Locked in Silence: Grimm's Circle, Book 5 (15 page)

“Vanya—”

In the doorway, she paused, looking at him over her shoulder.

Just looking at him made her heart clench. Just looking at him made her heart
hurt
, in a good way, though. It also made her body ache and hunger and throb. She’d hesitated before getting up this morning, and not because she’d blurted out something so embarrassing. But because she’d worried she’d feel self-conscious about what had happened. She hadn’t, though.

She’d stood in the doorway, staring at him.

It wasn’t until he’d looked at her that she became aware of uncomfortable silence caused by what she’d said…yeah,
that
made things awkward.

Staring into his eyes, she knew she hadn’t been lying last night. If anything, she hadn’t been clear enough. She wasn’t
falling
in love with him. She was in love with him. She’d been falling in love with him bit by bit, day by day, and she’d known it
before
he’d brought to life hot, dirty dreams she hadn’t even known she had.

“I know how I feel, Silence. If you don’t like it, fine. You don’t need to like it, and I’m not expecting you to feel the same way, but don’t tell me I don’t know what I feel,” she said quietly.

“You’re young. You’re adjusting to a new life, and right now, I’m all you know—”

She narrowed her eyes. “Oh, bite me.” Then she slammed her mental shields shut, blocking his mental voice out.

Damn him.

Slipping into the bedroom, she headed for the shower. She was still logy with exhaustion, but she’d be damned if she stayed around here right now. Later, when the tension wasn’t knife thick, she’d come back. Later, after she’d cooled down, after her body stopped humming every time she looked at him.

Later…when he stopped looking at her like he feared she’d throw herself at his feet and cling until he produced a wedding ring.

Of course, there was a problem.

Standing in the middle of the bedroom, wrapped in a towel, she realized the only clothes she had were in tatters.

The short skirt had been decidedly trampish, but it
had
covered her. Now it wouldn’t do that unless she held it in place. The thong wasn’t in much better shape. The one piece of clothing that wasn’t in tatters was her corset, but it wasn’t like she could walk out of here wearing just that.

She didn’t hear him, but the dance of cooler air along her flesh, along with the intensity of his gaze told her she wasn’t alone.

Looking up, she saw him standing in the doorway.

Her lip curled when she saw he had his leather pants on from last night. He, at least, had clothes. And damn him for looking so good in them too.

His eyes, as always, were blank.

Bastard.

Tossing the torn scraps of her skirt on the floor, she snapped, “I realize you bought the damn thing,
teacher
, as apparently you’re expected to provide for me, with me being your student and all. And I realize I all but begged you to rip the damn thing off, but I don’t have anything to wear. Except a corset.”

If she thought being bitchy might get a reaction out of him, she’d been expecting too much.

Instead, he bent down and grabbed something just outside the door.

A bag. No…not
a
bag. Her bag—one of them at least.

With her clothes.

Frowning, she closed the distance between them and grabbed it, slinging it over her shoulder and storming back into the bathroom. When had he had time to get her things?

Not that it mattered. She’d just make sure she got everything before she headed back to her room.

Somehow, she anticipated he wasn’t just going to roll over on that one, especially considering how he’d knocked the little, rundown place last night. It wasn’t a hellhole—yeah, it was run down, but the owner did his best. It was clean, it was quiet and it suited her just fine. He didn’t ask any questions and he stayed out of her way too.

She rooted past the skimpy tramp clothes she had—not quite as nice as the things Silence had bought for her—past the workout gear until her fingers brushed worn denim.

Normal clothes. It would feel nice to wear normal clothes. She found panties and a bra tucked into the small side pouch, a black T-shirt. There weren’t any toiletries, but she’d already used the ones the hotel provided here. She was dressed in under three minutes.

When she opened the bathroom door, she wasn’t surprised to see Silence still standing there. “Did you bring anything else of mine over?” she asked, looking at a point past his shoulder.

She saw his hand lift and shifted her gaze, watched as he signed,
Yes
.

“Where are they? I’m going back.”

You can’t.
 

She snorted. “Watch me.”

