Losing Faith (19 page)

Trista listened to the new Seth Storm. She had the feeling that very few people got to see this one. The pain in his voice broke her heart, and she wanted to put her arms around him.

“It was about an hour before showtime, and my cell phone rang. It was Lexi. She was trying to tell me something, but her phone was messed up, and I couldn’t figure out what she was saying. I could tell she sounded upset though, and I…I thought for sure she was calling to give me hell about taking the gig and staying home. I listened for a few seconds before the phone disconnected. Instead of calling her back, I threw my phone down and walked away.” Tears welled in Seth’s eyes. Trista felt helpless. “I found out later that she tried to call two more times. The last time, she left a message.”

“What happened?”

“It was fifteen minutes before the concert was supposed to start, and I was at my usual place before a show, sitting at a bar with a glass of bourbon. Rodney, our drummer, came running into the place with a cell phone up to his ear. I thought it must be some late change with the set or something equally unimportant, so I turned back around. Something on the television behind the bartender caught my eye. A plane had crashed and was in complete flames.

“Rodney put the phone up to my ear. And the only thing I heard Larry say was that there was a plane crash and Lexi had been on the plane.” Tears rolled down Seth’s cheeks. “I found out later that she was on her way to Las Vegas as a surprise. Somethin’ she had worked out with my manager. When she called me earlier, she was on the plane, and it was having trouble. And I didn’t call her back.”

Seth pulled out his cell phone. He dialed a few numbers and then handed the phone to Trista. She drew in a breath when she heard a woman’s voice. Trista couldn’t make out her words, but she was clearly in distress. There was a lot of background noise, and Trista knew she was listening to the sounds of panicked passengers on a plane. She started to hand the phone back to Seth, but a woman started speaking, and she could hear her clearly now. “Seth. I don’t have much time. I wanted to come to Las Vegas and spend New Year’s with you. I’m sorry for getting so upset about you leaving.” The sound of a man talking through a speaker interrupted Lexi, but Trista couldn’t make out what he was saying. “I’m sorry for getting mad about that and for the time I got mad when you left the bread open on the counter last Sunday.” Her voice began to shake. “And for every time I didn’t show you how much you mean to me. Because you really are the best thing to ever happen to me. Ever since I saw those beautiful blue eyes singing on stage at that dive bar in Fort Wayne, I knew that you were the one for me. Thank you, Seth. Thank you for giving me the best years of my life. For making me the happiest woman in the world. And for giving me the most precious gift in the world. Our daughter. Faith may look like me, but she is all yours. The way she smiles. The way she laughs. Even the way she pouts when she doesn’t get her way.” Lexi paused and Trista imagined her struggling to hold back tears.

“When we got married, you promised me that you would do everything in your power to build my dreams, and you have. But now I need you to continue building dreams. Faith’s dreams. Please take care of her, Seth. And when she gets older and starts to forget about me, please tell her that she was my sunshine, my smile every morning when I watched her sleeping, and the ache I felt in my heart every time she wrapped her little arms around me and told me that she loved me. And, Seth…thank you again for loving me. It was the best dance of my life. I love you.”

A second or two passed, and the call ended. Tears streamed down Trista’s cheeks as she handed the phone to Seth. He slid it back into his pocket and walked over to the staircase. He turned back to Trista as he grabbed the bannister. “To this day, I still can’t get the image of the burning plane out of my head. This tattoo is a constant reminder of what music cost me.”

Trista wiped her eyes. “But it wasn’t your fault.”

“If I had been there like I had promised I would, then she’d be here now. That’s all there is to it. My selfishness killed her. My selfishness took my daughter’s mom away from her forever.”

The pain in his eyes tortured Trista. It had been more than nine years since life had taken Anthony from her, and she knew the path for Seth was long and dark. “Seth, Lexi got on the plane because she believed in you and what you were doing. She was on that plane because she had forgiven you for breaking your promise to her. Don’t you think it’s time you forgave yourself?”

