London Calling (10 page)

Jenna nearly walked in front of a moving cab and a man
grabbed her arm, jerking her back to the curb. “Are you all right?” he asked,
his eyes full of concern.

She blinked, not knowing how to react. “I’m fine. Thanks.” She
continued, not worried at all about what might happen to her. It felt as if her
soul were evaporating, every hope she’d had for a future with Tim now seemingly
gone.

She opened the door to her building, deciding she didn’t
care about what may or may not be in the mail. Footsteps and laughter boomed
through the stairwell from the floors above. She started up the stairs and
Rachel and her friend rounded the corner, both loaded down with cardboard boxes.

“Jenna, hey,” Rachel said, avoiding eye contact and snickering
with her friend. “I was going to leave you a note. Missy’s roommate moved out
and she needed somebody to take her place.”

“Oh,” Jenna said, shell-shocked.

Rachel and Missy continued farther down the steps, passing
Jenna.

“So that’s it?” Jenna asked. “You’re gone and I’m stuck with
the extra rent?”

“You can keep my half of the security deposit.”

Rachel and Missy turned and continued down the stairs.

What a fucking bitch.
“Hey, Missy,” Jenna yelled down
the stairs. “Congratulations. You now have the world’s worst roommate.”

Jenna stomped up the stairs and found the apartment in
shambles, half of the furniture gone.
Fine. Fuck her. At least I know I’m
the only one who’ll be using my toothbrush.

Jenna closed the door to her room, wanting to avoid the
sight of Rachel as she’d surely be back for the boxes that sat stacked in the
living room. She curled into a ball on her bed. Her only thoughts were of Tim. It
hurt just to think about him, her joints felt achy and tired, she didn’t have
the strength to do more than cry.

Her phone rang and her heart leapt.
He’s changed his
mind. He’s in a cab back from the airport.
She frantically dug in her bag,
sniffling, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. Another wave of disappointment hit
her when she saw that it was the owner of Loop Boutique.
Perfect timing.

“Hello. This is Jenna.”

“Jenna, hi, it’s Carrie from Loop. Do you have a minute?”

“Of course. Is everything okay?”
I really can’t handle
any more bad news.
Jenna scooted back in bed, slumping against the
headboard.

“Actually, everything’s great. The response to your new
pieces has been phenomenal. Yesterday one of our best customers bought a
bracelet and today she came back to buy five more as gifts.”

“Seriously?” Jenna collected herself when she realized she’d
just sounded amateurish. “Wonderful. I’m glad to know they’re selling.”

“We’d like to do an exclusive license of the whole line and
put it into all eight stores. The initial order would be around one hundred
pieces for each location, possibly more for the New York and Miami stores. We’d
like to be able to roll it out in January, before Valentine’s Day. Would you be
able to handle that?”

“Absolutely.”
I was just thinking that sleep is highly
overrated.

“Fabulous. I’ll have our lawyer contact you about the
licensing agreement.”

Lawyer. Licensing agreement.
“Perfect. I’ll look
forward to hearing from them.”

She hung up, shaking her head. She felt sick to her stomach
from the nonstop rollercoaster day she’d had. This news should have been
thrilling. It was everything she’d worked so hard for, and yet she couldn’t
even bring herself to smile. Her only impulse was to pick up the phone and call
Tim, ask him if they could go out and celebrate, make love for hours on end,
waking up in a lovely tangle in the morning.

The tears started again and this time there was a deluge.
Alone, with nothing to stop her, she finally let go. Her shoulders shook and
she sobbed, feeling more alone than she’d ever felt, which was saying a lot. She’d
had so many solitary moments and none more profound than this one.

She allowed herself to sink to the lowest places in her
heart, where disappointment, bad relationships and broken promises lived. She
thought of Tim and his smile, the way he could make her laugh without effort,
his stunning gray-blue eyes. Of one thing she was certain—he would never again
hold her, kiss her, run his hands through her hair. She knew with every fiber
of her body that he wasn’t coming back and the sooner she grasped that, the
better.

