Loneliness (June Hunt Hope for the Heart) (6 page)

Isn’t it interesting that not until God and Adam had an established relationship did God create Eve to be Adam’s companion? In fact, there is no indication that Adam was even aware of his “aloneness” until he was naming the living creatures and realized there was no suitable mate for him (Genesis 2:19–22).

The implication is that we are created first for a relationship with God and second for a relationship with one another. Your bridge to God must be strong and sturdy, like a cable-stayed bridge replete with steel. Large, upright, steel supports and strong steel cables guarantee this bridge to weather the strongest storms. Other bridges around you may falter and crumble, but this one promises to stand firm, to faithfully function when you need it the most. If you reverse the order and make relationships with others your primary focus and God your secondary focus, you will have misplaced priorities and collapsing bridges.

Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God and the second is to love others. Only as you find your security and stability in God will you be healthy enough to form secure and stable relationships with others. Your completeness must be found in Him. Otherwise, you will be looking for it in others but experiencing one frustrating relationship after another, looking to people for that which can be found only in God.

Before seeking to build bridges to others through personal relationships or through ministry relationships, first build a bridge to God. Jesus said,
“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’”
(Matthew 22:37–39).

• Go to God’s Word.
  
  • Read your Bible on a daily basis, following a specific reading plan (for example, read through the four Gospels to learn the life of Jesus, or read one chapter in Proverbs and five Psalms each day—completing both books in one month).
    
  • Identify verses or passages that seem especially poignant to you.
    
  • Begin to memorize meaningful Bible verses by writing them on index cards and reading them throughout the day.
    
  • Listen to scripturally sound Bible teachers on Christian radio or television.
    
  • Look for ways to apply Scripture to your everyday life.
    

“Then they cried to the L
ORD
in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.” (Psalm 107:19–20)

• Expect God to do a new thing.
  
  • Begin to think about life from a biblical perspective.
    
  • Leave your past way of living behind.
    
  • Make a list of the new things God is doing in your life, new desires and interests you are acquiring.
    
  • Give yourself time to adjust to the new life you have in Christ and the new creation He is making of you.
    
  • Start a prayer journal, recording your prayers to God and the thoughts He impresses on your heart.
    

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:18–19)

• Immerse yourself in inspirational music.
  
  • Listen to Christian radio in your car and at home.
    
  • Pay close attention to the words you are hearing.
    
  • Avoid listening to spiritually oppressive music.
    
  • Choose your favorite inspirational music from various artists and styles.
    
  • Sing songs containing Scripture as prayers to God.
    

“My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.” (Psalm 57:7)

• Begin attending a group Bible study.
  
  • Find someone to lead a Bible study in your home if you don’t feel comfortable leading one yourself.
    
  • Join a small group Bible study with homework or specific assignments requiring you to study the Bible for yourself.
    
  • Start a weekly group, encouraging one another in common areas of interest or concern.
    
  • Share biblical encouragement for every problem.
    
  • Do a Bible study on the computer with a group of friends or with just one person and hold each other accountable.
    

“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:25)

• Read about Christian role models.
  
  • Learn how other Christians (pastors, teachers, friends) handle adverse situations.
    
  • Watch movies and/or documentaries on the lives of Christian leaders and other caring people.
    
  • Study the life of Jesus Christ (the book of Matthew).
    
  • Read about other role models in Scripture (the story of Joseph in Genesis chapters 37–50 or the book of Ruth).
    
  • Read biographies about Christian role models (Corrie ten Boom, Jonathan Edwards).
    

“You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia.” (1 Thessalonians 1:6–7)

One of the best antidotes for your loneliness is helping others, moving your focus from trying to meet your own needs to trying to help meet the needs of others. Like a beam bridge that generally covers short distances and is designed to resist bending, be up close and help sustain the weight of others’ burdens. Ask God to help you not bend and break under the load, but to joyfully and faithfully support those He brings into your life in need of help and encouragement.

God designed relationships to be rewarding. He calls it the principle of “sowing and reaping.” When you sow seeds of kindness and friendship in the lives of others, you will eventually reap the rewards of kindness and friendship in your own life. Just as the beam bridge is one of the simplest forms ever designed, remember simple acts of kindness can go a long way. A warm smile, a kind word, an invitation to lunch all communicate love and concern.

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7)

• Understand the pain of others.
  
  • Imagine how you would feel in the same situation.
    
  • Look for practical ways to help.
    
  • Don’t be critical.
    
  • Know that it is by the grace of God that you are not in the same situation.
    
  • Be a good listener.
    

“Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy.” (2 Timothy 1:4)

• Look for ways to express love to others.
  
  • Offer help to someone in need (shop for groceries, prepare a meal, carpool, etc.).
    
  • Send an encouraging card or note to someone.
    
