Lord of Hell (Alex Holden) (3 page)

“Thanks. And uh, thanks for taking the time to meet with me on such short notice.” I made a bow that was very Japanese since I was used to bowing to my sword-fighting teacher.

“I understand you have a matter you would like to discuss,” he said as Anubis took up a post beside the throne.

“Yeah. I’d like you to take some of the souls that were misplaced in Hell. They deserve to live in paradise. They’ve done no great wrongs, and they’ve been suffering for years. Centuries.” Some of their faces flashed in my mind, and I got angry again at the unfairness.

Osiris brought up the same argument Ra had, that this was interference since I was now a god. He didn’t accept my counter argument as easily, but Anubis leaned over and said, “This is a matter of justice for the dead. It’s our duty to ensure the blessed dead enter paradise.”

“We cannot take from the Christians. Whether or not you believe they were wrongly sent to Hell, those dead belong to your pantheon. We cannot interfere.”

“But they don’t deserve—”

Anubis held up a hand. “But we can accept gifts. If Alex were to give us some of the dead under his care, as a gift from one god of the dead to another, that would be allowed within the Law. They are his to give.”

Way to go, you crafty jackal.

“I will have to consider this carefully. You say they are wrongly condemned, but I do not think you would take it well if we accepted souls only to have some of them fail the Weighing of the Heart and be eaten by Ammit,” Osiris said.

“True.” I wouldn’t want them to go from one Hell to another. “But you can choose which souls to take. Only take those you deem worthy.”

“I can judge a heart nearly as well as the scales,” Anubis said. “I can find those who are worthy.”

“Let me consider this matter. I will send a message when I have decided.”

Pushing him further might make him say no, so I left it at that. Anubis walked me out of the audience chamber and down the hall.

“Thanks,” I told him.

“You’re welcome. You’re doing the right thing. I’ll keep talking to him, but even if I do convince him to take some of your dead, he won’t take all of them.”

“I know. I didn’t expect you guys to. I’m talking to all the other gods of the dead. If everyone can take some, then all of them will end up in some version of paradise.” There were millions, maybe billions of misplaced souls.

“You have always protected and respected the dead. I’m sorry you have to take on such responsibility, but I’m glad you’re their guardian. Lucifer hated humanity and treated the dead accordingly.” We kept walking through the torchlit halls. It was a darker version of Ra’s palace, with the stone left its natural color instead of painted white, but the artwork was just as bright and stunning. Some of the pictures showed souls enjoying the afterlife: hunting, boating, eating.

“I get the sense Jehovah hates large sections of humanity, too. I guess if I was human, I wouldn’t even
want
to end up in Heaven if he leaves so many good people out of it.”

Anubis looked at me, his eyes bright. “I think you’re talking blasphemy.”

“Damn right, I am.”

We shared a laugh.

***

When I got home, I had texts from Stefan and Colin. Odin and the Morrigan had agreed to accept souls if they could choose them. Just like Osiris. I was thinking I was going to throw a party in Hell with all the gods of the dead. We could have dinner and then everyone would pick out souls to take home. The idea was so bizarre it made me smile.

The Morrigan was going to talk to Donn, the Celtic god of the dead, to see if he would agree to accept some souls, too.

All I wanted to do was relax on the couch, curled up with Mew-Mew, but someone started pounding on the door. Thinking maybe it was Hayley or one of my friends, I opened it, only to find a demon.

He was a green so dark it was almost black, with a little pointed tail flicking behind him. “I’m sorry, my lord, but some magic prevents me from entering your home.”

I still had the spell scrolls up to keep demons out. “What are you doing here? I told you no one is allowed on Earth.”

He bowed low. “That’s why I’m here, my lord. Furfur has been on Earth since before…” He shifted his feet. “He hasn’t returned.”

“Uh, what? Furfur? What the hell is that?”

“That is his name, my lord.”

I couldn’t help laughing. “Furfur? Seriously?” I imagined a giant hairball rolling around like a tumbleweed.

The demon cocked his head. “I don’t understand why that is amusing, my lord. I thought you would be angry.”