She wiped the tears from her cheeks and they were quickly
replaced with new ones. Noises came from the hall and she held her breath, not
wanting Rachel to hear her cry. Footsteps grew louder and then faded before the
door slammed.

I finally have the apartment to myself and he’s gone.

Tim shifted his backpack on his shoulder as he turned to
scan the airport crowd. His flight was due to take off in less than half an
hour. He couldn’t help but take one last look around. He knew it was
ridiculous, but a part of him hoped to see Jenna running through the hoard of
travelers like something out of a movie.

Plenty of people were rushing about, but none of them were
her.
It’s for the best.
He placed his bag on the scanning belt. Had she
shown up, he wasn’t certain he’d have been able to let her go and the one thing
he knew for sure was that he needed to get on that plane.

The flight landed at Heathrow ahead of schedule. Tim was
just getting the last of his luggage when he saw Gavin striding toward him.

Gavin didn’t hesitate to pull him into a hug. “Good to see
you. You look like hell.”

“Thanks. Missed you too.”

“Sorry, mate. You’ve just sounded so happy the past two
months, I expected you’d be glowing.”

“Nothing to glow about now.”

“Don’t worry, Janey will be all right.

“I know. I’ll make sure of it.”

They headed toward the parking garage. “You staying at
Jane’s? That bloke’s still at your flat, right?”

“Yes. Two more weeks.”

“Then what? Jenna coming for a visit? Or are you heading
back to the States?”

“Neither.” Tim walked a bit faster so Gavin couldn’t see his
face. He wasn’t in the mood to analyze his feelings.

“What do you mean neither?” Gavin caught up to him, trying
to make eye contact.

“I mean she lives there and I live here. Things never would
have worked out.”

Gavin clicked the key fob, causing the taillights to flash
as his doors unlocked. “I was under the impression you were in love with this
girl. That goes a long way toward working things out, no?”

“Apparently not.” Tim swung his suitcase and backpack into
the boot of the car and slammed it shut.

“But—”

“Look, I don’t want to talk about this. Can we just get to
Janey?”

Gavin gave a quick nod and got into the car. Tim knew this
wasn’t going to be the last time he’d bring up the topic but he was glad he’d
at least bought himself some time.

Traffic was light and they made it to Jane’s in little time.
Tim was tugging his duffel out of the car when he heard the front door open,
followed by Lucy’s excited voice. “Uncle Tim!” She scampered down the front
steps and raced toward him. He scooped her into a hug and she held him tight.
Her wispy, strawberry-scented hair blew against his face. She pulled back and
looked at him, her blue eyes crystal clear. “I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He kissed her nose, noticing the wash of
freckles across her cheeks. “You’ve been in the sun today.” His stomach tugged
as he couldn’t help but think of Jenna.
Our children would have these
freckles.
The thought hit him hard.
That’s never going to happen.

“Aunt Melinda took me to the park while Mummy had a rest.”

Melinda appeared at the front door as they made their way up
the front steps. Lucy squirmed out of Tim’s arms and seated herself in front of
the telly. “I’m glad you came home.” Melinda hugged him. “I’m no good with her
when she’s like this.”

“Where is she?”

“In bed. Won’t come down. She wants to see you.”

Tim nodded and headed for the stairwell. Janey’s door was
closed, so he rapped quietly, half hoping she was asleep.

“Come in.” Her voice was thick, her nose stuffed.

Tim found her propped up in bed, a box of tissues by her
side. The moment she saw him, she let out a huge hiccupping sob. He sat on the
edge of the bed and pulled her into his arms. She collapsed against him, her
body racked with tears. He rocked back and forth, stroking her hair.

Jane had always been fragile. She took everything to heart.
He remembered back in their school days, perched on her bed the same way while
she cried over arguments with friends or breakups with boyfriends. None of that
compared to this. The first two miscarriages had been tragic, but he knew this
one was worse. She’d made it further, she’d had hope. And, according to
Melinda, the doctors had advised her against trying again.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

He could feel the wet patch on his chest. “No worries. I
have lots of shirts.”

