Losing Nuka (Litmus Book 1) (15 page)

Nodding a farewell to Ryker, I follow Flynn to the middle of the bar where I didn’t notice Sasha serving until now.

“Hey,” I yell at Sasha to get her attention.

“Hey!” She practically jumps the counter to wrap me in a hug.

“Ouch …” I grind out.

“Oh, sorry. I heard you did really well today,” she says with a big smile. “I tried to get Drake to bring me earlier so I could watch, but I just missed it. Apparently got here just in time to serve you all though,” she says exasperatedly.

“Are Cade and Jonas here, too?”

“Yeah, but they’re upstairs in a meeting with the other owners about something.”

“How do you two know each other?” Flynn asks.

“Isn’t it obvious?” I say, putting my face up next to Sasha’s.

“No?”

“She’s my sister from another mister,” I say. “Cade’s my mum, too.”

“S-sisters?” Flynn stutters.

I nod, but looking at Sasha, she doesn’t seem all that happy to see Flynn.

“Uh … hey … I just remembered I had to … uh … do something. Tonight. Like, right now,” Flynn says before going to walk off.

“Oh. Okay—” I say, but I don’t think he heard. He’s already gone. “What was that all about?” I ask Sasha.

“He’s not a nice guy, Nuka.”

“Did you two …”

“He was my first. I was head over heels, of course. Turns out the feeling wasn’t mutual.”

I guess it wasn’t jealousy. Brett was right about him after all.
“I’ll be sure to kick his butt when my time comes in the arena with him.”

She smiles at me. “I have no doubt you’ll do that.”

“Hey,” Drake comes up beside me. “Congrats.”

“Thanks.”

“Are you going to stick around for the fight tonight?” he asks.

“Who’s fighting? Actually, it doesn’t matter. I’m kinda beat. No pun intended. Where’s Brett? I was hoping he’d take me home.”

“I don’t think he’ll be driving anywhere anytime soon,” Drake says, pointing to him across the room.

He’s now doing shots with that other girl. I see him down two, only to have her replace them as soon as he’s done. I wonder how much he’s already had to drink. His arm wraps around her waist as he leans in and whispers in her ear, both of them stumbling a bit before righting themselves. I guess I have my answer—he’s clearly too wasted to drive anywhere.

Sighing, I turn to Drake. “Can you take me home?”

“I can’t leave Sasha.”

“Dammit. So I’m stuck here?”

“Maybe you could convince Brett to give you his car?” Sasha suggests, which makes Drake burst out laughing.

“Even I’m not allowed to drive his pride and joy.”

“Maybe I’ll call my friend Declan to come pick me up from outside one of the club entrances.”

“You have more chance of Brett giving you his car than you do of Cade allowing that,” Drake says.

“Yeah, okay, not the best idea,” I agree.

Storming off in the direction of Brett and his drinking buddy, I grab his shoulder and turn him to face me. “Give me your car keys.”

“What? No way.” He shakes my hand from his shoulder.

“Well, I’m going home, and clearly you can’t drive, so give me the keys.”

“I’m not ready to leave yet.”

“I didn’t say you were coming with me.”

“Nuka—”

“No, no. Please stay here and drink up with your new friend. I really don’t care. I just really want to go home because if you’ve already forgotten, I just got my ass handed to me in a fight.”

Brett sighs. “Fine. Let’s go.” He starts walking off without even saying goodbye to the girl at the bar. Her stunned face is almost comical.

“You don’t have to come with me,” I say, catching up to Brett.

“I’m not going to let you drive my car without me there.”

“But you’re gonna let me drive it?” My face lights up at the possibility.

“Yeah,” he slurs. “I don’t think I should’ve had those shots.”

“I’ve just gotta get my bag,” I say, running towards the locker room.

Brett has his head against the wall with his eyes closed when I come back out.

I can’t help laughing. “Just how many shots did you have?”

“I dunno. However many that skank gave me.”

“You didn’t seem to think she was a
skank
five minutes ago.”

Brett laughs as we make our way to the elevator that leads to the warehouse above us. “Sucks to be on that end, doesn’t it?”

“What end is that?”

“Jealousy.”

We get in the elevator, the air suddenly stale and full of tension. We’re silent as we ascend and make our way out of the warehouse. When we finally make it to the car, Brett gets in the passenger seat, slamming the door shut.

“You don’t think it sucks for me to see guys fawn all over you?” he snaps as I get in the driver’s seat. He’s clearly been holding onto that for a while. “Drake, Flynn—”

“Drake’s just joking, and I’ve had
one
conversation with Flynn. About fighting, no less.”

“Declan,” he continues, not paying attention to me. “Especially
Declan.
Ugh, he’s the worst,” he adds, mumbling.

“Is that why you ‘marked’ me as yours in front of everyone? I guess I should be thankful you didn’t pee on me like a dog.”

“I did you a favour by doing that—trust me.”

“A
favour
? Do you realise how that sounds? That I should be so lucky that a guy like you would even look at a girl like me?”

“That’s not what I mean. All of those guys in there would stop at nothing to get to you. At least now, they won’t try. Except for maybe Flynn. He didn’t seem to care that you’re taken.”

“But I’m
not
taken.” I can’t believe how insane he’s acting. “You’re driving me freaking crazy.”

“Don’t you get it? You drive me crazy every freaking day because I can’t have you.”

“You’ve been avoiding talking about us for weeks, what’s suddenly changed?”

“Dutch courage,” he says, burping at the same time.