I took a breath. No matter how stupid his name was, he was running around Earth and doing who knew what. “Where is he?” I also wondered why the demon was telling me this now. Maybe since killing Beelzebub, it had finally sunk in that I wasn’t as weak as they thought. Maybe this guy was thinking he could get on my good side by tattling. Ugh, demons were definitely not the kind of company I wanted to keep.

“A small town in some land called Pennsylvania. He’s possessing a boy there.”

“Demon possession? For real?” I was both pissed and oddly amused. “Can you take me to him?”

He bowed again. “Yes, my lord.”

I had him take me to the house. We showed up outside and I saw the evil hovering over it, purple-black like a mist or an aura. I felt Furfur, too, on the second floor. “Go back to Hell; I’ll take care of this.” I made sure he disappeared before I locked on to Furfur and teleported into the house.

I showed up in a scene straight out of
The Exorcist
. A boy was strapped down to the bed, face pale and eyes unnaturally black, howling and shouting insults at the two priests. The room smelled like a dirty bathroom.

I was behind them, so they didn’t notice me at first. One priest was up close, chanting Latin and throwing holy water on the boy. The other priest, the younger one, was near the foot of the bed, holding a huge crucifix toward the possessed boy. I could see the demon inside him, like a transparent double image. He was having a hell of a good time, sharp teeth spread in a wide grin.

I took all this in with a glance, saw it in maybe three seconds. Then Furfur looked at me and his grin faded. “Who are you?” he said, using the boy’s mouth.

I guess since he’d missed the big event, he hadn’t heard about me taking over. “I’m Alex, your new master.”

The priests spun around. The younger one almost fell on the bed. “What are you doing in here?”

“We need to focus. This is a dangerous ritual. Please wait outside,” the older one said.

“It’s okay. I’ll take care of this for you.” I went around to the far side of the bed.

The demon hissed. “I have no master. I am Satan.”

“No you’re not. Satan’s dead. I’m in charge of Hell now, and that means you answer to me.” I leaned closer. “Get out.”

The demon growled and shook the bed. “No! This boy is mine. Leave here before I teach you a lesson.”

“This child is deluded. Get him out of here,” the older priest said.

The younger priest reached for me and I shrugged out of his grip. “Give me a sec.”

The demon laughed. “Yes, let him try. I will show him my true power.”

“You wanna play rough, huh?” I reached toward the boy’s chest as both priests protested. Taking hold of the demon, I yanked him out of the human. He yowled as I lifted him and set him down next to me. He was purple-black like the stain of evil over the house, with black eyes and thick, curling horns. He was powerful enough to possess, but not nearly as strong as Beelzebub. If he wanted to keep challenging me, I’d be happy to kick his ass. I wrapped my other hand around his neck. “Humans are off-limits from now on.”

I looked over at the stunned priests.

“Is that…?” the young one asked.

“The demon? Yeah. I’m taking him out of here.” The demon struggled and I squeezed his throat until he gurgled. “I took over Hell, and demons aren’t allowed on Earth anymore. If you hear about any other possessions, let me know.” Then I realized they didn’t have a way to contact me, and I didn’t think asking them to pray to me would go over well. “I uh… have a Facebook page. It’s Alex Holden. You’ll recognize my photo.” I bit my lip against a laugh. It was so fucking absurd.

The boy was breathing heavily, blinking up at us. His eyes were light brown and although he was still pale, his cheeks had a bit more color in them. “What’s going on?”

“He should be fine now. I hope Furfur didn’t do any permanent damage.”

With the stunned priests gaping at me, I teleported to Hell.

Furfur was far from happy but couldn’t do much since I was still choking him. I let him go and shoved him away from me. “I’m gonna give you a break since you weren’t around when I took over.” At the edges of my vision, I saw demon eyes appear in the shadows.

Furfur rubbed his neck and coughed. “You’re his kid.”

“Yeah, and I killed him. Ask any of them.” I waved my hand at the demons. “Plenty of them were here to see it. Hell is mine now, and the new rule is that no one is allowed on Earth. Not to possess, not to torment, not to tempt. You will leave humans alone, understand?”

He glared and wheezed out, “Yes.”

“If I find out you hurt that boy, I’ll beat the shit out of you. If he’s fine, I’ll let you off with a warning. This is your one free pass.” I looked at the demons on either side of the room. “Is anyone else missing? Anyone joyriding inside a human body? You let me know.”