“Not the shirt. I can’t believe you came all the way back
from America. I hope I didn’t fuck up your plans too royally.” She hiccupped
again.

Tim handed her a tissue. “You’re more important than my
plans.”

She wiped at her eyes but the tears were still rolling. “I
just want another child. Is that so wrong?” Her lip quivered and she looked
just like Lucy.

He swiped a finger across her cheek. “Not at all. Look, I
know it doesn’t seem so now, but it will all work out. Perhaps you can adopt.
If they’re giving someone as daft as Gavin a baby they’d probably give you at
least five.”

That yielded a giggle and Tim felt a small measure of
relief. “Come, let’s say we go downstairs. Have some tea? Maybe something a bit
stronger? I’ve brought home some American chocolates.”

Janey leaned on his arm as they made their way into the
lounge. Melinda threw him a nod, saying well done.

“Who wants to see what I brought them?” Tim asked.

Lucy jumped up and down. “I do. I do.”

“Let’s have a look.” Tim unzipped his suitcase, withdrawing
a drugstore bag. “These are my favorite new snack. I must have eaten about a
million of them. Pretzel M&M’s.” His mind flashed to the first night Jenna
had popped one into his mouth, but he quickly shoved the image away.

They passed the bag around the room, everyone munching. Tim
didn’t even want one. His stomach felt tight and empty. “This is for you.” He
handed Lucy the stuffed rabbit he’d picked up for her at the South Street
Seaport the day Jenna had taken him on the Staten Island ferry. “And this is
for you.” He tossed Gavin an “I love NY” t-shirt with the gay pride rainbow in
place of the heart. He rooted through his bag until he came to the small
jewelry boxes. “These are for my favorite girls. My friend Jenna designs
jewelry. She made these. Melinda, this one’s yours and Janey, she made a
mother-daughter pair for you and Lucy.”

They opened the boxes, exclaiming when then saw the
sparkling silver contents. Melinda’s was more conservative, a thicker band of
metal with symmetrically placed stones. “It’s lovely, Tim. You’ll have to get
me her address so I can thank her.”

“Will do,” he said, watching as Janey opened the small black
box. The two matching bracelets twinkled against the satin interior. The same
delicate style that Jenna always wore.

“Pretty,” Lucy said.

“They’re gorgeous.” Janey ran her fingers over them. “Here,
Lucy, would you like to wear yours?”

She nodded, holding her wrist out as Janey fastened it for
her.

Tim held out his hand. “Here, I’ll get yours.” The silver
felt cool against his fingers. His throat tightened. He secured the bracelet on
Janey’s arm, suddenly overwhelmed with an urge to talk to Jenna. “Anyone need
anything from the kitchen?”

Tim reached for a water glass, but before he made his way to
the fridge he set it down and withdrew his phone. He checked the time.
Jenna
should be off work by now.
He dialed and listened as the phone rang four
times then went to voicemail. “Hey, it’s me. I wanted to see how you’re doing.
I’m at Jane’s. They all adore your bracelets. And I think they may have already
eaten all the Pretzel M&M’s. Anyway, I was hoping I’d catch you. I wanted
to hear your voice. I miss you.” He paused, realizing he was babbling. “Right.
Well, you’re not there. So. Ring me.” He hung up before he said something
foolish. He abandoned the idea of water and grabbed a beer instead. Gavin
walked in as he was twisting off the cap.

“You all right?” Gavin eyed Tim’s phone, which was still on
the counter. He’d left it out in hopes Jenna would call right back.

“Fine.” He took a deep swallow.
Bloody fantastic.

Chapter Nine

Jenna awoke with what felt like the worst hangover ever and
she hadn’t had a drop to drink. She shuffled into the bathroom and was
horrified by the sight of herself in the mirror—puffy eyes from hours of
crying, her skin drained of all color, making the freckles on her nose even
more obvious. Tim had been the first guy ever to notice them and like them.
He
called them lovely.
That made her want to go back to bed and hide under the
covers.

