Losing Nuka (Litmus Book 1) (30 page)

“You’re talking like an inspector again,” Mum says. “What if this was one of the twins?”

“Nuka,” Uncle Drew pitches in, “you have the chance to do the right thing here. You could help—”

“Not you, too,” Mum says, glaring at Drew. He just shrugs at her.

“Kai will protect you,” Aunt Jenna says.

“She’s not doing it,” Mum says more confidently.

Aunt Jenna drags a chair over to sit in front of me. “Look, Nuka. You have every right to want to run, and if you decide to do that, then you will have the full support of us and the rest of the family. But if you escape him, I have no doubt he’ll do everything in his power to find you. If you tough it out for a while, you could help put a lot of bad people away and give yourself true freedom.”

“My freedom was lost the minute I signed that damned contract,” I mutter.

“Nuka,” Mum says with her motherly soothing voice. I didn’t realise how much I missed it until this very moment. “You don’t have to do this,” she says again, only this time I think she’s pleading.

I throw my head in my hands. “I can’t make this decision without Sasha.”

“You don’t have to give us an answer right away. Take the time to think about it, and if you ever need to get in contact with us, just go through Kai. If you ever need a time for us to pull you out, we’ll do it,” Aunt Jenna says.

“Perhaps we should give you and Brett some alone time to talk it over some more,” Mum says, her brows knitting together in concern.

“You’re being hypocritical, Allira,” Uncle Drew says.

“What?” she snaps.

“Do you want to discuss what
you
did at Nuka’s age?”

“Yeah, people ended up dead because of what I did at her age. I want them to make sure they really think about what they’re doing instead of jumping on the bandwagon of some spur of the moment plan, where anything could go wrong and could blow up in their faces.”

“Are you talking about when my bio dad—” I start but then see Mum’s eyebrows go up in surprise.

“You
told
her?” Mum yells at Uncle Drew.

“She needed to know. And this isn’t the same, and you know it. You and Jenna are leading this. Kai loves Nuka like family so you know he’s not going to screw this up—he’ll do anything to make sure she’s safe.”

“Lia,” Dad says, turning her chair to face him. “You know I hate it when Drew’s right.” He smirks in Uncle Drew’s direction which earns him a middle finger, but Dad just laughs. “And as much as I
hate
this idea …” he sighs, turning serious, “I think this is the best option for everyone to get out safely. It’s certainly the only option if we want Nuka back in our lives.”

“How is putting their lives in danger doing it safely?” she asks softly.

He kisses her on the forehead and then the nose. Being here with Mum and Dad only makes me realise that if I ever do get out of this, I want them to be in my life. We can’t go into witness protection for the rest of our lives, and as long as we can be civil and keep the peace between Jonas and ourselves, he won’t hurt us. If we continue to do our jobs, we’ll be safer there than anywhere else we could flee.

I realise what needs to be done.

“I’m not saying this as a definite, because I still have to talk to Sasha, but I think I agree with Aunt Jenna. If we ever want any kind of life for our future, we can’t be looking over our shoulders the whole time. We need to get out, but we need to finish them when we do.”

“You’re going to be okay living there for the foreseeable future?” Brett asks me, taking hold of both my hands.

“As long as we’re together, I don’t care where we live.”

He half-smiles as he leans in and gives me a soft, lingering kiss. A throat purposefully clears, and when Brett pulls away, Dad’s standing with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.

“I’m a little old for the overprotective dad thing, aren’t I?” I say.

“Nope. You’ll always be my little girl.”

His overprotectiveness reminds me of how Brett is with Paddy. “What about Paddy? Where is he?” I ask.

“He’s safe,” Aunt Jenna says. “He’s staying with Uncle Shilah and Tate until we can ensure his safety from Shane and his crew.”

“How can you ensure his safety if he’s staying with Uncle Tate who’s a very public political figure?” I ask.

“Have you ever seen Uncle Shilah in the media?” Mum asks. “It’s perfect protection for Paddy because they have people watching over them, but the only one who’s ever in the media spotlight is Tate. Perhaps it would change if he was ever to run for president, but for now, it’s the safest place for Paddy.”

“He’s going to testify against Shane. We’ll keep him in protection for as long as we need to,” Aunt Jenna says.

I turn to Brett. “So he’s completely safe?”

“One hundred percent,” he says.

“And the money?”

“In an account in Paddy’s name. I couldn’t open it in just your name, they wouldn’t let me. Also, being in his name, it’ll be untraceable to Jonas and Cade. It’ll be waiting for us when we get out.”

“Okay,” Uncle Drew interrupts, his eyes looking at the clock on the wall. “I promised your friends they could have some time with you before you had to get back.”

“Unfortunately,” Aunt Jenna adds, “We can’t really risk being in contact after this. If you need us for anything, you need to go through your handler, Kai.”

“So … this is goodbye?” I choke out the words.

“Only until we get them,” Aunt Jenna says.

“How long will that take?” I ask.

It’s almost like the whole room lets out a collective sigh.

“It could be a few months …” Mum says.

“Why do I feel like there’s a but coming on?”

“Most likely, it’s going to take a few years to get what we need,” Aunt Jenna says.

“But just remember,” Mum says, “We’ll be there to pull you out at any time.”

I nod, and wipe my sniffily nose with the sleeve of my shirt.

Aunt Jenna is the first one to hug me, followed by Uncle Drew. Dad hugs me quickly like he’s afraid if he holds on too tight, he’ll never let go. He whispers in my ear, “Find your way back to us. Please.” And by the time Mum’s turn comes around, we’re both a blubbering mess.

“It’s really dusty in here. Your uncle should really clean more,” she says, wiping her eye.