They muttered among themselves, but no one came forward.

“I get the feeling that none of you are much for loyalty, so it’s not like you’re tattling on friends. Tell me. Otherwise I’ll have to find another way to hunt them down.” I didn’t really think Furfur was the only one who’d been possessing someone. Hopefully it was a rare occurrence. “If there are any demons haunting houses, or forests, or anything else, I want to know about it. Earth is off-limits. If you love picking on people, I’ll assign you to the pedophiles or the murderers or something.” Then I thought of the demon who’d let me know about Furfur. “I’ll give a few of you special privileges to come to Earth on business. I need a few messengers, ones I can trust to stick to the rules. I know trust is a foreign concept to you, but you’ll have to learn.”

I turned to the throne, which was gleaming white. Most of the other things in Hell were just like I expected them to be: gloomy or bright with fire, screaming souls, laughing demons, lots of jagged rock and flowing lava. This castle, too, looked like something that belonged in Hell—dark, Gothic, made of thick stone. But the throne room was bright white. It made me think of the clouds in Heaven. Then I got it; Satan had built his throne room to look like Heaven. That was the deal, after all. He’d tried to take over Heaven because he thought he deserved to be in charge. When he’d failed, he’d tried to create his own slice of Heaven in his kingdom.

I touched the black key in my pocket. This was my realm, and I’d already changed the Swamp of Suicides, emptied the burning plain that homosexuals had been condemned to, and drained several lakes of fire. Time for
Extreme Makeover: Hell Edition
.

I focused on the throne and it changed from white marble to black. I made it a bit smaller so I wouldn’t feel as awkward sitting on it, then I made the back larger and more ornate. I wasn’t quite happy with it, so I planned to search the Internet for ideas later. The dais and stairs turned black to match. That was better. I went up and sat on my new throne and considered what to do with the rest of the room. Making the whole thing black would be too dark. I made it sandy brown like Osiris’s palace, with torches on every other column. No, not quite right. I added banners between the columns in bright colors: blue, red, green, and orange.

Just like creating a custom room in a video game. I laughed, the sound echoing off the walls. “Maybe I should add some movie posters.”

It was my room now, and the less it reminded me of my father, the better.

Chapter 4

Over the next few days, I met with Hades and Baron Samedi, got confirmation that Donn was willing to come look at souls, asked Raven if the Native gods would take some, and got flat refusals from some of the other pantheons. I didn’t know them personally, so I guess I couldn’t be too mad about them not doing me a favor. In the end, I got eleven gods of the dead to agree to come down to Hell.

I really did throw a dinner party. The castle had a dining room plenty big enough to fit all of us, and there were some human souls working in the kitchen who turned out to be awesome cooks. They’d been talented chefs in life and could do wonders with Hell’s unlimited pantry.

The dining room was very medieval, so I brightened it up before the party. I was on my best behavior, being a good host for them all. I got a list of favorite foods from all of them. A few of the gods, Hades and the Celts in particular, were nervous about eating food from an underworld, but I assured them there was no enchantment. Eating something there wouldn’t trap them. I even made a solemn vow three times, something even gods are held to, so they relaxed and ate.

“Have you all met each other?” I asked. Some pantheons had contact, but for the most part they seemed to stick to their own groups.

“We are all… aware of each other, but we rarely communicate,” Hades said.

Anubis nodded. “I’ve met with Hades a few times, and with many of the African deities. Raven, as well.”

“Me, too,” Baron Samedi said. “We ain’t never been in the same place.”

“Maybe we should do this again, then. We’re all in the same business, so to speak. It might be nice to stay in touch,” I said. That got a few grumbles, but some of them were on board.

After we ate, I took them out to the huge plain where the misplaced souls were sitting or wandering about aimlessly. I told the gods to choose the souls they wanted. Anubis’s gift idea was brilliant and had convinced some of the more-hesitant gods. Taking things from another pantheon might be breaking the Law, but it was perfectly okay to accept gifts.

I sat on a high ledge and watched them moving among the souls. Mew-Mew joined me, settling in my lap and purring.
You’re still worried. Don’t be.