzie rocked her faster. Betty clung on and refused to be parted from her new toy, complaining when Lizzie tried to lift her off, clearly not ready to abandon her treat.

Judging her to be safe enough, Lizzie left her to play while she explored one or two of the other rooms. There was a beautiful room decorated in colours of soft rose and cream, with painted and gilded furniture and a shaped dressing table with glass pots with gold-plated tops. It was obviously the room of a woman who had been spoiled – perhaps Sebastian's mother, if this had been his family home.

Once again, Lizzie realized that she knew so little of her husband's former life. She went next to the room she knew was his and opened the door, looking about her at the furniture and the huge bed; she'd never seen such a lavish one and it made her smile to think of Sebastian there. She wandered about, feeling both pain and pleasure as she touched his things and wondered if she could really smell the scent of his cologne, and then she heard a shriek from down the hall. That was Betty! Lizzie ran from the room back to the child's bedroom where she'd left her daughter. A man was bending over the child on the rocking horse, making it move faster and faster, and she realized that Betty had been screaming in pleasure.

‘Who are you? What do you want here?' she demanded fiercely, heart racing with alarm.

Lizzie moved forward as the man turned and looked at her and then gasped as she saw his face, because she knew him and yet she didn't… the scar that ran from the corner of his left eye to his chin was red and livid, and his hair at the sides was almost completely grey. He had aged far more than he should in the months that they had been apart, and yet it was him.

‘Sebastian…' she said in a hoarse whisper, her body beginning to tremble with shock and disbelief as she moved towards him. ‘I thought when she screamed…'

‘Lizzie darling…' Sebastian opened his arms and she moved into them, feeling as if she were dreaming. ‘My dearest love…'

‘Is it really you?'

‘Yes, it's me. I'm real, not a ghost…'

‘When I saw you I was afraid because I didn't know it was you…' she felt choked with emotion, too stunned to go on and hardly able to believe her own eyes.

His arms closed about her and he bent his head, kissing her hungrily. ‘Lizzie, I've missed you so much. You have no idea…'

Tears wet her cheeks as she gazed up into his beloved face. ‘You've been away so long and you didn't write… I was told you were missing believed dead. All this time I've been left wondering…'