Chapter 25

Seth

Seth wiped the tears from his eyes. He pulled the room key from his pocket and unlocked the door, pausing to stare at his tattoo. He shook his head, pushed open the door, and walked inside. The room was dark. He turned on a lamp and stared at his image in the dresser mirror. Seth Storm, the famous country singer with an endless talent that would take him to the top. “You’re at the top, all right.” He saw the reflection of his guitar case in the mirror and the picture of Faith taped to it. His throat burned with a craving for the honey brown liquid that had the power to make all the pain go away. He placed both hands on the dresser and squeezed until his knuckles turned white. He closed his eyes and tried to think about anything else but the pain he had caused to the ones who had loved him the most. The pain that had dug its malevolent claws into him, tearing at his soul, reminding him of the man he had become. The man he had spent the past seven months trying to run from. But there was no running. Not now. Not ever. Seth slammed his fist onto the dresser, knocking over the lamp. Darkness surrounded him once again.

There was a knock at the door, and Seth waited, silent. He took a seat at the edge of his bed, hoping that whoever it was would just leave.

“Seth? Are you okay? It’s Frank.”

“I’m fine.”

“Can you open the door?”

“I’m kind of busy right now.”

There was a pause. Seth hoped it meant that Frank had left. No such luck.

“Seth, there’s something that I need to talk to you about.”

This can’t be happening, Seth thought. “Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”

“I’m afraid not.”

Seth let out a long sigh and walked over to the door. He opened it and found Frank standing in front of him with a seriousness in his eyes that he hadn’t seen since he had accepted a ride in his rental car.

Frank looked at Seth and then did a quick scan of the room, his eyes settling on the broken lamp on the floor.

“What is it, Frank?”

“Are you okay?”

“I told you I’m fine. What is it you have to tell me?”

“Can I come in?”

Seth didn’t answer. Letting Frank in was the last thing he needed right now, but the truth was that Frank was one of the few people in his life who had been nothing but kind to him. He couldn’t refuse the older man.

“I won’t be long.”

Seth opened his door further and stepped to the side, letting him inside. Frank flipped a switch on the wall. Light filled the room, causing Seth to squint until his eyes adjusted. “What can I help you with, Frank?”

“Why don’t we take a seat?” Seth shrugged and sat down on the edge of the bed while Frank pulled a chair from the tiny desk and turned it toward Seth. “I was on the way to my room. I wanted to call my wife and see if she had received the flowers I sent her. She wasn’t home the first time I called.”

Was he really here to talk about flowers? He nodded, impatient. “Go on.”

“Well, I heard a crashing sound.”

Seth turned to the lamp on the floor. “It was an accident.”

“It’s about ten feet from the dresser.”

“Like I said, it was an accident.” Frank continued to stare at Seth. “Listen, if you’re done, I have some stuff that I need to do before we leave tomorrow.”

“How old is your daughter again?”

Seth stared at Frank, wondering where their conversation was heading. “She’s seven,” he said slowly.

“Ah. That’s a great age. They grow so fast. And they start questioning things more at that age.” Frank looked down. “It was one of my favorite times as a parent. My Annie was still small enough to be held. And I was her hero.”

“That’s great, Frank, but what does this have to do with me?”

Frank looked up at Seth. “Do you think you’re the only person on this planet who has lost someone?”

Seth didn’t respond. Couldn’t respond.

Frank went on. “I get that you’re hurt, Seth. Your pain is written all over you. It spills from you with everything you do. And I want you to know that you’re not alone. This world is jam packed with people who’ve lost. People who’ve made mistakes.”

“Not like me,” Seth said, pointing to his chest. “I’ve done things that people don’t just forget about.” He stood up and started pacing.

“What happened?”

Seth ran a hand through his hair. “You really want to hear this?”

Frank nodded.

“Hell, I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Start with Faith.”

Seth stopped pacing and sat down, resigned. “Last July, I decided it was time to remove my dead wife’s things from my house. So I did what I always did and grabbed a bottle of Knob Creek. It had pretty much been the only friend I hadn’t pushed away at that point. I opened the closet and stared at her clothes before removing them one at a time and stuffing them into garbage bags. I ended up finishing the bourbon before the closet was empty, so I figured I needed more. But as luck would have it, I couldn’t find my keys. So I grabbed Faith by the hand and told her that we were walking to the store. I was so drunk that I didn’t even notice that…that she wasn’t wearing any shoes.” Seth paused to wipe tears from his eyes. “We didn’t get far before the road started spinning. You know what the last thing was that I heard before passing out?”