“Charming. And if I recall correctly, I’ve kissed you back—every single time! So, why do you think you can’t have me?”

“Well, for one, Cade—she’d never allow it. Two, I don’t like coming in second. And three, I’m leaving. Don’t you get that? As soon as I can afford it, my family and I are out of here. I’m not coming back. I have responsibilities that I can’t turn my back on, just for a pretty blonde girl who gets under my skin.”

I know I should be semi-flattered by what he’s saying, but his words are just pissing me off.

“Well, first of all, you’re right. We shouldn’t be together if Cade scares you enough not to fight for me. Don’t even get me started on the whole leaving thing—avoiding potential happiness because of something that may or may not happen sometime in the near or distant future. And I have no idea what you’re talking about with coming in second.”

“Declan,” he says but doesn’t elaborate.

“Declan and I are just—”

“If you say friends, I swear I’m going to lose it.”

“We are!”

“You’re in love with him, Nuke. Everyone can see it except for you. That Cassia girl could see it. I saw it yesterday.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. And even if I did have feelings for Dec, it doesn’t matter anyway because he’s with Cassia.”

Brett lets out a loud sigh. “He’s not with Cassia,” he says, but it’s barely audible.

“What?”

“The night we took you. He wasn’t going home with her like I’d said. He’d just told her that she was right.” Brett throws his head back on the headrest. “He told her he was in love with you, then he offered to walk her out. He didn’t leave with her.”

“He told her
what
? Why did you tell me that he ... oh. You needed to get me outside.”

“I tried to tell you later that night … but … I was kinda awestruck by you, by our kiss in the alley. Even though I knew it couldn’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t, happen again, I didn’t want to lose the possibility. And I knew I would the minute I told you about Declan.”

Sitting here, listening to Brett finally open up to me, I don’t know what to say.

After some awkward silence where I think he may even float in and out of consciousness, I have a chance to process everything he’s just said.

“I should get you drunk more often. I’m actually getting answers for once.” My attempt to lighten the mood is not quite successful, but he does crack a smile.

“Yeah, yeah. Just start driving home already.”

I hesitate before asking what I really want to ask. Brett has just basically poured his heart out to me, and I’m pretty sure what I have to say will crush it. But I need to sort this Declan thing out. I need to see him. “Umm … is it okay … can we …”

“Can we detour to Declan’s house? Is that what you were going to ask?” When I don’t answer, he nods his head once, trying to hide his disappointment, but it radiates from him. “I figured that was going to be your reaction to finding out he’s single.” He sighs, looking dejected. “Let’s go then.”

I start driving and it doesn’t take long for Brett to start snoring in the passenger seat. That’s fine by me because my internal monologue is going into overdrive, and I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything he’d be saying anyway.

Is Declan really in love with me?

Declan and I have always been in some weird limbo state between friendship and together. Everyone has always said we belong together, but we’ve always maintained we’re just friends. And we are. But … I don’t know. What if we’re meant to be more than friends?

But if that’s the case, then why did I push Declan completely aside when I met Brett? Was it because he was with Cassia, and I felt I couldn’t compete with that? Brett was there as a fill-in for the one I truly want?

But if I really analyse my behaviour in the past month, it’s not exactly like I’ve been pining for Declan. I miss him, yes. I’ve wanted to see him, yes. But I haven’t needed him.

Am I only interested in Brett because I thought I couldn’t have Declan? Is Brett right? Would he always come second?

Am I even interested in Brett at all, or is it because we’ve been forced to spend so much time together that I just think I’m interested? His mood swings drive me crazy, he’s not exactly affectionate, in fact, he’s downright shitty most of the time. And as soon as I found out Declan is available, I’m running to his side. But there’s definitely something there—I can’t deny that.

Assessing them, Brett’s supportive … in his own unconventional way. Not to mention hot. Not that that’s something to base a relationship on. And Declan, he’s my best friend. I don’t see myself ever picking anyone else over him. He’s my family, my soulma…

Holy crap.

I’m relieved when I pull up to his house and his parents’ car isn’t in the driveway, but the house lights are on. That means he’s home alone. There’s a sinking part of me, though, that was kind of hoping they’d be home so I could have an excuse to chicken out.

Sitting outside his home for I don’t know how long, I just can’t bring myself to go in.

Am I crazy for going for this?

What about Litmus? I can’t tell him. It will forever be this big secret between us. Maybe he could find it on his own through some manipulative hints left here and there …
I shake my head.
He’s becoming a cop. He can’t find out about Litmus.

Which means … I can’t do this.

***

We’re halfway home when Brett finally wakes up. My eyes are streaked with tears, and I’ve barely been holding it together enough to drive.

Discreetly trying to wipe my tears away, I’m clearly not discreet enough.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“We’re not going to play that game, are we? I’m pretty sure my hangover is starting to kick in and my head is too sore for lying. Weren’t we going to Declan’s?”

“We did. You were asleep.”

“I was asleep?” he asks, confused. He straightens himself up, sitting upright instead of slouching. “How long was I asleep for?”

“About an hour.”

“Oh. So what happened?”

I shake my head. “Nothing.”

“There we go with the lying again. Was I wrong about him? Is he
not
in love with you?”

“I didn’t even see him, I couldn’t bring myself to get out of the car.”

“Oh?” Brett’s face lights up a little, even though he tries to hide it.

“You don’t have to look so happy about it. It has nothing to do with you and me.”

“Oh.”

“And can you stop saying ‘oh’ to everything? It’s getting really annoying.”

“Oh.” He smiles before going serious when I don’t return it. “So what really happened?”