She showered for work and didn’t bother with makeup despite
the circles under her eyes. It seemed like a lost cause. She went to collect
her things and realized that her phone had gone dead. She glanced at her
watch—she could squeeze in five minutes of a charge before she headed out
the door.

The voicemail notification flashed across the screen as soon
as she plugged her phone into the outlet. Her pulse raced as if she’d just
mainlined a double shot of espresso.
It’s him.
She listened, her heart
crumbling with every word—Tim’s velvety voice, his dreamy accent. She
could have listened to him talk for hours. When he mentioned the bracelets and
the M&M’s, she fought a smile. When he said he missed her, she wanted to
die.
He’s killing me.

She buried her head in her hands.
You need to get your
act together.
The painful breakup was a familiar routine and she knew what
to do. The first hurdle was fighting the urge to call him back.
Don’t
torture yourself or him. Make a clean break.

Her resolve lasted exactly one block. Every step closer to
the coffee shop brought a flood of memories, including the first time she’d
seen him, spoken to him. She ached to hear his voice; she longed to talk to the
person who had become her best friend.

She pressed the speed dial and it took a moment for the
phone to ring. It felt like an omen.
This is a bad idea. This is only going
to make it worse.

“I’m so glad you called.” He sounded so happy it made her
queasy.

A rush of emotion swept through her, making her lightheaded.
She stopped at the corner and took a breath before crossing the street.
You
can do this.
“Hey. I only have a minute. I’m on my way to work.”
Good. Give
yourself an out.

“Oh. Okay. How are you?”

“Good,” she lied. “How was your flight?”

“Long. Lonely.”

Tell me about it.
“How’s Janey?”

“She’s in rough shape, but she seemed happy to see me. I
convinced her to eat a little something this morning and she came out of her
room. That’s a big step.”

“Good. I’m so glad.”

There was an awkward silence and Jenna was about to say
goodbye, thinking it was best for both of them.

“Any excitement with you?” he asked.

She couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the
question, even though the last twenty-four hours had been anything but comical.
“Well, let’s see. Rachel moved out and I got a huge order from Loop. I have a
ton of jewelry to make. I don’t think I’ll be sleeping any time soon.”

“Wow, Jenna. That’s bloody fantastic. I’m happy you got the
order. You’re so talented. You deserve it.”

His genuine excitement over her announcement made the pit in
her stomach blaze. “Thanks. I’m stuck with extra rent, but at least I don’t
need to guard my toothbrush with my life.”

He laughed, making her feel as if she’d been punched in the
gut. “No more daily runs to Duane Reade then?”

She turned the corner in front of the coffee shop and
memories of Tim hung over her like a black cloud. She wished there was a way to
go back to the beginning and undo everything.
If I hadn’t let him walk me
home that night, I wouldn’t be so miserable right now.
“I just got to work and
my phone’s about to die.”

“Oh. Sure.” He cleared his throat. “Can I ring you later? Catch
up some more?”

Her chest ached, the tears welled in her eyes. “I know
you’re busy with your family. I’ll probably be out tonight. I have to start shopping
for supplies to fill that order.”

“All right then.” There was a little girl’s voice in the
background, saying his name over and over again. “Guess I’ll speak to you soon.
Take care.”

“Yep. You too.”

Jenna opened the door to the coffee shop, the gentle tinkle
of the bell grating on her. Natalie came out from the kitchen, a spot of flour
on her cheek. She grinned the instant she saw Jenna and went to her, arms held
wide.

“How’s the hottest jewelry designer in Manhattan?”

“Just kill me now.”

Natalie gripped Jenna’s shoulders and studied her face. “Wow.
This is all you’ve wanted for five years and you’re miserable. You must really
love him.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“It’s okay, sweetie.” She pulled Jenna into a tight embrace.
“I bet you he’ll be back some day.”

Jenna pushed back and furrowed her brow. “What? No.” She
shook her head. “He’s not coming back. His family is too important. I just
talked to him. He’s happy. It’s like it isn’t even affecting him.” Now she felt
anger bubbling in her.

