Losing Her (14 page)

“Alright, so do we just make it obvious and go find them, or do you want to try waiting for them to come find us again, since that worked so well the last time?”

My eyes narrowed with Jameson’s sarcasm. “She’s still with him. I’m not getting in the middle of that shit,” I said before taking a long slug of beer.

“Oh come on. I know you heard the girls in the pool again. It’s just a matter of time before they break up.” Remember when you asked me if guys stalk women as much as women stalk men? The answer is yes. We do.

“I hate saying this, but Jameson’s right. She’s being stupid, but you should figure out why because she obviously likes you.” Landon’s words shocked me. He’d never pushed me to do or say anything when it came to you. I just figured he understood that I didn’t want to interfere, but apparently he got tired of trying to keep his mouth shut.

“Whatever, you go do your brooding thing, then. I’m going to go find them,” Jameson said, tossing his cup in the trashcan. He and Landon retreated back out to the living room, and I stubbornly remained in the kitchen. I can now admit to you that I scanned the entire room every two minutes, in case you came in.

An hour later, I swallowed my pride and went looking for you guys. Being that Jameson and Landon never returned, I was pretty confident they’d found you and Kendall. I headed into the throngs of people, searching for Jameson and Landon, because even though I could spot you a mile away, the place was packed.

It took me ten minutes to locate Landon, and then only a second more to see that you weren’t there.

“Max!” Abby cried, wrapping her arms around my waist as I approached. I knew that her excitement about seeing me wasn’t just because of the drink in her hand. I don’t know how Abby got my number, but she’d texted me, suggesting I talk to you. Don’t be pissed with her, I don’t know why I’m telling you this now, maybe just to remind you of how many people believed in us, even back then.

Kendall turned around and squealed my name as well. “You just missed Ace! She went to get something to drink. You’ll spot her though. She’s wearing yellow again.” She winked at me. Yes, winked. Then nestled into Jameson who looked happier than I’d ever seen him. The lucky bastard.

“Where’s Landon?” I asked, looking around, hoping he was doing alright. Kendall pointed over my shoulder and I turned and found him dancing with a brunette, looking comfortable and calm, much to my relief.

“There’s a lot of people here,” Kendall yelled over the music. “You can stick around. She’ll be back.”

My thoughts were on the crowd too, and the fact that the guys outnumbered the ladies pretty dramatically. It was like a giant sausage fest which left me feeling a little unsettled about you wandering around alone.

“I’m going to check things out. I’ll be back.” Kendall gave me a knowing smile and waved.

Before I made it to the doorway that separated the living room from the kitchen, I saw you. Of course you weren’t alone. You were with Pedro fucking Rodriguez. I know Pedro’s been sort of a sore spot in our relationship at different times. Most of that’s my fault, and my insecurities again. I never knew him all that well. We had played baseball together but he never hung out with us. I didn’t know until you told me that he spent most of his free time at home, helping his mom with his three younger siblings. It shouldn’t bother me that you know this about him, for all I know, everyone knows this about Pedro, but I still hated that
you
knew about it.

The second you saw me, I could feel it so I moved to stand in front of him, forcing you both to stop.

You stopped before Pedro, and the look on your face gutted me a little. Your lips were curved and slowly stretching higher though I could see that you were biting the inside of your cheek to stop it, and your brown eyes were wide with hope. Then I noticed you move slightly and caught sight of your hand wrapped in his and felt a little petulant. I wanted to blow past you guys and get the hell out of there, but in the act of looking at your hand, my eyes had gotten caught on your dress and I was already checking you out like a giant sleazeball.

“Hey, Miller, long time no see. I heard you were up in Alaska. Are you back for the summer?” I noticed Pedro smile briefly, like he knew what I was thinking.

I shook my head, realizing there was just going to be one joker after another in line to be with you. “No,” I replied. “I’m enrolled to start school in San Diego with Ace.” I kept my eyes on Pedro, feeling like he was challenging me.

“We were just going to find the others, you want to come?” I couldn’t look at you. I knew that if you still had that same hopeful expression, I’d have caved.

“No, I just came from there. I think I’m going to check out the rest of the excitement and get a drink.”

Done with the scene, I stepped aside and noticed Pedro move forward, still holding your right hand. My hand moved, lightning quick, faster than I had time to process the movement, because otherwise, I would have stopped it. My knuckles grazed yours, and by that point I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to. My finger followed the trail, linking with your pinky for the briefest of seconds before we parted.

I tried not to watch you with him. I knew for my own sanity I should have gone outside, or back into the kitchen, but I couldn’t stop watching. Part of it was just the desire to see you, but a dark and pain-inducing side had me needing to watch you interact with other guys. You and Pedro danced together for an ungodly amount of time, and the longer I watched, the more I convinced myself that liking you was a terrible idea.

After a while, I noticed you break away from the others and point toward the back door, and I thought to myself that something always had you needing to go outside. And I wondered if you were like Landon, and started to feel trapped when you were around too many people. Pedro was following close behind and I shook my head, and headed back to the kitchen.

“Hey, where have you been, man?”

I drained the rest of my beer and turned to look at Jameson. “Nowhere. I’m ready to go. I’m going to call a cab so you guys can have the Jeep.”

Jameson’s brows furrowed and his chin lifted to see something over my shoulder. The cup he was holding dropped, splashing both of us with beer that I barely felt as I turned to see what had him so off kilter. It was you. You were struggling against that fucking asshole that to this day, makes my muscles heat with the desire to beat him to a pulp.

I don’t even know what happened to my own cup. I didn’t register anything until someone pushed against my chest, slowing me down from getting to you. Several shoves and a few threats later, I broke free from the tangle of arms, my focus still on you. My steps increased as I got closer, and I heard Jameson assure me he’d get you.