“I’m sorry … for everything. I wish the last three years never happened.”

“I wish we hadn’t kept secrets from you like we did.”

“You had your reasons … and I can see why … but …”

“I’m so sorry. All we wanted to do was protect you.”

“When can I see Will and Illy?”

Mum looks down at her feet, then back up at me with tears freely flowing now. “Probably not until …”

“Until this is all over?”

She nods. “I can’t risk them getting involved … I’m sor—”

“I understand, Mum.”

“Be safe, okay?”

“Don’t know how safe I can be when it’s my job to fight, but I’ll try.”

“Boy am I regretting forcing those martial arts lessons on you now.” She laughs a little. “I love you, Nuka.”

“Love you too, Mum.”

She turns to leave but pauses in the doorway. “So what was your real name anyway?”

I screw up my face. “Lavender. Eww.”

Mum laughs. “It’s not so bad.” She leaves the room, and it’s just Brett and I until I hear his voice.

“It’s better than Striker.” He stands, leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed.

“Declan,” I whisper.

As if silently asking for permission, I look at Brett with questioning eyes.

“Go. You know you want to,” he says.

It’s all I need. In a split second, I have my arms wrapped around Declan so hard, I’d be scared of him breaking if he hadn’t bulked out since I last saw him.

“Whoa, joining the force certainly agrees with you,” I say, grabbing his bicep as I pull out of the hug.

“Kind of part of the job. I guess I could say the same for you.” He points to my now toned fighter’s body.

He runs his hand through his hair awkwardly. I have no idea what to say to him. But we’re saved by a high-pitched screeching.

“Nuka!” If Gabby’s voice is even piercing my ears, I’d hate to see what she’s doing to Brett.

As expected, he’s got his fingers in his ears, I assume to try to stop the ringing of her voice.

She rushes to me, giving me a hug. “You have no idea how worried I’ve been. Since Psych told me what really happened, I … I’ve been so scared.” She hugs me again.

“I’m fine. Seriously.”

“I spoke to Dad about it, and he said he can pull some strings and get you transferred to Reid, or another team, if you want.”

“Wait, your dad knows?”

“How else do you think we got Jonas and Cade to hire Kai,” Declan says.

“Huh?”

“Have you not noticed how much Jonas and Cade fumble and fawn all over my dad? Once I told him what was going on, he was going to pull his money from the whole thing. But I told him if he did that, you might get punished for losing your sponsor. So instead, he came with me to talk to Declan and the police. He’s cooperating with them by giving them all the information he has in exchange for immunity, plus he’ll keep supporting you until you can get out.”

“Really?”

“Please, I won’t let anything happen to you. Or Sasha. I’m really glad we’ve become close again—like we were back in high school.”

“Me too.”

“Uh … I hate to interrupt, but I really should be getting back to the briefing Kai’s giving,” Declan says.

“Wait … you’re on this case?” I ask.

“Yeah. Pretty funny that you’re my first real case as a fed, right?”

“I think you guys should talk,” Brett says. “Come on, Gabs, I’ll buy you a cup of coffee.”

“Oooh, Brawn just asked me for coffee,” she sing-songs. It’s hilarious to me that she still can’t call him Brett. “Oh, and before I forget—seriously, any time you need to pass information onto me, please, please, please send Psych.” She fans herself with her hand. “That boy can come over
any
time he wants.”

I’m still laughing by the time they’re out the door and it’s just Declan and me left.

“So …” I awkwardly say.

“I really should be getting back.”

“We can’t just … talk?”

“That’s funny, you haven’t wanted to do that with me for months.”

Groaning, I drag him farther into the room and push him down on one of the chairs, taking the one opposite him for myself.

“What, Nuka?”

I cringe at him using my full name. “Can we not do this right now?”

“You wanted to talk, so talk. Maybe start with how you fell in love with your bodyguard, and then go from there.”

“Can we really not do
that
right now, either?”

“We need to.”

“Why?”

He sighs, running his hand through his hair again. “Before your birthday, I thought we were … I don’t know … going somewhere? And then you met him, and I practically haven’t seen you since.”

“You joined the academy, I joined Litmus—there was no future …”

“But you wanted one?” he asks, his eyes locking me into place under a surprised stare.

“Yes, no … I don’t know. By the time I worked out I had feelings for you, I already had feelings for Brett as well, and he was the easier choice. We were living in the same world, you and I had been living separate lives for months. And then …”

“Then you fell for him.”

“I fell
really
hard,” I say with a half-smile. “I think he’s it for me, Dec.” I don’t want to hurt Declan, but he needs to know the truth.

He stares at the floor instead of me. “You and I have always had this connection. I don’t know what it is or how to explain it. I guess deep down I always thought you and I were going to end up together, but in a weird way, I guess I kind of felt pressured into thinking that way? You know what it’s been like for the past eleven years, trying to define our relationship to people. They just don’t get it. We’ve always been there for each other, for each tragic break-up, picking up the pieces for one another like it was what we were made to do.”

“Maybe that’s what we are. People who’ll be there for each other no matter what.”

He nods but doesn’t take his eyes off the floor, still refusing to make eye contact with me. “Maybe. All I know is it friggin’ hurts not being around you every day. I miss you like crazy.”

“Me too.”

“But I think this time apart will do us good. Maybe it’ll break this unhealthy co-dependency thing we have. I’ve been going insane just wondering if you were okay or not, but now that I know Brett a little, I can rest easy knowing he’ll never let anything hurt you. It’s just hard for me, because I know you guys have something special. He’s changed you. He brought you home, he made you want to reconnect with your family. That’s something I tried to do for three years. He made you realise what you want from life. I was kind of hoping to do all those things for you. Isn’t that what best friends are for?”