Natalie took Jenna’s hand and led her to one of the tables. “Honey,
he had to go. He didn’t have a choice.”

“And now he’s gone and that’s the end of that.” She sat back
and crossed her arms across her chest.

Natalie closed her eyes and shook her head. “I should fly to
L.A. and fucking punch your parents in the face,” she muttered. “I can’t
believe how messed up they made you.” She leaned forward, her gaze intently
focused on Jenna. “This is what families do. They help each other. It doesn’t
mean he doesn’t love you.”

Jenna sighed. “I may be messed up, but I’m not stupid. I
know when a guy is done with me and he’s done.” She stood up from the table,
the corners of her mouth drawing down. “We only have twenty minutes until we
open. I need to get to work.”

The voicemail message waiting on Jenna’s phone at the end of
her shift was like the final nail in the coffin. Her dad’s secretary, in her
pinched-nose voice, “Mr. Bradford asked me to call and let you know that he was
unable to find any job opportunities for your friend. He wishes you the best of
luck in the future.”

Mr. Bradford. Best of luck in the future. Fuck him.
She
pressed “delete” and dropped her phone into her bag.

“Everything okay?” Natalie asked as Jenna put on her coat.

“Nothing I wasn’t already expecting.” She slung her
messenger bag over her shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Natalie called after her. “Hang in there, Jen. It’ll get
better. Trust me.”

Tim was having trouble sleeping. Between still being on New
York time and having his mind torn between Jenna and Jane, he was finding it
difficult to unwind at night. He lay in bed atop Jane’s puffy guestroom quilt,
trying to read.

He felt like he should be thankful. Things were going better
than he’d expected with Jane. She’d showered and gotten dressed and had even
run to the market with him in the afternoon. Gavin had sent over her favorite
chicken dish and she’d managed a small portion for dinner. He knew from
experience that it could be much worse.

Every time he thought of Jenna he felt miserable. He ached
to hold her, to feel her snuggled alongside him. The last time they’d spoken,
it had felt as though she’d misunderstood every word he’d said. Cold and
distant were two words he’d never have thought to use describing her, yet
that’s what her tone conveyed. He knew he’d hurt her when he’d left so
abruptly, but now it was as if she couldn’t care less if he ever rang again.
His stomach knotted just thinking about it.

There was a gentle rap at his door as the hinge creaked.
Lucy’s little blonde head popped into view. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.” He scooted over as she scrambled up onto the
high mattress.

“I can’t sleep,” she said, flopping down on the pillow
beside him with dramatic flair.

“Me neither.” Tim turned toward her, studying her dainty
profile.

She held her arm up high over her head and fiddled with her
new bracelet.

“That looks lovely on you,” Tim said, watching the smile
spread across her face.

“Thank you. Who made it for me?”

“My friend Jenna.” It hurt just to say her name.

“Is she your girlfriend?” Lucy looked at him, her eyes round
and innocent.

His gut twisted. “She was. But she lives very far away.”

“Oh. Well she should move here. She could stay in my room.”

She looked so serious, Tim couldn’t help but chuckle.
“You’re very sweet.”

Lucy yawned and curled against him. “Can I sleep here?”

“Yes,” he said.

Within moments, he could hear her breathing slow, she was
already asleep. He lay awake wishing Lucy’s solution was a possibility.

He awoke the next morning to the sound of his cell phone.
For a moment he forgot where he was. He squinted at the number on the screen.
“Hi, Gav.”

“Good morning, Florence Nightingale. Get dressed, I’m taking
you to brunch.”

Tim was going to argue, but his stomach rumbled in protest.
“Give me twenty minutes.”

“You have ten, I’m already in the car.”

Tim took a quick shower and was heading downstairs when
Gavin arrived. Gavin brought a plate of scones into the kitchen and set them on
the counter. “Miss Lucy’s favorite, chocolate chip, just out of the oven.”

“Thanks, Gavin.” Lucy grinned from ear to ear.