Vanya, be reasonable. That room is barely adequate for one person, much less two. And our actions are too easily noticed by others there. We’re better off here. The staff is discreet, we can come and go without being noticed.

“I’ve never had any problems.” She slanted a look at him. “Of course, I’m not a six-foot, pretty-boy blond. Tell you what,
you
stay here. I’ll go back there. We can work out where we’ll meet. You’ll be happier without me underfoot, anyway.”

Ignoring him, she tossed her bag on the bed. There weren’t any shoes in there, so unless she wanted to go barefoot, she’d have to wear the boots he’d bought. That was fine. They were comfortable. She could walk it back to the hotel easily in those.

Although, maybe her tennis shoes were packed in the other bag—seemed like he was determined she wasn’t going back—

She headed for the door but he beat her there, blocking it with one long arm.

She felt the press of his voice in her mind, but she resisted. Glaring at him, she said, “I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

It’s a sad thing when we don’t get what we want. But we’re talking regardless. I don’t consider you
under
foot,
he said, his hands moving fast, sketching out the words with enough force that she realized he was feeling a bit of anger himself.

Oh, hey…he had emotions.

Lookie there.

“Well, I can’t see how you wouldn’t feel that way,” she said, giving him a syrupy smile. “I’m young, foolish and I don’t know jack about anything, and you’re stuck with teaching me, and stupid me, I don’t even know my own mind. Why
wouldn’t
you consider me some annoying burden?”

When she went to duck under his arm, he caught her, his fingers gripping her tightly—not tight enough to hurt, but she wouldn’t slip away unless she forced it. She was pissed off enough, humiliated enough to do just that.

But she’d already embarrassed the hell out of herself. Why make it worse?

Pasting a bored expression on her face, she lowered her gaze to his hand and then looked up at him. “Do you mind?”
 

He lifted his hand, cupped her face.

And once more she felt that press on her mind—harder this time, harder to ignore, harder to block out, and his voice was louder. Because he was touching her, she suspected.

Sighing, she looked away and lowered the shields.

Immediately, she felt the warmth of him as his thoughts rushed over her. She steeled herself against it, though, against him.

“You’re not a burden. And I don’t consider you a foolish girl. But that doesn’t
—
”

Vanya slugged him, burying her fist into the hard wall of his belly as hard as she could. He doubled over, letting go of her arm. The sharp exhalation of air was worth the pain that jolted up her arm. “Don’t keep telling me what I feel, Silence. I swear, you keep it up and I’ll…” she paused, trying to figure out just what in the hell she could to do a guardian angel who’d been alive for a couple hundred years, at least, one who rarely showed any expression, one who didn’t believe she knew her own mind. Shit, she knew next to nothing about him, in the long run.

Maybe…

No. Before that thought could even form, she pushed it aside. He wasn’t right. She was. She knew she loved him. She knew what she needed to know, and it was ridiculously simple. She felt a connection to Silence that went deep, deeper than sex, deeper than some bond he might think existed because he was training her.

Hell. Will had shown up at the drop of a hat over the past few years to work with her, and he’d saved her neck more than once. But she hadn’t ever once had a single romantic thought about him—the man freaked her out when he wasn’t pissing her off.

Backing away from him, she stared at him. “If you keep telling me what I feel, I’m going take all of your axes and pour acid all over them.”

His eyes narrowed.

“Isn’t that rather childish?”

“Well, I
am
young,” she said mockingly. “Us young people do foolish things.”

Storming out of the room, she spotted her other bag on the floor. Along with the rest of her stuff. The weapons he’d bought for her, her own weapons, her meager stash of books. Scowling, she squatted by the bag and unzipped it. Her beat-up tennis shoes were on top. Hallelujah.

She stood up, turned and crashed right into him.

Swearing, she elbowed her way past him. “Leave me alone, damn it,” she snapped. “I need some space.”

This is foolish
, he signed, some emotion finally starting to show on his face.

Frustrated.

He looked frustrated.