  • Help someone complete a task.
    
  • Give someone a small gift (flowers, cookies, bookmark, etc.) communicating God’s love.
    
  • Perform random acts of kindness without expecting anything in return.
    

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13)

• Don’t demand change.
  
  • Be flexible.
    
  • Give others time to grow. Pray for them.
    
  • Have a heart of love and acceptance for others.
    
  • Make every attempt for peace.
    
  • Don’t require perfection from yourself or others.
    

“The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.” (Proverbs 16:21)

• Decide to diversify your activities and goals.
  
  • Give others the opportunity to know you.
    
  • Be open to change.
    
  • Participate in new and different activities.
    
  • Be willing to give up old activities that are no longer useful or edifying.
    
  • Pray for God’s direction in choosing your activities.
    

“Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy.” (Psalm 33:3)

• Initiate invitations (calls, visits).
  
  • Write letters to out-of-town friends and relatives.
    
  • Invite people to have lunch or dinner with you.
    
  • Invite people to your home.
    
  • Offer your home for meetings and social gatherings.
    
  • Join a committee in your church, welcoming visitors and new members.
    
  • Initiate calls to people, asking them how they are doing.
    

“Then Jesus said to his host, ‘When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.’” (Luke 14:12–14)

• Rid yourself of bitterness.
  
  • Pray for your enemies and those who have hurt you.
    
  • Focus on the blessings in your life.
    
  • Trust your choices to God. He is sovereign.
    
  • Allow God to handle your hurts and disappointments.
    
  • Bless others and leave vengeance to God.
    
  • Forgive others and give them the same grace God gives you.
    

“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” (Hebrews 12:15)

Ruth not only helps Naomi; she carefully heeds her advice.
“Wash ... perfume yourself ... put on your best clothes,”
Naomi instructs, and after Boaz has finished dinner and drifts off to sleep,
“Uncover his feet and lie down.”
When he wakes up,
“He will tell you what to do. ‘I will do whatever you say,’”
Ruth answered (Ruth 3:3–5).

Ruth is following the Jewish custom of the kinsman-redeemer, whereby the closest relative has the opportunity to marry a childless widow and raise children in her dead husband’s name. When Boaz awakes and finds Ruth at his feet, followed by her statement,
“Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer”
(Ruth 3:9), Boaz knows exactly what is going on. Ruth wants him to marry her.

Moved by the compassion and character of Ruth, Boaz indeed marries her and they bring forth a son, Obed, who is the grandfather of King David and
the delight of Naomi
. And Ruth is praised for all she has done to abate the loneliness and despair of her mother-in-law.

“For your daughter-in-law, who loves you and who is better to you than seven sons, has given him birth.” (Ruth 4:15)

God did not create us to live in isolation but to have fellowship with one another. Realize that your relationship with the Lord will also mean building a bridge to others. The Bible says ...

“For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone.” (Romans 14:7)

Love begets love, therefore, look for others who are lonely or who have unmet needs. Ask God to show you how to build a bridge to connect with them, like an arch bridge where the load is transmitted from the deck of the bridge to the land on both sides. As you partner with God in ministry, you stand alongside Him as a strong source of support for those in need. Side by side, empowered by His strength, you become an “arch bridge” designed by God to bear the weight of the worries and trials of this world without collapsing.

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” (1 John 3:16)

B
E AWARE
of the ways you have been helped or wish you had been helped.

• List the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs you now have or have experienced in the past that required the help of another person (for example, rearranging furniture, sharing hurts, community worship).
  
• List the ways others have met those needs in your life.
  

“Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.” (1 Corinthians 12:7)

R
ECOGNIZE
the ways others presently need help that you could be called to give.

• Check with nursing homes, retirement centers, and/or local churches to find elderly or shut-in members who have physical, emotional, or spiritual needs.
  
• Check area Christian or service ministries to identify needs they have for volunteers.
  

“If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” (Ecclesiastes 4:10)

I
DENTIFY
ways to help meet some of the needs you have identified.

• Evaluate your personal strengths, spiritual gifts, and physical resources for meeting the needs of others.
  
• Evaluate practical ways you can use your abilities and resources to meet some of these needs.
  

“In the church God has appointed ... those able to help others.” (1 Corinthians 12:28)

D
EVELOP
a plan for building your bridge of help to others in need.

• Ask God to identify and give you a caring heart for the specific person or group of people He wants to help through you.
  
• Ask permission from proper authorities (for example, church or ministry leadership) or from specific individuals to be of help to them.
  

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

G
ET INVOLVED
with the people you plan to help.

• Spend time with the individual people and get to know each of them. Have a meal with them. Listen to their stories.
  
• Spend time identifying and strategizing with them the ways you can be of assistance to them.
  

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” (Galatians 6:9–10)