My fist connected with the side of the guy’s face as soon as Jameson pulled you a safe distance from the mess.

The fight was instinctual. I wasn’t aiming to show those guys that I was stronger, or faster. I hit them where they were going to feel the most amount of pain without inflicting serious damage so that if they ever considered doing that shit again, they would know exactly what it would lead to.

I was ensuring he understood the message when I felt a hand on my arm. It was smaller than the others, and the intent wasn’t to pull me away. You knew you couldn’t pull me back, so you just placed it against my arm, like you knew then the control you have over me. Your voice registered as quickly as your touch. I turned to look over my shoulder and the look on your face washed away the only intention I had just seconds before. You were staring at me like I was a monster.

“Stop. Please stop.” My hands released from the hold I had on the guy as you moved back and effortlessly made your way through the crowd that parted like the Red Sea.

“Ace!” I didn’t bother looking back to assess the damage we’d inflicted. As much as I felt the need to do so to ensure they paid for their sick attempts, I needed to get to you more.

You didn’t slow down, streaming through bodies with the intention of leaving making me quicken my pace.

Some random guy reached out, and began dancing with you, and I felt the anger rise in me again. The desire to punch him pooled in my fists until I saw his hands drop as I neared. He backed off without a second glance in your direction as he muttered an apology.

We hit the front door and I led you to the side of the house, where I’d noticed a bench upon arriving. Thankfully, you didn’t argue as you sat down without looking at me and took a few deep breaths while looking up at the sky. Your hair was curled that night in large waves. I still remember the temptation to knot my fingers in it and how disappointed I felt when you erased that mental image by pulling it up and tying it to the top of your head, exposing your shoulders and neck to me instead. I quickly forgot all about your hair, because, babe, there are few things more beautiful than the curve of your neck and the angle of your jaw.

“Ace, I know you’re pissed—”

“I’m not pissed, Max! I’m freaking overwhelmed and a little freaked out at the moment!” You looked taken aback by your own admission, or maybe the volume at which it was delivered. Either way, your words relaxed me a little more than they should’ve just to know you didn’t hate me. “What in the hell was that? You went nuts! Are you okay?” Your eyes focused on mine and then travelled down to my abdomen. Your words served to create new wave of frustration.
Kill him?
Please tell me you were kidding, babe? I knew he’d feel it the next day, but I still think that guy and his friends should have been left out on a deserted island for what they tried.

I swallowed my anger, because I knew you weren’t used to that shit like I was. “I’m fine. Ace, that guy was going to …” I stopped, noticing that your mouth had fallen open and your eyes had grown larger, finally registering my appearance. I was a mess, and it’s kind of a shame, I liked that shirt. But, it was covered with blood splatters. I quickly pulled it off, and used the side that was still mostly clean and warm from being against my skin to wipe my arms and face.

“Ace, that guy and his friends were going to hurt you,” I wanted you to see the truth, the imminent threat that you’d been in so you could understand my reactions without freaking you out. “Fuck.” My mind was in a million places as I tried to best route the conversation, still distracted with the thought that the assholes might come out, seeking revenge, and thinking about where I would tell you to run, and fearing that you wouldn’t. I think I knew then, you would never have left me.

“You always want to think everyone is nice and good, and it’s great to be all Anne Frank about humanity, but you have to have a little bit of self-preservation and realize that there are some seriously fucked-up people. It took Jameson and me forever to get to you. Then when his friends jumped me and I realized it was a team operation, I knew shit could’ve gotten really bad. People attack in groups like that for fucked-up reasons.” The way your knuckles turned white and pronounced while wrapping around the seat of the bench, and your eyes became bright and unfocussed, told me you understood there was a threat but it was like you were trying to fight the realization. Why? Was it that you didn’t want to think someone would do that? Or because you still didn’t think they would?

“You scared the shit out of me, Ace. I couldn’t figure out why you weren’t punching him! I know Caulder taught you girls that shit!” My anger began to flare again, recalling you struggling against the fucker, and I threw my shirt behind some bushes before I did something stupid, like rip it and really scare the shit out of you. Then you looked at me with those big determined eyes, the same look that I’d briefly seen before you somehow managed to sprint toward me in those damn heels you were wearing, and then turned your back to me like a shield. “And what in the hell were you thinking getting in the middle of things? Are you crazy?”

“Max, you looked like you were going to kill that guy.” Your soft quiet whisper made me hate those guys even more.

“Ace, I grew up with my brothers and me beating the shit out of each other. I knew he wasn’t going to
die
. If I’m lucky, I broke a couple of ribs and his fucking nose.”

“We need to get out of here. If the cops come, they’ll arrest you.”

My head shook as I glanced back toward the house with a slew of what ifs hitting me like a well planned a missile attack. “That’s the last thing I’m worried about right now.”

“Well it’s pretty much at the top of my list, so let’s go. Kendall’s car is over there.” Your hand wrapped around mine, and I could feel it. Hell, I could see it. The vulnerability in your voice, the way you were watching me and then looking to the house every few minutes. The way your body was leaning into me, you weren’t afraid of me, or what I’d done. You were afraid
for
me. I knew it then. I knew how much you cared about me even if you weren’t ready to admit it to yourself just yet. The warmth of it stopped my anger like a steel wall. I was going to tell you then. Tell you all about Felicia, and to dump Eric’s ass, but flashing lights impeded the warmth I was feeling and reminded me I should have gotten you the hell away from there.

“I have my Jeep.”

Your hand tightened around mine in confirmation. “Where are you parked?”

Your head turned enough that I caught a glimpse of your face as we slipped through the bushes, and I saw the concern for the others still inside, and I cursed myself for not handling things right and getting us all out of there.