Tim was glad to see Jane curled on the window seat reading
to Lucy. “We won’t be long. Do you need anything from the shops while we’re
out?”

Jane shook her head. “We’re fine. Thanks.” She smoothed her
hand over Lucy’s hair and went back to reading.

Tim climbed into Gavin’s car.

“Jane seems to be doing well.”

Tim puffed into his hands to warm them. “She is. Fuck. It’s
bloody freezing out.”

“Yeah. You should be warm in that coat though. It’s quite
nice by the way.”

Tim tugged at the front lapel, pulling it tighter around
himself. “Thanks. Jenna picked it out for me.”

“She has excellent taste. Apart from the whole dating you
thing.” Gavin snorted, pulling out onto the street.

Tim gazed out the window.

“That was supposed to be a joke, mate.”

“Yeah, well, she’s seen the error of her ways.”

Gavin’s brow furrowed. “What’s that mean?”

Tim chewed on his thumbnail. “It means she appears to be
done with me.”

“She just took you on an extravagant weekend getaway. That
hardly seems like she’s done with you.”

“Well, I guess she’s had a change of heart. We spoke
yesterday and now it seems she couldn’t care less if I never ring again.” Tim
slouched lower in the car seat, wishing he’d stayed in bed. This was just
making him feel worse.

“Look, you can’t expect she’s not going to be upset, what
with you taking off as quick as you did. That hardly means she’s done with you.
Talk to her.”

“I did. It’s pointless.”

Gavin pulled up in front of the restaurant and parked.
“You’re being a complete prat.”

Tim’s jaw dropped. “What?”

“How long have we known each other?”

“About five minutes too long based on this conversation.”

Gavin took a deep breath and sighed. “What I’m saying is, in
all the years I’ve known you I’ve not once seen you fall for someone the way
you’ve fallen for Jenna. And between speaking with her and all you’ve told me
it seems to me that the feeling was quite mutual. You’re in love.”

Tim couldn’t dispute that, but the troublesome facts
remained. “Everything’s different now.”

“All that’s changed is your location, and I suspect you
could change that again in a heartbeat if you put your mind to it.” He shoved
the car keys in his pocket and opened his door. “Now let’s eat, I’m starving.”

While they ate, Gavin chattered about everything from his
restaurant to the baby to what he’d watched on late-night TV the previous week.
Tim couldn’t concentrate on any of it. Even after Gavin had dropped him back
off at Jane’s, the only thing Tim kept hearing was the statement he’d made in
the car. “All that’s changed is your location.”
Could that be true? If I
went back would Jenna and I pick up where we left off?

The possibility was tempting but frightening. Sure, things
were wonderful for the past month and a half, better than Tim could imagine any
relationship being, but no couple could sustain that level of happiness. Every
time he tried to push his feelings for Jenna aside, something reminded him of
her and they’d all come rushing back. Lucy’s freckles, the bracelets, the mere
mention of M&M’s. He felt as if he was losing his mind.

He tried to call Jenna, to see if she was feeling the same,
but she’d stopped answering her phone. He left texts and messages, all
unreturned. Normally if a girl gave him the brush-off he took a hint, but this
felt different. The more he thought about it the more he realized he couldn’t
leave things like this. He’d been the one to stuff it all up. He had to find a
way to make things right.
I told her I’d take care of everything, and I
will.

* * * * *

Jenna was beginning to dread the sight of her phone. She got
a message from Tim every day. Last night’s was the third she hadn’t responded
to.

Their attempts at phone conversations over the last ten days
had been entirely disastrous. She knew she was being snippy and bitchy with
him, but she couldn’t help it. She was sad that he wasn’t there. When he was happy,
she was hurt. When he was down, she was frustrated As much as she missed him,
the sound of his voice made the longing for him that much more difficult to
endure.

The decision to stop calling him back had been made in haste
and while she was in an admittedly hysterical state. She’d simply reached the
point where she couldn’t do it anymore. Every time she got off the phone, it
felt as if she’d been clawing at an open sore.
Let it heal. Leave it alone.