“Foolish.” She glared at him as she sat down. Jamming her feet into her shoes, she tied them, disgusted to see that her hands were shaking. Hurt, humiliated, she swallowed and waited a few seconds before she said anything. She didn’t want him to see just how hurt she was. She should have let it go. What did it matter if he believed her or not?

The knot in her throat was making hard it to speak, hard to think. She tried anyway and was surprised to hear that her voice was only a little shaky. “You think I’m being foolish—fine. Then let me be foolish. I need to get out of here and breathe, Silence. I need to clear my head, I need to think.” Shifting her gaze to him, she glanced at him through her lashes. “I can’t do it around you.”

Without saying anything else, she grabbed her things.

If nothing else, she could be thankful that the weight of the bags was nothing to her now. Even the four-mile walk wasn’t going to faze her.

She felt him pressing at her mind but ignored him.

I couldn’t have screwed that up any more if I tried
.

As the door closed behind her, Silence started to go after her.

Only to stop.

If it had just been temper on her face, he could have handled that. He often pissed people off. He didn’t intend to, but he didn’t go out of his way to avoid it, either. He could have ignored her anger.

But there had also been hurt. And wounded pride.

That he was having a harder time swallowing. He hadn’t intended to hurt her.

She’d made him panic, but that wasn’t her fault.

I think I’m falling in love with you…

He hadn’t ever had a woman say those words to him.

It had terrified him.

Even as it elated him.

He hadn’t let her see that, though.

Because he knew she was wrong.

She couldn’t love him. She barely knew him. And soon, she would no longer need him—she would leave him.

She’d been thrust into a new world and he was all she knew. When things changed and she adjusted, it would be different. She would change, she would adjust…and then she would leave.

She wouldn’t be one to fear change, not like him.

She wouldn’t fear
not
being alone…he did. He needed to be alone because he had never known anything but grief when he truly let somebody else in. He hadn’t done so since his mortal life—he hadn’t even allowed Sina to get truly close, and she was his dearest friend.

No. He couldn’t, wouldn’t believe her. Although he was tempted…

Tension spiked in the air. Silence closed his eyes.

Not now,
he thought.

Looking up, he watched as brilliant white flashed and Will emerged. It faded, leaving the two men staring at each other.

Wearily, Silence signed,
Go away
.

“Why? So you can stand here and feel sorry for yourself while your chance at happiness walks farther and farther away from you?”

Silence dropped into a chair, staring at Will.
She is not my chance at happiness. She is a new Grimm who was placed in my care, and I took advantage of her. She doesn’t know how to adjust to this new world, and I should have taken better care of her than that.

Will’s bark of laughter rang through the room. “That’s rich. Silence, you
have
met the same Vanya I know, haven’t you? Mouthy, full of attitude, cocky little bitch?”

Silence narrowed his eyes.
Don’t speak of her that way
.

“Why? It’s God’s honest truth. She
is
mouthy, full of attitude, rather cocky and she’ll tell you herself that she is a bitch. And you think you took advantage of
her
?” Will shook his head. “My friend, it’s just as likely she took advantage of
you
.”

Silence looked away.

“She knows what she wants. She’s not some naïve, foolish little girl. In truth, she never has been and whatever innocence she had died when her sister was taken by the succubae. She was still a teenager when I gave her the choice, and if I had allowed it, she would have been done with it then—it wasn’t her time yet. It wasn’t
your
time yet. You belong with her. Don’t throw away this chance at happiness,” Will said quietly.

Shaking his head, Silence signed,
She deserves somebody who can share with her, who can tell her all the wonderful things she deserves to hear. She deserves somebody who makes her complete. That man isn’t me. I’m not complete by myself, how can I possibly be the man she needs?

“That is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve heard in quite awhile,” Will said.

Silence looked away.

“You’re incomplete—because you cannot
speak
? Is that what you’re saying?” Will shook his head. “It had better
not
be that—the boy in that tower knew better, had more strength of will, more courage than that. Have you changed so much since then that you’d see yourself as lesser because you can’t talk the way I do? You
do
speak, you just do it in a different manner, and you know that.”