Frank shook his head.

“It was the sound of my little girl crying.” Seth rubbed the tattoo on the back of his hand. “I can’t remember what she was sayin’, but I’ll never forget that cry.” The memory of that day took the fight out of him now, leaving him feeling tired and beaten. “The next thing I remember was waking up in an ambulance. My little girl had been taken from me.” He looked at Frank. “She had asked me to sing her a song for her birthday, and I had promised I would. It was the last promise I made to her, and I broke it, along with her heart.”

The crushing weight of silence filled the room. Seth looked over at Frank, who had tears in his own eyes now. When he spoke, though, his voice was strong.

“You’re going to get through this, Seth. You’re here now, and whether you believe it or not, there are people who care about you.”

“Weren’t you listening to me?”

“I know the road that led you here hasn’t been easy, but I do know one thing. None of it really matters. That place where you came from,” Frank paused and pointed behind him, “doesn’t determine which direction you have to go moving forward. That’s up to you. And it starts today. Not yesterday. And not six or seven months ago. But now. Don’t throw away the potential for a great future because of a not-so-great past. It’s not worth it.”

Seth closed his eyes, his past coming back to him one defeated image after another. An endless string of mistakes. A lump formed in the back of his throat. “I don’t know if I have what it takes.”

“What it takes for what?”

“To be a good father. I don’t know if I have it in me. Lexi was always the good parent. I was the one who showed up for playtime and told jokes and got to tuck Faith into bed. But Lexi took care of all the responsible stuff. I don’t know the first thing about how to raise…” Seth closed his eyes again and leaned forward. Cool tears ran down his cheeks before falling onto his hands. “I’m scared, Frank.”

Frank placed a hand on Seth’s leg. “Welcome to parenthood, Seth. The first step is admitting that you have no idea what you’re doing. There is no manual. No one-size-fits-all solution. You will make mistakes. But she will forgive you.”

“How do you know?”

Frank smiled. “Trust me, Seth. I know better than anyone.”

Seth wiped his cheeks and smiled. “You
are
good at helping people. What is it you said you did?”

“For the past twenty-five years, I’ve—”

“Seth?” A female voice interrupted Frank.

Frank turned around.

Savannah stood in the open doorway, looking uncertain. She scanned the room and seemed to sense that she was interrupting them. “I’m sorry. I can come back later.” She turned around to walk out.

“No,” Frank said. “Stay. I need to call my wife again.” He stood up and slapped Seth on the shoulder. “You’re going to be a great dad.”

“You think so?”

He nodded with a smile. “I know so.”

Frank walked out, leaving Seth with Savannah. “He’s all yours.”

“Hey there, Savannah.” Seth stood up and walked toward the door. “What can I do for you?”

She handed him a homemade card shaped like a heart. “It’s Valentine’s Day. And normally I’d go to the store and buy a card, but I couldn’t do that here. I just wanted to give you a little something to say thank you for helping me and my mom.”

Seth held the pink heart-shaped card in his hands and read it aloud. “Happy Valentine’s Day.” He opened it and found a message written inside. “Roses are Red. Violets are blue. The world is a better place now that I’ve finally met you.” He stared at the card, overwhelmed.

“I know it’s a little cheesy, but I didn’t have much time.”

“It’s perfect.” He looked at Savannah. “One of the best cards I have ever received.”

“I’m glad you like it. Well, I’ll talk to you later.” She turned to walk away.

“Wait,” Seth said, setting the card on his dresser. He picked up his guitar case. “There’s something that I need to do.”

Chapter 26

Trista

Frank took a seat next to Trista. “Where have you been?” she asked.

“I had to call my wife again. She wasn’t home the first time. I wanted to wish her a Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Aw, that’s right. I bet she’s not happy about you not being home right now.”

“No. But she got the flowers I sent her, and that bought me a little get-out-of-jail-free time.”

“Flowers, huh? You’re a smart man, Frank Goodman.”